Thursday, 7 June 2012

Home. For now.

The socks are home. :-)
All neatly put away in the drawer in pairs.
They must be in sock shock - after a year or two left out on the carpet, split up from their partners.
Now, all safely as good socks should be - in a drawer.
For now.


Had coffee yesterday with a Japanese friend who is caring for elderly parents, although they live in an assisted flat near her home - she seems to do a lot of the running to and fro to make sure their daily life is ok. Her mother has dementia.
Much more advanced than Okaasan - and sad and frustrating tales of 3 times-a-day baths, dirty clothes, refusal to go to Short Term Stay-care so her poor husband can take a break....on and on.
Last night I lay awake thinking about Yujiro's refusal - or complete avoidance - of getting Okaasan fixed up for day care next winter. And I wondered what battles are ahead on that topic.
If he doesn't do anything by the end of August, I will start nagging again. And if THAT doesn't work - what next? I should go along to the city office myself and appeal to them to step in and help me? get a surprise visit from a case worker maybe? Invite "a friend" to lunch...who turns out to be a case worker - catching Yujiro and Okaasan unawares?
That kind of subterfuge sounds bad, and I really hope Yujiro will step up willingly to the topic.
But I worry that he won't.
I taught my Japanese friend the phrase: "Bad cop, good cop".
I'm the bad cop in this situation. summer Okaasan is ok really. She goes out almost every day. She is interested in concerts and flowers and cats and festivals.
I dread winter: when he is away ski teaching and I am in charge, and Okaasan sits and sits and sits for days in front of the TV, unable to judge for herself anymore whether the road surface is safe enough to go out for a walk.

For now we shop and cook and wash dishes and do laundry and room cleaning for her, manage the money, make sure she gets to places she want to go ongoing for her.


  1. あんちゃん8 June 2012 at 01:55

    It might be bitchy to suggest this, but if I were in your position, I would give my significant other an ultimatum. "We get professional help or I'm gone."

    I know that might sound drastic, and I don't think you'd actually leave if he didn't agree to professional help, but sometimes men need a serious ultimatum to shake them into action.

  2. I's crossed my mind too...I think I'll bring it all up for discussion again late summer (cos it WILL take about 2 months to get assessed and join day care) - and if I meet a stonewall, then I'll say "well at least, let's set up a twice a week taxi service to come to the house and TAKE her to the non-snowy shopping district". Then the choice between paying for a taxi service or actually using council day care (cheaper) would be obvious.

  3. How difficult for you. Is there any way you could have a family meeting with Yujiro's brothers? A lot of time this helps, when a family is encouraging some kind of change to take place. Or maybe if she has a primary physician, you could have him stongly recommend it. Also in reality, your mother-in -aw would probably really enjoy some kind of activity. I hope you can work something out.. Nancy Tsurumaki in Tokyo

  4. No hope from the rest of the family - the other brother doesn't even call at New Year to do a basic greeting...and sadly Okaasan thinks doctors are a waste of no help from a doctor.'ll just have to be ongoing persuasion.....ongoing....trouble is : in summer she's ok, cos she gets out and walks and interacts with people in shops a bit.
    But he and of course she, forget how awful winter is...I don't!