Sunday, 21 October 2012

The anger scale.

On a scale of 1 - 5.
HOW angry was Okaasan with us this weekend?
If 5 is sharpening the knife and digging a place under the floorboards...

Friday night after the clinic : 5. Grunts and a stony face.
Saturday morning: 4. Words, with fury behind them.
Saturday evening: 3. Words, with the minimal of politeness and eye contact.

She kept to her room all the time. Didn't want to eat with us in the kitchen. Shuffled into the toilet, but didn't say anything to us in the hallway. Went out for a walk and came home ok.

And so. She's pissed with us.
Yujiro is really worried about the change of mood. He said she seemed fine after the clinic and on the way home. But by the time he'd left her for an hour or two (went to put in the day care application directly at the city office GOOD man)...he came home to find the grunts and stony face.
I'm not worried. I've been the object of her anger before, so it's ok. Leave her alone for a few days in her own space, leave food out for her. She'll forget the details of Friday and come back into her normal routines and personality.
I hope.

I hope she'll get back some friendliness towards us by the time the next stage in this process happens: the home visit from a city office case worker. Of course, I'd like that to happen next week - but maybe it's better of there is a gap? Okaasan needs a few days of her routine and happy feelings. A stranger coming to check her and her living conditions and talk about day care wouldn't be the best thing right now.

It IS all for the best, but to get to the going-to-wonderful-daycare point I am sure there are more battles and stress ahead. Okaasan's dementia is probably going to get stronger for a while, under the stress and change, and then (I hope) settle again.

Meanwhile: I have a head cold. Last week too much stuff and stress. Not surprising really. I'm going to take myself to see a movie today. Forget about all of this.


  1. I do hope it works out for you. We have the same situation her with my 88 year old motherinlaw. since granpa died last december she have been getting more and more senile but she refuses to go to any daycare and the city/caremanager will not in any way try to force people so here we are....husband & I are both working fulltime and every week we have to make up at schedule of which of us will go home during lunch hour and check on her. My husband works everyday (yes EVERYDAY) so I have the whole weekends..but what to do, it is our okaasan.
    I really hope your okaasan will want to go..

  2. Went through a very similar event on Friday. I understand it is difficult for her to accept this assessment was necessary, but you are the one who carries her welfare responsibility. It needed to be done, not just for her but for you also. You are no help to her if you are seriously stressed. She'll come good eventually. Good luck!