This evening I tried to put together the fish/rice/miso soup/vegetable dinner...our kitchen is so small, it's hard just finding the correct number of bowls for everything and finding the counter space to put everything out. Japanese cooking demands all these bits and pieces.
I felt like a new-bride. The rice was hard, the fish was a bit burned (had to open the windows to let out the smoke) and the dried seaweed I'd thrown into the soup seemed long and stringy, I had to do a quick rescue by pouring the soup BACK in the pan and cutting the seaweed bits with some scissors. Thank goodness I am 47 and have some confidence in myself as a person, if I was 22 this experience would be devastating.
As it was. I lost it a bit after dinner. Okaasan had gone back to her home and I cried on the sofa with Yujiro trying to reassue me that this will somehow all get easier. Our kitchen seems so small to be trying to make multiple foods for 3 people, then sitting round the table is cramped. He is doing so much, I feel it's selfish of me to whinge. But I'm finding things hard.
Aghhh!!!! I am an only child, and I've never been good with groups of people. Trying to do this takes a lot of effort. Trailing round a department store, cooking and putting on the bright face.
She's a nice lady. He's a nice guy. I can't get all defeatist. But it's hard.
I hope this gets easier somehow. Soon.
This afternoon after the shopping I took myself to the gym and worked out for a while to have time for myself. I know that is important. Many of my students are middle aged women who are caring for relatives, and now I understand it when they say: coming to English lessons is MY time, MY space.
Tomorrow I start my working week again. I am looking forward to it. And I have at least one Year End party with students - so I can escape the family dinner scene at least once.