Thursday, 1 March 2012

FU%$#"ING Taiwan Bananas!

Had ourselves some nice, expensive Taiwan bananas for breakfast today.
Nice. Not that special.
Think I'll stick to Philippine or Mexican bananas in future.

Okaasan refusing to eat the FU#$%&ING Taiwan bananas.
And I lost my temper with her which is NOT in the Dementia Carers 101 Manual.

After ripening them for a few days upstairs I'd reintroduced them to the kitchen fruit bowl and asked Yujiro to try at lunchtime to get Okaasan interested.
He tried and failed.
I tried again last night: LOOK! They are almost 100% yellow now, in fact this one is going black they MUST be ripe enough to eat. They were a present, very rare, expensive, I bought them for you...and on and on and on and on....

She just wasn't having it.
Wouldn't even consider trying a taste to see if it was ok.
Absolutely certain that they had been picked too early and thus were inedible.
NOT the same as the Taiwan bananas she ate 70 years ago.
No way.

I got stroppy with her, which of course is stupid. She got more adamant. She didn't even have a level of politeness in her refusal: oh it's a present, but maybe they are not quite ready yet, maybe I will try them tomorrow or later this week. 
It was just: No. Not good. Don't want to try.

Yujiro silently heated up the curry for dinner and put it on plates...then sat patting my back gently behind our calm me down. Silent dinner apart from a few "delicious" comments on the curry.

I swiped the bananas off the table and took them back upstairs again.

It's pointless getting angry though: she is remembering and talking about a banana-eating experience 70 years ago, a happy memory - and THESE yellow/green things on the table now are not the same. Even if they were 100% yellow they would not be equal to her memory.
I lost the battle. Ate my own present and won't be buying any more...


  1. Honestly it's a wonder you don't lose it more often! I would have told her to stick the bananas up her bum! But like you say, pointless getting angry. :(
    Glad yujiro knew you were upset though, might convince him to look into care.

  2. How frustrating for you:(
    But at least your husband is being supportive :)

  3. bloody hell, how infuriating!!
    nom nom. Happy banana eating. And I'm presuming it was Yujiro with the 'delicious' comments at dinner - trying to compensate for crazy mother?
    Sorry, calling person with dementia crazy probably also not in 101 manual.

  4. One of the hardest things I've discovered is trying to do nice things for people with the expectation that they will be pleased and getting punished for it. In such cases, experience has taught me that there are only two options: do such things with no expectation of the smallest bit of recognition or gratitude, or don't do them at all. I stopped doing them for people who made me regret trying to show them kindness and I think that both they and I were better off for the change.

    I think some people find it too high a price to express gratitude for kindness and would rather you didn't try to treat them well so they don't have to dig down and find a way to afford saying "thank you." :-p

  5. Tried presenting them already peeled,cut up and garnished with a slice of not so humble pie?
    I think you are way too tolerant, Your partner needs a reality check, she is not going to get any better and having support measures in place early is so much better for everyone. You need a break, even knowing that she is looked after during the day would give you head space to worry about other things! Sorry, I know advice is cheap but I feel your frustration. Hugs