Tuesday, 3 January 2012

And ANOTHER night...

He was due home tonight.
But come 6 pm I got the call from the ski area...he'd got a booking for another day's work, sorry etc etc etc...but won't be home.


That's actually how I feel.

But, good little Oyomesan. I put a smile on my face and cooked dinner for Okaasan and Me.

In fact, after a vast, 3-hour lunch with a friend at the French buffet in town, food was, unusually, the last thing on my mind...but have to go through the motions for Okaasan.
And hope she doesn't go thru the "motions" all over the carpet tiles.
I reckon this time the toilet carpet tile isn't worth cleaning and rescuing. Better to throw it out and put down fresh carpet tiles. The toilet bowl mat I cleaned this morning....while I was having a shower.....

At 6.30 pm I went into check that Okaasan wanted dinner.
She had her mouth full of something and waved her hand and shook her head.
You don't want dinner? I looked back at the kitchen where it was all coming along nicely.


"I don't eat".
"You don't want to eat? You feel sick again, is it your side?"

"No, I don't eat at this time. I don't eat in the morning."


"It's 6.30 in the EVENING!!!!"

"Is it? It's evening now? I thought it was morning? oh, ok...I'll eat then..."

And she did. And I guided the conversation around here and there and got her chatty. I did my duty. 

But oh,,,, I so hoped he sould come home and make tonight easy.

I lied to Okaasan. Told her he was coming late tonight. Tomorrow I'll tell her he left early.

Okaasan's grip on time isn't great. is it January 1st now? This food will be delivered on December 31st....when is that? Is it afternoon? I was asleep...

MY grip on time is all too accute, I am counting the minutes and seconds till he walks back thru the door and I can take a back seat in the conversations...such as they are.



  1. Oyome-San

    Stumbled across your blog a few days ago and just want to say I so admire what you are doing. Even aside from some physical problems I am sure I could not do the same for my Okaasan mother-in-law even though we have basically gotten along cordially for thirty years. I think it would drive me mental.

    Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you continue to cope as well as can be expected as time goes on and please, if you ever feel you can't continue on, try to find help/alternatives to make things easier for yourself.

  2. Hi there,

    I am just switchingb off the computer when I noticed you pop in....
    People say this to me - that they admire me...but really...no choice...HE had no choice with the state Okaasan was living in 3 years ago in her own home...so he had to step in and take control/care..and I live with him....so....I don't hate Okaasan....but evenings sitting with her at the kitchen table are VERY boring....and i'd so hoped he would be home tonight :-(
    Anyway umeshu and a movie has helped! Off to bed with my neko chans now.
    Hope you visit again soon!

  3. Hope he comes home today. You must love it when Ski season is over - for that reason at least. WIth the mention of kitchen carpet tiles and things - do you have a 'time' for when you will look for a different arrangement for okaasan? When she can't go to the toilet herself or have a bath herself ? Some days it sounds like she is going so well and others like she has taken about ten steps backwards.

    Thank the lord for umeshu and good movies.


  4. A "time"? well, probably when we reach some breaking point...whatever that is...I am much more proactive on this topic - if this was my mother i'd be finding a day care center that does hula dance etc and get her assessed and get her registered for that - to improve HER quality of life. But he is so Japanese on this topic - there is no crises, so just let it all flow along as is....grrrrr....she sits and watched TV for hours, goes out alone and comes home safely, takes a bath alone/feeds herself at the table/dresses herself...I guess the breaking point is a long while off.....:-(

  5. Happy New Year, Oyomesan! You're such a trouper. I really don't know how you keep it all together. I hope your lovely man appreciates that you do so much for his Mum. Not that you have much choice but still... I feel incredibly lucky that my MIL decided for herself that she didn't want me looking after her, so she decided to move into a care home, shortly before I moved into the family house. But then, her issues are basically physical - at 78, she still has her wits about her. But at least going to a day centre would probably be good for your MIL. Hang in there! As Gaijinwife said, umeshu and good movies - and lots of chocolate!

    Kirsty in Saitama