Don't let it be me

Don't let it be me to tell her...that her eldest son died.

Please. Not me. Too much to do.

I'm living a bit on nerves about this, because now letters are coming to the house that the post office are redirecting from the family home - letters with eldest son's name on them. Nothing personal, letters from utility companies mainly as they close down accounts.

Okaasan doesn't see the mail every day. She usually only goes into the entrance hall when the lunch box delivery comes. And the mail usually comes later. But still. I am nervous.

Dear Son came back last week from the funeral and house clearing. Came back with things he can use etc Things he wants to keep.
A house clearing company will go in this coming week and sort through, clear out the rest. It will cost about $10,000!!! Ten thousand dollars!!!!

And if he decides to sell the land and wants to demolish the house..that would be another $8,000 plus. 

He says he would investigate future use of the land. If he needs Okaasan's involvement in anything he would retrospectively tell her Older Brother died. "Well, he died, didn't he, last year...so we have to do something with the house".....she didn't remember the fact when twop of her brothers died...so a false-but-you-knew-this-didn't-you maybe a gentler way of giving her the information.

I'm hoping that will be the way. Not her standing in the kitchen holding a letter she's just found asking ME "Why is OLder Son's post coming to this house!!! Why???"  He is back skiing again, and home on and off until the end of February.

Dear Useless Brother - his death has softened me - is with us. With me. In the living room is a black framed photograph of him from the funeral, and a wooden stand with a paper attached. On the paper is his after-death name. Not sure how long DS will want to have that in the living room.

Meanwhile Okaasan potters on in life. TV and mealtimes. Day service trips to the supermarket. Lunches and dinners with me. Eating anything she can find.