Monday, 23 September 2013

Being handled

So - we are all handling eachother.

He is handling me: took me out to dinner, chatted on and on in a friendly, non-confrontational way....said he would try and research WHERE and WHAT KIND of treatment place Okaasan went to 20 years ago in Saitama for a leg condition.
So he started boosting up Google Maps on the computer and clicking along a cherry-tree lined street between a river and a school in the Tokyo suburbs - where once Okaasan had walked and seen a sign and gone in and had some kind of treatment.
I'm not kidding. She doesn't know the name of the treatment. Only that it was good and helped her!!! And it was somewhere between the school gates, and along the river...somewhere..

And he is going along with that as an idea....meanwhile he is trying to get Okaasan to walk around the kitchen table every morning for exercise...

20 years ago in a Japanese street is a long time. The guy doing the treatment has probably died and the land has been sold and new houses have been built.....and Dear Son thinks he is going to find out what kind of treatment Okaasan thought was good. The treatment with no name...

I. Am. Trying. To. Be. Patient.

It's hard.

So I took myself yesterday to this..............

It helped.

The wind and the sunshine and the waves. 3 hours I was out there, trying to release the stress.

But all not helped by the fact that this 3 day holiday weekend Dear Son suddenly had to work. The blind lady, who is a regular bike taxi customer, came to town and he is out at 9 am and back at 8.30 pm or later, helping her with many many requests for sightseeing and shopping.

So. I am alone with Okaasan. And my rage.
Ironic that. 72 hours after shouting at her.
Yesterday I did the minimum: I opened and closed her curtains and windows. I left lunch on the table. I offered her dinner, but she didn't want it.
Today I gave her lunch and sat and let her chat on about her long-ago cooking classes in Tokyo. I went and bought her yogurt and snacks at the supermarket.
I had the usual - will eat/won't eat for dinner...and then finally sat with her for 20 minutes while she played with a bit of soup.

ALMOST got thru it all...was about to get away to my bottle of Chardonnay...

Made the mistake of crossing off "dentist" on the kitchen calender.
"What are you doing?" Okaasan asked.
"Well, I cancelled the dentist for you, it's this Friday, you can't go to Odori for that..."
"Friday? What day is today? Monday? Oh, I can go to that, there is no need to cancel!"
"I don't think so! You haven't been able to get outside this house for 2 weeks,  your legs hurt, I don't think you'll go to Odori in 4 days time..."
"But I've studied this! I've studied bodies and health! Have you? I have! I know how to make my body well!"
Her voice rising in anger. 
Mine too.....

"Ah, yes - and it is going so well, isn't it???!! Five weeks of pain, you haven't been out of the house for 2 weeks now...your way is really good isn't it!!"

Heavy sarcasm. And I walked out of the kitchen before my voice got any nastier.

And so.
We are all handling the situation.


  1. How terribly frustrating it must be for both of you. I'm sorry but I have no advice to offer, but just wanted to say hang in there and tomorrow's another day (or is that more!). xxxx

  2. If I lived near you, I'd take you out to lunch...

  3. Just wanted to say it sounds like a really difficult situation and you have my sympathy! I hope those legs get better soon.

  4. God, what a stressful time for you. Dear son must feel better just 'trying' to do something - like find the mysterious treatment centre in Tokyo from all those moons ago. I must say I can somewhat sympethise with a lot of your enteries - very similar to dealing with children. I shout at the kids, they shout back, I feel guilty because I'm the one that shouldn't be shouting, vow the next day will better and I will try harder, next day comes, same routine, same vow, groundhog day. Big hugs. xxxxx

  5. Oh - I'd love to get taken out to lunch!!!! THankyou. It is stressful, for her too. I shouldn't have mentioned the dentist at all - because that quickly turned into an " I know best about my body" conversation....but it is getting harder and harder to find SOME kind of topic to talk to Okaasan about...she has just spent a day staring at the TV and doesn't remember any of that...and she certainly isn't interested in MY I was grabbing at a topic, and chose the wrong one in every possible way :-((