Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Amazing! A pro carer at work.

THAT's how to do it!
Patient, gentle voice, little laughs, listening, caring, firm, encouraging....

I've read the books. I know. But I (recently) have been failing on this caring carer style.

Today the day care center staff came and managed Okaasan brilliantly.
But still - in the end - failed.

When they heard on the morning call that she didn't want to go, they offered to come round and talk to her. Great - let them have a go. I tried to bring them up to date with all the non-activity of late...but of course didn't say that tensions in this family have been running kind of...high.

I was getting ready for work and hanging over the second floor stairwell in various states of undress - trying to hear how the professional tackled Okaasan.
Truly amazing.
First she went into Okaasan's room and chatted to her all sympathetically, getting her to describe her pain and what she'd done in the past etc, how much she had studied health etc...
Then she started gently suggesting little bits of activity; why don't you show me your leg/sit on the sofa here/stand up a little/walk into the kitchen etc

So professional. THIS is why I knew we had to get ourselves all taken in by social services and carers. Better for all of us.

I left for work and could here the carer talking about "just come to the center with me for lunch and a bath...now where is your towel".....

I'd already put a small lunch for Okaasan on the kitchen table, but it all sounded very positive. So I left.

At work I had one of those Good carer/Bad carer debates in my head.
Good: "If she has gone to day care today, it means I can get into her room mid-afternoon and clean up."
Bad: "I'm so tired of this whole thing, she can just sit with all her trash around her until she finally gets taken off to hospital on a stretcher..."

Came home later and found: Okaasan on the carpet under the table heater...watching TV, the lunch flasks opened and contents eaten, and damp...kind of clean underpants on the table, dirty trousers on the carpet......

aghhh......day center lady failed to get Okaasan out then.
Nice try. Wonderful try.
But not.
Probably couldn't get her to walk down the front door steps.
Hopefully this will spur on the situation for the carers to push Dear Son more on getting help for Okaasan.

And me?
I can't face another dinner with her. I just can't.
All day I was thinking......and now my evening student has cancelled. I could go home now.
But I can't do it. I don't want the stress.
So - when I went home mid-afternoon, I put MORE food on the kitchen table, gave Okaasan a fresh cup of water, left food for the cats - and came away to my working life.
Dear Son is probably working until 8.30 or 9 pm. Okaasan may just sleep and not eat. But she may want to come to the table and eat dinner.
And I don't want to eat with her. I am going to the gym and then having a quiet dinner alone near my classroom. I will slip home later.

Bad, bad Oyomesan (daughter-in-law).

Found this story in the news today...it kind of jumped out at me....for some reason...


  1. Sending hugs. Such a desperately sad situation. Hoping things can somehow improve for you all.

  2. Don't feel bad. I know exactly what you feel.......and I too have the guilt...be kind to yourself, you are doing the best you can.
    We all are. Anna