Sunday, 13 December 2009


Everyone probably.
I went to the house this afternoon to collect clothes and work stuff for next week.
Didn't meet Okaasan, but Yujiro wanted to talk some more.

Okaasan has said that she doesn't want us to clean her room. Fair enough. We could dig her out when the newspapers hit the ceiling and the rotting food jungle reaches the level of an eco-system.
And she was upset that Yujiro had invited her hula dance friend to Xmas dinner with us.
"Why didn't you as me?". Fair enough.
She doesn't want the poor woman to come for Christmas dinner. I wonder why?

Nobody likes to feel that they are not in control of their own life. He and I have been too highhanded with the cleaning and the arranging things. We were trying to help, but she doesn't feel that.

He also said she looks very unlikely to go to the hospital tomorrow...or any other day.
Can he tell her that it's a requirement for a Health Check in connection with the health insurance card? A free check for Over 75s? Something?
He says her mood isn't good at the moment and he doesn't think she'll go to the hospital.
So HE will go to the ward office tomorrow and try to talk to the advisors there.
But this is a central problem. How do you actually GET a person with dementia to the hospital for professional help?

He was down. My mood of relaxation from a morning quietly at English classroom "home" evaporated. It was hard to be in the house together. He tried to hug me. I couldn't.
I did my class prep, watered a dieing plant and packed clothes.
Then I drove away.
Parked in a shop car park down the road and phoned a friend to cry.
Went to have an early dinner in a family-style restaurant. Read my book. But looked at all the Sunday-evening families having dinner together. Feel like a failure.

I gave him the book I bought about caring for family with dementia. He started reading it while I was there and said: ahh....there are many things in this book like us, I'm not good at dealing with her when she tells the same stories endlessly...the books says...

So. That's good. He is reading this kind of topic with a close understanding.
Maybe that will help a little.

But what happens?
The public care workers say: go to the doctor for an assessment.
Okaasan refuses.
I am living here. They are living there.
So I move back into the house and we carry on as before?
And somewhere down the line she will say/do crazy things again and he will hit her.
And I will leave. Again.

and of course Christmas. He showed me the frozen turkey that has arrived from the Foreign Buyers' Club. It's huge.
Who on earth will feel like sitting down 12 days from now and celebrating goodwill-to-all?

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