My funk continued yesterday and it was a horrendous day at work.
My first class particularly was bad: boring and far too hard for the level.
I chose a book that was too high last year and usually I manage to adapt and make it fly. But yesterday I couldn't.
Got to the end of the class...but with cries of "too hard" ringing in my ears I knew it was a failure. Japanese students don't complain directly, but the "too hard" comment is a sure sign it was not good.
The waterworks were still just a drop away.
I cried in the car quite a bit.
Stuffed my face with loads of bad food from the 7-11.
The afternoon went better. But I was full of dark thoughts about my ability as a teacher, my ability as a woman to balance man/mother/cooking/kittens....all bad bad bad.
My Dad suffered from depression and I kind of know I get these funks sometimes. When NOTHING is right (even when it is).
I try to think about other people's situations and absord positive energy from others. In my morning class one student has recently returned to class after a 3 months absence...he is a wonderful 83 year old...and his son has just died of cancer...THAT is a hard life event to go through...me having to watch out for Okaasan for a few days is nothing compared to that.
And the positives came from another student who gave me a surprise birthday package - thanks Youko! And in the afternoon the lady who entertained us all with tales of her trip to Taiwan, and the nice guy in the key cutting shop who helped my fit the key on the holder.
ALL good.
Got home to Yujiro. He cooked. We sat the three of us at dinner. Haven't done that since last week sometime.
Okaasan was lively and enjoyed the Taiwan Pineapple Cakes.
We caught up with our American Idol viewing.
I spoke to my step-mum for an hour on SKYPE.
The kittens competed with eachother to climb the curtains in under 20 seconds.
And today is my day off.
I need to recenter myself.
Your lot is not any less than other people's though, don't be so hard on yourself. What you're going through is a very big adjustment and I wouldn't be able to cut the mustard so I really applaud you in getting this far without tearing your hair out.
ReplyDeleteWe're all bound to have a few bad days in the mix, so just take it easy and try to relax on your day off. I hope you start feeling abit better soon.
((hugs))
Hope tomorrow is a better day :)
ReplyDeleteThankyou ladies...it was a better day off....stuff like taking the kittens to the vets for shots, exploring the strange world of Japanese health insurance rules...and talking...Yujiro and I have alwys been a couple who can talk about stuff...and we talked a lot yesterday about responsibilities and making a good life....
ReplyDelete