Day 1

So, what do you do the day after hearing your father  has died?

Strange limbo time.

I needed to sleep first. Didn't sleep last night at all. I wandered the house and watched TV with the cat.

At 8.30 am I called round other teachers and found someone to take my a.m. class, then cancelled the afternoon students. And went to bed and slept with the cat.

After that just looked at nice supportive emails, sent an obit to Dad's old newspaper, told friends. Listened to music. Watched TV. Slept. Yujiro was gentle with me.

Yujiro told Okaasan and when I went to the kitchen to cook myself eggs on toast I had a bizarre conversation with her where she'd caught hold of the fact my Dad was not good...but not that he'd actually died.I told her twice, and then grabbed my food on a tray and disappeared upstairs before she could ask me again.

Late afternoon I went for a swim. Injected the cat. A Japanese friend came univited to the house...I really didn't want her here, and drove her home again. I really can't sit around having an: "Oh,it's so" sad conversation. When my mum died I went to pieces. But not this time. So much has happened. maybe I'm all emotioned out. It'll hit me more when I go to England and the house. Or when people show sympathy.

Today I needed quiet time. I cried a little in the jacuzzi at the pool. I thought about the stressful time ahead.

Tonight a friend from England called and said she'll come to the funeral with me of course. After dinner with Okaasan, Yujiro and I drank some wine and watched a DVD. One of the community center manager's called to say she can get other teachers' to sub for me next week.

But I don't know what will happen from here. My step mum isn't in any state to leave the hospital for a funeral. Will we just go ahead without her presence? Or cremate Dad and wait for a while to see if she ever gets well enough to come to a scattering?

I have some classes tomorrow. It's ok. Nice people. A pair and a single and a small group of friendly people. I can do it. I think.