And then....?

After the joy.
Comes the worry.
WILL the doc see what we see? WILL she give Okaasan a low/high? enough score on the Hasegawa scale that the city office will approve day care.
Hell. WILL Okaasan go at all next Friday?
All of these questions go round and round my head.

I think on the last point it'll be ok. I think Dear Son will take my advice and tell Okaasan that "every 80 plus year-old in the city has to have a doc interview check", just to get her to go with him and walk into the clinic.
He is always overly honest. But he is also overly lazy and wants to take the easy way in life. Telling the little, white lie to get her to go is the easy way in this situation. I think he understands that. (I tell him enough...nagging power is in the DNA of every woman :-))

But the rest? I worry. Of course the doc is a professional and used to interviewing people who are good at consciously/subconsciously masking their selves. Okaasan can chat along politely with someone for a while...and then....and then....in an interview with questions about dates and times and Prime Minister names - I hope the truth will emerge.

Should I go too? Should I write the doc a note to explain Okaasan's home abilities? Will Dear Son tell it like it is? Will he be sitting in the same room WITH his mother, and thus sugar-coat it all a bit? Will she deny what he is saying and the whole interview get stressy?

You can see I've already played out the visit a million times in my mind.

I will be 400 meters away in my classroom actually working at that time. I don't think I should go with them - because I think Okaasan would feel embarrassed to have me there and it would just add to the stress.
But should I do a letter? I can write it and ask a student/friend to translate.
Outlining what Okaasan Can and Can't Do.

????

Don't know. Would the doc think it strange? Too much. Not trusting of her professional ability to suss out dementia level? I don't want to antogonise the woman.

This week I have this bloody Rotary club ladies' lunch speech to do - Thursday - so my time and stress is also focused on that. Doing a thing about Okaasan too...is that a good use of my time?

Agh.

Yesterday we went out for a nice relaxing trip to a local hot spring, nice family trip for the three of us. Just a short shuttle bus rode away from our local station. Actually, we went there last year too - just a few hours of hot water soaking and lunch.

Agh. Hard work. Hard. Hard. Hard.
For me.
While Dear Son was soaking away his worries in the men's baths, I was in the women's baths with Okaasan who was fiddling around with all the new things and decisions-to-be-made.
The locker keys; the towels; the toilets; the washing places and the water/shower functions; the body soap/shampoo choices; the baths; the steps; the locker rooms; the clothes; the hairdryers; the wet towels.....aghhhhhhhhh.
The worst point was when she came and got into a jacuzzi style bath place next to me. And then couldn't get out...

The bath had this kind of swimming pool ladder.

Okaasan was trying to out her first foot BETWEEN the ladder and the wall, over the top! I was trying to show her where to put her feet....but she was all confused about this new fangled thing.

Then, I got her sitting on the side of the bath and swinging her legs around so that she was sitting next to the ladder outside the water - and showing her how to pull herself up by the ladder rails. She couldn't. Recently no power in her legs...and she has got fatter.

She kept refusing help. I left her to it and went and sat in a nearby bath. Other women tried to help. She refused. Other women commiserated with me in big whispers...and after 5 mins. I went back to her and put my hands under her armpits and helped pull her upright....great for my gammy knee of course!

This physical situation isn't really connected to dementia, many elderly people have problems getting up from a low position - but it reminded me that Okaasan is needing help in life situations.

 

We finally got out of the bath and met Dear Son in the restaurant for lunch. Only 45 mins late. I was knackered. Don't think we'll be doing a family trip to a hot spring again, anytime too soon.

 

Last year we went to this place and Okaasan was much better at doing things herself. All the little decisions in a Japanese public bath. Small stuff like how to operate the hair dryers or push the shower button. Looking for information about where and what and how. This time she really needed guidance. It all took much longer.

 

Just another sign, that slowly but surely Okaasan's abilities are slipping.

 

Anyway. Sunday morning. Time to focus on my Rotary Club speech thingy. Bugger.