Tuesday 30 December 2008

Japanese New Year cooking.

I'm gonna get a lesson in Osechi-ryori (New Year food) tomorrow.

THIS is one of the big benefits of having an
okaasan!

We've noticed that she's been stockpiling all sorts of NY foods over the past week (rather worriedly he has also
realized she has somehow burned through Y60,000 in 2 weeks) - anyway we knew that it would be good for all concerned if SHE did some traditional cooking for the festival.

So today, he cooked her midday meal and I fitted up a shelf, a shoe box, more clothes
storages in okaasan's apartment. Sometimes we seem to reverse the male/female roles - he was there cooking and chatting and I was busy next door with the screwdriver and wondering how many little cute towels okaasan has in life. Maybe every time she goes shopping she buys a cute little flowery towel...there were scores of them.

In the afternoon I had to go and close up my English classroom for the year and prepare it with bedding for some Taiwanese guests who are going to stay there for 2 nights. (I'm part of a wonderful network called Couch Surfing http://www.couchsurfing.com/ which is an international system of complete strangers staying with
each other, check it out!).

Late afternoon I got home and took
okaasan in the car to the local supermarket, which was bursting with NY shoppers.

It was fascinating shopping with a Japanese woman of her generation. How she picked up foods and examined them for quality and origin, compared prices. Why this radish was better than that, why this bag of fish stock flakes was a good buy.

Mind you, being
okaasan, it was also a constant battle to keep her on track of what she actually needed/had already bought today/had already bought last week! We seemed to circle back to the giant radishes a lot...I managed to come away with only one...I think!

This really short term memory loss is so hard, because she really doesn't remember what she has bought. Or what is already in the shopping basket. She was constantly checking. We are trying to limit her to making only simmered vegetables and chicken, because we know she's bought all sorts of other beans/seaweed/rice cake snacks.

Anyway. Very interesting to see how she shopped. And tomorrow morning she'll be in our kitchen strutting her stuff!

Monday 29 December 2008

Privacy lines

How much to do you cross privacy lines into some one's life?

I can't decide. And I can't do it!

Yesterday I cheerfully told okaasan that I'd put her piles of wet, handwashed underwear into the gentle spin cycle of our washing machine. She leaves it in a pile in her bathroom sink, or in piles on the carpet in front of the living room heater to dry.

So I whisked it all away and threw it into the machine. Hung it in our living room to dry - we constantly have laundry drying it seems.

Later in the afternoon I unpegged the laundry and as I folded them all up I realized. They were ALL pants! Knickers! 20 pairs of pants....

Since I had washed some only the other day I was amazed. Is she washing them needlessly just because she finds them on her carpet and forgets she's already washed them? Does she have incontinentcy problems?

I discussed it with him. I feel I can't get into this topic with her. Partly my Japanese isn't good enough to do shades of formality/casualness...and partly I just feel she and I don't have that kind of personal relationship. Yet. I guess it's new territory for him too: discussing underwear with your mother!

I really wonder though how much to step into her life. She isn't ga-ga. Forgetful and confused about stuff. Illogical. But not crazy or incapable.

Every morning and evening I march into her home and reset the hot carpets and take out the trash. While she's in the bath I throw away stuff in the kitchen sink and supermarket flyers. I steal her post from utility companies/banks etc so her son can manage her finances. (we noticed with concern the other day that she had info about convenience store cash points...) and I march into her bathroom to set the bath water heating switch.

But I don't know how nag her into her doing stuff.

Yujiro tackled her on the 20 underpants after dinner last night. She said she has some incontinentcy problems. He told her it's ok, we can get some medicine for that etc. I wonder if she'll take it though, she doesn't like medicines and hospitals. One of those: I am healthy and don't need that stuff types. A few pickles and green tea is enough.

Anyway. This morning I popped into to do the hot carpets and collect the trash. There were 20 pairs of clean pants laid out on the carpet drying in front of the heater in the living room.....

"Ahh...okaasan, I washed and dried those yesterday. They were dry when I gave them to you. You don't need to dry them any more. You can put them away!".....

AGHHHHHH!!!!!! It's hard to make a difference! Of course it doesn't matter if she sits with piles of clothes on the carpet around her. But I feel it makes her living space more confusing her. I am guessing old people like the reassurance of stuff all around them they can see, rather than put it away somewhere?

Anyway. Today I am going skiing. Because I need to. He has just hobbled into her place on his crutches to monitorbathtime...and maybe tackle her on the Putting Away Dried Clothes issue. We discussed whether she needs more clothes boxes and different hanging space for coats.

Yesterday was ok. I had to deal with the cat and his health problems in the morning. I came home lunchtime. The 3 of us ordered a pizza and ate it with salad. In the afternoon I did very belated Xmas/New Year letters for friends. Then I went shopping. Then he put together stuff for a nabe, a kind of table top one-pot dish, which is easy to do. Okaasan was very animated at dinner and chatted away about wartime memories and New Year festivities when she was a child...I'm learning all sorts of stuff about Japan Circa. 1940-50...living with us is giving her a great outlet for all these stories. Although by the third or fourth retelling he and I are getting a bit glazed over and our responses are getting muted!

Sunday 28 December 2008

Join me?

Hey...another day.

I popped in to check on okaasan this morning. She actually remembered to have the heating on at 15 degrees this time. She comes from a part of Japan where it's unusual to use room heating much...

Good dinner last night. Sashimi and rice/soup/vegetables. Okaasan stayed on after dinner to watch some of the ice skating with us. About 9 pm she looked sleepy, so at his suggestion I took her back to her place - checked that the hot carpets were switched on, checked the heater etc...

I know that various friends and students are reading this Blog because you send me e mails telling me so - I've just added a new gadget thing at the side, I think it is below the picture/profile - I think it means you can get alerts when there is a new posting. If you'd like to use it - please do!

Hi to Martha in Canada...and I think Wilma is there too at the moment...and Diane is in the US...and Tokiko, Izumi, Kumiko here in Japan...and Loretta in Australia...and over there in England? I know someone in England sent me a "good luck" e mail...

It's very good to know many people are thinking of me as I try to be oyomesan. I feel your power!

Anyway. This morning the cat has bad constipation and keeps laying down in his litter box from exhaustion. I'm taking him to the vets before they close for the holidays.

Saturday 27 December 2008

So. Snow and stress.

So.
It started snowing Xmas night...and next morning there was 50 cm outside to be shoveled.

We went to the hospital to get the results of his MRI scan. Bad news. Not the worst news: he will ski again etc. But for the next 3 weeks - don't bend the knee. Keep the leg brace on. Uses crutches.

It was a shock. I cried a bit in the hospital car park.

We stopped off at Macdonalds to get some hamburgers for lunch and the staff were being a bit dense about my order, I lost it a bit and started crying in Macdonalds. We came home in grim silence and once home I let all the anger/stress out and shouted a lot. It needed to come out. There is nothing he can do to make it all better and it isn't his fault the leg is damaged again, ski accidents will happen. But it doesn't make the next 3 weeks any easier for me.

In the afternoon I went off to work. My final classes this year. Tired.
There is so much snow in town. I cleared snow at home, then cleared snow at work.

Came home about 6.30 om and we ate chicken soup from the xmas chicken. We moved the furniture so he could sit with the leg easier. Also easier for okaasan to sit. Dinner was ok. He chatted away and got her down memory lane, so that was ok.

But it was a stressful day.

I feel as if I'm in the center of a vortex: around me is Work/Home/Sick Cat/Boyfriend/Byfrnd leg/Byfrnd mother...and far away is the Family in England...and "me" is lost somewhere among all these pulling forces.

Today I monitored bathtime for okaasan. I brought in her laundry for washing. I stole her important post for him to check. I threw away trash from her kitchen. Then I had to take some borrowed bedding to my classroom. Then loaded him and okaasan and the crutches into the car. We went to a shopping mall for lunch, then he sat while I walked okaasan round the shops for an hour.

We came home and I had another cry.

He says: don't try so hard, you are doing so much better than I thought or expected. But don't try so hard, because you'll get stress and then you won't be able to continue.

I know. I don't come from a regular family. So maybe I try too hard to "make" a family. My parents both worked, they were older, professional people. We didn't do family outings as such. I always slightly envied schoolfriends who had a stay-at-home mum and a working dad. So I try too hard because it's what I do.

Anyway. Now we are home for a few hours. I'm having a beer. Doing e mails.

Good news is that my family in England seem better than Xmas day. I called last night. But I couldn't tell them about Yujiro's latest injury. They already think I did/do too much...if they hear he's injured again they will just have negative feelings about him. It really isn't his fault. But I can only deal with MY negative feelings at the moment!


And so it goes. Okaasan seems to be buying all sorts of snacky things for New Year, maybe I can escape cooking altogether when Japanese New Year comes around.

I'm off to get another beer.

Too busy to blog.

Just dropping in here.

We went to the hospital with his leg and the doctors said he has damaged ligaments in his knee.

"Keep your leg straight for 3 weeks, don't walk/stand/bend".

O gawd. As if we needed one more thing.
Lots of stress. I got angry. We had a fight. Then we said sorry for the fight.

And now it's the next day and I'm about to monitor okaasan's bath. Then we'll go out in the car and have lunch somewhere.

I might get back to the computer later today.
This is all a mess. This is not my idea of life. Can I say "shit" in a blog? yes. It's my blog.
Shit.

Friday 26 December 2008

Merry Christmas Day


So this is Christmas.
And what have you done?
Another year over
.
And a new one just begun
.

Thankyou John Lennon. One of my favorite Christmas songs...but kind of depressing lyrics actually.

Oyomesan did Christmas. And she's feeling pretty pleased with herself. (I think the wine is helping!)

I was doing it for me of course. Even the most non-traditional ex-pats get all misty-eyed about tradition when it's Christmas. Something that you wouldn't dream of doing usually (probably wearing or eating) suddenly takes on great sentimental significance because it reminds you of Christmases past.

He and I did Christmas morning at home. Late breakfast, present opening, silly holiday TV, party planning and last-minute vegetable shopping. We also bought chemical ice packs for his knee and I cooked okaasan fish/rice/soup at 11 am.

And here's an interesting thing: in Japan fish are always served with the head facing left! Isn't that amazing. There is actually a rule about that! Okaasan told me. Because of course I served the fish facing right. She said it looked strange for Japanese. But she was laughing and joking about it, she is pretty good about accepting that the gaijin-oyomesan will sometimes do strange things.

A few years ago I served HIM New Year's rice cake...on December 30 or 31. Usually it's kept and displayed on the house shrine, and then eaten after January 11th! Even he was pretty stunned to see it BEFORE New Year, and he isn't at all bothered by traditions.

Anyway. I did a pretty good job of doing the traditional Christmas Day here.

I cleared/cleaned the party room, ironed the table cloth, set the table, decorated the room, found the napkins, peeled the potatoes, cut the veggies, made the stuffing, picked up the 2 roasted chickens from downtown, lit the candles....threw on a party dress...CHRISTMAS!

It was a strange, warm Christmas Day. We didn't even need coats or gloves when we went out. The other ski teachers dropped by at 6 pm with his ski stuff and we stood outside chatting with them. Amazing for Hokkaido at the end of December.

At 6.30 pm one of our friends came to dinner, okaasan arrived in slightly smarter than usual clothes and the 4 of us opened the cheap champagne and sat down for...Christmas dinner.



Looks pretty good doesn't it? Thankyou to Paul's Cafe, near Sapporo Station! Two delicious rotesserie chickens. Everything was great, although maybe I should have done a gravy/sauce.

But basically good. The xmas CDs played, the candles flickered and the potatoes were passed. Okaasan seemed to enjoy it, tucking into the chicken I'd cut for her and drinking the cheap champagne. We even had a small Christmas pudding - a gift from one of my students - and a small cake!
Just look at it! All dark fruit and nuts. Very English, not like these cream and strawberry imposters that Japanese cake shops sell!

Finally at 9 pm our friend went to get a taxi home - in a snow storm that had arrived while we were eating. He took okaasan back to her apartment, and I ate the rest of the Christmas pudding and finished the wine.




It was a nice Christmas. I enjoyed it. I think we all enjoyed it. Okaasan is always talking about how she used to cook traditional New Year food for all the office staff that her husband would invite over to the family house - so I'm sure she appreciates the work that goes into getting it all together and on the table. But it was mainly for me. I need to see a traditional Christmas dinner to make this Thursday feel like Christmas. And then I remember Christmases in England. Way back when!

A moment of peace.

Actually under the table his leg was playing up. He'd taken off his leg brace to put on jeans, and after 2 hours his leg was a bit painful again. He could feel more blood inside. He has an appointment today at the hospital to get the results of the MRI scan to tell us if it's more serious cartilage damage.

And I just telephoned my Dad and Step-mum in England. She fell again on their Christmas morning and has spent all day in bed. He has a cold. They both sound bad. And I'm all the way here in Japan playing at cooking Christmas dinners. I feel a long way away from my English family.

And there's a snow storm outside. Back to reality.

Wednesday 24 December 2008

Escape to me!

I escaped it all today. I went skiing. It was great. Now I am drinking wine. That is also great! :-)))

Early this morning I had to go in and do morning greetings with okaasan...because his newly injured leg is obviously painful and we don't want her to notice. We spent all this year hiding the fact that he had had a big ski accident and was in hospital...so a little more deception is easy.
It reminds me of a few years ago when my mum was sick in one hospital with cancer, and grandad was sick in another hospital...and the decision was made NOT to tell him why she was in hospital - because "it would only worry him". My step father and I shuttled between 2 hospitals each day and had some very bizzare conversations with grandad about how mum's "influenza" was making her feel so poorly.

So - today okaasan doesn't know the latest twist in our life. That he's reinjured a badly broken leg.

After morning stuff at home I dropped him off at the hospital. And I drove away in the sunshine to the mountains and skied. It was soooooo good. Skiing with a big grin on my face under the ski mask. I felt like me again.
I met one of my old students in the restaurant and chatted to him...I enjoyed the sunshine and views. It was wonderful.

Then I drove back to Sapporo. Cleared the ice from the path outside the house, picked him up from the insurance section at the government office and came home to switch on the heating in okaasan's place and ...now..I am about to get dinner ready. Luckily I made stew yesterday, so it's easy.

Christmas Eve. I'll probably drink the rest of the bottle of wine tonight.

Christmas has snuck up on me this year and apart from my parents I haven't done any presents or cards. I guess most of my friends understand why.

Tuesday 23 December 2008

Bathtime

So. The first day of my winter holiday. Yippeee!

I'm happy because I can really concentrate on doing a good oyome-san job, and relax at home with errands, the TV and word games on the computer.

First thing was collect okaasan's trash to put out. Then get her primed for taking a bath. Then I sat in her living room watching TV while she had a bath. I wasn't sure how much help she needed - he'd mentioned washing her hair for her - but apart from asking me to switch on more hot water and find a towel..she did it alone.
While she was in the bath I went through the stuff on her table and threw out a lot of the shopping flyers from the newspaper and other bits of paper she doesn't need. I took into my home a pile of wet hand towels that were in the kitchen sink (what DID she do with those?) and I rolled up and put away some of the socks she has strewn around...I changed the toilet roll.

It's easy to see how bad people can con their way into old people's lives and homes...and trust. Offer to help around the home, and while they are away in another room you could do anything with their money or jewels. Unluckily for me I only found supermarket flyers and rice cracker crumbs.

It's hard to me know how much is acceptable or necessary to invade her private space. Until the past fortnight we'd only met at a few dinners etc and had polite chats. Now I am marching into her bathroom while she is in the bath. How relationships change!

After bathtime I came back into my home and had my own breakfast and took a shower. Fed the cat. Then started preparing okaasan's breakfast...fish/rice/soup/omelette. All much better than last night's dinner. Things were feeling under control.

There was a voice at the door.

HE was standing there....looking very very apologetic. On crutches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

During the first day of ski instructor work yesterday, he'd fallen awkwardly with a child student who was playing around...and felt something go...hopefully only a ligament or a bruised bone. Back to the hospital where he spent 3 months earlier this year. Same doctor etc. And then back home today....leaving the other ski instructors one short.

I tell you. This year. Our lives. Amazing. I think I'm beyond surprise now.!!!!

So I finished cooking okaasan's meal, took it in to her. Came back and washed up. Chatted to him. One hour later cooked lunch for us.

Welcome to my winter holidays!
Yo ho ho.

Combining work and okaasan...

A hard day.

Monday is busy day for me, and as this was almost the last teaching day of the year I had various class parties with students and end-of-year quizes to organise etc.

I went in to check on okaasan at 8.15 am and got some of the trash from her kitchen to put out with ours. Standing next to her while she fumbled with the trash box and plastic bags was a bit frustrating, but I managed to curb my desire to help so that she could fiddle around and work out how to do it.

Her room is beginning to overflow with stuff. We must get her one more box or small cabinet to put papers in, and I must try to get her to put away some clothes, everything is draped over surfaces now. She's only been there 2 weeks and the surfaces are disappearing!

Then I went off to my day of teaching: two classes in the morning, another in the afternoon, a 90 minute drive, back late afternoon to inject the cat and prepare dinner. There was left over chicken from one of the class parties, so I planned rice/soup/vegetables and chicken.
Okaasan said she'd been up the road to a local curry restaurant at lunchtime, and when I suggested dinner at 5.30 before my evening classes she looked unhappy and chose 8.45 pm instead.
So I prepared as much as I could, set the table and flew out at 6 pm to the evening classes.

Got home at 8.50 pm and brought okaasan into our living rom while I threw dinner together. It wasn't so great, but ok I guess.
I asked her if she would show me how to cook one traditional Japanese New Year dish - and that got us into lots of memories about New Year celebrations in the past - endlessly the same stories. Sometimes her conversation is really bad - literally the same phrases repeated on about a 3 or 4 minute cycle! Good for my Japanese practice, not good for her brain.
There was a program on TV about an injured elephant, so we watched that together and had the strange cycle conversations about zoos and wars and animals. But it was relaxing social time for her ...I hope!
I was knackered. Finally at 11 pm I took her back to her room and made sure the hot carpets were on and the windows were closed.
Tomorrow I must try to get some of her stuff AWAY. And maybe we'll try bathtime. And I'll cook a better lunch for her. I bought the fish and I'm ready to get it right this time!

Monday 22 December 2008

Family service


There's a phrase in Japanese which means "To do family service", and men use it when they say they have to spend time with the family away from the more important things like work or drinking with colleagues.
I always thought it was a strange way of looking at one's family life - as something that "had" to be done.
Now I kind of understand it.

Yesterday we spent a couple of hours at a suburban shopping mall with okaasan, walking around shops, eating lunch and buying a few things along with a few thousand other local families.
As I've said before, shopping malls aren't our usual scene at all, so it's a strange feeling to be ambling around looking at stuff while the musak plays and toddlers stagger around attached to shopping carts. But we had a dinner plans with friends Sunday night and he is about to go away for 4 days ski teaching and we thought we should do some family time.

Okaasan loved it. She slowly looks at all sorts of stuff. Things she would never buy like sparkly nail ornaments or T-shirts with rock stars on them. Just enjoying the looking. Now I can understsnd how she spent 7 hours plus downtown the other day:she drifts around looking at stuff and people!
He managed to stop her buying noodles to cook by reminding her that she doesn't have cooking facilities and hasn't cooked for about 2 years, but she bought a few chocolate things and seaweed soup.
At lunchtime we looked at different restaurants and were a bit put out when she chose the buffet. As we were gearing up for a big pre-Xmas dinner with friends we didn't want to eat buffet of course, but okaasan was impressed with the choice so in we went and managed to do our best...SOMEONE had to make a dent in the chocolate fountain, so I tried hard.
Okaasan tucked into all sorts of food happily. She certainly has a healthy appetite. She ate rice and grated yam and various Chinese foods. Then salad.
"Hmm, they don't have rice here do they?"
"Err...you just ate a bowl of rice"
"Did I? Really? Is there rice?" She ate another bowl.

I'd like to try the same memory loss excuse with chocolate. "Did I eat 10 chocolates already? Really?"

Anyway. A successful family outing. We came home early afternoon and retired to our seperate Tvs. In the evening we ordered sushi to take to the party, and gave okaasan a smaller box of sushi for her dinner.

Now it's Monday morning. He's just left for 4 days ski teaching work.
Okaasan and me. We are Home Alone with eachother from now on.....

Saturday 20 December 2008

Missing in action?

Oh my. We thought we'd LOST okaasan last night! We called in the police etc etc - but luckily she came home safely. What an evening....

All started so well yesterday. We went into her place around 9 am and checked that she was ok. We took in the "old lady food" from my student and made sure she was set for the day. Her cough seemed a little better.
He went out. I went out. He came home at 3.30 pm and okaasan was out. I came home at 7 pm - okaasan was STILL out. We debated what to do - could she still be at a department store? Should we call the police? Her handbag, shoes, hat were gone. Gloves were still in the entrance hall. And the cell phone with its GPS system ...was still in her living room in its recharger case. She doesn't really understand why she should have it.
7.30 pm came and went. We asked neighbors. We asked the local pancake restaurant that she likes..we waited.
So we called the police to report a missing okaasan. Three officers came and started interviewing us and going through okaasan's papers on her table etc. We found a recent photograph of her...
Yes - she had some money in her purse. Yes - she is often confused and forgets things. No - she knows her own name, but maybe not the new address. Yes - she seems to accept living here, not Saitama. No - we don't think she could get to the airport alone. No- we don't think she knows anyone here in the city. No - we didn't have a fight with her today. All those kind of questions.....

AGHHHHHHH!!!!!! Our worst imaginings coming true?

At 8.30 pm there was a little voice at the apartment door: okaasan returned home. Clutching a shopping bag. All smiley and surprised to see three police officers and us in her room...she said she went into town by streetcar or taxi...did some shopping...ate lunch out...shopping...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"But I've been to New York 4 times! I didn't get lost there, did you really think I was lost? Do you really think I'm that confused?"

We didn't know what to think. Thank goodness it was a false alarm.

We apologised a lot to the police. We got her changed into pyjamas, we started making dinner again. Finally sometime after 9 pm we ate dinner. Sometime after 10 pm I gave the cat his kidney flushing injections, washed up, put away all the plates and bowls...sank into bed.

Thursday 18 December 2008

No meeting today.

Okaasan and I didn't actually meet today.
I was off and out to work before 10 am, and home again at 7.30 pm.
He planned to go out for walking and lunch with okaasan - but she went out under her own steam to a local supermarket to buy things...and then in the evening felt a cough oncoming so she decided not to wait around in our place for dinner...so she'd gone by the time I came home.
He and I ate the nabe and drank beer and watched football.

This is really sweet - one of my students cooked and gave me pickled vegetables and fish...and another gave me pickled radishes ! very much old-Japanese-lady kind of food, and exactly the kind of stuff I don't know how to cook. It was a great present and will make a good lunch or dinner for okaasan tomorrow. I hope she feels up to eating it.

Wednesday 17 December 2008

Lunch and housework


Here it is - another attempt at the kind of lunch I think okaasan probably likes!

Grilled fish (soy sauce marinated), miso soup, rice, salad, natto, cut and peeled apples....

Doesn't look so bad I guess. But it was thrown together at the last minute, I had to go out and buy the fish/natto/salad because we didn't have enough stuff at home.

That's my next goal: to try and shop methodically so that we have the stuff for an okaasan meal ready to hand. Then it'll be easier. I usually eat whatever is around and today for myself at 1 pm I stir-fried eggs/veggies and had a piece of bread. These days off with meals at 8 am/11 am/1 pm and then evening are strange. But as I am here I feel I should cook for her. But I don't want to eat rice and fish at 11 am...

This afternoon I popped into her place with the vacumn cleaner and changed the bedding covers etc. It feels strange to go into someone's home and do this, I am not sure WHERE are the personal boundaries in this situation! Okaasan helped change the bedding covers and picked stuff up so I could vacumn. She really needs another table or side stand so she can put stuff away. There's piles of stuff....maybe old ladies like it that way.
I'm home all day today because I have stuff I need to do on the computer and at home, should be I be sitting in with okaasan chatting or something? I don't know. It was warm weather today, she could have gone out but she apparently didn't.
Tonight I have another Year End party to go to. They are a kind of escape. Next week HE goes away for 4 days ski instructor work. That's when okaasan and I will see how we get on without him as a buffer in the equation. haaa....

Yesterday as one class finished for the year one student said to me:" Don't try too hard Amanda! It's ok!"....I'm trying to remember that.

Settling down?

Are we getting into a routine finally and beginning to relax? It feels so a little.

I worked all day and only came home for dinner. He was off all day, so son and mother went downtown for lunch and shopping. We have taken her on the streetcar twice now, so we hope she begins to understand that it's easy to go from the house to the center of town.
He also continued arranging things like travel cards, newspaper delivery and so on. There are so many aspects of life to change when someone moves home and when you are doing it for another person's life you first have to identify WHAT aspects of life they have and want changed/discontinued.
We live in Sapporo. It's a big, modern city in Japan. With all sorts of community services. As working adults we only use a certain level of services, for elderly people there are other services and whole shopping experiences we know nothing about: where DO old ladies go to buy their favorite green tea?!

I had a dentist visit late afternoon (bad news unsurprisingly after a year of stressful events and bad bady care), and I countered it with some retail therapy. Then went home to dinner.
We ate the lamb curry I'd made at the weekend. He'd said it would be ok for okaasan, but she didn't look so happy with it - she doesn't like meat so much and kind of pushed it around the plate a bit. I must give her fish/rice/soup tomorrow! Poor lady!
I'd also got more information about Hula Dance classes, so I gave her that and we chatted about the possibilities. I left the info with her and hope she will call to find out more. She should be able to do that - her Japanese language skills are better than mine!

After dinner she drank green tea with us. And then about 8 pm he took her back to her apartment and we settled down with some beers to watch a DVD. Felt almost relaxed. Are we starting to get on top of our new life and its challenges? Maybe.

2008年12月17日(水)

落ち着いたかしら?

やっと慣れてきて緊張がほぐれ始めたのかしら?それを少し感じるわ。

ワタシは一日中働いて家には夕食にだけ帰ったの。彼は一日中お休みだったから、息子と母は昼食と買い物のために街に行ったわ。ワタシたちは今までお義母さんを二回市電に乗せたことがあるの。お義母さんが家から街の中心部に行くのは簡単だって理解し始めてくれたらいいんだけど。

彼はさらに割引乗車切符や新聞の配達やほかのことなんかの手配を続けていたわ。引越しをするときには生活の多くの面を変えなきゃならないものだけど、他の人の生活のためにそういうことをしてあげる場合には、その人の生活にどういう面があり、どこを変えたり止めたりしたいのか、ということを最初に見極めなければならないの。

ワタシたちは札幌に住んでいるの。日本の大きな近代的な都市よ。社会事業のすべてを兼ね備えているわ。働く社会人としてワタシたちはある一定のサービスを利用しているだけだけど、高齢者にとっては違うサービスがあるわ。老婦人たちが好みの緑茶をどこに買いにいったらいいか、というようなワタシたちが何も知らない多くの買い物の知識とかね

ワタシは午後遅く歯医者に行って(ストレスだらけの出来事と自分の身体のケアをおろそかにした年の驚かざるべき悪いニュース!)落ち込んだ気分を吹き飛ばすためにショッピングしたわ。それから夕食に家に戻ったの。

ワタシたちは週末にワタシがつくっておいたラムカレーを食べたの。彼はお義母さんもカレーで大丈夫だろうって言ったのに、お義母さんがそれを喜んでいるようには見えなかったわ。お義母さんはあまりお肉が好きじゃなくって、お皿のはしにそれを押しやっている感じだったわ。ワタシ、明日は魚とご飯と味噌汁を作ってやらなきゃ。かわいそうなお義母さん!

ワタシはまたさらにフラダンス教室の情報を手に入れたの。それでお義母さんに教えて、ワタシたちはその可能性について話したの。情報をお義母さんに預けて、お義母さんがもっと調べるための電話をするといいなあと思ったの。お義母さんはそれができるはずだわ・・・ワタシより上手に日本語が話せるんだもの。

夕食後お義母さんはワタシたちといっしょに緑茶を飲んだの。そしてそのあと8時ごろ彼が部屋まで連れて行って、ワタシたちはビールを飲みながらDVDを観てゆっくりしたの。ほぼリラックスできた感じだわ。ワタシたち、新しい生活とその難題を征服しつつあるかしら?たぶん。

Tuesday 16 December 2008

Okaasan power! (J)

Yesterday morning on his early a.m. visit next door he didn't come back for ages. When he finally reappeared he said okaasan was demanding to have all her pension money back. Ahh...here we go. I kind of thought it was interesting, and a little strange, that she seemed to be passively accepting him organising so much of her life.
Finally she steps up to claim back some of the power. Good...in a way! Of course he is worried about giving her all the money - because all the evidence is that she gets on the Tv shopping, leaves it around the house, forgets what she spent it on etc etc. But...it IS her money.
She had a long running battle with a post office in Saitama - accusing the staff of stealing from her. We worry that she'll transfer that battle to him now, I wonder if he should give her receipts so he can show her exactly when and how much money is spent and received?

Anyway. I went off to work. He went off to hospital for rehabilitation for the leg...and while we were away - okaasan ignored his cautions and went out for a walk round the neighborhood on the ice! Ha ha! Okaasan power!
Actually it was no problem. She found her way home again and didn't slip on the ice. It's good that she feels ready to start connecting with and exploring her new environment.

I came home at 4 pm and went into her apartment for a cup of green tea, he came home and joined us. It was actually a fairly natural family moment. This is what we should aim for. Give her a role in our lives - welcming us back from work etc, making tea...who knows: making dinner? THAT would be good too.
I had to work in the evening, but my lunchtime End of Year party had sent me home with extra food from the restaurant, so he and okaasan ate Chinese restaurant leftovers for dinner.

And so another day ends.

2008年12月16日(火)

お義母さんパワー!

昨日朝早く、彼は隣を訪ねて行って長いこと帰ってこなかったの。やっと戻ってきたとき、彼は言ったの。お義母さんが自分の年金を全部返してほしいって要求してるって。あぁ、ほら、きた。お義母さんが、自分の生活のかなりの部分を彼が握っていることを素直に受け入れているらしいってことは、興味深いし少しおかしいという気がしたわ。

ついに、お義母さんは権力返還の要求を増大してきてるの。いいわ・・・ある程度はね。もちろん彼は全財産をお義母さんに持たせることを心配しているわ。だって、テレビショッピングをするし、家中に放っておくし、使ったことを忘れるし、などなどみな証拠が示している。でも、それはお義母さんのお金なのよね。

埼玉でお義母さんは長いこと郵便局とけんかを続けていたわ。局員がお義母さんから盗みを働いたって訴えていたの。ワタシたちは今、お義母さんがあのけんかを彼相手にするんじゃないかって心配しているの。彼はお義母さんに領収書をあげるべきじゃないかしら?そうすれば、彼はお金をいつ受け取っていくら使ったかってことをお義母さんにわかってもらえるわ。

ともかく、ワタシは仕事に行って、彼は脚のリハビリのために病院に行ったの。そして、ワタシたちがいない間に・・・お義母さんは彼の注意を無視して、つるつる路面の中出て行って、ご近所を歩いて回ったわ。はーあ、お義母さんパワー!

実際に問題はなかったの。お義母さんは帰宅したし、氷で滑ったりもしなかった。お義母さんが新しい環境になじんだり、探検しはじめる準備を考えていることはいいことだもの。

ワタシは4時に帰宅して緑茶をいただきにお義母さんのアパートに行ったの。彼も帰ってきてワタシたちに加わったわ。本当になんて自然な家族の時間だったでしょう。ワタシたちが目指すべきことよ。お義母さんにワタシたちの生活の中で役割を与える-----仕事から帰ったワタシたちを迎え入れてお茶をいれることなんか・・・ひょっとしたら;夕食を作るのは?それもいいわね。ワタシは夜に働かなくてはなかったし、お昼の忘年会でレストランから余った食べ物をもらったから、彼とお義母さんは中華料理店のお土産を夕食に食べたのよ。

こうして、また一日が終わったわ。

Sunday 14 December 2008

Sunday at home. (J)

Well, we ate our cheese fondue and drank the rest of the bottle of cheap wine. A quiet lunch but nice. It's always been good that sometimes we just let eachother be quiet. We talked a bit about okaasan and what life was like for her in Saitama - fighting with the Post Office because she thought they'd stolen money from her...buying so much foodstuff because she forgot what she'd already bought.
Life may be a bit boring here for her - not able to go out in the icy streets. But we hope it's easier. Sadly though the Hula Dance called to say they are full up this time - we'll have to find her another place to go.

After our lunch he disappeared into her apartment for an hour to make sure she was ok while she took a bath, and I caught up on business stuff - accounts and class preparation for next week.
Then I did some cooking for next week and made dinner: fish/soup/rice/spinach...with the surprise element of sweet rice wine (mirin)...which I'd added to the fish and the spinach...both mother and son thought that was strange. Tough! The gaijin cooks odd tasting Japanese food...Yujiro isn't too bothered actually, he accepts most of what I cook, but okaasan thought the fish and spinach were too sweet. Shoganai...it can't be helped.

Tomorrow another week of work starts. I feel tired, but ok...off to have a bath now and read a Japanese cooking book....

2008年12月14日(日)

家での日曜日

ねえ、ワタシたちはチーズフォンデュを食べ、安いボトルワインの残りを飲んだのよ。静かなお昼だったけど素敵だった。時々お互いに静かにしているのはいつだっていいものよ。ワタシたちは埼玉でのお義母さんにとって生活がどんなだったかについて少し話したわ。お義母さんがお金を盗まれたと思って郵便局とけんかしたり、すでに買ったことをわすれてしまって山のような食材を買ったことを。

ここでのお義母さんの生活はすこし退屈なんじゃないかしら・・・つるつる路面に出て行くことができないもの。でも、前の生活より楽だといいなとおもっているの。残念なことに今回フラダンス教室が満杯だって言ってきてもね。お義母さんに別なところを見つけなくっちゃね。

昼食後、彼は一時間ほど、お義母さんがお風呂に入る間の安全を確認するために向こうのアパートに行っていたの。それでワタシは。会計と次週のクラスの準備をして仕事の遅れを取り戻したわ。

それから来週のためにいくらか料理をして、夕食を作ったの。魚とスープとご飯とほうれん草・・・お米の甘いワイン(みりん)というびっくりするようなもの・・・ワタシはそれを魚とほうれん草にかけっちゃったの。母親と息子の二人ともおかしいと思ったわ。ひどい!ガイジンは日本食をへんな味付けにしちゃうのよ。ユウは実際にはそんなに気にしないの。彼はワタシのつくったもののほとんどを受け入れるのよ。でも、お義母さんは魚とほうれん草が甘すぎるって思ったわ。ショウガナイ・・・

明日は仕事の一週間の始まり。疲れているけど、大丈夫。もうお風呂に入って和食の本を読んで休むわ。


Trying to get a system going. (J)

Sunday lunchtime.

He was feeling "romantic" this morning. It's the last thing on my mind...I saw a TV program once that said men's bodies react to stress/anger by arousal...hmmm.....My body goes kind of blank.

We got out after breakfast in the sunshine and walked into town to get in some exercise, and came back via the supermarket. It was good to walk together and have quiet time. He didn't talk much. A lot of thinking.
We did talk about how we might try to get okaasan basically doing her own breakfast/lunch from now on. She eats at 11 am and in the evening only. She doesn't cook, but we've put a microwave and a hot water pot in her apartment. We of course eat at 7/8 am, lunchtime and in the evening. And we work. So trying to get these two life patterns together is hard.
As we walked we talked about maybe putting cooked rice in boxes in the fridge, giving her packs of miso soup to make and then keeping her supplied with fish/tofu/something from the supermarket. If she would get it together herself for the 11 am meal it would free us up in the middle of the day.

We came home. But as we haven't got okaasan primed for action quite yet he cooked rice/soup/fish for her. She came in and ate it in our living room. I hung Xmas decorations...okaasan looked like she wanted to go walking in the sunshine, but it's so icy at the moment here we'd have to take her in the car to a shopping mall or something. I feel we are keeping an old lady under house arrest a bit, but we need our time with email/TV/work planning too. Hard to merge lives.

In the supermarket we bought things for us to have cheese fondue for lunch. It's our kind of lunch on a winter weekend. Have to make some highlight for ourselves today. Is she having a good day too? I don't know. Watching TV, eating snacks.

2008年12月14日(日)

システム作動に挑戦

日曜のお昼よ。

彼は今朝、ロマンティックな気分だったの。ワタシの気持ちのなかでそれは一番の後回しのことよ。ワタシは以前テレビで見たわ。男性の身体はストレスや怒りに反応して興奮するって言ってた。うーん・・・ワタシの身体はからっぽのようになってるわ。

ワタシたちは朝食後に日差しの中を出かけ、運動のために街まで行ったの。帰りにはスーパーマーケットに寄ったわ。一緒に歩いておだやかな時間を過ごすのはよかったわ。彼はあまりしゃべらなかったの。考えることがたくさんあるもの。

ワタシたちが話したのは、お義母さんにこれから先、基本的に自分で朝食や昼食をとってもらうにはどうしたらいいか、ってことよ。お義母さんは午前11時と夜に食べるだけなの。お料理はしないんだけど、お義母さんのアパートに電子レンジと電気ポットは置いてあるの。ワタシたちは朝7時か8時とお昼と夜に食べるし、働いているのよ。この二つの生活パターンを一緒にやっていくことはむずかしいわ。

ワタシたちは歩きながら話したの。炊いたご飯を容器に詰めて冷蔵庫に入れておき、味噌汁を作るパックをあげておいて、それから魚や豆腐やなんかをスーパーから買って置いておくことはどうか、ってことをね。お義母さんが自分でそれを一緒に食べて11時のお食事にできれば、ワタシたち、お昼に自由になれるんだけど。

家に着いても、お義母さんにはまだ食事の用意の仕方を教えていなかったから、彼がご飯と味噌汁と魚を作ってあげたの。お義母さんはワタシたちの居間に来てそれを食べたわ。クリスマスの飾りをしておいたんだけど、お義母さんは明るい日差しの中を出かけたそうだったわ。でも今ここはひどいつるつる路面で、ワタシたちはお義母さんを車でショッピングセンターやなんかに連れて行かなくっちゃならないのよ。お義母さんをちょっと自宅軟禁状態にしているような気がするけどワタシたちにはメールやテレビやそれに仕事の計画のための時間が必要だわ。一緒に生活するのはむずかしい。

スーパーマーケットでワタシたちは自分たちのお昼のチーズフォンデュのものを買ったの。ワタシたちの冬の週末のお気に入りのランチメニュー。きょうのワタシたち自身のためのハイライトにするの。お義母さんもいい日を過ごしているかしら?わからない。テレビを見ておやつを食べているわ。

Saturday 13 December 2008

Girls outing...(J)

So. I finished work at midday...after a long, long week. And instead of going home and doing nothing special I picked up okaasan and took her into town on the streetcar for lunch in a department store and then a wander round the shops.
Not my kind of Saturday at all really. I hate shopping. I hate walking aimlessly round shops. But there we are. It was a warm, easy-to-walk couple of hours out for her. It's hard for me to judge though how much she can/wants to do - I hope she enjoyed it!

Later this evening he cooked oden and okaasan came in to us f0r dinner. She stayed an hour or more, and then when we started watching the ice skating on Tv she made moves to go back home.
***************************************************************************
And so our life unfolds after week one. Stressful...some funny moments, but basically ok because okaasan is happy. But renting 2 small houses seems a waste of rent for the living conditions, and he's already put out feelers to a real estate agent to start the search for somewhere else: a house or larger apartment where the 3 of us can be under one roof and we don't have to balance dinner plates on a tiny kitchen counter. Maybe nearer his winter work as a ski instructor too so he can get home in the evenings more.
*****************************************************************************

I was just going to mention here some comments that I've had from a few students this week: because they seem strange to me. "Why don't you get married? After all, you are the girlfriend and you are looking after his mother?"....to me that's a odd comment because it suggests that I'd act differently if I was married to him...when I choose to help with his mum because I love him and we are a team in life. Having a piece of paper from the city office and party in a hotel doesn't seem to make much difference. I guess ultimately I do have the power to walk away from this situation completly - I could just pack my suitacase and walk out, but people who are married walk out too - so the difference seems small. If he died suddenly, would I continue looking after okaasan as the girlfriend? Hmm...not sure. I hope the other son would step up to do more at the very least, but if I'd already been looking after her for a few years and knew her ways then it would be easier to continue maybe.

Let's hope he doesn't die though! I don't want to face THAT situation!

2008年12月13日(土)

女たちのお出かけ・・・

長い長い一週間のあと、きょうのお昼に仕事が終わったわ。家に帰って特に何にもしないで過ごすかわりに、ワタシはお義母さんを連れて、デパートでお昼を食べるために市電に乗って街に行ったの。それから、お店を歩き回ったわ。

ほんとに全然ワタシの土曜日って感じじゃないわ。ワタシは買い物が大嫌いなの。目的もなくお店をぶらぶらするのは嫌いなのよ。でも、行ったわ。そこは暖かかったし、お義母さんが二時間ほど歩くのにちょうどよかったの。ワタシにはお義母さんのできることがどのくらいで、したいことがどのくらいなのかを見極めるのはむずかしいわ。お義母さんが楽しかったらいいんだけど。

今夜遅く彼がおでんを作って、お義母さんがワタシたちのところに夕食に来たの。お義母さんは一時間ちょっといて、それからワタシたちがテレビでアイススケートを見始めたときに、家に戻って行ったの。

こうやって一週間が過ぎてワタシたちの生活がはっきりしてきたわ。ストレスの多い、ちょっとおかしな時間、でも基本的にはOKよ。だってお義母さんが喜んでいるもの。だけど二つの小さな家を借りることは生活状態にとっては家賃の無駄のように思えるわ。彼は別な所をさがし始めるために、すでに不動産業者に探りをいれているのよ。ワタシたち三人が一つ屋根の下に住めて、狭い台所のカウンターで夕食のお皿を並べるのに苦労しなくてもいいような一軒家か大きなアパートをね。たぶん、スキーインストラクターとして働く彼の冬の仕事場の近くに。そうすれば彼が夜にもっと家に帰れるようになるから。

今週何人かの生徒から言われた意見についてここで触れるわね。ワタシにはヘンに思えることだから。“結婚したらどう? だって、あなた、ガールフレンドで、あなたが彼のお母さんの面倒を見てるんでしょう?”っていう意外な意見なの。それって、彼と結婚してたらワタシが違う行動をとっただろうっていうみたい・・・彼のお母さんをたすける選択をしたときにね。それはワタシが彼を愛していて、ワタシたちは人生におけるチームだからなのに。市役所から紙をもらってきてホテルでパーティをしたからって大して変わるとは思えないわ。最終的にワタシは完全にこの状況から歩み去る力を持っていると思うの。ワタシはスーツケースを荷造りして去ることができたわ。でも結婚している人たちだって立ち去ることができるのよ。それならその違いは小さいって思うの。もし、彼が突然亡くなったら、ワタシはガールフレンドとしてお義母さんの面倒を見続けるかって?うーん、わからないわ。もう一人の息子がせめてもう少ししてくれたらいいと思うわ。でも、それまで何年間かお義母さんの面倒を見てお義母さんのやり方がわかっていたら、たぶん続けるのは簡単かもしれない。

彼が亡くならないように期待しましょう。そんな状況に直面したくないもの。

Catch up time (J)

Nothing much to report - because I hardly SAW okaasan! Two days of morning to evening work, so I saw her briefly Thursday am and then at dinner, and yesterday I only saw her for a moment when I checked in with her on a flying visit home during my lunch hour. Our old cat is not at all great now, and I came home to give him a kidney-flushing injection.
I think the time is rapidly approaching when the poor old cat will have to go to the sofa in the sky...the timing is kind of fitting. As I have to give out energy in a new direction one focus of my love and energy until now is fading away. I love him lots, but winter is not a good time to have kidney problems because he gets dehydrated stretching out by the living room heater.

This is Year End Party season in Japan. I had a lunch with students on Thursday, and then dinner last night with another class. Actually I am stopping that class - sadly a little after 5 or 6 years years teaching that group. It's downtown at 7 pm on Fridays...as I have classes until 6 pm in my suburban classroom until 6 pm, I think going on into downtown on Friday nights is not going to be good in our new life schedule - because he works as a ski instructor...and Friday/Saturdays/Sundays he is often away. I need to be able to come home and make dinner.

Anyway. We have made it through week one. I said that to him yesterday...he grinned and replied: "Yes, but there are 52 weeks in a year!" So desu neh. This new life will go on and on and on....
An animal charity in the UK used to have a Xmas ad campaign with the slogan: A Puppy is Not Just for Christmas.
An Okaasan is Not Just for Christmas!

時間を見つけて

これといってレポートすることがないの・・・お義母さんとほとんど会ってないからよ。二日間というもの朝から晩まで仕事で、木曜日の午前中と夕食のとき、それからきのうはお昼休みに家に飛んで帰ってきたときに、ほんのわずかな間、会っただけ。いま年老いたネコの具合がほんとによくなくて、それでワタシ、ネコに腎臓の注射をしに帰ってきたの。

このかわいそうな年老いたネコが天国に召されるときが、刻一刻と迫ってきているって思うのよ・・・タイミングが合ってるっていうか。新しい方向にエネルギーを注がなければならなくなると、これまで愛情とエネルギーを注いできたものが薄れていくのね。ワタシはネコをすごく愛してる。だけど、冬は腎臓病にはよくないの。リビングルームのヒーターのそばで寝そべると脱水を起こしちゃうんだもの。

いま日本では忘年会シーズンよ。木曜日には生徒たちとランチを、昨夜は違うクラスの夕食があったの。本当のことを言うと、そのクラスを辞めることになってるの。そのグループを教えて5・6年経つんだもの、ちょっと残念だわ。それが毎週金曜日夜7時に街中なのよ。6時までは郊外のワタシの教室で授業があるので、金曜の夜に街に行くことはワタシたちの新しい生活スケジュールに良くないんじゃないか、って思うの。だって、彼はスキーのインストラクターをしているのよ。金曜・土曜・日曜と彼はいないことが多いわ。ワタシが家に帰って夕食を作る必要があるのよ。

とにかく、ワタシたちは一週間通してやり遂げたわ。ワタシは彼にそう言ったの。彼、にやりとして返事をしたわ。"うだね。でも、一年は52週あるんだよ“ ソーデスネー。

この新しい生活はずーっとずーっと続いていくんだわ。

イギリスで動物の慈善団体がこんなスローガンでクリスマス広告キャンペーンをしていたものだったわ。"子犬はクリスマスのためだけのものではありません“

お義母さんもクリスマスのためだけではないってこと!

Wednesday 10 December 2008

Hula Dancing.(J)

Well, I grabbed 2 hours to myself...watched some Tv and ate a hamburger.

Then at 2 pm Okaasan and I went to the local sports center to observe the Hula dance class. We even joined in! Very embarrassing...but fun. Okaasan was actually pretty good, she has been doing it on and off for a few years and knows all the moves. It was a good bonding time for us. Of course the other class members loved it that there was an international flavor to the prospective new member.

After class I helped her sign in at the desk for the January classes and we walked home in the dusk across the park. She invited me in for green tea and then I rushed out to get stuff for dinner. Oden tonight. It's easy.

Had a bit of a scene with him though after dinner. He found that she'd hung some laundry far too close to the living room heater - he shouted at her about how dangerous it was. Of course he is right, but his way was over-the-top. I told him off and we had words. I told him I refused to see anyone bullied however frustrated he felt. Sometimes he can be overly dictatorial. Probably no Japanese woman would ever tell a Japanese man to get off his macho-pedestal- but us gaijin gals have no such qualms. If a man is wrong we tell him so. I will not stand by and see him shout at his mother.

お義母さんとワタシ

2008年12月10日(木)

フラダンス

きょうはねぇ、自分のための2時間を手に入れたわ。テレビ観てハンバーガーを食べた。

午後2時にはお義母さんとワタシはフラダンス教室の見学に地域のスポーツセンターに行ったの。ワタシたち実際に参加したのよ。かなり戸惑ったけど、楽しかった!お義母さんはホント、いいセンいってた。お義母さんはフラダンスを断続的だけど何年かしてたことがあって動きを全部知ってるの。絆を深めるいい時間だったわ。もちろん、クラスの人たちは新しいメンバー候補の国際的な香り(ワタシのこと)にゴキゲンだった。

そのあと、お義母さんの1月からのクラスの申し込みを手伝ってから、夕暮れの公園の中を歩いて家に帰ったの。お義母さんはワタシをお茶(緑茶)に誘ってくれて、そのあとワタシは夕食の買出しに大忙し。今晩はおでん。カンタン!

夕食後だったんだけど、彼とちょっとけんかになったの。彼、お義母さんが洗濯物を居間のストーブにくっつきそうに吊るしているのを見つけたの。彼はお義母さんに怒鳴っちゃった。それがどんなに危険かって。もちろん、彼は間違っていないわ。だけど、言い過ぎ。ワタシは彼を叱って、口論したの。どんなにあなたが苛立っていても弱いものいじめを見るのは絶対にイヤって。時々、彼はとんでもなく横暴になれるの。たぶん、日本の女の人って誰も男の人に乱暴で高慢な態度を止めるように言わないんじゃないかしら。でも、ワタシたちガイジンの女はそんな気兼ねをすることはないわ。もし、男が悪いんだったらそう言うのよ。ワタシはその場にいて、彼がお義母さんを怒鳴るのを見ていることはないでしょうね。

Lunch...very Japan-esy (J)


I just made okaasan's breakfast.
..lunch....brunch. Should have some kind
of fish in it really. Some pickles maybe.

But not bad. For a gaijin.

2008年12月9日(火)

お昼ごはん・・・とっても日本的

(写真説明)

ワタシ、お義母さんの朝ごはんを作ったのよ。

・・・ランチ・・・ブランチ  本当はお魚かなんかをつけなきゃね。たぶん、漬物も。

でも、悪くないわ。ガイジンにしてはね。

Mission Accomplished. (J)

3 am - can't sleep. May as well blog.

Last night I managed to cook dinner successfuly. I tell you, I consider myself an intelligent, can-do kind of a person - but managing to do this fish/soup/rice/vegetable thing feels like an achievement at the moment!

I came home from work around 4 pm and this time got it all organised. We ate a little later than planned cos I thought Y said 7.30 pm for a dinner...when he meant/said 6.30 pm - but this time we put water in the fish cooker (it helps to read the manual) and the miso soup and the rice were ok. I bought a large flat fish and it was fine for 3 people. Success!

Okaasan came to us for dinner and she was lively and happy. Seeing that makes it all seem worthwhile. She and Y spent their day unpacking some of the stuff she's brought from Saitama and they walked to a soba restaurant for lunch.

Her memory though really isn't great. He said she slept in her kotatsu and complained of being cold. "But you have the futon quilt right here" he'd reminded her...."Eh? Oh do I? I forgot I had a quilt..." she replied.

Today it's my turn to be on Okaasan-watch. He has to go to hospital for rehabilitation for the leg he broke in the spring. It's my day off. I am going to do lunch and dinner....and hopefully take okaasan to the local sports center to observe the Hula Dance class we hope she might join in the New Year.

I have quite a lot of selfish feelings: this is MY day off and I want to do something for ME. I'll try and walk or work out at the gym in the morning. Otherwise the whole day will disappear in oyome-san stuff and it won't be good for my mental health and ultimately this situation.

Ho hum. It's Xmas soon. Next week I have last-classes -of -the -year with various groups. I've done nothing about Xmas presents/cards for friends or family. I guess the Internet will come in useful.

And a Japanese friend who lives in England is coming to visit her family for the winter holidays. I am so looking forward to seeing her and drinking a LOT of alcohol!

2008年12月9日(火)

任務完了

午前3時・・・・眠れない   ブログしたほうがいいかも。

昨日の夜、夕食はどうにか成功。言っちゃうけど、ワタシ、自分は知的で、やればできる人間だと思っているのよ。でも、この魚と味噌汁とご飯と野菜のことをなんとかするってことは今のところ大仕事のように思えるわ。

4時ぐらいに仕事から帰ってきたんだけど、今回は全部準備ができていたの。ワタシたちは予定より少し遅く食事をしたわ。どうしてかって言うと、ワタシ、ユウが夕食は7時半って言ったと思ったからなの。彼は6時半のつもりだったの。でも、今回ワタシたちは魚焼き器に水を入れて、(取扱説明書を読んだので)味噌汁とご飯はできていたの。ワタシは大きなカレイを買ったんだけど、三人分にちょうどよかった。大成功よ!

お義母さんは夕食にワタシたちのところに来たんだけど、生き生きとして幸せそうだったわ。それを見れば、全部がやりがいのあることのように思えるわ。お義母さんとユウは、お義母さんが埼玉から持ってきたものを荷解きして、それからお蕎麦屋さんに歩いて行ってお昼を食べて過ごしたの。

お義母さんの記憶は、でも、本当に良くないの。コタツで寝ちゃって、寒いって文句を言った、って彼が言ってた。“でも、ここに掛け布団があるでしょう”って彼がお義母さんに思い出させたんだけど、“えっ?そうなの?掛け布団があるのを忘れてたわ”ってお義母さんは答えたって。

きょうはワタシがお義母さんを看る番なの。彼は、春に骨折した脚のリハビリのために病院にいかなくちゃならないし、ワタシはお休みだから、昼食と夕食の支度をするのよ。それから、できればお義母さんをフラダンスの見学に地域のスポーツセンターに連れて行くの。ワタシたち、新年からお義母さんにそれに参加してほしいのよ。

ワタシには自分勝手な気持ちがいっぱいあるの。自分のお休みの日には自分のためのことをしたいわ。ワタシは午前中に歩くかジムで身体を鍛えるかをしてみようと思うの。じゃなかったら、まるまる一日がオヨメサンの仕事に消えてしまうわ。それって、精神的によくないし、結局はこの状況にもよくないでしょう。

ふう。もうすぐクリスマスだわ。来週はいろいろなグループの今年最後のクラスなの。ワタシ、友達や家族へのクリスマスプレゼントやカードのこと、何にもしていないのよ。インターネットが役に立つんじゃないかしら。

それから、イギリスに住んでいる日本人の友達が冬休みに家族のところに来るの。ワタシ、彼女に会って、たくさんお酒を飲むのがすっごく楽しみよ!

Monday 8 December 2008

Another day.(J)

Today I had it easy: I went to work from 9 am until 8 pm.

I took Yujiro and Okaasan to the ward office just before 9 am. When I looked back as I drove away I saw him taking her by the hand as they walked towards the office. It was like that movie that came out in Japan recently about a son and mother - at the time I thought it was hopelessly sentimental (like so many Japanese movies)...but I saw it today and felt for them both in this new life situation.

I had a long day of work. I enjoyed it, but felt tired after the weekend. Lots of women students tried to give me advice about how to cook simple, Japanese-style dinners. I usually have a one hour between classes at the end of the day - sometimes I manage to get home for a cup of tea...sometimes not. Today I didn't feel like coming home at all. But luckily I did because Y and O were still out in town and the cat's condition was worsening. He has kidney failure and we have to give him kidney-flushing fluid shots every 48-72 hours. In all the rush of the weekend I'd left it too late. I felt bad. This poor animal shouldn't suffer because we are bad at coping with new responsibilities.

Anyway. I got home again at 8 pm. He'd fed Okaasan and sent her to bed. He and I have just eaten a nice, quiet dinner together and talked about his day. He is so tired. They did the ward office, the stockbroker...the cell phone company etc...
Poor guy. He says this is the stressiest time in his life so far. I'll do dinner tomorrow night. He is going to help her unpack the boxes she had sent from her Saitama home.

And so we go. Another day done.

2008年12月8日(月)

別の日

きょうは気楽だったわ。朝9時から夜9時まで仕事に行ってたの。

朝の9時直前にワタシはユウとお義母さんを区役所に連れて行ったの。車で走り去ろうとして振り返ったら、彼がお義母さんの手をとって事務所に向っていくのが見えた。なんだか、最近日本で封切られた息子と母のあの映画のようだったわ。そのときワタシにはそれが救いようのない感傷的なものに思えたわ。(実に多くの日本映画がそうであるように)でも、きょうそれを見て、この新しい境遇のなかにいる二人の気持ちを思ったってことなの。

仕事で長い一日だったわ。ワタシはそれを楽しんだけれど、週明けで疲れも感じた。多くの女性の生徒たちがワタシに日本式の夕食の簡単な調理法について教えてくれようとしたわ。結局、いつもワタシは最後の授業の合間の一時間に、時々お茶のために家に戻るようにしたり、戻らなかったりなんだけど、きょうワタシは少しも家に帰りたくなかったの。でも、幸い、ユウとお義母さんが街に出たままだったし、ネコの状態もいっそう悪くなっていたので、ワタシは家に戻ったわ。ネコは腎不全でワタシたちは48時間から72時間ごとに腎臓の病気の注射をしなければならないの。とんでもない週末の慌しさのなかでワタシが手遅れになるほど放っておいたんだわ。このかわいそうなネコは苦しむべきじゃないのよ。だって新しい責任にうまく対応できていないワタシたちが悪いんだもの。

それで、ワタシは夜の8時にまた家に戻ったの。彼はお義母さんにご飯を食べさせてくれて寝かせててくれてた。彼とワタシは静かで素敵な夕食を共にして、彼の一日について話したわ。彼は相当疲れているの。彼とお義母さんは区役所と株式仲買人と携帯電話会社に行ったのよ

かわいそうなユウ。自分の人生のなかで一番ストレスの大きい時だって彼は言ってるの。ワタシ、明日の夕食をつくるわ。彼は、お義母さんが埼玉の家から送った箱の荷解きの手伝いをするのよ。

こんな具合よ。また一日が終わったわ。

Sunday 7 December 2008

Shopping and Dinner (J)

We went shopping this morning: shoes/hat/gloves for okaasan...and a fish cooker for me. He and I just aren't the kind of people who usually spend our Sundays in a department store, so it was very strange. Shopping and having lunch. But we all did ok.

This evening I tried to put together the fish/rice/miso soup/vegetable dinner...our kitchen is so small, it's hard just finding the correct number of bowls for everything and finding the counter space to put everything out. Japanese cooking demands all these bits and pieces.

I felt like a new-bride. The rice was hard, the fish was a bit burned (had to open the windows to let out the smoke) and the dried seaweed I'd thrown into the soup seemed long and stringy, I had to do a quick rescue by pouring the soup BACK in the pan and cutting the seaweed bits with some scissors. Thank goodness I am 47 and have some confidence in myself as a person, if I was 22 this experience would be devastating.

As it was. I lost it a bit after dinner. Okaasan had gone back to her home and I cried on the sofa with Yujiro trying to reassue me that this will somehow all get easier. Our kitchen seems so small to be trying to make multiple foods for 3 people, then sitting round the table is cramped. He is doing so much, I feel it's selfish of me to whinge. But I'm finding things hard.

Aghhh!!!! I am an only child, and I've never been good with groups of people. Trying to do this takes a lot of effort. Trailing round a department store, cooking and putting on the bright face.
She's a nice lady. He's a nice guy. I can't get all defeatist. But it's hard.
I hope this gets easier somehow. Soon.

This afternoon after the shopping I took myself to the gym and worked out for a while to have time for myself. I know that is important. Many of my students are middle aged women who are caring for relatives, and now I understand it when they say: coming to English lessons is MY time, MY space.

Tomorrow I start my working week again. I am looking forward to it. And I have at least one Year End party with students - so I can escape the family dinner scene at least once.

2008年12月7日(日)

買い物と夕食

午前中ワタシたちは買い物に行って、お義母さんには靴と帽子と手袋を買い、ワタシには魚焼き器を買ったの。彼とワタシは、いつも日曜日をデパートで過ごすような種類の人間じゃ全然ないのよ。だからとってもヘンなことだった。買い物と昼食をよ。でも、ワタシたち全部うまくやったわ。

今晩、ワタシは魚とご飯と味噌汁と野菜の夕食を作ろうとしたの。ワタシたちの台所はとても狭くて全部のお料理を入れるのに必要なお椀を見つけたり、それら全部を出すためのカウンターの場所を見つけるのはむずかしいの。日本の料理ってたくさんのこまごまとしたものが必要よね。ワタシ、新婦みたいだった。ご飯はかたいし、魚は少し焦がしちゃうし、(煙を出すために窓を開けなくっちゃならなかったほど)味噌汁に入れた乾燥した海草は長くて筋っぽかったの。ワタシは、鍋にスープを戻してはさみで海草を細かく切るっていう応急手当をしなければならなかったわ。47歳でワタシ自身人間的に大胆になっていることを神様に感謝よ。もし22歳だったらこの経験でへこんでるわね。

こんなことがあって、夕食後ちょっとおかしくなっちゃった。お義母さんが部屋に戻ってから、ソファでワタシは泣いたの。彼はどうにかうまくいくだろうってワタシを元気付けてくれていたわ。ワタシたちの台所は3人分のいろいろな食事を作ろうとするにはとても小さいと思うの。それにテーブルを囲んで座るのも窮屈よ。彼はよくやってるわ。泣き言を言うのはワタシのわがまま。だけど、ワタシにはつらいのよ。

あーあ、ワタシって一人っ子だから、集団でうまくやったことなんかなかったのよ。これに挑戦することはたくさんの努力を必要とするわ。デパートをうろうろしたり、料理をしたり、明るい顔をすること。

お義母さんはいい人よ。彼もいい人。ワタシは敗北主義者になってばかりはいられないわ。でもつらい。なんとかうまくいくようになるといいなあ。すぐにも。

午後買い物のあと、ワタシはジムに行って少しの時間体を鍛えて自分自身のための時間を過ごしたの。それが大事だって知っているもの。ワタシの生徒の多くは、親族の世話をしている中年の女性たちなの。今ならわかるわ。彼女たちが、英語のレッスンに来ることは自分の時間であり自分の場所だ、って言うのが。

明日はまた一週間の仕事のはじまり。それが楽しみよ。それに少なくとも一回は生徒たちとの忘年会があるの。そう、少なくとも一回は家族での夕食の場から逃れられるわ。

Second day. (J)

I couldn't get to the computer yesterday. He was on it for ages looking for house cleaning companies for the Saitama house.

Anyway. I went to work and came home at 2 pm. He and
okaasan had spent the morning shopping and arranging stuff in her apartment. Best news was that she is able to use the bath! That had been one of our main concerns: how she would get in and out of the bath. But she has great flexibility in her hips and the bath was no problem.

I had a quick lunch in my home, and then took my cup of soup and sat with her in her home watching TV for a bit. Later we cooked salmon
nabe and she came to us for dinner...fairly successful, although she thought it was strange I'd left the potato skins on the potatoes.

She stayed with us for an hour or so, and then went back to her apartment because she wanted to drink green tea and we don't have any. He then disappeared on the computer and I collapsed on the sofa and watched TV.

So, a fairly ok...no stressy day. She really likes the apartment and seems happy there. Her short term memory is terrible. She really does tell the same story with the same words 5 or 6 times in about 5 minutes. We must get her to a doctor sometime soon. There is maybe a medical reason for this, not just age.

Today we are going shopping for winter clothes.

2008年12月6日(土)その2

二日目

きのうワタシはコンピューターを使えなかったの。彼が長時間使って埼玉の家の清掃会社を探していたの。

さて、ワタシは仕事に行って2時に帰ってきたんだけど、彼とお義母さんは買い物をして、お義母さんのアパートを整えて過ごしていたわ。一番のニュース!は、お義母さんがお風呂を使えるってことだったわね。お義母さんがどうやってお風呂に出たり入ったりするかってことは、ワタシたちの主な心配事のひとつだったの。でも、お義母さんの腰は柔軟性があったの。それでお風呂は問題なしだったわ。

ワタシは自分の家で急いで昼食を済ませ、お義母さんの家にスープのカップを持っていってお義母さんと一緒に座り少しの時間テレビを視たの。そのあと、ワタシたちは鮭鍋を作り、お義母さんがワタシたちのところに夕食に来たの。上出来だったわ、ワタシがじゃがいもの皮をむかなかったことをお義母さんがおかしいと思ったとしても。

お義母さんは一時間かそこらワタシたちと一緒にいて、それから緑茶が飲みたかったので自分のアパートに帰っていったの。ワタシたちのところにはないのよ。彼はコンピューターの世界に姿を消し、ワタシはソファにのんびりと寝そべってテレビを見たわ。

そうね、かなりいい、ストレスのない日だったわ。お義母さんはほんとにアパートが気に入っていて、ここでは幸せそうだわ。お義母さんの短期記憶障害はひどいの。お義母さんったら、5分ぐらいの間におんなじ言葉でおんなじ話を5回も6回もするの。近いうちにお医者さんのところに連れて行かなければね。たぶん病気のせいよ、年のせいだけではなくて。

今日は冬物の衣料を買いにいくつもりよ。

Saturday 6 December 2008

The first night. (J)

Well, I have a head cold. So I'm feeling terrible.

In the end we had supermarket sushi, miso soup, tofu, fruit and nuts. We took it all in next door on trays and spent an hour or so having dinner and chatting. Then we helped okaasan arrange her bedding etc and said "Oyasumi" about 8.30 pm.

She really likes the apartment and is very smiley and happy. But she DOES say the same thing over and over again! She also seems to have shrunk since I last saw her...how small can she get?

A bit stressful. Usually you come home to relax. This time I feel I came home to a whole other challenge. I can see me spending MORE time at work!
A very kind student gave me a big tray of supermarket sushi which was a great present. But it also meant I had to rethink dinner。I couldn't do sushi AND the planned salmon nabe. So there was some slightly panicky replanning in the kitchen - and I wasn't sure it was enough.
"What about tofu, with some sesame and negi?" I suggested to him.
"Sesame? no...no Japanese do that! She'll think it's strange" he said, and then he fixed tofu with negi and ginger.
This is one of my worries: that as a foreigner I do slightly strange things with Japanese food. I've always felt that Japanese have clearly fixed ideas of HOW certain foods are served. In the past I've put sausage in miso soup...and tomato. He was amazed. I am worried about this whole cooking thing for okaasan. The big joke among my students is that if I make my cooking not so great she'll feel pushed to start cooking again and WE won't have to cook at all!

Anyway. We did first night dinner. It was ok I guess. I feel so coldy I am past caring actually. Son and mother chatted away to eachother with a few inputs from me, I felt like the visitor. I also feel sorry for the cat, usually he sits with us while we have dinner. Last night we disappeared next door and he sat all alone and slightly puzzled in our living room.

Today I have classes until lunchtime. And it's snowing. I think he is going to do shopping with okaasan.

If I can get this cold better than I'll feel stronger.



2008年12月6日(土)
最初の夜

もう、鼻かぜをひいちゃった。最悪。

結局、ワタシたちはスーパーのお寿司と味噌汁とトーフと果物とナッツを食べたの。ワタシたちはこれを全部お盆にのせて隣に運び、一時間ぐらい食事とおしゃべりをしたわ。それからワタシたちはお義母さんのベットの仕度を手伝ったりなんかして、大体8時半に「おやすみ」を言ったの。

お義母さんはとてもアパートを気に入っていて、すごくにこにこしてうれしそうなの。でも、おんなじことを何度も繰り返し繰り返し言うの。お義母さん、ワタシが最後に会ったときより小さくなったみたいだけど、まだ小さくなっちゃうのかしら?

ちょっとストレス。普通は家ってリラックスするものよね。今、ワタシは全く違うチャレンジのために家に帰るって感じ。仕事に時間を余計に費やしてるの。
とっても親切な生徒が素晴らしいプレゼント、スーパーマーケットのお寿司の大皿をくれたの。でも、これでまた夕食を考えなおさなきゃならなかったの。ワタシ、お寿司と一緒に予定していた鮭鍋にすることができなかったの。それで、台所で計画を練り直すのにちょっとパニクっちゃった。十分だとは思えなくって。
「トーフはどうする?ゴマとねぎで?」ってワタシ彼に聞いたの。
「ゴマだって?日本人はそうはしないよ。母はヘンだって思うだろう」って彼は言って、それからトーフにねぎとしょうがを添えたの。
これはワタシの心配事のひとつよ。外国人だもの、日本食にヘンなことをしちゃうの。日本人はその食べ物をどういうふうにしてふるまうかってことにはっきりした固定観念を持っている、っていつも思っているわ。以前、ワタシは味噌汁にソーセージをいれたことがあるし、それからトマトもね。彼ったら驚いてた。お義母さんへの料理のことすべてについて心配よ。ワタシの生徒の間では、ワタシの料理が全然だめだったらお義母さんがお料理をまた始めなきゃと駆り立てられて、ワタシたちが全くお料理しなくてもよくなるんじゃないか、っていうばかげたことが言われているの。

何はともあれ、ワタシたちの最初の夕食が済んだわ。まあまあだったんじゃないかしら。
ワタシは本当のところ、もうどうでもいいって冷たく感じてるの。息子と母親はワタシからの話題はほんの少しだけでお互いにおしゃべりしあっていたの。ワタシはお客さんみたいだった。ワタシはネコにも申し訳なさを感じたの。いつもならネコは食事の間中ワタシたちと一緒にすわっているのよ。昨夜はワタシたちとなりに行っちゃって、ネコはひとりっきりでワタシたちの部屋にすわって、ちょっと不思議に思っていたのよね。

きょう、ワタシはお昼までクラスがあるの。それに雪が降っているわ。彼はお義母さんと買い物をしにいくんじゃないかしら。

ワタシ、風邪がよくなったら、もっと強くなれると思うわ。