Not a great visit to Okaasan yesterday.
No big crisis. Just the sad reality of a lady with dementia....and an hour of silence and a few words exchanged. a smile or two.
We came home sad. Drank beer. Ate dinner. Felt sad.
As soon as we walked into the room we could see it: her face. That face of dementia. She was on the bed, slightly curled up - looking at the wall with an anxious face. The nurse bustled in with us and started raising the bed and talking brightly about family visitors and dinner-soon.
We unpacked the things we'd bought - special shoes, another mug cup with straw...a magazine that....will she look and enjoy mangazines anymore?
Dinner arrived. We sat with Okaasan for 45 mins while she picked at dinner. Alternating between chopsticks and a spoon. Seemingly enjoying the orange jelly....a little miffed that the veggies didn't have soy sauce.
DS encouraged her to eat gently. He and I talked a little about his customers and the weather. Okaasan ate. Stared at us. Stared at the name card on the tray. Stared at the food. Eventually we turned the name card around - because she stared at it so much and tried to process it. And didn't eat.
Stared. Long.....stares. As if every thought process was taking time. Which I guess it is. SO different from saturday, when she sat and showed me the South Africa pictures - elephants and hotels and friends. Laughing, informative. So different.
Why? She is taking the meds. But maybe yesterday was a lot of stimulation...and she reacted well. A day in the bed in hospital...with a few visits from well-meaning nurses....staring at walls.
It's a 3 day holiday weekend. No physical therapy is going to happen till Tuesday. We worry.
Can she really come home again? Ever? In August, when DS has the rich customer for 10 days of bike taxi work - will I be sitting with Okaasan for lunches and dinners with her like this?
What IS going to happen?
This IS dementia. I feel as if the last few years have been a gentle preamble. A confused old lady, who was able to do most things herself with our reminding and encouraging.
What is here now, and what comes next. Suddenly in 2 months we are here. And it doesn't look good.