Thursday, 11 December 2014

...and that would be a "No"...

Trip out for shopping and walking with a day service helper?

Nope. Niet. No thankyou.

That would be a "no".

Sounds of Oyomesan banging head on wall....

I kind of suspected it when I got home last night. There didn't seem to be any new food packaging in the kitchen or Okaasan's room. The front door key and shopping money was missing from the day service helper report file.
I couldn't quite decipher the helper's scrawlings...
Okaasan? She nodded when I asked her if she'd been out shopping. No hope of information from her. She probably also believe she had a bath and cooked her own lunch....

So, this morning after I got Okaasan into a bath, I could rush into her room for a quick clean and hunt. I found the key and money envelope in her handbag. There were no new food packaging around.
Took the scrawlings to classes and asked a student to decipher them.
As I thought: "Mrs N said it was too cold to go out, and that she didn't need any shopping. So I just chatted to her. But I couldn't find the key or the money. And the file was in the entrance hall". That was the helper's report.

Yeah. Right. Too cold. And have enough shopping?
More likely: didn't want to be taken out by a helper. Didn't want to feel that she needed an outsider's help. Didn't want to waste money on a taxi.
If Okaasan is given any chance to go out she usually grabs it. Can be dressed and ready in minutes if she wants to go.


Really makes me want to bang my head against a wall.
But also, I'm not surprised.
Okaasan is so so so bloody independent. She doesn't see WHY she would need a stranger to come to the house and TAKE her somewhere at all. She doesn't know/remember that she hasn't been out of the house since the weekend. Doesn't think she needs exercise - because she firmly believe she is doing the Nishi-guru exercises every day on the carpet to keep her muscles in tone.

So. No thankyou.

Going out with me or Dear Son is different. It's a family together outing - in her mind at least. Maybe...maybe over time she can build a relationship with the helper and think that going out with them is fun. But I am pretty sure at the moment she isn't positive about it.

Dear Son - on the phone from his icy and rainy ski resort - said he will talk to her when he comes home tomorrow night. Talk to her about how fun and good it would be to go walking to the supermarket.
But of course that is fine for tomorrow. Come next Wednesday, when he is away working again....will Okaasan be any more welcoming to the helper?

Bangs head on wall.

And if we go to the trouble of setting up a DVD player on a timer...will she join in the exercise DVD? Or would she just say: "I learned all about that years ago. I don't need a video. I do my own exercises.". And probably unplug the player.??

This kind of thing just makes me feel: why bother? Why don't we just give her some food, clean her room, take her out a bit. And just let her age and be as she wants. Leg muscles weakening and mind freezing into inactivity.
Like that hit movie: Let it go!  I feel like running to the top of a snowy mountain and raging against the storms....

1 comment:

  1. Oh dear oyome-san, I feel your pain. I really do. You have done a lot. You worry and try to find solutions. And you get frustration as a payment for all that.

    There comes a moment where one has to step back and rethink the situation. Nobody who reads this blog will ever think you does not care/bother. This time I think you should let him decide what to do. Present the facts and pose the same questions as you just did on your post and let him decide the course of action for this Winter. And then go along with whatever he decides. As you always point out - and rightly so - it is his mother.

    So, please, please, please, stop banging your head on the wall.