Mr and Mrs....

We did it!

After many many years, we are official.

Biked down to the local government office early one sunny morning and handed in all the documents at the counter for status change/family change. The staff photocopied it all and there was a brief discussion about the correct way to write my name in Japanese characters (the middle name "Jane" has 2 possibilities). Then we went and sat down near the drinks vending machine and waited a bit. 

I wondered if the discrepency between my birth certificate middle name and my all-thru-the rest-of-life middle name would get us called back to the counter.

But it didn't. I'd provided my baptism document from long ago in a south London church, plus a Google translation of all of that. But, it wasn't necessary.

We got called back to the counter and got a document back. Then told we could saunter over to another counter and "merge" our social welfare information. Seemed like a good idea, so we did. And another counter. And more forms. And back to the 2nd counter. And then to the 3rd...

A lot of waiting.....

Over two hours later it was done. We checked back at 1st counter that we really WERE done, and stumbled out into the lunchtime sun. Too tired to go for the planned celebration lunch downtown and changed to a good curry lunch at a local place. Toasted our next 30 years with a beer. And went home for a snooze.

Funny. I am now married. All the ideas you have when you are young and romantic - I imagined an English country church, a tent in a hotel garden, lunch and speeches. 

But no. Local government office counter. Paperwork. Waiting. And curry lunch together.

Perfect!

No family or friends with us. My oldest friend in Japan (and her husband) signed the witness section on the paperwork, in advance. And I wore dad's old shirt, carried a photo of mum and my step-mum's engagement ring in my bag. So, my family were "with" me. Strangely, when I announced it on Facebook to friends several people said: "oh! I thought you guys WERE married!". That's what an old, comfortable couple we have become.

Not sure what happens next. What HAS to change. I'm hoping not much, because it would be a hassle. I don't want to start changing my name on official things - because the necessity will spread across bank accounts etc in two countries. But for tax reasons maybe I have to? Must check that out.

Onwards :-)

 

All good things...

Final post on this blog?

I guess it might be.

What more to write? There is no more Okaasan. Only me. Some kind people have tried to encourage me to write about living all over Japan in an RV with Dear Son etc I don't think I will, because that sounds like hard work and very unnecessary - many many foreigners write about traveling Japan. The Internet doesn't need another.

So, it's been a month since Okaasan died. Thanksyou for the messages about that - from people I haven't met in years, and others I've NEVER met! I was surprised by the responses.

We ARE fine. There isn't a lot of grief when a 95 year old dies. Just relief that her hard times are finally finished. Lots of memories, and for Dear Son a LOT of official paperwork. In Japan there is something called the Family Register - an official record of a family unit. which is registered (usually) at the local government office near where they live.

When the children of the family go off to marry, the men form new registers of their own. The daughters join a new register with their husband. When land changes hands, this document is necessary to show how it was inherited thru a family etc

Anyway, Dear Son is deep into all of that. Sorting out Okaasan's pension/bank/tax and the ownership of the family home near Tokyo. Sorting out photos.

I cleared out the very last of her clothes - some to the recycle shop, and some to the trash box. Clothes really are the personal things - they symbolise a person very clearly. Some of her T-shirts and scarves have become mine.

Okaasan is in our thoughts - foods she liked, photo memories...how she hassled me about my laundry hanging routines. Mainly positive memories - although it wasn't all happiness.

We all did our best with the necessary situation. She in agreeing to come and live with her son, and the foreign partner. Him in trying to give his mother the care she required. Me in trying to be supportive of them both.

Every time there's a story in Japan about a family murder or abuse, I am shocked - but also feel an element of understanding because I know it isn't easy and takes huge reserves of patience. And a lot of alcohol. ;-)

Really, thankyou for coming along for the experience with me. Many MANY times writing this blog gave me a space to vent and share. A space to explore and accept emotions.

But. It's done now.

Dear Son and I, and cat...will stay in Sapporo a while longer. While cat is still alive. His condition is getting worse, especially in hot weather. I don't think he will live beyond this year. But who knows? After that, we will wrap up life here, return the rented house and probably rent a small place in central Japan - and then take to the road in the RV for as long as I can drive it safely, and for as long as that kind of living is fun.

If you want to find me on the Internet I have an Instagram account as "harlowamanda", mainly food and flowers...if you request to follow please mention this blog and I might "approve" your follow...

EDIT: just realised that isn't how Instagram follower applications works. maybe best to drop a comment here with your ID name< and then I'll approve it!

What will become of this blog? I don't know. It'll sit here on the WWW and occasionally pop up in someone's online searches about cross cultural living, or dementia? Or, do I take it off line, or delete it?

Finally - this might make you smile...

This is me, at the British Embassy in Tokyo.

I went to get documents...for...marriage!

Dear Son and I have decided to tie the knot, after all these many years. It'll probably happen later this month, just at the local government office - hand over documents, pay some money and get official stamps. Celebrate with a curry lunch and beer.

The decision was taken back in March - actually nothing to do with Okaasan's passing. Just a realisation, that as we get older many issues will be easier as a married couple: hospital access/medical decisions on behalf of eachother/social welfare/inheritence.

So. Ha!

I think we tested eachother out enough over the years. It seems to be a good fit.

I think Okaasan would probably be happy for us. I hope my parents too. We didn't marry for all these years because we didn't feel the need. But now social norms have got us ;-)

Thankyou again for reading this blog. 

I don't think I'll write again.

Byeeee!!!