I get this question a lot.
From readers on this blog, from friends, from students.
Yes - Okaasan hates doctors and hospitals - but why don't you force her to go, for her own good. She won't be happy, but it's a necessity.
I get it. I DO understand.
This old lady is not a slim person. She probably weighs about 50 kg?
HOW do we physically get her into a hospital?
A child you can pick up, screaming and kicking and you put them in the car, and at the other end you carry them into the building.
Can't do that with an adult.
If we said: "Today you are going to a hospital for your leg pain", she would stay in a ball on the carpet, moaning and crying and holding onto the furniture with her fingernails. If we try to touch her, she would hit us.
If we tricked her into going "somewhere" and then she looked out of the car window and saw a hospital - she would refuse to get out of the car, cry and hold onto the door frames with superhuman strength. And hit us.
It really is that level of reaction. Very strong determination.
We got her to a mental health clinic because it is a small office on a street corner, and the entrance area doesn't have a clear sign - once she is in the reception area she couldn't escape out of politeness to the nurse.
We got her to a dentist because she had terrible pain and couldn't eat anything, and Dear Son finally said "I think you must go".
A hospital with a waiting area and forms to be filled in, and hours of waiting...would be a whole different ball game.
I think she should go.
Dear Son probably thinks it's easier to wait and see. He is Japanese, it's a great wait-and-see national trait.
I kind of wonder if the day care manager will eventually tell Dear Son that the day care staff think she MUST go to a hospital.
Certainly this morning Okaasan took an age to get out of her room, into the kitchen, into the hallway and down the steps and into the waiting day center car. Ages. All the time getting angry with the staff who was making "hospital is a good idea Kazuko-san" noises.
Kazuko doesn't think so.
To be honest - I get exhausted thinking about it. Why should it be ME who has to push Dear Son and Okaasan into doing the sensible thing? If she is determined to do nothing, and he is prepared to let her do nothing - then good luck to 'em. She can get sicker and weaker and end her life sadly...her choice.
This time last year I fretted myself into action on getting her assessed at a clinic for day care joining. Because they ultimately makes MY life easier in winter.
If her legs continue to be bad, it will be my problem this winter - but before that Dear Son will have to be cancelling his ski work and staying home to care for his mother.
So - although I am boiling inside about the total lack of action on this leg problem - I am also thinking "bugger it, your stupid choice, you can live with the consequences".
Mentally Okaasan seems ok. Last night at dinner we chatted about public holidays and working people, she told us how she'd worked all days etc etc and she was bright and down memory lane.
Tomorrow - mental health clinic annual check up. That'll be interesting.