On....and on...

 Visited twice this week.

The nurse said the amount of supplied oxygen has been reduced, but the meds to keep the blood pressure up haven't been reduced yet.

2nd week no bath time.

We felt Okaasan's breathing was slightly easier this time. More regular. Lots of eye opening. We stayed for 30 mins, playing bossa nova versions of classic movie theme songs on the smart phone.

Just before we left Okaasan seemed to scrunch up her eyes and whole face, turning bright red in the process - and breath very hard for a short time.

Then back to normal.

Thankyou for your well wishing comments. Yes, it feels we are entering a different stage of all of this now. ASK the hospital to reduce the blood pressure meds? I don't think that happens here in Japan. If this was MY mum, I'd be having that conversation (and be blowed if the doc thought I'm a heartless minx), but it isn't something I can push him into. We asked for non-resuscitation in the event of heart failure, but I guess medication to prolong life is common in Japan.

And so, Okaasan's life goes on. And on.

No change.

Not really.

Fever comes and goes. Blood pressure falls, unless medicine is administered.

Okaasan is kind of sleeping, but sometime breathing is hard. Her eyes open for a while. And then close again.

Oh god...we have a no- resuscitation request, but the Japanese health system still forces life...by using the drugs to keep the heart working. It really is terrible. Okaasan wouldn't want this, at all.

So. Day by day. 

I was thinking yesterday I should get out one of her favorite blouses from the closet and iron it. So that she can "wear" that for her final journey.

Onwards.

Came a phone call...

 A different stage begins?

During a Zoom lesson the other evening, the house phone rang, the mobile phones rang...

Okaasan's hospital ringing with a change in status report.

She'd had a high fever earlier in the day. They'd administered medicine. Now her blood pressure was very low. Not sure whether it was the medicine...or "something else".

Reconfirming the "no-resuscitation" status we'd agreed on when she entered this hospital.

She'd been moved to a room nearer the nurse station. It could be the beginning of the end. We'll call you if there are any changes overnight.

There weren't any calls. But we went in the next day.

Something WAS different. Her fever was still fairly high and her breathing was more labored, kind of ragged. Sometimes tougher. But she was still on oxygen only from the little nose tube outlets, not a full mask.

We stayed a while. Played film music on the smartphone, hand massage.

Nurses came and went. Everyone professional and friendly.

And so. We come away. Keep our mobile phones more to hand. I've told friends I have plans with in the coming days that I may have to cancel suddenly. We'll see.

I so hope Okaasan finally gets escape from this.

A little change?

When  somebody has basically been in the same condition month in, month out for years...a tiny change is something to wonder about.

The last two weeks Okaasan has opened her eyes. Repeatedly, sometimes 6-7 times a minute.

She is still in the drugged sleep, breathing deeply.

But her eyes open, her eye balls are generally high and kind of roll to the left or right, and then she closes the lids again.

Of course, we don't believe she is seeing or choosing to open her eyes. It's an involuntary action. But evidence of some brain activity?

The nurses don't appear to think it's significant. They came and gave Okaasan big nasal and mouth suction (ohhh...that's hard to watch, but obviously gives relief). And then she went back to the eye opening.

We wonder if it's a sign of the body's last push in life? I heard recently about a family member who came out of inertia before death to announce "It's time to go".

Don't know.

Autumn here now. Another year closing down. We used to go look at autumn colors in the park with Okaasan. Now we look from the hospital window.

The cat is slowly responding to heart and kidney treatment. My injured ankle (fell out of the RV!!) is repairing as the ligaments recover. The new building over the road is done and we have to close the curtains a lot to preserve privacy.

Onwards...

Birthday...

 Okaasan's 95th birthday was this month.

She doesn't know it, of course. Long gone are the days of a crabby meal out, and hiding the sake bottle.

I made up this small poster of photographs and we asked the nurse at the hospital if we could attach it to the bedside cabinet - really for the staff to see it and realize that this hardly-responsive human, attached to tubes -  used to be this woman.

Handsome husband, cute boys, a foreign daughter-in-law and a life.

95 years of a life which are ending in this hospital bed in a city far away from where she was born and lived her life.

We continue to go in and sit with Okaasan once a week. Some floors of the hospital close and reopen as whatever latest infection spreads around. Okaasan is still on the meds. Her skin condition looks good, she "sleeps" and responds only to loud noises or sudden movement - which we try not to let happen.

Our summer has been hot - crazy temperatures in June and July. I hid inside with the fan and a book for days. The new apartment building directly opposite is almost finished and we have to be careful about our privacy and keeping curtains closed.

No big trips - BBQs with friends, I've been out on the SUP, and a young British man came to stay off/on because we live near the hospital where he is doing physical therapy after a ski accident.

More recently: the cat has been diagnosed with a skin tumor and a weak heart. He'll be 16 this winter and it's the inevitable sign that he is aging. He seems fine in himself, and even caught a bird recently. But 16 years old for a cat that has outside experiences is getting on a bit.

And MY signs of aging too...I fell off the steps of the RV and badly twisted my ankle. Hobbling around, with a trail of ice packs. I don't THINK anything is seriously injured, but it's a bugger.

Hope your summer is a good one :-)

Still here in north Japan!

Slight changes

 Good and bad.

A week after the nurse pointed out that Okaasan was no longer on the blood pressure meds...she had a fever and low blood pressure. So back on the meds.

We've visited twice since then. Yesterday Okaasan appeared to open her eyes slightly. Her pupils didn't focus on anything, and it may well have been an involuntary movement. But we took it as a positive, as we sat there with the Bossa Nova music playing softly on the mobile phone.

I cleaned out her mouth drool with tissue paper. We patted her shoulders. 

We came home.

Hello spring 2025

 

Hello spring 2025

The pink flowers are popping out all over and warm weather is coming (in fits and starts).

And Okaasan is lying in a bed with tubes into and out of her body, deeply sleeping. Day after day.

I just checked back on this blog and found that she went into this home/hospital in December 2021, so that's over 3 years ago. It's hard to remember, because of all the COVID restrictions, when we couldn't even go and visit her. But over 3 years now.

This week we had a good chat with one of the nurses about Okaasan. We could do anytime - the staff are friendly et. But there isn't a lot to be said about a sleeping human in bed with tubes. The doctor phones if there is anything major to be reported.

Anyway, this nurse was very approachable and responded to our questions well:  she said that Okaasan is "sleeping" pretty much 24/7, but reacts a little if the staff are moving her body/the tubes - react as in face grimaces or eye lid flickering. She showed us how talking very loudly right in Okaasan's ear, or cleaning around her eyes with a cotton pad gets a slight facial change.  And that it's been like that for almost a year now.

The "improvement" is that Okaasan isn't on the blood pressure-control drip now. Just the sugar-drip feed. Just one bag of something attached to the stand by her bed.

And so.

Dear Son was feeling it all a bit this week. As we sat there he talked about how there is no change, how he made the choices for his mother to be like this at the end of her life, and how it will be if and when WE get to be like this.

Oh god! I HOPE neither of us is like this. I hope I wake up one morning and he is just dead in bed next to me. Or the other way around. Of course, a shock for the living person. But WAY better than this looooonnnggg process. I don't think Japan will ever move to a more liberal way of death - allowing any element of personal choice. It just isn't part of this culture.

So, if I am going to die in Japan. If I am going to be here when Dear Son dies - then this "where do you want the tubes" process is very likely. A student's father died last year - 3 days after being admitted to hospital for blood problems. She visited him and sat chatting in the day room. He died in the hospital bed the next morning. So quick. So easy.

Sorry! So easy on this blog to go down these thought roads. It's a spring day and life is good. Okaasan is ok. We are ok. The cat is ok. 2025 is rolling on...

Starting 2025...with a wheeze...

 NOT a happy and healthy New Year for us.

And many other people, it seems.

The actual winter holiday was good - eating and drinking, some skiing and a lot of TV.

Did a bit of housework, made a small start on sorting out old papers and photos.

Back to work January 6. All ready to go! Dear Son had spent 2 days fighting off a head cold the weekend before. I did my Jan. 6 online class and felt a little "something" in my throat.

Next day: out of it all.

Head Cold....tired, blocked nose....tired again...bed, sleep, water, more sleep.

Cancelled two days of classes. 

Third day energy levels back up, I got out of my pajamas. And then...no voice!

That went on for the next 4 days. MORE cancelled work. A whole week lost. That's the very big downside of self employed, you lose financially a lot when you are sick.

And in the middle of this Okaasan's hospital call to say SHE has influenza. That it's all over the wards. We were more worried about her than us...

But, amazingly two days later her fever had gone and she is ok again. So strong! We still can't visit, of course. But she has pulled thru that.

So. I am back to work since yesterday. The voice isn't strong, but serviceable. I did a TV documentary dubbing job (had to postpone it twice last week), so if you ever see a program about a Japanese man trying new technology to combat loss of voice after throat cancer...and you think "Hmm, his wife's voice doesn't sound so healthy..." you are right. His "wife's voice" had just crept into the studio after 4 days of frantically mime-life and eating a lot of ginger!

Onwards into a healthier year :-)