Thursday, 13 December 2012

Following orders

Oh - thankyou SO much for so many comments!
It really is amazing, I started this blog to tell friends how my new life as an Oyomesan was going (trying to save on endless, repetitive e mails)...and now 4 years later all sorts of people I've never met are reading along and supporting.

Well, I have my orders.
Dear Son has finally had a call from the Day Sevice manager...checking up on how their latest customer is doing.
And he didn't tell them that she feels negative about hula dance!
Yup. That's right. He actually talked to the person and didn't tell them this essential info.
They are going to come and meet everyone again here at home on December 21st, when he will finally be home. Then there will be more talks.

He says he will telephone Okaasan on Sunday and talk to her about it, persuade her to go along on Monday morning and show off to all the other ladies what really, high level hula dance is all about. Appeal to her pride in her skill.

Then next Monday Dec. 17th he is hoping that Okaasan will let me get her ready for the 9.20 am bus arrival. Hoping she will get all interested in showing off her hula skills.
Yeah. Right. Like that is soooo going to happen.

Just makes me want to beat my head into the nearest snowdrift, of which we have plenty after 50 cm of snowfall in 72 hours.
WHY couldn't he just be direct with the manager person??? Why, oh why?
Now, of course, this also means I can't really telephone the manager myself today and tell a different story from my "husband". Bugger.
I wanted the manager to take control now and come and discuss with Okaasan what other exciting things she can do next Monday. Now she will refuse to go, then there is one more chance before the end of year closing...and then in January we will be trying to start a routine again.

Monday morning. stomach polyp is expanding with the stress of just thinking about it.

Neighbors' snow monster...

Meanwhile in Okaasan land comes the Tale of the Afternoon Tea Bag.
That's a bag, made by a company called Afternoon Tea. Not a teabag.
Yesterday, in a spell of sunshine, I told Okaasan to grab the chance and go out.
She asked for more money: "Mrs Hoshiba over the road, she admired this shopping bag and asked me to buy one for her! I'm going to go downtown and get it!".

I was pleased that Okaasan was making friends with Mrs. Hoshiba now, and also a bit amazed that she even remembered that conversation from the time 2 weeks ago when she lost the front door key and knocked on Mrs. Hoshiba's door for a place to sit. Ironically, Okaasan has had at least two occasions of borrowing money from Mrs Hoshiba and fogetting that she had done so...leaving the poor woman to come to us later and ask to be repaid.
So happily I doled out more money than usual and went off on my day of classes and an end of year party.

Got home almost 10 pm.
Okaasan was all riled up, loud voice and stressy: "I went downtown and bought the bag, but when I took it to Mrs Hoshiba - she said she'd never asked me to get one! What do I do now?!!! I bought it for her!".
She told me this story about 4 times in ever louder tones, while I tried to back away and off to bed.
The bag only cost $10, so it isn't a huge waste of money - I worry more about how Okaasan will now have a negative attitude towards the nice, potential-friend neighbor.

Who knows what really happened. Mrs Hoshiba-san is sliding into dementia too - so maybe SHE forgot her request. Or maybe it was only chatty praise for Okaasan's bag and never meant to be a request. Or maybe Okaasan chatted to someone on the train about the bag and THEY said they'd like one too.
Any of that is possible.

Ho hum. It's Thursday.
I have a monster of a day - classes, end of year party lunch, two more hours in the dentist, then more classes....
My friend is going to come into the house late afternoon and feed the cats and put Okaasan's dinner out for her. I can't do everything I have to do today PLUS Okaasan and her dinner.
Thankyou Friend!

1 comment:

  1. You should have contacted the manager about the hula rejection the next day. Either you assume control of the communications with the center because you are the one dealing with her every day or all your effort to get the extra care will go down the drain.

    I know you do not want this extra stress, and I cannot blame you, but believe me, if you want to make your life easier in the long run you have to micromanage this situation until a new routine is settled. Your husband is way too absent from her daily life to be the one giving feedback to the center.

    Please discuss this with him, he has to understand you need this extra help, you need more support and so does she.

    You have way too much on your plate. Don´t give up, stick to your guns and defend yourself.Seems contradictory, but by doing that, you will help Okaasan too.

    (who also fought a lot of battles during her mom´s dementia)