...this blog will die a blog death of input starvation.
Too much ongoing life and summer sweaty heat to get near the computer and think coherently.
So, forgive random topics.
Although that is probably a good reflection of my life with Okaasan - random stuff.
** She's been trying to take stuff to the day service center. Food and laundry! The day service driver found bean stuffed rice cakes - whole and half eaten, wrapped in newspaper in Okaasan's bag the other day - and a small box of chocolates....and I heard a whole "Oh, Kazuko, you can't take outside food to the center" thing....three times, as the driver uncovered more contraband stashed away among clean knickers and magazines.
And laundry. I found 4 small towels in a plastic bag in the day center bag....when I asked why 4.... Okaasan told me she was going to wash them at bathtime...and I couldn't reason her with her that day center wasn't a place to take your laundry...her answer (and there is ALWAYS an answer) was that nobody was looking...so it was ok.
God help us if she starts taking dirty underpants to wash there. They'll probably ban her. :-(
I guess the problem is that now Okaasan is going to day service twice a week she isn't taking a bath at home, so she isn't doing laundry-at-bathtime here. Maybe once every 10 days she will wash two pairs of underpants...and leave them on the carpet, or on the bathroom floor.
The days of her doing lots of personal laundry and spending focused time outside hanging it just so - those days are gone.
She should probably have a bath at home once a week.....
** Teeth. I've asked the dentist to write a "You must brush your teeth, otherwise infection could spread to your body" type letter, to help us start a teeth brushing regime with Okaasan.
** Found an old lunchbox with rotting food in it, wrapped in newspaper and carefully fitted into a shopping bag to help it keep its shape. Okaasan is constantly folding and wrapping newspaper to make bag stuffings....I almost missed that bit of trash. Have to hunt deeper in future.
** Old paranoia, directed at me has surfaced again.
Yujiro told his mum that we are having a few friends for a BBQ tomorrow and that there would be delicious salmon for lunch, that she shouldn't go rushing away etc. And she told him that she doesn't eat with us on BBQ days because "Amanda doesn't want me there and doesn't invite me..."
Aghh.... of course on BBQ days I am the person fussing around in the kitchen trying to serve Okaasan lunch and dinner, while Yujiro is out in the garden stoking the fire and doing manstuff....so she somehow attaches ME to the fact that she feels excluded etc etc
We really don't think she wants to be in the blazing sunshine with a bunch of drunk ski teachers and random English-speakers...which of course is why we feed her separately in the calm of the kitchen.
Hearing what she said about me makes me feel sad. Crumpled inside a la Amelie.
Of course Dear Son defended me and told her that this thinking isn't true, that I do so much to make her life better etc....but...her negative feeling is there. And I'm in the vortex.
She doesn't know stuff like: I went to the event ticket office downtown this week and looked for a Saturday afternoon music event to buy her a ticket. Thought she would feel happier if she could escape us and the hated BBQ and go to a nice music concert. But couldn't find a suitable event. Bought Okaasan and me tickets for a big band concert in November, instead.
She doesn't know....
I dread BBQ day really. We are having a BBQ cos a friend who couldn't come 3 weeks ago is now available. So just 10 people this time. I dread the running around being BBQ co-host AND responsible Oyomesan.
Should I invite Okaasan to come and sit in the garden with the drunk ski teachers?
** I think Okaasan may need some old person footcare. She seems to have a big bunion or something growing. And recently the "I won't wear socks to day care" is getting more determined. It may be foot pain?
** It's her birthday next week. We will go and do the sushi thing. I bought replacement house slippers for her, not quite the same as before, but same enough. I hope.
** oh...I had a week of no leg spasms, thought the acupuncture and bananas were doing the trick. Had TWO massive spasms last night at work. Agony. I was on the carpet unable to stand, moaning in pain.
Probably why I am not sleeping now. Writing a blog at 1.30 am. Too nervous to sleep in case the spasms come again. Will try acupuncture tomorrow...just another thing to factor into BBQ day.
Roll on Saturday. Gonna be a looooooong day.