"I want to die!" Okaasan moaned. Then laughed. Then moaned.
Our latest, joint visit wasn't a happy one.
Okaasan was slumped in her wheelchair by the lounge TV. Here eyes all sleepy, her speech slurred. Her mood bad.
Even Dear Son, with his funny chat, couldn't change it. She wasn't in a good place.
We weren't either. We'd just heard that a friend/old student of mine has contracted a serious disease and we were on our way to see her. Okaasan's care home was nearby.
That morning Okaasan had, apparently, successfully gone to the 3rd floor and day care again. Physical exercise, handicrafts, chat and lunch. And now she was exhausted.
We took her back to her room and put her to bed. At home she slept a LOT. Hours and hours every day. In the care home - of course - they try to keep people up and in the public space, so they are easier to monitor and will be less trouble at night. Try to keep them in daylight/awake - nighttime/sleep pattern.
We felt stressed and sad.
Left Okaasan in bed and went to see our friend. Pretty grim and awful. She is my age. A super active, live-life-to-the-max person in work and play. Struck with CFD, the madcow-like disease. 3 weeks ago working...felt a bit strange - and now shaking and weak in a hospital bed. It was a hard visit.
Two hours later we went back to Okaasan.
She was up and back in the lounge with the TV - smiling, laughing - and happy again.
Dear Son was relieved. Me too. Sleep is good for all of us.
Yesterday I did the same 2 visits. My friend, and then Okaasan.
The hospital and care home are 10 mins drive apart. My friend was ok and enjoyed a Starbucks latte and I helped her eat lunch. Then Okaasan was watching Olympic ski aerial races and all smiley. I wheeled her to the care home front door for some fresh air, took two elevator rides and went to the toilets.
And came home again.
Okaasan is settling in the care home life. She was even smiling and exchanging words with other residents yesterday, a good sign. Some of the residents on her floor are fully mobile and able to chat. Mostly women. If she WOULD open up and let conversation in, it is there for the having.
Onwards.
This week I have the accountant visit, a few more winter illuminations, a whole lot of work, the stray cat near the house to worry about (I'm now feeding it in the hope that I can catch her and get her help with a cat NPO)...oh...and snow clearing.
Monday, 19 February 2018
Monday, 12 February 2018
The bits of a person's life....
Two blogs in one weekend.
This'll be bumped up the Google logo-whatsits as an "Active" site, soon.
And then our Russian-bot friends will be shortly joining us!
Anyway. Anyhoo...I am watching Fargo the TV series and everyone in Minnesota says "Anyhoo".
I am sorting thru OKaasan's stuff again. Yet again. I certainly know her stuff better than she does. Sorting thru the clothes, the shoes, the Hawaiian dance silk flowers and skirts....oh the BAGS!!! the bags!!!!
Why? Cos I am masochist on a snowy public holiday morning? It's the choice between this, or my taxes.
Really, I need to make her two rooms less like a place where an old lady might pop back in at anytime, and more welcoming for guests this side of 80 years old.. Also - there is still stuff she is never, ever going to use/need again. After she dies we'll have to get rid of it. May as well have another thinning-out session now.
I did a good job. Three hours of sorting and ditching.
Now it is boiled down to:
- a few bits of jewelry
- the photo albums
- a few clothes/shoes - if we ever get her out of the carehome and into fresh air
I've got a few nice bags to pass on to the guy who auctions them online, bits and pieces I might use. Maybe important documents for Dear Son. LOTS of Hawaiian stuff for the recycle shop. Nice bits of material for a student who sews.
And 4 bags of trash.
An excellent morning's work.
You should do it. Yes - YOU!! When you become infirm or die, someone is going to paw thru your stuff and ditch a lot of it. Wouldn't you rather it be you doing the pawing?
I'm reminded of Dad and Jane's house full of stuff. Oh god - of all the stuff Dear Son and I have here.....
And in other news: yesterday I spent an hour with Okaasan. Basially drinking coffee and looking out the window, commenting on whether the snow was less or the sunshine was more. A toilet visit. And a failed attempt to get her to walk with the walking frame - she started to get bolshy with me. Her whole demeanor changed, from bright and chatty and happy to slumped and obstinate.
"No, I don't want to walk using that....I'm old, old people should take it easy..."
So I gave up. Wheeled her back to the community lounge where the staff appeared to think that a room of elderly wanted to watch Olympic snowboarding on the TV.
And......
The black pants both seem to be fitting well - I am a successful personal shopper, and sorter outer.
Pretty achievement-filled weekend.
Oh! An Sapporo Snow Festival - look!!! Big event, I've been many times this year, Dear Son and I went to the kids play park together and I'm enjoying other local festivals too. The taxes can wait...
This'll be bumped up the Google logo-whatsits as an "Active" site, soon.
And then our Russian-bot friends will be shortly joining us!
Anyway. Anyhoo...I am watching Fargo the TV series and everyone in Minnesota says "Anyhoo".
I am sorting thru OKaasan's stuff again. Yet again. I certainly know her stuff better than she does. Sorting thru the clothes, the shoes, the Hawaiian dance silk flowers and skirts....oh the BAGS!!! the bags!!!!
Why? Cos I am masochist on a snowy public holiday morning? It's the choice between this, or my taxes.
Really, I need to make her two rooms less like a place where an old lady might pop back in at anytime, and more welcoming for guests this side of 80 years old.. Also - there is still stuff she is never, ever going to use/need again. After she dies we'll have to get rid of it. May as well have another thinning-out session now.
I did a good job. Three hours of sorting and ditching.
Now it is boiled down to:
- a few bits of jewelry
- the photo albums
- a few clothes/shoes - if we ever get her out of the carehome and into fresh air
I've got a few nice bags to pass on to the guy who auctions them online, bits and pieces I might use. Maybe important documents for Dear Son. LOTS of Hawaiian stuff for the recycle shop. Nice bits of material for a student who sews.
And 4 bags of trash.
An excellent morning's work.
You should do it. Yes - YOU!! When you become infirm or die, someone is going to paw thru your stuff and ditch a lot of it. Wouldn't you rather it be you doing the pawing?
I'm reminded of Dad and Jane's house full of stuff. Oh god - of all the stuff Dear Son and I have here.....
And in other news: yesterday I spent an hour with Okaasan. Basially drinking coffee and looking out the window, commenting on whether the snow was less or the sunshine was more. A toilet visit. And a failed attempt to get her to walk with the walking frame - she started to get bolshy with me. Her whole demeanor changed, from bright and chatty and happy to slumped and obstinate.
"No, I don't want to walk using that....I'm old, old people should take it easy..."
So I gave up. Wheeled her back to the community lounge where the staff appeared to think that a room of elderly wanted to watch Olympic snowboarding on the TV.
And......
The black pants both seem to be fitting well - I am a successful personal shopper, and sorter outer.
Pretty achievement-filled weekend.
Oh! An Sapporo Snow Festival - look!!! Big event, I've been many times this year, Dear Son and I went to the kids play park together and I'm enjoying other local festivals too. The taxes can wait...
Saturday, 10 February 2018
Shopping service....
I hate shopping.
I hate shopping for clothes. For shoes.
I hate shopping for myself.
I hate shopping with Okaasan.
I hate shopping for Okaasan....without Okaasan.
I hate shopping.
Which is why last week I was buzzing round a shopping mall in a 45 min break from work - stressily buzzing shop to shop, alighting on racks of trousers. Homeing in on BLACK trousers and trying to find the combination of:
black
elastic waist - because I have no idea what size she is now
short legs - or a style that can be shortened by the sewing lady
NOT nasty polyester if at at all possible..
Shop to shop. Often I'd zoomed out again even before the startled staff had managed to come out from behind their counter to help me - my Xray vision teling me that they didn't have what I needed.
The care home told us recently that Okaasan needs at least one more pair of trousers, specially now they are trying to get her into the Day Care room and walking practice. They want to get her out of pajamas and into street clothes. Of course.
Hence the hated shopping task.
I took a very old pair of trousers with me to try and judge length, but it was pretty hard to shop for an absent someone. But not without moments of light relief: thanks to the shop assistant who responded to my "86 year old woman, in a care home, short, a bit fat, black, elastic waistband, wool?" request with padded and nightclub-shiny pants - the kind of thing rockstars wear for casual.
Um. No.
Massive Customer Need Match fail. If Okaasan was arriving at an airport to greet fans, or doing a radio interview those pants would have been fine.
However, like all dementia sufferers, she has bought the same clothes for years and years - same style and colors - and I think even she would notice that the rockstar pants were NOT hers.
Anyway..... located two pairs of pants within 25 minutes - which is about the maximum amount of time I can endure being in a clothes shop. Dear Son took them in on his next visit and we hope at least one of them will be ok.
Dear Son has been home a lot, a break in the ski work before Chinese New Year and thousands of families coming to holiday in Hokkaido. So he has been into the care home several times.
The Day Service has happened again. The other twice a week visits from staff will happen too. Okaasan basically ok - but...but....
The care staff report that one night she got out of bed herself and WALKED UNAIDED to the toilet!!!!! :-()
From there they suddenly heard her voice, calling out for assistance in getting up and out again. Luckily she was fine.
Not sure why the bed sensor didn't work.
We have kind of mixed feelings about this: good that she is able to walk unaided. Bad that she did this...when she isn't so strong and balanced.
I also have the old fears: if she gets too physically able, will her Dear Son start thinking she would be able to leave the care home and come back to live HERE???? With us??? Again??? No.................................
I don't want her back. I don't want her here again. At the moment I go whole days without even thinking about her. Yup. Bad, I know. But that's the truth.
We have decided to use the rooms in the house for various guests - friends and friends of friends...already had 3 people staying, which freaked out the cats, but is a good use of the space.
Anyway. I don't want her here again...
I think that isn't likely, it is more my fear really. The care home staff also report that Okaasan has been a little aggressive with another old lady...so I think Dear Son can see that her mental state is finely balanced, and beyond what we could cope with at home.
We talked about whether she will be ok to come with us in the car and drive to a restaurant for lunch sometime after ski season. Of course, not a certainty at the moment - we would have to be sure she was ok to get into a restaurant toilet, and whether she would be ok to visit a different place without getting frightened and stressed. None of that is a green light at the moment.
It would be awful if we took her to a noodle place for lunch one day and she started shouting at strangers and us, banging the table with her hands. So for now, the familiar 10th floor of the care home and visits to 3rd floor Day Care and 1st floor lobby are enough.
So. There we are. That's our state early-February.
Oh God. I hate shopping.
I will need a few months to recover from that before I will be able to venture near clothes racks and price tags again.
I hate shopping for clothes. For shoes.
I hate shopping for myself.
I hate shopping with Okaasan.
I hate shopping for Okaasan....without Okaasan.
I hate shopping.
Which is why last week I was buzzing round a shopping mall in a 45 min break from work - stressily buzzing shop to shop, alighting on racks of trousers. Homeing in on BLACK trousers and trying to find the combination of:
black
elastic waist - because I have no idea what size she is now
short legs - or a style that can be shortened by the sewing lady
NOT nasty polyester if at at all possible..
Shop to shop. Often I'd zoomed out again even before the startled staff had managed to come out from behind their counter to help me - my Xray vision teling me that they didn't have what I needed.
The care home told us recently that Okaasan needs at least one more pair of trousers, specially now they are trying to get her into the Day Care room and walking practice. They want to get her out of pajamas and into street clothes. Of course.
Hence the hated shopping task.
I took a very old pair of trousers with me to try and judge length, but it was pretty hard to shop for an absent someone. But not without moments of light relief: thanks to the shop assistant who responded to my "86 year old woman, in a care home, short, a bit fat, black, elastic waistband, wool?" request with padded and nightclub-shiny pants - the kind of thing rockstars wear for casual.
Um. No.
Massive Customer Need Match fail. If Okaasan was arriving at an airport to greet fans, or doing a radio interview those pants would have been fine.
However, like all dementia sufferers, she has bought the same clothes for years and years - same style and colors - and I think even she would notice that the rockstar pants were NOT hers.
Anyway..... located two pairs of pants within 25 minutes - which is about the maximum amount of time I can endure being in a clothes shop. Dear Son took them in on his next visit and we hope at least one of them will be ok.
Dear Son has been home a lot, a break in the ski work before Chinese New Year and thousands of families coming to holiday in Hokkaido. So he has been into the care home several times.
The Day Service has happened again. The other twice a week visits from staff will happen too. Okaasan basically ok - but...but....
The care staff report that one night she got out of bed herself and WALKED UNAIDED to the toilet!!!!! :-()
From there they suddenly heard her voice, calling out for assistance in getting up and out again. Luckily she was fine.
Not sure why the bed sensor didn't work.
We have kind of mixed feelings about this: good that she is able to walk unaided. Bad that she did this...when she isn't so strong and balanced.
I also have the old fears: if she gets too physically able, will her Dear Son start thinking she would be able to leave the care home and come back to live HERE???? With us??? Again??? No.................................
I don't want her back. I don't want her here again. At the moment I go whole days without even thinking about her. Yup. Bad, I know. But that's the truth.
We have decided to use the rooms in the house for various guests - friends and friends of friends...already had 3 people staying, which freaked out the cats, but is a good use of the space.
Anyway. I don't want her here again...
I think that isn't likely, it is more my fear really. The care home staff also report that Okaasan has been a little aggressive with another old lady...so I think Dear Son can see that her mental state is finely balanced, and beyond what we could cope with at home.
We talked about whether she will be ok to come with us in the car and drive to a restaurant for lunch sometime after ski season. Of course, not a certainty at the moment - we would have to be sure she was ok to get into a restaurant toilet, and whether she would be ok to visit a different place without getting frightened and stressed. None of that is a green light at the moment.
It would be awful if we took her to a noodle place for lunch one day and she started shouting at strangers and us, banging the table with her hands. So for now, the familiar 10th floor of the care home and visits to 3rd floor Day Care and 1st floor lobby are enough.
So. There we are. That's our state early-February.
Oh God. I hate shopping.
I will need a few months to recover from that before I will be able to venture near clothes racks and price tags again.
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