Friday, 19 October 2012

And so............

Quiet here tonight.
We are watching baseball, hoping the local team will win this stage of the national championships.
Okaasan is sitting in her room downstairs watching TV.

We had dinner seperatly. We ate first in the kitchen and she stayed in her room. Then after we finished and came upstairs, she went and got food and took it into her room.

The doctor said:
Okaasan scored 15 out of 30 points in the dementia test. Not early stage dementia anymore, pretty advancing dementia. More than we thought.
Even before meeting the doc, when the nurse asked Okaasan: "How often do you have a bath?" she cheerfully said: "Oh, every day!", and when Yujiro corrected her she said:"you don't know because you are out, I have a bath". Of course that could, techincally be true...but it isn't for sure. She always does laundry in the bathroom and leaves the water in the bath, and wet towels around.
That only happens when we TELL her to have a bath, once or twice a week.

The doctor says a recommendation for day care shouldn't be a problem. Dear Son should go back to city office and make the application, she will recommend it.

Phew. All of it.
But for now, we are quiet.
He is feeling down - "I thought I was doing my best for her, I didn't realise how bad she was", and I just feel tired with it all.
Okaasan, who amazingly DID agree to go along to the doctor on her son's direct "in winter, you don't exercise enough, you should go to daycare, but first you must go to a doctor" - I am sure she is feeling tired, stressed and not happy.
So, we'll leave her to have a quiet weekend and hope it all fades in a day or two...and she will come back into her routines.

So. There, we did it. 15 out of 30. It ain't very good. We probably already make allowances for her, because we live with her. She does a good job of covering her confusions about life. But big gaps are developing in her mind.

Back to the baseball. This week was neverending on so many counts.
My weekend starts here.


  1. Thanks for letting us know the results so quickly. At least now you know and at least the consultation went off OK without her getting upset. You do both do your best for her and she's happy and well looked after and loved.

  2. おつかれさま I konw this is not an easy road for you to be walking down but from what I've heard from my mom and others who have been in a situation similar to yours it sounds like you are doing your best. Your husband has cared for his mom as best he can. She is being loved and cared for. She has a safe place to live, food to eat and people who to help her maintain as much independence as possible.

    There will most likely be more challenges ahead but it sounds like as a team you and your husband will ba able to handle them.

  3. so glad that the assesement worked out ok and that you could get your mother in law to go and to cooperate with the interview. Thinking of you in this time of change. Nancy

  4. Although I'm sure it's hard for everyone, I think this was the best possible outcome, for everyone's sake. Now Yujiro can't make any more excuses about how "Oh, she's not THAT bad" and maybe he'll realize exactly how much work you actually do for Okaasan.

    This is a step in the right direction!!

  5. oh, that's....that's really (sad isn't quite the word i'm looking for, but it's all i can come up with.) at least your worries were justified. poor okaasan. i hope she bounces back (or at least, forgets. although forgetting might be a problem trying to get her to actually go to day care!)

    thinking of you and him and okaasan. *internet hugs*

  6. Thankyou all for supportive comments. It was a long stressy day for all of us. Tired.

    Strangely enough, the 2 pm student who came to me just as Dear Son and Okaasan went to the clinic, was Tokiko - and SHE was with me on the afternoon that Okaasan arrived from Saitama almost 4 years ago...and into our lives. Tokiko, sweet lady, went and bought me a tray bos sushi as a "Welcome to Hokkaido" dinner for Okaasan that first night :-)

  7. Otsukaresama. Well done pulling off what you have been trying to do for so long. It's kind of a sad result but it definitely needed to be done and I'm so happy that for now the hardest part is over. You did really well and deserve a relaxing weekend.

  8. Well done for persevering and getting Okaasan the help she needs. I know it was hard, especially with Y not wanting to believe she was not ok, he will need a bit of time to come to grips with what you have known for a long time. Good for you for doing this despite how hard it was, you will all be the better for it and it needed to be done. Hope you are feeling better now. (from a terrible lurker who used to be called T in Tokyo)

  9. I have been following your blog for a while now, but my first time commenting. I just wanted to say that I'm glad that it went well. :)