Okaasan can move to her next "home". Maybe her last "home".
The hospital called us in last week for a doctor chat. Sitting at a small desk, with the plastic screens between us and the Doc as he showed us data on his computer - Okaasan's heart rate and other vital signs. Basically, all good.
So, as this hospital nears the end of the period in which they can claim national insurance money, it prepares to let her go and allow another institution a chance at the Money Pot.
Sorry to be so cynical. I am sure the Doc and the nurses, social workers etc are all nice people. Just doing the job in a system of elderly care. And we family members play our part. Are we doing what's right? What Okaasan would really want? I doubt it. Really, I do.
After the Doc meeting we had a brief chat to the social worker, confirming the areas of the city we would prefer for the elderly care hospital that Okaasan can be moved to soon.
Then we got dressed up like this to visit Okaasan's bedside for 10 mins. She smiled, cried a little. Did the head bobbing motion and opened and closed her mouth a few times. Her hands were muffled up in gloves to stop her removing the tube into her nose "medicine?", and the other into her arm for "food"...and the other removing her "waste". She was on a bed, on her back with bed rails and a spot of sunshine from the window. Pink curtains.
Is that good? I don't think she would think so.
I don't think so. If this was my life. I would not choose this existence. The mercy is that she probably doesn't sense time at all. Just the now of the pink curtain, the face of a nurse, the sunshine, the dark. Discomfort when she swallows spit.
She doesn't have TV/magazines/food. And with this blasted Pandemic - she doesn't have family visits and the jogging of memories and that happiness. Will her quality of life improve in the next facility? Will she have a TV within view? Will she have interaction with more people? Activities? I so hope so. Because I don't like the so-called life she has now.
I just read a book called "Changing the Way We Die", by Fran Smith. It's about the hospice system in America - the history of the movement, the finances, the people involved. Made me think a lot about these end of life choices.
Don't know what the answer is.
So sorry to hear about Okasan. I know that this option would take a lot of courage, and not sure if your partner would consider it, but one option would be to take her home to your house to die. You could remove all of the tubes, let her listen to TV etc. If your partner has free time before ski season starts, he could sit with her every day. Without fluids, she would probably live a limited time, but I really think that with her strong philosophy of heath, that would be her personal decision to die at home. My mother died of pancreatic cancer. By the time we found out there was no treatment for it, so she decided to go home, and my sister took time off work to support her. She lived about 2 months after the diagnosis. We signed up for hospice care, so they gave us morphine to give her. it really was hard at the very end, because you are used to doing things, and there was nothing we could do but try to ensure that she was pain free. It was hard to see her die in front of us, but she wanted to be comfortable, and with her home, all of the family could gather around her. It would take courage to do this, but I think it is an option. I know that there are some doctors who make home visits that could support you. If she is in the hospital, they may actually prolong her life with antibiotics etc. rather than letting her go if she comes down with pneumonia etc. No need to answer.. I just wanted to share.. Sincerely, Nancy
ReplyDeleteHI Nancy - Thankyou for sharing your family story. Yes, so hard to make decisions at this stage. In the book I read there was a story of a man and his family, very similar to your mother's situation. Your family are courageous for doing what you did.
DeleteI don't think Dear Son is up for any of this. It would mean being proactive in the system. Which he isn't.
I just hope the next care hospital is a better, humane environment. And that we can visit more and give his mum some happier moments. The Pandemic life for care home and hospitalised people is SO hard. The indirect, unseen tragedy.