Tuesday, 30 April 2013

3 am Pants Patrol

3 am is not a good time to be doing anything.
DON'T send an over-honest e mail you wrote at 3 a.m.
DON'T tell bestie of the opposite sex your secret crush at 3 a.m.
DON'T get out the credit card for TV shopping at 3 a.m.

DON'T wrangle dirty underpants off your Okaasan in the kitchen at 3 am either.

Sometimes (often) I just go back to square one on sensitive, Okaasan-caring. I should shoot me.

3 am and up with a full bladder, headcold blaghhhs and noisy cats.
Okaasan already in the toilet fuffing around. I fuff around in the kitchen, killing time...until she finally emerges and crosses back to her room - clutching presumably soiled underpants in her hand.

Micro-managing Oyomesan leaps into action: "Give me those! Yes those! Don't take them into your room! You'll forget them and I am always coming into your room and finding dirty underpants! let's put them in the laundry basket right now!"

Okaasan dropped the underpants on the nearest bookshelf and stared at her empty hand.

THEN she stared at MY hand as I whipped out my teeth night guard protector in order to repeat all of the above without the lisp.

And I got the underpants off her and triumphantly threw them in the laundry basket, piled loads of other stuff on top and marched to the toilet.

3 am. A bad time to be doing anything involving judgement.

It's so easy to go into her room and find the dirty laundry when she is out (or in the toilet). WTFS did I need to make a thing out of taking them off her like that?

But better...

* Okaasan actually asked for my help in trying to find her remote control and clear up her desk and carpet space last night. She was sitting with the TV shopping channel selling cement wall water blasters at Y9,999...sitting there ALL the time I was making dinner with the same channel on the TV.
The mean side of me was waiting to see how long she would watch pointless TV before changing channels. She'd watched from cement wall cleaners, thru high hedge trimers to BBQ stand extras....45 mins without changing channel.
Mean, I know. Research....

Then I put my head round the door to give her the 5-Minutes-to-Food alert and she asked me into her room to look for the remote under all the papers and stuff....
"I'm getting very forgetful, like the woman I found once in the street near my house - she didn't know where she lived, I took her to the police box...I'm getting like her..".

and even better :-)

An old man fell smack face first in the street outside our house 2 days ago. I rushed down to help him, he had just the same face and hand injuries as Okaasan. But he was okay and quickly staggered off in the rain.
He came round yesterday with a bag of Mitsukoshi (THE posh department store) meats for me as a thankyou gift! Hamburgers! Steaks! Meat for the foreigner!!!

Public holidays...cold, grey, wet weather...and I have an ongoing headcold.


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