Saturday, 16 January 2010

Who did you have dinner with?

Threw a question zinger at poor Okaasan - completely without meaning to.

I came home around 7.30 pm to find her in the kitchen washing dishes I dumped my bags down and took off my coat I glanced around the kitchen and asked: "Did you eat dinner with Yujiro?"


Poor Okaasan! It threw her. That direct question about something in the past 20 minutes.

She looked down at the bowls and spoons - trying to see if the answer was there.

"Ah...Yujiro. Dinner? Maybe. Yes? I don't remember!"

I felt bad and tried to give her the escape by saying they'd eaten spaghetti together hadn't they etc...and he came into the kitchen soon after and confirmed that - but it was awkward...poor Okaasan. She really COULDN'T remember.
She'd sat there at the table probably 20 minutes before, but she had no memory of who was sitting there with her.
All the advice about dementia is to try and avoid direct questions - and here I was throwing one at her.
Must try harder next time.

Funnily enough, she remembered a few minutes later she'd eaten spaghetti...but not with whom!


  1. I can't imagine having to be so cautious about even a simple question as to whether one had eaten dinner. I admire your patience more than I can say!

  2. oh don' wasn't patience...I just asked the question without thinking and saw the whole sad process of her looking at the bowls and poking around her memory for the missing's sad...I know what I did 20 minutes do too...but she only had a vague recollection of it...sad ...sad...sad..