Licking wounds in the corner.

Hokkaido's baseball team the Fighters just got trounced by the Giants in the last gasp inning.
And I lost my Dinner Battle.
Lost against myself actually. I failed to keep control of myself and retreated in exhaustion.

I thought all day what to do. How to handle it. Wanted SO badly to just run away and see a movie tonight, have dinner with a friend...anything rather than come home.
But at 5 pm I decided that this is MY home too and nobody is going to stop me coming back and having an evening in it.

So I came home and was determined to be all light and non-judgemental. My mother was a fighter with people, but she did also tell me to always Face The Mess You Made and get over it.

But by the time I got to the kitchen all that went out the window.
Yujiro had the nabe on the table. We gathered ourselves and sat down, I couldn't look up.
 Just couldn't. I kept my head down and just ate silently.
Had to cut the food up pretty small with chopsticks to give myself enough to do on the plate!
Yujiro blathered on about the quality of the meatballs. Okaasan giving him the necessary responses.

When we'd finished the nabe stuff they discussed putting noodles in the soup.
I cleared my bowls up. Put them in the sink and excused myself. Left the kitchen and came back upstairs.

Yujiro followed 20 minutes later..
BUT ! He was pissed off with me because I'd started eating the nabe before it was ready (while he was still putting meatballs in)...which of course is pretty rude...although it's something we would do if it was just the two of us.

I'd been in such a funk and so desperate to give myself something to DO at the table I hadn't realized I was eating alone. I wasn't actually LOOKING at them anyway....fixed my eyes firmly downwards.

So now I am a Magazine Robber AND a Rude Foreigner.

I wonder if the French Foreign Legion accepts 48 year old Brits with gammy legs?
I want to say FUCK loudly many many times.

It might help.