Wednesday, 29 February 2012

We gotta talk...

Know that gnawing feeling when you know you gotta talk? About "something".

It's with you all the time.

Shall I do it now? Or After dinner? At the weekend?

And then you find yourself just blurting it out all unplanned?

TWO Gotta Talks are lurking in my head at the moment.

With Yujiro and Okaasan.

Gotta talk to Yujiro about getting Okaasan assessed for daycare. Got to get him to start the process. Go along to the hospital and have an assessment or something. 
I know it'll be a battle with her etc etc, but if one more student casually mentions how wonderfully their mother/friend/aunt is doing in a friendly, professional daycare system I might explode.

So, there's that.
But finding the time to have that conversation with him...hmm...when?

And the second? Gotta talk to Okaasan about using panty pads or sanitary towels at night. That'll be a conversation-and-a-half.
We had another bad toilet accident earlier this week. She shat pajamas and pants and left them on the nice recycle newspaper box my student made...and left the toilet outside bowl all dirty.....very very YUK.
I spent 30 minutes in the home center shop looking at fliptop trash cans, trying to find one with a pink top to suggest "for female use" - and one big enough for the old people diapers or pads.
Got one -15 L size with a pink top.

Just have to find the time to HAVE that conversation, woman to woman with Okaasan. Wondering whether I should show her the damaged flooring under her she REALLY understands/remembers that she has a problem and takes action to help.

So. Thinking a lot recently about these two looming conversations. Thinking about how to argue my point and win. Thinking about how to say it in Japanese with Okaasan.

And then? Blurted out No. 1 Gotta Talk this morning....bugger.

Yujiro and I were talking calmly at breakfast about how to feed Okaasan when we go away for 1 night for my birthday (more on THAT another time) - and I found my mouth taking charge and starting the Gotta-get-Okaasan-assessed-for-daycare Talk. 
All unprepped. Bugger.
But he listened. Didn't look happy. But sort of agreed. Maybe.
Was it a Japanese agreement? Just saying: Yes, I hear you.
Was it a real in: Yes, I will actively do something about this?

Don't know. ;-(


  1. At least its out there and he isn't denying that it needs to happen. Now you just need to look the phone number up for him (cause that kind of shit seems to be really hard) and hand him the phone and just kind of stand there expectantly.
    Good luck with the okaasan talk. I think you should show her the floor. Might make it more real.

  2. Good luck, it sounds like it's really time to do something. Maybe Yujiro already knows that but doesn't want to admit it. Does he help with the cleaning up? Surely doing that a few times would force him to act?

  3. I think it is....yes, he cleans up if he finds if first, or apologises to me if I find it....funny, both of us noticed that Okaasan was in the toilet a long time the other morning...and he said he checked the toilet after...but didn't go into her room...I am nosier...I go in and LOOK amid her rubbish!!

  4. At least it wasn't a no. Maybe work on the assumption that it was a Japanese agreement and slowly try to turn it into a more active agreement. Good luck with both talks!

  5. ah, difficult conversations. I don't envy you! I agree with Gaijin Wife, in fact I once had to call the necessary number and hand the phone over to hub - "hey, it's for you". As for the woman to woman talk, if she's as stubborn as she sounds, that might be hard. On the other hand, she might want to do something about the problem but is too embarrassed or not sure how to start. Perhaps buying some "mobility pants" and putting them in front of her with a brisk "here, I got these for you, for night" - pretend you're a nurse? Anyway, GOOD LUCK!

  6. あんちゃん1 March 2012 at 01:48

    Hmm... I'm a professional Japanese->English translator and consider myself bilingual, but I'm pretty stumped too on the Japanese to use for Okaasan's talk.

    I tried to google "getting mom to use adult diapers" in Japanese and didn't come up with much except this horrible thread:

    in which the poster's grandma keeps wetting herself and says it's her "period" so she'll only wear sanitary pads, which won't keep her urine from leaking. She is resisting diapers as well so the poster asks how to get her to wear them, and the responses on the last page are all pretty harsh... one poster recommends saying "Grandma, your pee really smells!" and then having a neighbor come over and loudly say "What is this terrible stink in your house?" and the original poster should say "Oh, that's just Grandma! She keeps wetting herself and doesn't realize how smelly it is and won't wear diapers!"

    Something tells me that's not a good tactic, lol...

    I know Okaasan hates going to the doctor, but I think it might be the only thing that can REALLY convince her to start wearing diapers/using pads. That way a professional can explain to her that it's simply necessary to use them so she doesn't wet herself.

    I'm torn on whether to show her the ruined floor, or show her clothes that she's wet. On one hand I see how it can make things click for her and force her to admit to herself that she has a problem (maybe) but on the other hand it might be humiliating for her. I don't know if it would change if Yujiro was the one to show her, or if it would produce the same result.

  7. Yahh....this conversation is a-looming...maybe this weekend in a quiet moment.
    I actually think I WILL start off by getting her to stand up and look with me under the carpet at the floor staining - I think the sight of that will STAY in her mind and be a strong way of saying "you gotta do something"....I am going to give her sanitary pads and the oldies diapers...and the pink top trash box - all in her room where she changes clothes - and hope that somehow she will think it might be an idea to use the sanitary pads.
    She is already wearing double or sometimes triple pairs of pants, so she is trying to protect herself....the STs would be a start!