A tale of two lives at the kitchen table this morning: Okaasan's view of her life...and then our view of her life.
And the city office interviewer trying to make sense of it frantically on her clip board.
After the recent mental health interview, this was the final Public Care Status interview, which determines what public assistance we can get in the next 2 years.
Okaasan's Daily Life...by Okaasan:
I go walking almost every day. I go to Odori (downtown) by subway almost every day. I meet my friend. Go shopping.
Yes - I have a bath, brush my teeth, brush my hair. Of COURSE!
Food? Um - what time? Um. Cooking? Um. Microwave? Um.
How many people live here? Um?
What season is it now? Um...is there a calendar? Um...autumn? The day? Um.
How old am I? Um...around 80?
What time do I go to bed? Wake up? Um....
Do I sleep on a futon or a bed? Um.....
Yes - I cut my nails! Of COURSE!
Doctors? Hospitals? Health supplements? NO!!!
Can I stand on one leg? Can I get up and down from the carpet? YES!
Okaasan's Daily Life...by Dear Son and Moi:
Walking every day, if the weather is good.
Downtown...once a month in the past year or so.
Sometimes confusions about money/tickets/possessions.
Doesn't get lost.
Doesn't bring back other people's possessions.
Has a bath/cuts nails if we direct her to do it. Can do them herself.
Food - can feed herself (messily). We do all the shopping and cooking. Lunch box deliveries and food left out for her to eat.
Microwave ok. Cooker - rarely uses and burns pans when she does.
Money control - we do it for her.
Goes to sleep and gets up herself. Sometimes we get her up in the morning. Lots of daytime sleeping.
Endless repeat conversations. Random - unconnected topics common.
Mixing up of childhood and adult stories and places.
Thinking long ago life and people is happening now? No...not really.
Can't follow complex explanations - we leave written messages about plans.
Awareness of seasons/weather - patchy. Clothes choices sometimes not suitable.
Night time wandering? Eating? No - not that we know!
There was the Remember 3 Things test: Apple/Car/Train.
I scored 2 and a half. WAS the third one train? Okaasan was a complete blank. She couldn't name any of the things. Even with a hint.
The city office staff was obviously impressed by Okaasan's physical ability: balancing on one leg, getting up and down from chairs and the carpet, turning over, stretching out her arms etc. All very good for 85 years old.
She IS good.
Many of the questions made me realize that so many elderly people have a whole range of physical limitations/weaknesses. Okaasan really doesn't.
But: the mental ability is also clearly not so great. The silences, or hesitant answers to questions about self and routine showed that.
I think it is sad: Okaasan is/was a physically healthy person. She used to walk and do hula dance. Socialize with people. Look after herself. Eat sparingly and well. Travel. Study. Learn. In her late 60s and 70s she was doing all the things you are supposed to do.
But still. In her late 70s this thing called dementia crept up. By 77 she wasn't cooking for herself, she wasn't managing money very well, she wasn't cleaning. And then her son took the decision to look after her.
Physical activity is Dementia 101. But doing it doesn't protect you. By the age of 77 and 78 Okaasan was on the slippery slope.
The interviewer's question about believing past events are in the present was interesting. She went on and on explaining what she meant by this: and Dear Son and I couldn't think of anything that demonstrates that with Okaasan.
She doesn't mistake delivery men for her father, or think the Sapporo supermarket is a Kawagoe shop. Nothing like that.Yet....
Although....the recent "there are four people living here" answer to the Census taker maybe shows confusion about her current living and the past as a wife and mother in Saitama.
All in all a good interview. It was an honest laying out of Okaasan's mental/physical status at the end of 2015.
The interviewer was a totally nice, middle aged woman. Professional and friendly. But - I DO wonder why they do the interview with the family members right in front of the client. We sat there dissing what Okaasan had just said. No - she can't do that. Nor that. Not that. No - she is wrong. It's hardly a warm, positive feeling to hear your family disagree with you in front of a stranger. There was NO suggestion that we should talk privately in our part of the interview.
Bad I think. But then if we did - would Okaasan be suspicious about us talking to someone without her hearing?
After the woman left and the three of us were in the kitchen I chatted brightly about: what a nice woman! Yes, she was surprised at how flexible your legs are!
Okaasan for her part tried to explain away the not going downtown: I don't go recently? Really? I don't have any money? I don't have a card? The weather is bad?
And then I came to work. Dear Son started cooking curry.
And Okaasan retreated with a cup of tea back to the TV and safety.
We wait now for the Day Care manager to arrange this winter's care. Once a week trip by taxi to the supermarket would be good.
.........
Now: Tell me - what were those 3 things I asked you to remember earlier?
Yes?
Can you tell me?
Showing posts with label Public assistance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Public assistance. Show all posts
Friday, 18 September 2015
Saturday, 8 December 2012
So. Yes :-)
Finally. Almost 4 years to the day since Okaasan came into our lives - we get her set up for outside care help.
Only once a week for now - that's the level of care she qualifies for at the moment - but it's a start.
He goes off for 10 days ski work from tomorrow ;-( and I have a week of end of year parties, two dental appointments and all sorts of other stuff - so the help is very needed.
Monday morning the sled will arrive and take her away to a pink palace of fun and stimulation. And bring her home again in late afternoon. She'll have lunch there too (and hopefully it'll be so big she won't need me to cook dinner...).
And we've ordered in Tuesday to Friday lunchbox delivery for her - this time from the convenience store 7-11. He took her yesterday to buy new slippers for the day service center. On Monday morning, before I go to work, I'll get her ready to go...
So, I have to do dinners, and underwear washing, and room cleaning, and dinner chats, and money supervision...and try to get her out for a walk sometimes.
AND my usual end of year over busy schedule......
He says the contract signing went well. This time 3 people came and talked about how it will all be etc. Okaasan seemed positive about it and even noticed with excitement that the day service center has flower arranging. But when the service staff asked Okaasan whether she ever falls down, she denied it and wasn't happy to be corrected by her son in front of strangers...
And later I found a toilet accident on the floor that she'd tried to hide....
So - we SO need this outside care. I hope that eventually they will be able to talk to her about diapers etc...I hope.
But. I am happy. I have done it. I have brought about another level of care for us all. Now the outside world knows about Okaasan and her family (well of course YOU all know!!!!) - and we can get help in future.
And. Are you sitting down? I think you should....
Tomorrow Oyomesan is going for a cooking lesson.
A Japanese food cooking lesson.......
In fact: a Japanese, traditional New Year food cooking lesson!!!
Yup. I'm gonna try and do it this year. I'm not lazily ordering from the store. I am going to try and create seasonal magic out of vegetables, soy sauce and a huge amount of sugar.
The friendly cooking teacher in my gym has invited a friend and I to go cooking in her apartment Sunday morning - both of us foreigners with Japanese families.
I am actually looking forward to this. Teachers love to be on the other end of learning - and I really would like to know the mystery of how to make something that resembles a traditional, Japanese dish.
4 years ago Okaasan was able to show me a little, 3 years ago she was more confused and unable - it was the terrible 5 hours cooking saga that left us both knackered and confused, 2 and 1 year ago I ordered pre-cooked food from the store.
This year? I am going to try and be an Oyomesan. Try.
Hey - guess what? I got a new hair cut. Bravely went to a new hair salon and told them to make me into a new woman....the result...
Only once a week for now - that's the level of care she qualifies for at the moment - but it's a start.
He goes off for 10 days ski work from tomorrow ;-( and I have a week of end of year parties, two dental appointments and all sorts of other stuff - so the help is very needed.
Monday morning the sled will arrive and take her away to a pink palace of fun and stimulation. And bring her home again in late afternoon. She'll have lunch there too (and hopefully it'll be so big she won't need me to cook dinner...).
And we've ordered in Tuesday to Friday lunchbox delivery for her - this time from the convenience store 7-11. He took her yesterday to buy new slippers for the day service center. On Monday morning, before I go to work, I'll get her ready to go...
So, I have to do dinners, and underwear washing, and room cleaning, and dinner chats, and money supervision...and try to get her out for a walk sometimes.
AND my usual end of year over busy schedule......
He says the contract signing went well. This time 3 people came and talked about how it will all be etc. Okaasan seemed positive about it and even noticed with excitement that the day service center has flower arranging. But when the service staff asked Okaasan whether she ever falls down, she denied it and wasn't happy to be corrected by her son in front of strangers...
And later I found a toilet accident on the floor that she'd tried to hide....
So - we SO need this outside care. I hope that eventually they will be able to talk to her about diapers etc...I hope.
But. I am happy. I have done it. I have brought about another level of care for us all. Now the outside world knows about Okaasan and her family (well of course YOU all know!!!!) - and we can get help in future.
And. Are you sitting down? I think you should....
Tomorrow Oyomesan is going for a cooking lesson.
A Japanese food cooking lesson.......
In fact: a Japanese, traditional New Year food cooking lesson!!!
Yup. I'm gonna try and do it this year. I'm not lazily ordering from the store. I am going to try and create seasonal magic out of vegetables, soy sauce and a huge amount of sugar.
The friendly cooking teacher in my gym has invited a friend and I to go cooking in her apartment Sunday morning - both of us foreigners with Japanese families.
I am actually looking forward to this. Teachers love to be on the other end of learning - and I really would like to know the mystery of how to make something that resembles a traditional, Japanese dish.
 |
| New Year food - if I learn to make even 10% of this, I'll be happy... |
4 years ago Okaasan was able to show me a little, 3 years ago she was more confused and unable - it was the terrible 5 hours cooking saga that left us both knackered and confused, 2 and 1 year ago I ordered pre-cooked food from the store.
This year? I am going to try and be an Oyomesan. Try.
Hey - guess what? I got a new hair cut. Bravely went to a new hair salon and told them to make me into a new woman....the result...
 |
| Now need a facelift to banish those baggy eyes... |
Monday, 26 November 2012
Choosing a day service center
We're at that stage. Finally.
Choosing a day service center.
And learning the difference between Day Care and Day Service. Things we've never, ever thought about.
He got back from his holiday and awaiting for him was the To Do list that every woman has ready for a man.
1.Take car to garage to get summer/winter tires changed.
2. Read the paperwork about day service.
3. Etc
4. Etc
I asked one of my friends (whose parents have used various services) to talk directly to Dear Son: so I connected them up on the telephone and left them to chat about care plans and care managers and how to go about it all. And I chatted to a woman at the gym, whose 89 year old mother-in-law goes to the local center too. All information gathering.
The snow is here - in bits and pieces, but coming for sure. So really it IS time to get Okaasan sorted for winter exercise. She is still going out when the weather is good. In fact she went off twice last week with the Kawagoe souvenirs to give to the friend in the coffee shop (sweet!), but the time of icy streets and knee deep drifts is hiding down the street and round the corner.
And I discovered why Okaasan has been oddly going out in just a thick cardigan or thin summer coat recently: her warm coat is dirty and needs cleaning. But she hasn't done anything about that, or said anything about it ;-( More and more recently she is failing to take action on a personal need, or express a need. I think I should ask her more directly and try to check if there is something she wants - but isn't telling us.
Many people with dementia start to look dirty and unkempt and I guess it's because they only notice something is dirty when they want to use it, so they don't use it, and then they forget to do anything...and so it goes, on and on.
We had a great long 3-day weekend in Japan. I really needed it after last week. It was also his birthday weekend. My GOD! He is 54 years old....seems very old. Not possible. We did a lot of eating out of BBQ meat, and plum wine and beer, and hamburgers and ...and ....I need to eat salad this week.
Okaasan wasn't really aware it was her son's birthday. We told her a few times, and we had (another) bottle of cheap BJ at dinner last night and the three of us toasted the occasion. Then I hid the rest of the bottle by my feet, under the table, so that Okaasan wouldn't demand any more alcohol.
So. I hope this week he will investigate the day service and make an application so that Okaasan can start sooooon.
Choosing a day service center.
And learning the difference between Day Care and Day Service. Things we've never, ever thought about.
He got back from his holiday and awaiting for him was the To Do list that every woman has ready for a man.
1.Take car to garage to get summer/winter tires changed.
2. Read the paperwork about day service.
3. Etc
4. Etc
I asked one of my friends (whose parents have used various services) to talk directly to Dear Son: so I connected them up on the telephone and left them to chat about care plans and care managers and how to go about it all. And I chatted to a woman at the gym, whose 89 year old mother-in-law goes to the local center too. All information gathering.
And I discovered why Okaasan has been oddly going out in just a thick cardigan or thin summer coat recently: her warm coat is dirty and needs cleaning. But she hasn't done anything about that, or said anything about it ;-( More and more recently she is failing to take action on a personal need, or express a need. I think I should ask her more directly and try to check if there is something she wants - but isn't telling us.
Many people with dementia start to look dirty and unkempt and I guess it's because they only notice something is dirty when they want to use it, so they don't use it, and then they forget to do anything...and so it goes, on and on.
We had a great long 3-day weekend in Japan. I really needed it after last week. It was also his birthday weekend. My GOD! He is 54 years old....seems very old. Not possible. We did a lot of eating out of BBQ meat, and plum wine and beer, and hamburgers and ...and ....I need to eat salad this week.
Okaasan wasn't really aware it was her son's birthday. We told her a few times, and we had (another) bottle of cheap BJ at dinner last night and the three of us toasted the occasion. Then I hid the rest of the bottle by my feet, under the table, so that Okaasan wouldn't demand any more alcohol.
So. I hope this week he will investigate the day service and make an application so that Okaasan can start sooooon.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Day 7. Rescue....zzzzzz
I'm not doin' it alone anymore.
He's home from the "ski instructors' meeting in Tokyo", and even remembered to buy a box of cakes made in Okaasan's birthtown Kawagoe. What a Dear Son!!!
He got back just in time. I was exhausted. Still am. Somehow, knowing that rescue is at hand makes the last 24 hours harder.
Okaasan was fine, to be honest. But I was having a busy work week, and what with the weather and the cats and all the other bits of life....shattered.
By the time I got home and got dinner on the table I was almost incoherent. So good to have him chatting along all jokey.
How did Okaasan feel about his week-long absence this time?
Well, in the morning I mentioned that Dear Son was due back around 4 pm.
"Oh? Isn't he back yet?" she said vaguely looking at the calender...
And when he arrived at the door he didn't have his key, so he rang the bell. Okaasan came into the hallway asking: "Who's there?" and opened the door.
"I'm back!"
"Oh, you aren't upstairs?" she replied.
;-)
So, Okaasan not really stressed this time about his absence at all really!
Last year she was more aware of his absence and asked about him several times. Not so this time. Good really. Shows she is basically ok with me looking after her.
And the mystery doorbell ringer didn't make an appearance either.
So. His holiday is over. Before work start at the ski resorts (opening this weekend in Hokkaido!!!), he has important stuff to do.
Change the car tires for winter. Number 1.
Fill out all the paperwork from the city office for DAY SERVICE. Number 2.
And! Apparently I read the paperwork wrong. Okaasan's level is higher than I thought - meaning even MORE care/service is possible. ;-)
There are two Low Support service levels or 1 and 2, and then the 1-5 of actual Needing Care ranking. Okaasan is Level 1 in the second stage.
Excellent.
And. More good news: yesterday was my final day at the physiotherapist for the latest knee drama. My left thigh muscles are now so super-strong I can maybe do ski jumping on one leg....please come back if you have problems...but continue the exercises at home.
Good.
Now I can get onto the next health problem - I've reached the age where it is all falling apart - next is this potential polyp in my stomach. I need the stomach camera and I've found a hospital where my student swears they will knock me out senseless before forcing tubes down my gullet.
In my working week I don't have time for more than one Japanese hospital wait-for-hours routine - so now the knee is super-strong it is time to move to the next problem....
And. It is a long weekend. Three glorious days of no work. I need it. Rest time. This week was tiring. I need to get energy up for the whole Christmas/End of Year....and I need to ski.....ski ski ski ski....
This is a video of Niseko one of our famous ski resorts earlier this week. Some guys from a local company went up to enjoy first runs in a deserted ski resort with no lifts working. Oh.....look at it...look at that powder....oh....
He's home from the "ski instructors' meeting in Tokyo", and even remembered to buy a box of cakes made in Okaasan's birthtown Kawagoe. What a Dear Son!!!
He got back just in time. I was exhausted. Still am. Somehow, knowing that rescue is at hand makes the last 24 hours harder.
Okaasan was fine, to be honest. But I was having a busy work week, and what with the weather and the cats and all the other bits of life....shattered.
By the time I got home and got dinner on the table I was almost incoherent. So good to have him chatting along all jokey.
How did Okaasan feel about his week-long absence this time?
Well, in the morning I mentioned that Dear Son was due back around 4 pm.
"Oh? Isn't he back yet?" she said vaguely looking at the calender...
And when he arrived at the door he didn't have his key, so he rang the bell. Okaasan came into the hallway asking: "Who's there?" and opened the door.
"I'm back!"
"Oh, you aren't upstairs?" she replied.
;-)
So, Okaasan not really stressed this time about his absence at all really!
Last year she was more aware of his absence and asked about him several times. Not so this time. Good really. Shows she is basically ok with me looking after her.
And the mystery doorbell ringer didn't make an appearance either.
So. His holiday is over. Before work start at the ski resorts (opening this weekend in Hokkaido!!!), he has important stuff to do.
Change the car tires for winter. Number 1.
Fill out all the paperwork from the city office for DAY SERVICE. Number 2.
And! Apparently I read the paperwork wrong. Okaasan's level is higher than I thought - meaning even MORE care/service is possible. ;-)
There are two Low Support service levels or 1 and 2, and then the 1-5 of actual Needing Care ranking. Okaasan is Level 1 in the second stage.
Excellent.
And. More good news: yesterday was my final day at the physiotherapist for the latest knee drama. My left thigh muscles are now so super-strong I can maybe do ski jumping on one leg....please come back if you have problems...but continue the exercises at home.
Good.
Now I can get onto the next health problem - I've reached the age where it is all falling apart - next is this potential polyp in my stomach. I need the stomach camera and I've found a hospital where my student swears they will knock me out senseless before forcing tubes down my gullet.
In my working week I don't have time for more than one Japanese hospital wait-for-hours routine - so now the knee is super-strong it is time to move to the next problem....
And. It is a long weekend. Three glorious days of no work. I need it. Rest time. This week was tiring. I need to get energy up for the whole Christmas/End of Year....and I need to ski.....ski ski ski ski....
This is a video of Niseko one of our famous ski resorts earlier this week. Some guys from a local company went up to enjoy first runs in a deserted ski resort with no lifts working. Oh.....look at it...look at that powder....oh....
Saturday, 17 November 2012
Day 2 - Solo dining and a letter.
Tried, and failed to be a good Oyomesan...but not my fault.
Okaasan has eaten alone for two days, since we were out Wednesday night and I was working Thursday night.
That means she hasn't had a conversation longer than a few words with anyone for 2 days either.
So, last night I was home and cooking. Made a delicious pork/potato/miso soup, and equally delicious rice with little scallops in it, plus saute mushrooms. All great.
Okaasan came home about 6.20 pm and sat watching Tv surrounded by magazines, newspapers and convenience store and bread shop plastic bags...
At 7 pm I called her in for dinner. But she looked uninterested.
"I've only just come back and sat down, I'm not ready for dinner yet. What time is it? What time is dinner? I've just come back..I'll wait and have dinner when Yujiro is home...he's in Tokyo???!!! Why...for job training....????...."
Sigh. But. Yippee. I can have dinner alone.
So I sat at the kitchen table and read the newspaper and ate the delicious dinner.
Two meters away Okaasan sat in her room watching TV. I hoped she might hear the sounds of chopsticks on bowls and come and join me...but no.
Ironically - in the paper I read a really interesting story about a documentary called "Everyday is Alzheimer's" (Mainichi ga Alzheimer), it was made by a Japanese woman who came back from living in Australia to care for her mother. You can find bits of the movie on YouTube and I think there have been some public showings too - looks interesting.
After eating I washed up the cooking stuff and my plates and put hot food for Okaasan into the lunchtime flasks, she was still watching TV. I told her that dinner was on the table anytime she wanted...and left her to it.
:-( A pity really. I hoped to give her some mental stimulation over dinner. But I think she'd eaten something out, or brought home bread and snacks - so of course...not hungry.
If I was a really good Oyomesan I would have gone into Okaasan's room and tried to get her chatting about something to FORCE the mental stimulation on her, but it was already 7.45 pm on Friday night and I was ready to relax. So, I left her blobbed in front of the TV.
Later in the evening I noticed she had eaten what I'd left out for her. She will never, ever starve :-)
This weekend winter arrives in Sapporo and I doubt she will go out, maybe I should take her out for lunch or dinner? I should make sure she actually has conversation anyway.
AND!!!!!!
The letter from the city office about day service has ARRIVED!!!!!!!
I've opened it. No excuses, just nosy...and desperate.
I think it says that she qualifies for Level 1 - which is the lowest level of service...and there are lists of day centers and forms to be filled in etc etc
Exciting!!
Dear Son is away till next Wednesday, so nothing can happen.
But the Next Stage of Getting Public Help is HERE in the house. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes!!!
Okaasan has eaten alone for two days, since we were out Wednesday night and I was working Thursday night.
That means she hasn't had a conversation longer than a few words with anyone for 2 days either.
 |
| Okaasan's lunch things waiting for me at 5 pm..... |
So, last night I was home and cooking. Made a delicious pork/potato/miso soup, and equally delicious rice with little scallops in it, plus saute mushrooms. All great.
Okaasan came home about 6.20 pm and sat watching Tv surrounded by magazines, newspapers and convenience store and bread shop plastic bags...
At 7 pm I called her in for dinner. But she looked uninterested.
"I've only just come back and sat down, I'm not ready for dinner yet. What time is it? What time is dinner? I've just come back..I'll wait and have dinner when Yujiro is home...he's in Tokyo???!!! Why...for job training....????...."
Sigh. But. Yippee. I can have dinner alone.
So I sat at the kitchen table and read the newspaper and ate the delicious dinner.
Two meters away Okaasan sat in her room watching TV. I hoped she might hear the sounds of chopsticks on bowls and come and join me...but no.
Ironically - in the paper I read a really interesting story about a documentary called "Everyday is Alzheimer's" (Mainichi ga Alzheimer), it was made by a Japanese woman who came back from living in Australia to care for her mother. You can find bits of the movie on YouTube and I think there have been some public showings too - looks interesting.
After eating I washed up the cooking stuff and my plates and put hot food for Okaasan into the lunchtime flasks, she was still watching TV. I told her that dinner was on the table anytime she wanted...and left her to it.
:-( A pity really. I hoped to give her some mental stimulation over dinner. But I think she'd eaten something out, or brought home bread and snacks - so of course...not hungry.
If I was a really good Oyomesan I would have gone into Okaasan's room and tried to get her chatting about something to FORCE the mental stimulation on her, but it was already 7.45 pm on Friday night and I was ready to relax. So, I left her blobbed in front of the TV.
Later in the evening I noticed she had eaten what I'd left out for her. She will never, ever starve :-)
This weekend winter arrives in Sapporo and I doubt she will go out, maybe I should take her out for lunch or dinner? I should make sure she actually has conversation anyway.
AND!!!!!!
The letter from the city office about day service has ARRIVED!!!!!!!
I've opened it. No excuses, just nosy...and desperate.
I think it says that she qualifies for Level 1 - which is the lowest level of service...and there are lists of day centers and forms to be filled in etc etc
Exciting!!
Dear Son is away till next Wednesday, so nothing can happen.
But the Next Stage of Getting Public Help is HERE in the house. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes!!!
Monday, 29 October 2012
VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Victory!!!! Victory!!!! Victory!!!!!!
Dear Son is a saint.
I am an awesome, all-powerful Oyomesan.!!!!!!!!!!
Care Section of Toyohira Ward Office in Sapporo is stupendous!!!!!
A young woman came this morning and spent an hour or more at the house, talking to Okaasan and Dear Son. She interviewed Okaasan with a 74 question survey.
"What season is it now?"
"Spring?"
"Does Sapporo have snow in winter?"
"No, Sapporo doesn't get much snow..."
...and other winners... :-)))
The next stage, apparently is that she decides what level of care/service Okaasan needs and gets back in contact - after reading the doctor's report. And then, maybe in December we get a choice of suitable day service centers that would love to stimulate Okaasan's mind and body.
And Okaasan???
She seemed to go along with all of this. The fact that the roads are bad in winter and this will be her way of exercising.
To make sure of that I printed out 3 photographs of our street in winter, piled high with snow...and gave them to Dear Son to use as evidence.
Towards the end of the interview, Okaasan told Dear Son to leave the room and leave her alone with the city office woman! Either embarrassment, or could it be (hopefully) a taking control of the situation for herself? My health. My discussion? That would be good.
Or????? "I hate these people, please find me an air ticket back to Saitama, I must escape them....specially that British woman who interferes in everything.."
That would be good too.
So. The day has come. I really have wanted this day for SO long. Can't tell you how happy I am.
In fact, when I sat with my Dad's body in the funeral home in England 3 years ago, I told Dad "don't worry, we will get Yujiro's mother into day care or something, don't worry about me, it will be ok..." and then I cried a whole lot more. Sitting there with my Dad's body, clutching his favorite chocolate biscuits.
How's that for drama?
I know my Dad and step-mum worried a lot about me and this situation - the stress it was putting me under etc Yujiro's attitude to outside help.
Now, wherever they are - they can rest on this subject.
Maybe.
Of course, we haven't got Okaasan into the bus and into the doors of the day service center yet.
But we are another step nearer.
I didn't leave anything to chance though.
This morning I printed out my friend's translated letter. The one I gave to the doctor. Then I stuffed it in an envelope and rushed to the city office on my way to work at 9.15 am.
Bugger whether the city office care manager thinks I am an over-micro managing Oyomesan. Bugger that. THIS is important to me. I am a big part of the decisions and care of Okaasan, and I want my voice to be heard.
So I delivered it to the care managing desk - actually into the hands of the poor woman who was heading out to see her first client of the day.
She was a worriedly young-looking woman. Kind of social services/librarian type. Would Okaasan walk all over her. Would Okaasan be fooled by her youth into letting her guard down?
I wondered. And wondered. All the way to work.
Shit. Would she show Okaasan the letter, by mistake or on purpose?
In fact, I rushed back into her office to make sure: this letter is for you to read now, NOT for my Okaasan - despite the fact her name is on the envelope.
I was that nervous about it.
No worries. Maybe. She DID talk about the letter to Dear Son in the entrance hall of our house...surprising him a bit (but he is used to his micro-managing woman after all these years...). So, we hope Okaasan didn't hear that conversation!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So Happy.
I did it.
Dear Son is a saint.
I am an awesome, all-powerful Oyomesan.!!!!!!!!!!
Care Section of Toyohira Ward Office in Sapporo is stupendous!!!!!
A young woman came this morning and spent an hour or more at the house, talking to Okaasan and Dear Son. She interviewed Okaasan with a 74 question survey.
"What season is it now?"
"Spring?"
"Does Sapporo have snow in winter?"
"No, Sapporo doesn't get much snow..."
...and other winners... :-)))
The next stage, apparently is that she decides what level of care/service Okaasan needs and gets back in contact - after reading the doctor's report. And then, maybe in December we get a choice of suitable day service centers that would love to stimulate Okaasan's mind and body.
And Okaasan???
She seemed to go along with all of this. The fact that the roads are bad in winter and this will be her way of exercising.
To make sure of that I printed out 3 photographs of our street in winter, piled high with snow...and gave them to Dear Son to use as evidence.
Towards the end of the interview, Okaasan told Dear Son to leave the room and leave her alone with the city office woman! Either embarrassment, or could it be (hopefully) a taking control of the situation for herself? My health. My discussion? That would be good.
Or????? "I hate these people, please find me an air ticket back to Saitama, I must escape them....specially that British woman who interferes in everything.."
That would be good too.
So. The day has come. I really have wanted this day for SO long. Can't tell you how happy I am.
In fact, when I sat with my Dad's body in the funeral home in England 3 years ago, I told Dad "don't worry, we will get Yujiro's mother into day care or something, don't worry about me, it will be ok..." and then I cried a whole lot more. Sitting there with my Dad's body, clutching his favorite chocolate biscuits.
How's that for drama?
I know my Dad and step-mum worried a lot about me and this situation - the stress it was putting me under etc Yujiro's attitude to outside help.
Now, wherever they are - they can rest on this subject.
Maybe.
Of course, we haven't got Okaasan into the bus and into the doors of the day service center yet.
But we are another step nearer.
I didn't leave anything to chance though.
This morning I printed out my friend's translated letter. The one I gave to the doctor. Then I stuffed it in an envelope and rushed to the city office on my way to work at 9.15 am.
Bugger whether the city office care manager thinks I am an over-micro managing Oyomesan. Bugger that. THIS is important to me. I am a big part of the decisions and care of Okaasan, and I want my voice to be heard.
So I delivered it to the care managing desk - actually into the hands of the poor woman who was heading out to see her first client of the day.
She was a worriedly young-looking woman. Kind of social services/librarian type. Would Okaasan walk all over her. Would Okaasan be fooled by her youth into letting her guard down?
I wondered. And wondered. All the way to work.
Shit. Would she show Okaasan the letter, by mistake or on purpose?
In fact, I rushed back into her office to make sure: this letter is for you to read now, NOT for my Okaasan - despite the fact her name is on the envelope.
I was that nervous about it.
No worries. Maybe. She DID talk about the letter to Dear Son in the entrance hall of our house...surprising him a bit (but he is used to his micro-managing woman after all these years...). So, we hope Okaasan didn't hear that conversation!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So Happy.
I did it.
Friday, 19 October 2012
And so............
Quiet here tonight.
We are watching baseball, hoping the local team will win this stage of the national championships.
Okaasan is sitting in her room downstairs watching TV.
We had dinner seperatly. We ate first in the kitchen and she stayed in her room. Then after we finished and came upstairs, she went and got food and took it into her room.
The doctor said:
Okaasan scored 15 out of 30 points in the dementia test. Not early stage dementia anymore, pretty advancing dementia. More than we thought.
Even before meeting the doc, when the nurse asked Okaasan: "How often do you have a bath?" she cheerfully said: "Oh, every day!", and when Yujiro corrected her she said:"you don't know because you are out, I have a bath". Of course that could, techincally be true...but it isn't for sure. She always does laundry in the bathroom and leaves the water in the bath, and wet towels around.
That only happens when we TELL her to have a bath, once or twice a week.
The doctor says a recommendation for day care shouldn't be a problem. Dear Son should go back to city office and make the application, she will recommend it.
Phew. All of it.
But for now, we are quiet.
He is feeling down - "I thought I was doing my best for her, I didn't realise how bad she was", and I just feel tired with it all.
Okaasan, who amazingly DID agree to go along to the doctor on her son's direct "in winter, you don't exercise enough, you should go to daycare, but first you must go to a doctor" - I am sure she is feeling tired, stressed and not happy.
So, we'll leave her to have a quiet weekend and hope it all fades in a day or two...and she will come back into her routines.
So. There, we did it. 15 out of 30. It ain't very good. We probably already make allowances for her, because we live with her. She does a good job of covering her confusions about life. But big gaps are developing in her mind.
Back to the baseball. This week was neverending on so many counts.
My weekend starts here.
We are watching baseball, hoping the local team will win this stage of the national championships.
Okaasan is sitting in her room downstairs watching TV.
We had dinner seperatly. We ate first in the kitchen and she stayed in her room. Then after we finished and came upstairs, she went and got food and took it into her room.
The doctor said:
Okaasan scored 15 out of 30 points in the dementia test. Not early stage dementia anymore, pretty advancing dementia. More than we thought.
Even before meeting the doc, when the nurse asked Okaasan: "How often do you have a bath?" she cheerfully said: "Oh, every day!", and when Yujiro corrected her she said:"you don't know because you are out, I have a bath". Of course that could, techincally be true...but it isn't for sure. She always does laundry in the bathroom and leaves the water in the bath, and wet towels around.
That only happens when we TELL her to have a bath, once or twice a week.
The doctor says a recommendation for day care shouldn't be a problem. Dear Son should go back to city office and make the application, she will recommend it.
Phew. All of it.
But for now, we are quiet.
He is feeling down - "I thought I was doing my best for her, I didn't realise how bad she was", and I just feel tired with it all.
Okaasan, who amazingly DID agree to go along to the doctor on her son's direct "in winter, you don't exercise enough, you should go to daycare, but first you must go to a doctor" - I am sure she is feeling tired, stressed and not happy.
So, we'll leave her to have a quiet weekend and hope it all fades in a day or two...and she will come back into her routines.
So. There, we did it. 15 out of 30. It ain't very good. We probably already make allowances for her, because we live with her. She does a good job of covering her confusions about life. But big gaps are developing in her mind.
Back to the baseball. This week was neverending on so many counts.
My weekend starts here.
D-Day
Doctor Day
Dementia Day
Desperate Day
All of the above.
So, I came to work just now and left him at home, faffing around until lunchtime when he will suddenly say to his mother:
"Okaasan, y'know, recently your memory has been not so great, after lunch we are going to talk to a doctor. Be ready at 1.30 pm. Would you like more tofu?"
How would you react?
I think I'd get angry with him, defend myself strongly and then stuff the tofu down his throat and go back to watching the weather channel on TV.
That's what I'd do.
That's what I fear is going to happen.
But I can't do any more. I've brought her and him to this day: the day you actually bring Dementia out into public and ask for help.
He wasn't talking much to me about this today. I showed him the new-patient entry form on the clinic website, he downloaded and printed it out. Then put it in a file and didn't do anything about it yet. I have to stand back and let him take the action from here. He isn't going to do the white lie way. He's going for the truth because he says she will rise to the challenge of proving that she is ok. Proving it by taking an interview test.
I wish I was a fly on the clinic wall today.
My final input was to deliver my letter to the doctor last night. The clinic is just round the corner from my classroom, so on my way home I jumped out of the car and ran across to put it in the mail box - my appeal for help with daycare and my assessment of Okaasan's abilities.
Couldn't find the mail box!!!
WTF???
This business doesn't have a mail box??? Just a glass sliding door? Don't they get letters? I hunted all round the building front, and in the apartment entrance area round the corner. Couldn't find one anyway.
Finally, I managed to slip the envelope under the glass doors into the clinic hallway. Ggyahhhh!!
This is going to be like some movie where the all-important letter slips under the doormat and nobody ever reads it.
Okaasan? All oblivious to what's going to happen to her today. Or, not happen.
We haven't said anything about it at all. If we did, she would fuss and fuss and stress and stress.
But of course, in that sick-pet-getting-perky-at-the-vets-kind-of-a-way she was on GREAT form yesterday.
Came out into the kitchen at breakfast time and greeted me cheerfully, took every single pair of dirty underpants into the bath to wash (but then forgot them all and left them in damp piles around the bathroom), and at dinner was very chatty with us about her husband and his golf playing...how she used to go along with him and sit in the golf clubs studying English and chatting to the caddys (but did repeat the stories several times).
All so normal.
I swear she pops downtown to an Internet cafe and checks this blog, and does this to wind me up.
Dear Son doesn't think she is so bad - he tells me each and every single time she does the washing up - I tell HIM each and every single time she leaves food rotting in her living room.
We trade stories to justify our point of view.
Such is family life around a touchy, health topic.
Haaaah. Let's all just cross our fingers and hope today goes as hoped.
Yesterday, I climbed another mountain of stress and survived. Did a speech in Japanese to the Inner Wheel Club, (the women of Rotary members). 3 weeks in preparation and 30 mins plus questions/answers in delivery.
SO relieved when it was over.
Doing things formally in Japanese is a big challenge for me, despite living here for 20 years. The topic was UK Volunteering...and I concentrated on sponsored events, charity shops and casual, local community volunteering. I think it went ok.
All a blur really. Made a mistake of not taking off my watch and putting it on the table in front of me - so first of all I didn't know how long it was all taking - until I somehow wrangled the watch off (while juggling with the microphone) and got it onto the table.
So elated afterwards. Huge weight off my mind. Came back to the classroom and ate a chocolate pudding to celebrate. Felt giddy-happy for the rest of the day.
Hope I feel giddy-happy later today.
There's a story in Japan at the moment of a woman who murdered many family members over many years and put the bodies under the house. Japanese media are wallowing in it.
Blog readers who know where I live (Heather, Izumi, Kumiko etc): if I don't post anything here for 24 hours after now, pleeeeese come and dig in the garden!
There's no knowing how Okaasan is going to react to being told she needs to see a doctor about a mental health issue.
D-Day.
Dementia Day
Desperate Day
All of the above.
So, I came to work just now and left him at home, faffing around until lunchtime when he will suddenly say to his mother:
"Okaasan, y'know, recently your memory has been not so great, after lunch we are going to talk to a doctor. Be ready at 1.30 pm. Would you like more tofu?"
How would you react?
I think I'd get angry with him, defend myself strongly and then stuff the tofu down his throat and go back to watching the weather channel on TV.
That's what I'd do.
That's what I fear is going to happen.
But I can't do any more. I've brought her and him to this day: the day you actually bring Dementia out into public and ask for help.
He wasn't talking much to me about this today. I showed him the new-patient entry form on the clinic website, he downloaded and printed it out. Then put it in a file and didn't do anything about it yet. I have to stand back and let him take the action from here. He isn't going to do the white lie way. He's going for the truth because he says she will rise to the challenge of proving that she is ok. Proving it by taking an interview test.
I wish I was a fly on the clinic wall today.
My final input was to deliver my letter to the doctor last night. The clinic is just round the corner from my classroom, so on my way home I jumped out of the car and ran across to put it in the mail box - my appeal for help with daycare and my assessment of Okaasan's abilities.
Couldn't find the mail box!!!
WTF???
This business doesn't have a mail box??? Just a glass sliding door? Don't they get letters? I hunted all round the building front, and in the apartment entrance area round the corner. Couldn't find one anyway.
Finally, I managed to slip the envelope under the glass doors into the clinic hallway. Ggyahhhh!!
This is going to be like some movie where the all-important letter slips under the doormat and nobody ever reads it.
Okaasan? All oblivious to what's going to happen to her today. Or, not happen.
We haven't said anything about it at all. If we did, she would fuss and fuss and stress and stress.
But of course, in that sick-pet-getting-perky-at-the-vets-kind-of-a-way she was on GREAT form yesterday.
Came out into the kitchen at breakfast time and greeted me cheerfully, took every single pair of dirty underpants into the bath to wash (but then forgot them all and left them in damp piles around the bathroom), and at dinner was very chatty with us about her husband and his golf playing...how she used to go along with him and sit in the golf clubs studying English and chatting to the caddys (but did repeat the stories several times).
All so normal.
I swear she pops downtown to an Internet cafe and checks this blog, and does this to wind me up.
Dear Son doesn't think she is so bad - he tells me each and every single time she does the washing up - I tell HIM each and every single time she leaves food rotting in her living room.
We trade stories to justify our point of view.
Such is family life around a touchy, health topic.
Haaaah. Let's all just cross our fingers and hope today goes as hoped.
Yesterday, I climbed another mountain of stress and survived. Did a speech in Japanese to the Inner Wheel Club, (the women of Rotary members). 3 weeks in preparation and 30 mins plus questions/answers in delivery.
SO relieved when it was over.
Doing things formally in Japanese is a big challenge for me, despite living here for 20 years. The topic was UK Volunteering...and I concentrated on sponsored events, charity shops and casual, local community volunteering. I think it went ok.
All a blur really. Made a mistake of not taking off my watch and putting it on the table in front of me - so first of all I didn't know how long it was all taking - until I somehow wrangled the watch off (while juggling with the microphone) and got it onto the table.
So elated afterwards. Huge weight off my mind. Came back to the classroom and ate a chocolate pudding to celebrate. Felt giddy-happy for the rest of the day.
Hope I feel giddy-happy later today.
There's a story in Japan at the moment of a woman who murdered many family members over many years and put the bodies under the house. Japanese media are wallowing in it.
Blog readers who know where I live (Heather, Izumi, Kumiko etc): if I don't post anything here for 24 hours after now, pleeeeese come and dig in the garden!
There's no knowing how Okaasan is going to react to being told she needs to see a doctor about a mental health issue.
D-Day.
Friday, 12 October 2012
A doctor date :-)
Dear Blog readers - let us stand and join hands in celebration.
Dear Son has booked an appointment at a doctor's office next week for Okaasan to go along and have the assessment.
Finally.
I feel so lightheaded and happy today - nothing can pull me down. Walking with a spring in my step (despite reoccurring gammy knee) and a silly grin on my face.
Happy.
Yup. We are finally moving towards getting outside help on this situation. This time next week Dear Son will somehow persuade Okaasan to follow him trustingly into a clinic and into a nice, friendly doctor's office where she will do the Hasegawa dementia assessment test interview, and score mild to intermediate - and get recommend as suitable for day care etc etc etc.
ETC!!!!!
This is what I hope. It's very late to get Okaasan all set up for day care this winter as the roads here will be bad 2 months from now, and she may give us many stresses along the way as she fights the change - but I want us to be trying this, and trying it with outside help - a day service staff or city office case worker.
Finally we went with one of the doctors recommended by my student's husband. As I was getting ready for work yesterday I was telling Dear Son to call the clinic - NO! DON'T talk to Okaasan first. No! Clinic first, then a white lie to her on the morning of the visit. No reason to get her all stressy before that.
In movies people have important conversations sitting at a table, in my life I seem to have them dashing around trying to get out of the house for work - hunting for students' homework books, car keys and knee support band..."yes, call that clinic today...no, don't talk to her first....we must do this soon..today.....".
And he did.
All summer I put off activating him on this topic, he put off responding, we've both delayed too long. Finally action.
The clinic looks really nice. And I looked at the web site, the doctor is a woman...the clinic is a small, clean, calm looking place. Unfortunately it is called XX Mental Clinic, which isn't a great name..."mental" gives most people a bad impression and certainly for a Japanese woman of Okaasan's generation.
But maybe Dear Son can distract her at the entrance with chat about a pretty flower display or something....so she misses the word "mental" on the sign board.
The nurse told him that they can do the interview, but don't have the equipment to do CT brain scans. I hope that's unnecessary - Okaasan would never submit to actual machines and drugs and things. A chatty interview just about.
She does have dementia and the interview alone should show that clearly.
I would so, so love to be a fly on the wall of the interview. But I guess it'll just be mother and son...or mother alone with the doc. I wonder if I can burrow down under the building and press a glass against the floorboards?
Oh, great. I so hope this is gonna happen. Yipppppppeeeeeeeee!!!
*...and other doctors..
* I went and did the barium drinking test for a stomach cancer check-up. Not at all as bad as I was expecting. I think the Japanese delicacy of fermented squid guts is far worse. Results in 2 weeks.
* I went and did two lots of physio at the orthopedic hospital for my knee. It's tough love, but obviously good. I need to build up much more strength in my left leg so that the pressure on the knee is reduced. It is scary how seemingly simple exercises are hard when you have to do them 10 or 20 times. I felt exhausted.
But.
But.
But.
Okaasan is going to get assessed for day care or something. Everything else - even the fact that I have to do a 30 minute speech on volunteerism in the Uk to a Rotary ladies lunch IN JAPANESE next week - even that, is doable.
Happpppppy.
You can all let go of eachother's hands now and relax.
Dear Son has booked an appointment at a doctor's office next week for Okaasan to go along and have the assessment.
Finally.
I feel so lightheaded and happy today - nothing can pull me down. Walking with a spring in my step (despite reoccurring gammy knee) and a silly grin on my face.
Happy.
Yup. We are finally moving towards getting outside help on this situation. This time next week Dear Son will somehow persuade Okaasan to follow him trustingly into a clinic and into a nice, friendly doctor's office where she will do the Hasegawa dementia assessment test interview, and score mild to intermediate - and get recommend as suitable for day care etc etc etc.
ETC!!!!!
This is what I hope. It's very late to get Okaasan all set up for day care this winter as the roads here will be bad 2 months from now, and she may give us many stresses along the way as she fights the change - but I want us to be trying this, and trying it with outside help - a day service staff or city office case worker.
Finally we went with one of the doctors recommended by my student's husband. As I was getting ready for work yesterday I was telling Dear Son to call the clinic - NO! DON'T talk to Okaasan first. No! Clinic first, then a white lie to her on the morning of the visit. No reason to get her all stressy before that.
In movies people have important conversations sitting at a table, in my life I seem to have them dashing around trying to get out of the house for work - hunting for students' homework books, car keys and knee support band..."yes, call that clinic today...no, don't talk to her first....we must do this soon..today.....".
And he did.
All summer I put off activating him on this topic, he put off responding, we've both delayed too long. Finally action.
The clinic looks really nice. And I looked at the web site, the doctor is a woman...the clinic is a small, clean, calm looking place. Unfortunately it is called XX Mental Clinic, which isn't a great name..."mental" gives most people a bad impression and certainly for a Japanese woman of Okaasan's generation.
But maybe Dear Son can distract her at the entrance with chat about a pretty flower display or something....so she misses the word "mental" on the sign board.
The nurse told him that they can do the interview, but don't have the equipment to do CT brain scans. I hope that's unnecessary - Okaasan would never submit to actual machines and drugs and things. A chatty interview just about.
She does have dementia and the interview alone should show that clearly.
I would so, so love to be a fly on the wall of the interview. But I guess it'll just be mother and son...or mother alone with the doc. I wonder if I can burrow down under the building and press a glass against the floorboards?
Oh, great. I so hope this is gonna happen. Yipppppppeeeeeeeee!!!
*...and other doctors..
* I went and did the barium drinking test for a stomach cancer check-up. Not at all as bad as I was expecting. I think the Japanese delicacy of fermented squid guts is far worse. Results in 2 weeks.
* I went and did two lots of physio at the orthopedic hospital for my knee. It's tough love, but obviously good. I need to build up much more strength in my left leg so that the pressure on the knee is reduced. It is scary how seemingly simple exercises are hard when you have to do them 10 or 20 times. I felt exhausted.
But.
But.
But.
Okaasan is going to get assessed for day care or something. Everything else - even the fact that I have to do a 30 minute speech on volunteerism in the Uk to a Rotary ladies lunch IN JAPANESE next week - even that, is doable.
Happpppppy.
You can all let go of eachother's hands now and relax.
Friday, 5 October 2012
*#*#?#$
Hear me wilting from there?
####****&%$#$.
The city office says we have to get Okaasan to a hospital and a doctor for the assessment.
+)('&%##$%%&'I(NMJFTYXYRHMN<##%'(P))(''??**`"
Can't type the word I want to type here without Blogger deleting this account for public obscenity reasons.
Okaasan who hates hospitals and doctors, because she knows better than anyone in the whole wide world. Well, Health Guru Nishi-sensei knew a little better. But he's dead. Probably because he refused day care help and his demented mind stopped working. So we can't ask him to help.
I'm so, so so disappointed. Really thought that today it was all finally going to grind into action. Instead, came home from the city office after just 10 minutes, changed my clothes for work and will probably eat a huge amount of chocolate today to comfort myself.
A last ditch effort for help - the husband of one of my students is a psychiatrist. He offered back in the summer that someone from his hospital would do the assessment of Okaasan for us. At home? At the kitchen table over a cup of tea? I hope so. How I hope so.
I've sent my student e mails and stuff and we'll hold our breath. See what her husband thinks. Was it just a kind offer from someone who doesn't know the details of how the system works in Sapporo city? His specialty isn't old people, he was offering to introduce a colleague. Would a home visit assessment from a qualified person be ok? Frustratingly, my friend who is a public health worker near Tokyo says in HER city home assessments are available.
Not in Toyohira ward, Sapporo. Bugger.
The alternative is that this weekend we take Okaasan to a nice local hot spring and have warm friendly, family time...and then Yujiro will spring the topic on her.
He (predictably) wants to go the Total Honesty route: recently you've been having bad memory problems haven't you? Why don't we go along and chat to a nice doctor person and see if you qualify for a nice, friendly day care place this winter, you could go along in a free bus and exercise and meet people and have fun! Couldn't you! That would be nice , wouldn't it!
And she will agree to this. And off she and Dear Son will go next week to a local hospital, and the doctor will say she is Level 2 on the dementia scale, or whatever, and he will recommend the city office make a Care Plan - and we will all skip happily into the sunset.
Or: she will say "I don't need anybody's help, cos I know best", or she will say "Yes" and then get to the doors of a hospital and see the words "Mental" or "Senior" on a sign and refuse to enter the building.
Not fair. Not fair at all. I get it : home assessments are expensive and my taxes would have to increase to support this. Most old people love going to hospitals and talking about themselves to a doctor.
Not ours.
FUCK IT. Hope Blogger doesn't delete me, cos otherwise I will go on a rampage with a large machine gun and take out my frustrations on the 3rd floor of the city office.
####****&%$#$.
The city office says we have to get Okaasan to a hospital and a doctor for the assessment.
+)('&%##$%%&'I(NMJFTYXYRHMN<##%'(P))(''??**`"
Can't type the word I want to type here without Blogger deleting this account for public obscenity reasons.
Okaasan who hates hospitals and doctors, because she knows better than anyone in the whole wide world. Well, Health Guru Nishi-sensei knew a little better. But he's dead. Probably because he refused day care help and his demented mind stopped working. So we can't ask him to help.
I'm so, so so disappointed. Really thought that today it was all finally going to grind into action. Instead, came home from the city office after just 10 minutes, changed my clothes for work and will probably eat a huge amount of chocolate today to comfort myself.
A last ditch effort for help - the husband of one of my students is a psychiatrist. He offered back in the summer that someone from his hospital would do the assessment of Okaasan for us. At home? At the kitchen table over a cup of tea? I hope so. How I hope so.
I've sent my student e mails and stuff and we'll hold our breath. See what her husband thinks. Was it just a kind offer from someone who doesn't know the details of how the system works in Sapporo city? His specialty isn't old people, he was offering to introduce a colleague. Would a home visit assessment from a qualified person be ok? Frustratingly, my friend who is a public health worker near Tokyo says in HER city home assessments are available.
Not in Toyohira ward, Sapporo. Bugger.
The alternative is that this weekend we take Okaasan to a nice local hot spring and have warm friendly, family time...and then Yujiro will spring the topic on her.
He (predictably) wants to go the Total Honesty route: recently you've been having bad memory problems haven't you? Why don't we go along and chat to a nice doctor person and see if you qualify for a nice, friendly day care place this winter, you could go along in a free bus and exercise and meet people and have fun! Couldn't you! That would be nice , wouldn't it!
And she will agree to this. And off she and Dear Son will go next week to a local hospital, and the doctor will say she is Level 2 on the dementia scale, or whatever, and he will recommend the city office make a Care Plan - and we will all skip happily into the sunset.
Or: she will say "I don't need anybody's help, cos I know best", or she will say "Yes" and then get to the doors of a hospital and see the words "Mental" or "Senior" on a sign and refuse to enter the building.
Not fair. Not fair at all. I get it : home assessments are expensive and my taxes would have to increase to support this. Most old people love going to hospitals and talking about themselves to a doctor.
Not ours.
FUCK IT. Hope Blogger doesn't delete me, cos otherwise I will go on a rampage with a large machine gun and take out my frustrations on the 3rd floor of the city office.
Tuesday, 2 October 2012
The final countdown...yeah!
Ok. NOW going-to-the-city-office-to-ask-for-assessment is on the schedule for this Friday.
So it might actually happen.
Come typhoon or earthquake, bubonic plague or meteorite ...he and I will finally ask for help.
He was still doing nothing, and I am despairing of a rainy day forcing him off-work so he'll go to the city office. Last night I told him to TAKE time off work and let's do this thing - get the wheels turning. He agreed and said today, then rescheduled for Friday.
Friday it is then.
I seem to be seeing wispy/vacant old people everywhere at the moment - and comparing them to Okaasan, who trots off happily alone most afternoons for a walk and shop, and comes home to sort of particpate in dinner conversations. Am I over reacting? Is it too early for day care? I guess this is guilt setting in. This will happen (assuming it WILL happen) because of me: I can't cope with Okaasan in the winter. Seeing Okaasan now - when the weather is good and she goes out most days - gives me uncertainty.
She is still pretty able in all things, and our care for her is doable. Frustrating often and funny often, but doable.
I really have to remind myself of the change in winter. When he is away for weeks working and I come home late afternoon to find she hasn't ventured out again. And her mood goes down and down, and the shitty toilet accidents come back, and the hamster wheel conversations.
I need to remind myself of those times.
She needs mental stimulation and physical exercise. She really does. And I need carer support. I really do.
Okaasan DID finally use the found subway card and go downtown again. Sunday afternoon, I was going to the supermarket which is next to the station, just after she'd left the house (okay, so I was kinda following her :-)))
and she trotted into the subway station and thru the ticket gate and off she went.
Later, at dinner, I mentioned downtown: "Did you go downtown today?"
"Downtown? No, I don't think so. I forget. I went to Macdonald's...."
But I'm glad she went and returned ok. There's been a 3 weeks gap since she was there and I wondered if she would be ok about going and returning, whether she would remember it all - but she seemed ok.
In other news: our cats are turning this house into the Horror House of Death. Birds...mice..insects...oh god, it's horrible. I love cats, I really do...but...oh....horrible.
Yesterday Chichi brought a piegon home. A whole pigeon. Yujiro followed the trail of blood upstairs to the corpse at the top. At 5 am Popo got us all awake by growling over his dieing sparrow...and then in the minutes before I went to work 5 hours later - he reappeared with a still squeaking mouse.
I really had to go to work, so I closed all the interior doors and left the chase-to-the-death happening in our utility room.
Came back 4 hours later...and there is NO trace of the mouse! None! No tail, no guts. Nothing. I've looked everwhere. Found two toy mice and a lot of dust. I fear the remains will turn up in my ski boots bag in December, or in the cleaning equipment box when I clean on a Blue Moon.
And my knee. It's back. Bugger.
Three years ago, two years ago - this blog was full of my left knee and its cartilage. I thought it was almost ok now. I ski (slowly), I walk in parks, I can even trot across roads when the lights are about to change. I go to the gym 3 times a week and don't wear knee support so much. Still take a Glucosamine tablet daily.
Two weeks ago I went away for a wonderful weekend trip with my friend and her cute 9 kg plus baby.....obviously I carried him too much. My knee/thigh started aching and aching. I've tried taking it easy....but the is no escaping the fact: it hurts and I am starting to curtail activity again.
Bugger. Oh bugger. Bugger.
I hate this. I am only 51 years old. Will I never get this thing better? It doesn't bode well for me as an old lady...
I'm looking around for a recommended orthopedic doc. An MRI maybe? More of those awful injections??
I hate getting old.
Physical aging problems, like gammy knees, are one thing. Getting dementia is another.
This week a friend who is a big fan of the TEDX lectures sent me a link to this video: a woman describing the steps she is taking to prepare for life if she gets dementia. Have a look, it's very moving and thought-provoking.
Alanna Shaikh talks about Alzheimer's Disease Preparations.
So it might actually happen.
Come typhoon or earthquake, bubonic plague or meteorite ...he and I will finally ask for help.
He was still doing nothing, and I am despairing of a rainy day forcing him off-work so he'll go to the city office. Last night I told him to TAKE time off work and let's do this thing - get the wheels turning. He agreed and said today, then rescheduled for Friday.
Friday it is then.
I seem to be seeing wispy/vacant old people everywhere at the moment - and comparing them to Okaasan, who trots off happily alone most afternoons for a walk and shop, and comes home to sort of particpate in dinner conversations. Am I over reacting? Is it too early for day care? I guess this is guilt setting in. This will happen (assuming it WILL happen) because of me: I can't cope with Okaasan in the winter. Seeing Okaasan now - when the weather is good and she goes out most days - gives me uncertainty.
She is still pretty able in all things, and our care for her is doable. Frustrating often and funny often, but doable.
I really have to remind myself of the change in winter. When he is away for weeks working and I come home late afternoon to find she hasn't ventured out again. And her mood goes down and down, and the shitty toilet accidents come back, and the hamster wheel conversations.
I need to remind myself of those times.
She needs mental stimulation and physical exercise. She really does. And I need carer support. I really do.
Okaasan DID finally use the found subway card and go downtown again. Sunday afternoon, I was going to the supermarket which is next to the station, just after she'd left the house (okay, so I was kinda following her :-)))
and she trotted into the subway station and thru the ticket gate and off she went.
Later, at dinner, I mentioned downtown: "Did you go downtown today?"
"Downtown? No, I don't think so. I forget. I went to Macdonald's...."
But I'm glad she went and returned ok. There's been a 3 weeks gap since she was there and I wondered if she would be ok about going and returning, whether she would remember it all - but she seemed ok.
In other news: our cats are turning this house into the Horror House of Death. Birds...mice..insects...oh god, it's horrible. I love cats, I really do...but...oh....horrible.
Yesterday Chichi brought a piegon home. A whole pigeon. Yujiro followed the trail of blood upstairs to the corpse at the top. At 5 am Popo got us all awake by growling over his dieing sparrow...and then in the minutes before I went to work 5 hours later - he reappeared with a still squeaking mouse.
I really had to go to work, so I closed all the interior doors and left the chase-to-the-death happening in our utility room.
Came back 4 hours later...and there is NO trace of the mouse! None! No tail, no guts. Nothing. I've looked everwhere. Found two toy mice and a lot of dust. I fear the remains will turn up in my ski boots bag in December, or in the cleaning equipment box when I clean on a Blue Moon.
And my knee. It's back. Bugger.
Three years ago, two years ago - this blog was full of my left knee and its cartilage. I thought it was almost ok now. I ski (slowly), I walk in parks, I can even trot across roads when the lights are about to change. I go to the gym 3 times a week and don't wear knee support so much. Still take a Glucosamine tablet daily.
Two weeks ago I went away for a wonderful weekend trip with my friend and her cute 9 kg plus baby.....obviously I carried him too much. My knee/thigh started aching and aching. I've tried taking it easy....but the is no escaping the fact: it hurts and I am starting to curtail activity again.
Bugger. Oh bugger. Bugger.
I hate this. I am only 51 years old. Will I never get this thing better? It doesn't bode well for me as an old lady...
I'm looking around for a recommended orthopedic doc. An MRI maybe? More of those awful injections??
I hate getting old.
Physical aging problems, like gammy knees, are one thing. Getting dementia is another.
This week a friend who is a big fan of the TEDX lectures sent me a link to this video: a woman describing the steps she is taking to prepare for life if she gets dementia. Have a look, it's very moving and thought-provoking.
Alanna Shaikh talks about Alzheimer's Disease Preparations.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Scoring dementia.
I've been hunting around the Internet wondering WHAT kind of assessment the city office might use with Okaasan....dreaming, dreaming of the day they come and do it.
There is something called the Hasegawa Dementia Scale, which has been used in Japan for years and revised. It seems to be 11 questions - some factual like "What's the date today?" and some ability tests "Can you count backwards/remember 5 items".
In quiet moments between lessons I've been looking at the questions and wondering how Okaasan would score. A total of 30 points, with anything under 15 being a stage of dementia and a score of 15-20 being an early sign of it.
This assuming she would agree to talk to a person doing this kind of test...
I can imagine her getting annoyed and leaving the room and shouting at all of us.
I HOPE they do it with some gentle, common-sense.
1. Dates - Okaasan is pretty bad at that.
2. Where are you? 2.5 points.
3. Age? 2 points.
4. How long since? Maybe bad.
5. Birthplace. No problem.2 points.
6. Dates of public events? Maybe ok. 3.5 points.
7. Days/Minutes. hmmmm
8. Prime Minister? Maybe ok, does ANYONE in Japan remember who it is right now? 3 points.
9. Subtractions. Maybe ok. Okaasan was a book keeper long ago. 6 points.
10. Repeat backwards...um...maybe no.
11. Remember items...maybe no.
Well, that's a score of 18....maybe.
The thing is, Okaasan is pretty good on short conversations - I am really hoping that the fact of both Yujiro and I working full time, and him being away in winter - so she is alone with a foreigner speaking strange Japanese - I hope THOSE facts will get us into day care.
And this is bad....I was thinking of getting her to a hair salon soon....but I thought it could wait until after the assessment, because she looks so much worse with her long, straggly hair unbrushed and all a bit crazy.......
That's bad of me. But I stated that at the start of this Blog. I am no angel. Devious is my middle name.
Today I went shopping for Okaasan: bought some new underpants and a pair of black trousers to replace the damaged ones. And got the dry cleaning for her. Clothes duties.
And the Aloe yogurt frenzy continues. We have 4 packs of it in the fridge at the moment. Okaasan buys it every time she goes out....
Cross fingers that the assessment happens, that she scores badly enough to get into day care....and that it happens with a nice city office person persuading Okaasan that "wouldn't it be nice...?"
There is something called the Hasegawa Dementia Scale, which has been used in Japan for years and revised. It seems to be 11 questions - some factual like "What's the date today?" and some ability tests "Can you count backwards/remember 5 items".
In quiet moments between lessons I've been looking at the questions and wondering how Okaasan would score. A total of 30 points, with anything under 15 being a stage of dementia and a score of 15-20 being an early sign of it.
This assuming she would agree to talk to a person doing this kind of test...
I can imagine her getting annoyed and leaving the room and shouting at all of us.
I HOPE they do it with some gentle, common-sense.
1. Dates - Okaasan is pretty bad at that.
2. Where are you? 2.5 points.
3. Age? 2 points.
4. How long since? Maybe bad.
5. Birthplace. No problem.2 points.
6. Dates of public events? Maybe ok. 3.5 points.
7. Days/Minutes. hmmmm
8. Prime Minister? Maybe ok, does ANYONE in Japan remember who it is right now? 3 points.
9. Subtractions. Maybe ok. Okaasan was a book keeper long ago. 6 points.
10. Repeat backwards...um...maybe no.
11. Remember items...maybe no.
Well, that's a score of 18....maybe.
The thing is, Okaasan is pretty good on short conversations - I am really hoping that the fact of both Yujiro and I working full time, and him being away in winter - so she is alone with a foreigner speaking strange Japanese - I hope THOSE facts will get us into day care.
And this is bad....I was thinking of getting her to a hair salon soon....but I thought it could wait until after the assessment, because she looks so much worse with her long, straggly hair unbrushed and all a bit crazy.......
That's bad of me. But I stated that at the start of this Blog. I am no angel. Devious is my middle name.
Today I went shopping for Okaasan: bought some new underpants and a pair of black trousers to replace the damaged ones. And got the dry cleaning for her. Clothes duties.
And the Aloe yogurt frenzy continues. We have 4 packs of it in the fridge at the moment. Okaasan buys it every time she goes out....
Cross fingers that the assessment happens, that she scores badly enough to get into day care....and that it happens with a nice city office person persuading Okaasan that "wouldn't it be nice...?"
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
Glacial moving...
Stand back! Don't rush to see! Careful!
A Japanese man is taking action.
Today was raining - autumn has finally thought it should show up here - and Dear Son acted on my gentle reminder: Don't just sit and watch TV all day, use this non-working time to start finding out about Okaasan and assessment.
So he checked around the website for the ward office.
He thinks he understands that he has to go and make an application. And then someone will come to the house and assess. And then...and then? There are 75 points on which Okaasan may be assessed. Maybe.
He didn't actually GO to the ward office (had the car sitting outside the house all day, so he could have done it), but it is a step in the oh-so-right direction.
I may be extra nice to him tonight....
I know there are many hurdles to go until Okaasan is cheerfully climbing in the day care bus and going off to hula dance and lunch in the winter months. But...
I guess the assessment person will come and sit at the kitchen table and chat to Okaasan is a nice non-threatening way....while we make some white lie about Sapporo-city-is-assessing-all-old-people-for-free. Being Japan they probably hand out little gift towels or cookies after each assessment.
I hope it is an easy process, that doesn't get her all riled up and stressy with us. With me.
Meanwhile - a first for Okaasan and Me on the topic of incontinence. She actually told me she'd had an accident. Until now she tells Yujiro, or just ignores it.
But Sunday night I was trying to get her ready to go to our local sushi place, and she was wandering round her room in a T-shirt and underpants, looking for something to wear.
"You were wearing your black trousers 20 mins ago, when you came back from walking..." I reminded her.
"Ah, but I peed in those. I can't wear them."
"Ah, shall we look in the closet together.....what about this skirt?"
"That's a winter skirt. Is it winter now?"
"Well, it's October next week...so almost"...
and so it went. Strange to be helping someone choose the clothes to wear. I remembered too that I'd taken some of her clothes to the dry cleaners...and that the pair of trousers we bought in the spring got damaged when she fell over. The knee area is scuffed badly, I doubt she'll wear them.
She probably has very few clothes to actually wear, poor woman, I have to put my brain into gear and take responsibility for her clothes more. Buy some more underpants, get her dry cleaning back....remind her what season it is....
A Japanese man is taking action.
Today was raining - autumn has finally thought it should show up here - and Dear Son acted on my gentle reminder: Don't just sit and watch TV all day, use this non-working time to start finding out about Okaasan and assessment.
So he checked around the website for the ward office.
He thinks he understands that he has to go and make an application. And then someone will come to the house and assess. And then...and then? There are 75 points on which Okaasan may be assessed. Maybe.
He didn't actually GO to the ward office (had the car sitting outside the house all day, so he could have done it), but it is a step in the oh-so-right direction.
I may be extra nice to him tonight....
I know there are many hurdles to go until Okaasan is cheerfully climbing in the day care bus and going off to hula dance and lunch in the winter months. But...
I guess the assessment person will come and sit at the kitchen table and chat to Okaasan is a nice non-threatening way....while we make some white lie about Sapporo-city-is-assessing-all-old-people-for-free. Being Japan they probably hand out little gift towels or cookies after each assessment.
I hope it is an easy process, that doesn't get her all riled up and stressy with us. With me.
Meanwhile - a first for Okaasan and Me on the topic of incontinence. She actually told me she'd had an accident. Until now she tells Yujiro, or just ignores it.
But Sunday night I was trying to get her ready to go to our local sushi place, and she was wandering round her room in a T-shirt and underpants, looking for something to wear.
"You were wearing your black trousers 20 mins ago, when you came back from walking..." I reminded her.
"Ah, but I peed in those. I can't wear them."
"Ah, shall we look in the closet together.....what about this skirt?"
"That's a winter skirt. Is it winter now?"
"Well, it's October next week...so almost"...
and so it went. Strange to be helping someone choose the clothes to wear. I remembered too that I'd taken some of her clothes to the dry cleaners...and that the pair of trousers we bought in the spring got damaged when she fell over. The knee area is scuffed badly, I doubt she'll wear them.
She probably has very few clothes to actually wear, poor woman, I have to put my brain into gear and take responsibility for her clothes more. Buy some more underpants, get her dry cleaning back....remind her what season it is....
Thursday, 20 September 2012
Lift off?
He's agreed.
Assessment for daycare.
We have lift off....maybe.
Japanese males can move at a glacial pace...so I'm not expecting instant action, the default setting for men in Japan seems to be Let's Leave It Until There is No Other Option.
He says: I never said "no"....which is true...I guess...but from my pro-active viewpoint: Inaction equals No Action.
Anyway. Came about Tuesday night at dinner.
"Okaasan! Tomorrow is that hula dance class locally, shall we go along and have a look? I can take you!"
"Hula? I don't want to go. It's troublesome. Different people. Levels. It's troublesome. It's better that I go walking myself in the park and downtown. That's better exercise...."
"Oh, oh oh....but in winter....you don't go out so much...that's the problem...."
SHUT UP. DON'T GO THERE.
Stopped myself just in time and we made vague agreeing sounds and then changed the topic.
I Amelie-wilted inside.
Bugger.
I was so pinning my hopes on the hula class. Get her along to that, at the very least, this winter and maybe I can do another winter caring for Okaasan while he is away ski teaching.
But no. Understandably after all the hassle we've had with hula classes and Okaasan's fading ability - she has a negative feeling about it now.
So. That option is out.
That means Okaasan would have no human contact apart from me for days and days.....she would stay home with the icy roads and take no exercise and wait for me to come home and mentally stimulate her. For weeks and weeks.
We finished dinner and he and I came upstairs.
He was saying: sorry, sorry, sorry even before we'd sat down. He could see how Amelie-wilted I was. We talked. I talked. He listened. He said he agreed.
He said he'll find out how to apply for an assessment.
He said so.
Now I have to wait and see if he actually does it.
Waiting.
He'd better start the process soon, because everyone tells me it takes about 2 months from first assessment to approval - and it's the end of September.
Of course he is nervous. He isn't a naturally deceptive person, like me. I'd get her along to the much-despised hospital with some big white porky pie about "Sapporo city free health checks for all old ladies"....he won't do that I think. He'll be too honest and she will resist.
aghhhh......but we are onto the topic at least. :-)
Assessment for daycare.
We have lift off....maybe.
Japanese males can move at a glacial pace...so I'm not expecting instant action, the default setting for men in Japan seems to be Let's Leave It Until There is No Other Option.
He says: I never said "no"....which is true...I guess...but from my pro-active viewpoint: Inaction equals No Action.
Anyway. Came about Tuesday night at dinner.
"Okaasan! Tomorrow is that hula dance class locally, shall we go along and have a look? I can take you!"
"Hula? I don't want to go. It's troublesome. Different people. Levels. It's troublesome. It's better that I go walking myself in the park and downtown. That's better exercise...."
"Oh, oh oh....but in winter....you don't go out so much...that's the problem...."
SHUT UP. DON'T GO THERE.
Stopped myself just in time and we made vague agreeing sounds and then changed the topic.
I Amelie-wilted inside.
Bugger.
I was so pinning my hopes on the hula class. Get her along to that, at the very least, this winter and maybe I can do another winter caring for Okaasan while he is away ski teaching.
But no. Understandably after all the hassle we've had with hula classes and Okaasan's fading ability - she has a negative feeling about it now.
So. That option is out.
That means Okaasan would have no human contact apart from me for days and days.....she would stay home with the icy roads and take no exercise and wait for me to come home and mentally stimulate her. For weeks and weeks.
We finished dinner and he and I came upstairs.
He was saying: sorry, sorry, sorry even before we'd sat down. He could see how Amelie-wilted I was. We talked. I talked. He listened. He said he agreed.
He said he'll find out how to apply for an assessment.
He said so.
Now I have to wait and see if he actually does it.
Waiting.
He'd better start the process soon, because everyone tells me it takes about 2 months from first assessment to approval - and it's the end of September.
Of course he is nervous. He isn't a naturally deceptive person, like me. I'd get her along to the much-despised hospital with some big white porky pie about "Sapporo city free health checks for all old ladies"....he won't do that I think. He'll be too honest and she will resist.
aghhhh......but we are onto the topic at least. :-)
Friday, 20 April 2012
Talking the Talk.
Day Care for Okaasan next winter.
Ahhhhh.......I talked the talk with Yujiro.
Not positive about the feedback, but I am dealing with a Japanese male - so who knows :-)
Since the cat is now home and we can refocus on other things, I thought I'd add "Get Okaasan assessed for daycare" to his To Do List...maybe between Buy Beer and Buy Toilet Rolls.
Hmm.
"What do you want? Tell me?" he said, somewhat aggressively, in English.
"I want her to go at least one day a week to day care next winter, go in a bus from the front door here - go and join an exercise class, have lunch, chat to people - whatever. Have some human contact apart from us. Get OUT."
"And I want YOU to want it too - otherwise this whole process will be harder to persuade her on its merits".
He says he is wanting it too. I'm not sure. He was already throwing up all the problems he'll encounter along the way - that of course Okaasan will resist the whole idea...and I was telling him that I am sure every single family has the same problems - no old person wants to be shipped off to daycare. I am sure.
The city office staff must be skilled in dealing with all of that. We're not special.
One of my students, a super energetic 75-year-old, told me "I don't want to sit in a circle and catch balls", and that of course is the image of daycare....
But Okaasan doesn't need to know at this stage that the checking visit to the city office/hospital is in connection with daycare - just tell her it is a "free Sapporo city check on all old people"....then later, after she gets accepted as suitable for the service, I hope that some nice, persuasive city office staff person sells Okaasan the idea of how fun it would be to go to day care....just a few times to try it out...
I hate having to be the one pushing for this.
But it will all be so much harder if HE isn't 100% behind the idea.
I know it'll be a struggle...but it IS for the best. Another winter of Okaasan sitting for days in front of the TV, with a deteriorating toilet situation and no conversation apart from us isn't good, he is a ski teacher gone for a week at a time, I'm a working person...and hell...my Japanese is terrible.
She must be a suitable candidate for a once a week day care trip.
But, I hate being the person pushing this. I want to be the light-hearted girlfriend/life partner with jokes and laughter and happy things to share in life. Not the complainer about how-to-care-for-mother...
I will wait and see. I shall try not to mention it for a few weeks and see if he does something about it before he starts the summer bike taxi job....
I hope.....
Ahhhhh.......I talked the talk with Yujiro.
Not positive about the feedback, but I am dealing with a Japanese male - so who knows :-)
Since the cat is now home and we can refocus on other things, I thought I'd add "Get Okaasan assessed for daycare" to his To Do List...maybe between Buy Beer and Buy Toilet Rolls.
Hmm.
"What do you want? Tell me?" he said, somewhat aggressively, in English.
"I want her to go at least one day a week to day care next winter, go in a bus from the front door here - go and join an exercise class, have lunch, chat to people - whatever. Have some human contact apart from us. Get OUT."
"And I want YOU to want it too - otherwise this whole process will be harder to persuade her on its merits".
He says he is wanting it too. I'm not sure. He was already throwing up all the problems he'll encounter along the way - that of course Okaasan will resist the whole idea...and I was telling him that I am sure every single family has the same problems - no old person wants to be shipped off to daycare. I am sure.
The city office staff must be skilled in dealing with all of that. We're not special.
One of my students, a super energetic 75-year-old, told me "I don't want to sit in a circle and catch balls", and that of course is the image of daycare....
But Okaasan doesn't need to know at this stage that the checking visit to the city office/hospital is in connection with daycare - just tell her it is a "free Sapporo city check on all old people"....then later, after she gets accepted as suitable for the service, I hope that some nice, persuasive city office staff person sells Okaasan the idea of how fun it would be to go to day care....just a few times to try it out...
I hate having to be the one pushing for this.
But it will all be so much harder if HE isn't 100% behind the idea.
I know it'll be a struggle...but it IS for the best. Another winter of Okaasan sitting for days in front of the TV, with a deteriorating toilet situation and no conversation apart from us isn't good, he is a ski teacher gone for a week at a time, I'm a working person...and hell...my Japanese is terrible.
She must be a suitable candidate for a once a week day care trip.
But, I hate being the person pushing this. I want to be the light-hearted girlfriend/life partner with jokes and laughter and happy things to share in life. Not the complainer about how-to-care-for-mother...
I will wait and see. I shall try not to mention it for a few weeks and see if he does something about it before he starts the summer bike taxi job....
I hope.....
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Public help - finally. (J)
This morning I reminded Yujiro that we should go to the local city office and start to find out about what services are available for a 76 year old lady and her family.
We sat down at the desk and got the info from the staff. All about the 5 rankings of care needs and doctor appraisal systems etc.
Yujiro seems to think it will be easy enough to get Okaasan along to a hospital for a check over. I have my doubts. This lady hasn't been willingly to a hospital for years. I wonder how he'll achieve it? Bag over the head and drug her?
But I feel relieved that we have at least found out about the available systems and he is now programmed in to do something about it. If I was a Japanese wife I could do all of this. But my Japanese level just isn't up to persuading Okaasan to go to a hospital and welcome a care manager type into the home for an assessment.
Before he starts work again he has to set things in motion. At the very least I think a few lunchtime meal deliveries would help Okaasan.
Mind you, we've just this lunchtime had the usual rigmarole about getting her ready and out of the house in time for her hula dance class. Yujiro was hunting through her purse for something that was missing...subway card? sports center ticket? I wonder if Toyohira ward care workers will remind Okaasan to do this kind of thing once Yujiro is working again? hmm..guess not.
It could be a new service for forgetful old people - a Reminder to DO Stuff Service!
P.S. I am a very very evil Oyome-san. I have had a brilliant idea about how to use the lilly bulbs that are lurking in a bag in the kitchen...bought 4 weeks ago and of course forgotten and unused.
I shall try planting them in the garden and see if they grow into a flower!
We sat down at the desk and got the info from the staff. All about the 5 rankings of care needs and doctor appraisal systems etc.
Yujiro seems to think it will be easy enough to get Okaasan along to a hospital for a check over. I have my doubts. This lady hasn't been willingly to a hospital for years. I wonder how he'll achieve it? Bag over the head and drug her?
But I feel relieved that we have at least found out about the available systems and he is now programmed in to do something about it. If I was a Japanese wife I could do all of this. But my Japanese level just isn't up to persuading Okaasan to go to a hospital and welcome a care manager type into the home for an assessment.
Before he starts work again he has to set things in motion. At the very least I think a few lunchtime meal deliveries would help Okaasan.
Mind you, we've just this lunchtime had the usual rigmarole about getting her ready and out of the house in time for her hula dance class. Yujiro was hunting through her purse for something that was missing...subway card? sports center ticket? I wonder if Toyohira ward care workers will remind Okaasan to do this kind of thing once Yujiro is working again? hmm..guess not.
It could be a new service for forgetful old people - a Reminder to DO Stuff Service!
P.S. I am a very very evil Oyome-san. I have had a brilliant idea about how to use the lilly bulbs that are lurking in a bag in the kitchen...bought 4 weeks ago and of course forgotten and unused.
I shall try planting them in the garden and see if they grow into a flower!
２００９年４月１５日（水）
公的援助----ついに。
今朝、ワタシはユウにワタシたちが区役所に行って、
ワタシたちは机の前に座り、係りの人から情報をもらったの。
ユウはお義母さんに病院のチェックを受けさせるのはお茶の子さい
でもワタシはほっとしているの。
彼がまた働き始める前にコトを始めなければね。
ねえ、
それは物忘れしやすい老人たちのための新しいサービスかもしれな
追伸 ワタシは実に本当に鬼嫁だわ。
それらのユリ根を庭に植えて、
Saturday, 31 January 2009
A looong day.
Oh it's been a long day.
Constant toing and froing between the two houses. We are all tired.
We moved the clothes rail so she wouldn't use it to support her body weight, we tried to get her to stand by pushing up on the chair.
Okaasan slept a bit. Moaned a lot in pain. Didn't eat.
Late afternoon he sent me out to buy diapers. Three trips to the local drugstore later I finally bought the things he wanted..and then Okaasan refused to put them on. This was just after she'd failed to get to the toilet room again and had to use newspapers and tissues in the middle of the living room...
He got angry with her. She moaned and cried. He ended up throwing the diapers at her and shouting. Meanwhile I was on my knees in the bathroom unplugging the blocked drain.
We are so quickly reduced to tragic farce.
Anyway we all apologised. He started talking to her about dinner. She managed finally to sit upright and look at a delivery menu. They ordered a bowl of udon noodles for her.
She managed to walk to the bathroom. Standing up is very very hard for her.
Finally he came home here and we ate cheese fondue and drank a bottle of wine. Had an exhausted dinner together and talked quietly about outside help and future. Tomorrow I am going to see (maybe him too if he can get away for an hour) another house...I saw it from outside today. It's in Sumikawa. Nice neighborhood. Huge garden. Smallish rooms. Maybe old bathroom.
We just went in to check on Okaasan. She was curled up again on the carpet by the heater asleep. So we tiptoed out again.
He might sleep in her room tonight in case she tries to get to the bathroom tonight.
A long, long day.
Constant toing and froing between the two houses. We are all tired.
We moved the clothes rail so she wouldn't use it to support her body weight, we tried to get her to stand by pushing up on the chair.
Okaasan slept a bit. Moaned a lot in pain. Didn't eat.
Late afternoon he sent me out to buy diapers. Three trips to the local drugstore later I finally bought the things he wanted..and then Okaasan refused to put them on. This was just after she'd failed to get to the toilet room again and had to use newspapers and tissues in the middle of the living room...
He got angry with her. She moaned and cried. He ended up throwing the diapers at her and shouting. Meanwhile I was on my knees in the bathroom unplugging the blocked drain.
We are so quickly reduced to tragic farce.
Anyway we all apologised. He started talking to her about dinner. She managed finally to sit upright and look at a delivery menu. They ordered a bowl of udon noodles for her.
She managed to walk to the bathroom. Standing up is very very hard for her.
Finally he came home here and we ate cheese fondue and drank a bottle of wine. Had an exhausted dinner together and talked quietly about outside help and future. Tomorrow I am going to see (maybe him too if he can get away for an hour) another house...I saw it from outside today. It's in Sumikawa. Nice neighborhood. Huge garden. Smallish rooms. Maybe old bathroom.
We just went in to check on Okaasan. She was curled up again on the carpet by the heater asleep. So we tiptoed out again.
He might sleep in her room tonight in case she tries to get to the bathroom tonight.
A long, long day.
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Asking for help.
My senior ladies class today got on my case.
They are a great bunch. About 8 women, mainly aged in their 60s and 70s. We have a lot of laughs, beer parties, nice Japanese-style year end dinners.
They have been very interested in this Okaasan situation, but I don't think any of them are readers of the Blog.
Today as the class got going they all ganged up on me and went on and ON about how Yujiro and I should be getting outside help. Going to the city welfare section and seeing what is available in the way of day care, meals, medical help etc.
We thought about this before. But what with his leg injury and the holidays, and the general stress of a new life - it got pushed away by the business of every day life.
The ladies were also adamant: don't move INTO the same house with Okaasan. Even two floors! Interesting that this age group think that. That two women (Okaasan and me) will have lots of stress with one kitchen etc, and all the privacy issues.
I came home and talked to Yujiro about it. He agreed I think. He is tired. He is also worried about his health and work future. And we both know that once he starts work this delicate balance we have at the moment will break. (I came home for 90 minutes between classes today and rushed out to do the shopping, because yesterday I skied and went to a friend's Birthday dinner...so the shopping didn't get done).
We'll try to go and see the city welfare section next week. But we both think Okaasan is probably too physically fit to qualify for much help. And even more - she probably won't want to accept any help!
My Dad in England is the same...my step-mum had real fights with him to get him to accept a homecare worker coming in to help her 3 days last week. Now she is feeling better and apparently is up and walking/eating again. But last week she sounded bad.
So. We'll try.
On a lighter note: I went to a local coffee shop the other night with some homestay guests from Hong Kong. One of them stayed at my English School. The coffee shop owner described homemade cheesecake to us: "it's got apples and orange on top, and the filling is made from lilly bulbs (luri-ne)!"
Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Revenge of the Lilly bulbs!!!!!!!!!!! They'll be back!
Actually it was quite nice as a cheesecake filling.
I'll know next time. If Okaasan ever buys them again.
They are a great bunch. About 8 women, mainly aged in their 60s and 70s. We have a lot of laughs, beer parties, nice Japanese-style year end dinners.
They have been very interested in this Okaasan situation, but I don't think any of them are readers of the Blog.
Today as the class got going they all ganged up on me and went on and ON about how Yujiro and I should be getting outside help. Going to the city welfare section and seeing what is available in the way of day care, meals, medical help etc.
We thought about this before. But what with his leg injury and the holidays, and the general stress of a new life - it got pushed away by the business of every day life.
The ladies were also adamant: don't move INTO the same house with Okaasan. Even two floors! Interesting that this age group think that. That two women (Okaasan and me) will have lots of stress with one kitchen etc, and all the privacy issues.
I came home and talked to Yujiro about it. He agreed I think. He is tired. He is also worried about his health and work future. And we both know that once he starts work this delicate balance we have at the moment will break. (I came home for 90 minutes between classes today and rushed out to do the shopping, because yesterday I skied and went to a friend's Birthday dinner...so the shopping didn't get done).
We'll try to go and see the city welfare section next week. But we both think Okaasan is probably too physically fit to qualify for much help. And even more - she probably won't want to accept any help!
My Dad in England is the same...my step-mum had real fights with him to get him to accept a homecare worker coming in to help her 3 days last week. Now she is feeling better and apparently is up and walking/eating again. But last week she sounded bad.
So. We'll try.
On a lighter note: I went to a local coffee shop the other night with some homestay guests from Hong Kong. One of them stayed at my English School. The coffee shop owner described homemade cheesecake to us: "it's got apples and orange on top, and the filling is made from lilly bulbs (luri-ne)!"
Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Revenge of the Lilly bulbs!!!!!!!!!!! They'll be back!
Actually it was quite nice as a cheesecake filling.
I'll know next time. If Okaasan ever buys them again.
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