Sunday, 11 June 2017

The weekend

Where do I begin?


No murders here.

That's good.

A lot of alcohol has been consumed. Necessary.

Short story: 

Saturday she seemed to calm down. Kind of comatose, actually. Let Dear Son lead her and direct her every move. A few flare ups. But basically subdued. He was amazing. A day of nursing. Always always the kind, gentle explaining voice, the helpful agreement. God. What a man. I hope he nurses me like this, if I need it.

Sunday? Today. Bad and good. The morning was all rage and fury.Sullen. Shouting.
Then mid-afternoon completely normal. Polite, responsive. Smiled.

Currently - 4 pm on Sunday. Raging and angry again.

Physically she is so so. We couldn't leave her for a day alone in the house while we work. That's for sure. She can stand up from the bed. But walking isn't good at all.

Food - she actually came to the table and ate with us on Saturday night. Didn't talk or respond much. But ate. Another meal she accepted from a plate held near her nose in bed. Other times she angrily refused.

Dear Son has slept on the floor in her room. He and I have taken turns sitting in the kitchen to be within shouting response or about-to-stand response distance.

It feels as if - the past 8-9 years was a prelude to all of this. The Main Event. NOW we certainly have dementia in the home. Unpredictable and often nasty and tiring. What came before was often funny/weird and  sort of predictable to us.
This isn't.
We are both tiptoeing around our own home, sometimes literally. And we are making peace offerings try and make Okaasan happy and calm. Choosing food and snacks she might like. Arranging things just so, as she usually likes them,. Worrying about the lost button on the pajamas, and whether she will rage about it, Worrying about  the heat/light/curtain/cup/chopsticks.

It's all fluff really. I feel at this stage in her brain - if she wants to find fault and be stressed about something she will be. We can try and make her environment as perfect as possible, but nothing will change the fact that a huge shift has taken place after 3 weeks of hospital.

Feel depressed. That's me. And I expect him.

We are going to talk somehow tonight. Probably an In the Utility Room Summit. In whispers...

To start the process of getting her into a Care Home. To start the process of getting her on medication for the dementia (will he finally accept that?). To ask the day care manager tomorrow morning to help us.

Cos we need it.

Tomorrow is Monday and I have a week or work ahead. As a bike taxi driver he can cancel another week or work. His NPO boss has family members  with dementia herself, so she understands. But he can't sit in the kitchen every day with the Dementia Tyrant waiting to explode.

This afternoon I sent him out for a walk. To have a brain rest.
He came home from the alcohol shop with a box of red wine....

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry this has been so stressful for everyone. I think you are right - her moods aren't tied directly to what you are doing. No matter how much you try, she can't help but be angry sometimes. You have provided such care over these years. Please don't feel guilty and blame yourself. I hope you and your husband can find a good solution.