Doors closing...again...

 AND....as winter arrives in north Japan....

Covid is back, in yet another form. A few people I know have had it recently, mainly just a few days of bad flu-like symptoms for a healthy adult. It's interesting though, a couple of people have mentioned that the no sense of smell/taste element of this virus does seem to be a constant.

Anyway - Okaasan's care home. The 4th floor got it last week....and this week...the whole home is closing its doors to family visits again. Not surprising.

We've been going once a week recently. Sitting bedside for 25 mins, chatting a bit and playing popular ballads on the mobile phone. Okaasan sometimes moving her head and apparently opening her eyes in an involuntary action - while snoring.

Such visits.

I read in UK news that the new government is going to have another look at introducing assisted dying laws for people who have under 6 month to live, with the independent approval of two doctors etc

Oh, I hope it becomes law by the time it's my time to check out. I really do. Dying in a hospital bed, unresponsive, kept alive by solutions delivered in a tube is not how I want to end all of this.

There was the story recently of a rock musician's wife who had to travel alone to the clinic in Switzerland to die, because even if her husband went with her to the nearest town it could make him liable for prosecution. That's awful.

I fear no sensible assisted dying law will come in Japan, anytime soon. Even as recently as 20 years ago, cancer patients weren't told by their doctors that they actually HAD cancer (so they didn't give up hope and feel bad!). Japan is way behind on progressive thinking about social issues.

Anyway - sleep on Okaasan. Hope to see you in spring!

Sleeping...sleeping...

 VERY sorry.

Nothing from me since August.

Well, nothing to report. 

The care home stayed open to visitors for a long time, we go once a week and sit for 15-25 mins. Okaasan is heavily drugged and sleeping. Sometimes moves her head and lips, breaths deeply.

We go and sit by the bedside, play music on the mobile phone. We chat to eachother about shopping, cat, camping car, TV shows...hoping that Okaasan is enjoying the music and our voices. We stroke her hair and hands, gently.

No response.

She is VERY drugged up. A nurse rather shocked us by coming up the bed and using her fingers to try and force Okaasan's eyes open: "Kazuko-san! Your son is here! Look!"....and even with that action Okaasan's eye didn't actually open at all.

Of course,  we were protesting a bit and saying: "oh no - it's ok! Just let her sleep!!". Really it is ok. At this point in her life we just want her to be relaxed and "happy" in that drugged state.

Two friends talked to me recently about their mothers - women in their 90s who live in their own homes, who go to day service and can enjoy car trips with the family and lunches out. I reminded them that those woman are SO lucky to have that life - despite walking problems or a bit forgetful.

None of us know what the future holds. Okaasan was still having that kind of ordinary life until her mid-80s...

And now...😒

Our life update? Well, we travelled to mainland Japan in our RV. We visited an RV building company and have ordered our retirement home on wheels! It will have a toilet and much better balance for driving than our current van. It will be ready in 2026 - by which time we can see Okaasan's state of life, the cat's state of life and my work situation.

Apart from that, we are slipping thru autumn here. I finally bought a 2nd hand inflatable SUP (after a summer of procrastination) and I've been trying to get out and enjoy the water again - and trying to stand up on the thing. Last week I did it! Stood up 5 times - old dog learning new tricks here!

Another year round the... bed...

 Okaasan saw in her 94th year recently.

🎂🎂

But we couldn't be there with her. No crab dinner out. No hiding the sake bottle from her. No laughs.

We delivered a birthday card to the care home lobby desk and hoped that some nice, friendly nurse would take time out of her busyness to wave the card in front of Okaasan and chat brightly a bit.

Strangely though, a few days AFTER the birthday, the care home called to say it was lifting the Corona Virus visit-restrictions and that families are free to go again, without reservations. 

Surprising because this week is Obon, the major Japanese festival when families go back to home towns, grave visiting and memories. So many people from other places will want to visit bed ridden elderly - bringing with them their airplane and travel viruses. So, an interesting time to lift restrictions.

We'll probably go in tomorrow, play some music on the smart phone and give Okaasan the tremendous pleasure of listening to us two prattling on about stuff.

Fighting fit! At 94....

 Okaasan survived another round with the COVID virus - this really is one strong old lady :-)

The care home phoned to say her fever was down and she was feeling better. I can't remember, is that her 2 nd time? 3rd time with COVID?

Anyway, she battled thru again.

Still no family visits of course. It's her 94th birthday next week, maybe we can deliver a card to the care home entrance and ask them to show it to her :-( And maybe WE should eat some crab in her honor?

Actually, Hokkaido is going to be 30 C plus all next week - so we may not be eating anything much.

The window....closed again.

 AND....family visits are stopped again.

Got the care home call last week: they have COVID rampant again and all family visits are off. It was a 6 week window of "quality" time bedside.

And then today they called and said Okaasan is one of the positive cases, Dear Son gave permission for the necessary meds to be piped in via the tubes.

I think it's the same elsewhere in the world this summer - the virus is back. While most of us healthy bods are going about regular life (beer festivals and events with friends for us)...the sick and the elderly have a new challenge.

In the mood?

 Playlist for bedside visits...

In the mood by Glenn Miller...Dionne Warwick...Herb Alpert...kind of unusual sounds for a Japanese hospital room!

But, finally we can get in to see Okaasan and sit bedside playing her music from our smartphones. We THINK she likes it, there is head movement/shaking and not too many grimaces and tooth grinding. The occasional open eye and look.

It may be pleasure. It doesn't look like distaste or anger.

But, hard to know.

We went last week and again this week. Stayed about 20-25 mins. The dopamine drips in, the sounds waft around...and so another visit goes. Occasionally she opens her eyes and appears to look at us - and know who we are? Maybe.

But Summer of 2024 we are doing these regular visits.

FINALLY!!! Visits!!!

 

We are here!!!

Anytime (well, almost) we want!

The care home has relaxed the family visit rules and from June we can go any afternoon, apart from bath-time on Fridays, we can stay up to half an hour and we can be a maximum of a 3-person group.

All great. Finally. A chance to do more quality visits. Once a week. Try to catch Okaasan when she is awake. Play some music via the smart phone. Take in flowers to show her. Prattle on about stuff.

30 mins is more than enough time. The care home is 10 mins drive from home, so once a week is very doable...or more times, if we chose.

This week we had bedside time. Okaasan sometime opening her eyes to look at us, and then drifting away into a gently snoring sleep. The nurses said we can quietly play music from our smartphone - Dear Son says Glenn Miller would be Okaasan's choice.

More regular visits can resume :-)

May Visit

 Gonna be struck off the Care Home Visit List soon!

This time we actually got the time wrong and almost missed our 15 mins of valuable communication time (heavy sarcasm intended...)

He wrote it down as 3:30 pm. I had it at 3 pm.

3.01 pm the care home called to remind us we had a dearly loved relative in its care. So we rushed to go visit, grabbing the little pot of fake flowers that were a sad offering for Mother's Day.

Made it in time and sat bedside.

Okaasan was peaceful/doped up. She opened her eyes a little, shook her head a bit. Didn't make any of the awful sounds of before. We sat and tried to fill in the silence with our voices talking about the weather, flowers, recent news...

Then a nurse came up with a large plastic bag of stuff! "We found this, maybe you should take it home?" - "this" was Okaasan's old red cardigan (one of several), a T shirt, socks, underwear, hospital slippers...

It was probably transferred with her when she came to this care home 2? years ago, stashed away in the bedside closet and forgotten. Okaasan doesn't and will never again wear these clothes because now she is in pajamas and with pillows to prop her up in the best position for the tubes in and out.

So it all came home for the trash bin. We still have some of her clothes here, just because it actually feels somehow wrong to completely throw them away...I've kept the good stuff. I kind of think she might wear them in her coffin? Or, do bodies in Japan get dressed in special white clothing? My Dad went out wearing his brightest shirt and socks. I feel Okaasan might prefer to go out wearing her favorite blouse and scarf.

A little life update

 Not that my life itself is "little", you understand!

More like the update will be "little".

Thankyou for some of the comments saying you miss us/this blog. Yes, I'm afraid it's become very much an intermittent blog. It was originally about the joys and stresses of living with my Japanese mother-in-law as dementia grabbed her brain.

And along the way it was about cats, gardens, life in north Japan.

But Okaasan has been in a care home for the past 5-6 years, thru Covid times and now her home/hospital limits family visits to once a month for FIFTEEEN minutes each time - so that doesn't give much material for a blog about her.

We are going to see her next week - taking in a small bunch of fake flowers, because the hospital doesn't allow real flowers to mark Mother's Day. 

Apart from that, our life trundles on. We bought a 2nd hand camping car in March and enjoyed our first 2 night trip to the coast - sake tasting, cherry blossoms and delicious fish eating. The cat had to stay at the dreaded vets because he isn't relaxed enough yet about vanlife. We are training him gradually in all of that - a harness, hanging out in the van with snacks etc.

I dream of being one of those uber-cool bloggers who posts sunsets and coffee photos, while a handsome feline lounges beside me. I fear the reality will be a rowdy cat standing next to my pillow at 4 am demanding to be given toilet trip outside.

Other stuff? I'm working as an English teacher. Not such a busy schedule these days, kind of coasting down to retirement. A community center class I took over from another teacher a year ago mushroomed into 7 classes at three different centers in the group - which helps pay for the cat's food.

Dear Son is completely retired. He does 90% of the planning/shopping/cooking for us, and fixes things around the house when there is a break in the TV baseball or soccer. Our health is pretty good, which is a relief.

Oh - and THIS is exciting - I did a tree walking course and zip line! Big challenge for my fear of heights, but very fun. The "high" feeling of the success stayed with me all week. I can see how people get addicted to that feeling and chase the next thrill.

Travel plans this year will probably be something in the RV, and a lot of friends are planning visits here this summer - travel to Japan is cheap right now. So I imagine many BBQs, festivals and beers.

So, there we are. a little life update.

April visit

 Bad family - we actually SKIPPED a month!

If it isn't bad enough that we are still limited to 15 mins a month visit time. We go and forget to visit in March....

Not quite so awful in fact, because I think we visited end of February...and then we went yesterday - April 8. But, still.

March kind of got away from us - busy busy. Tax season, helping a friend pack up and move home - and then two extra jobs that came out of the blue and filled my schedule.

Oh. And we bought this.

Yup. An RV/camping car!!!

If you know me in real life, you probably know the plan - that after Okaasan passes, and we get the cat ready for new adventures - we are planning our retirement life all over Japan in an RV. It's been our plan for years now.

Well, recently we decided that the cat would probably need a long training time to get used to RV life, because now he only goes in a car to the terrifying vets. So he needs reprogramming that Car = Fun.

And. It might be fun for US to have an RV and do little trips.

So we looked for a used RV, saw a few and found this one in March. And bought it.

It won't come into our lives until the end of April (needed repairs from the previous owner's bumper damage etc) - but it IS coming.

Very exciting! This is probably not our eventual home, it's a small model. But an in-between RV for short trips and cat training.

And so. We didn't visit Okaasan.

But yesterday we did. Clutching the timer. We sat at her bedside.

She opened her eyes a few times. Appeared to make eye contact. The closed eyes again and drifted off into a dopamine-fueled semi-consciousness.

No strange sounds this time, no frantic head shaking. We stroked her hands, chatted about baseball and spring and the garden flowers.

Under the bedding and towels her little body is curled up, her hands are bunched into fists. The tubes go in and out.

Another patient in the room has the TV on, so there are familiar Japanese afternoon TV shows chat in the background. The nurses are bright and friendly.

That is Okaasan's reality. We dropped in.

And came home again.

Awake in February...

We came

We sat

We saw

She saw us

We chatted to fill out the silence

We went home again.

😞

Another month. Another visit.

Okaasan was awake and aware of us. Made eye contact with both of us.

Made some strange sounds. Shook away Dear Son's efforts to stroke her hair (I would too!).

Some care homes and hospitals are restricting family visits again, after the winter holidays and festivals have led to virus cases spiking a bit. So, we are lucky that this home isn't doing that yet.

Winter going on and on here. We were tricked into spring thoughts by an incredible day of 14 C, with a lot of snow melting. But 3 days later there was 45 cm of snow in 24 hours - and we are back into winter!

Tax return season, clear snow, try to go swimming as much as possible...work/play.

This month we went to a concert by British rock band Queen and their current frontman Adam Lambert. It was amazing and I danced for ages, even with my gammy knee.

Apart from that...we are looking online at old camping vans. We might buy one as a kind of training vehicle, while we are still living in Sapporo. Training for us, for the cat. Maybe make some short trips.

Basically, we have plans to retire and travel Japan in a camping van - after Okaasan goes to the Big Kotatsu in the Sky. But that might not be for a few years yet - her life and my work is ongoing. But it would be fun to have a transition van.

Anyway, we are looking at a few now.

A rose for a wonderful lady.

No. Not THAT one!

Our neighbor. The old lady who lived across the road for all our time here. We heard from her family that she passed away earlier this month in her care home.

She was 102?

About 2 or 3 years ago, after many falls in her home at night, the family managed to persuade her that care home life would be safer and she moved. The house stayed empty and another old lady took over the garden, growing lots of vegies and flowers.

But Mrs Hoshiba - our friendly, chatty neighbor. Gone now.

She was very happy when we moved in...15? years ago...because the house had been empty and at night the street was dark etc. She also hoped Okaasan would become a friend. But Okaasan was a little bit proud of her Tokyo life and experiences and didn't think Mrs Hoshiba was quite in her league.

But Dear Son and I were friendly with her. Chatting about the gardens and the cats. Chatting about her memories of moving to this area 60...70 years ago as a bride. Before all the buildings and the subway line. We also helped when there were technology problems in her house, or power cuts, or falls.

I lit a candle and put it outside her front door this week after hearing the news.

Good bye Mrs Hoshiba. 

 

Dragon power!

 

Belated - but Happy New Year to anyone who still drops by to have a read here!

Remember this card? Designed by the son of one of my students for 2012. This was the last dragon year in the traditional Chinese/Japanese zodiac.

Dear Son, that English woman, Okaasan and two adorable little cats.

Now? 2024?

Dear Son - isn't a ski teacher anymore. House husband and snow clearer.

English woman - working hard to pay the Japanese government all the taxes they want.

Okaasan - in a bed attached to tubes, unable to talk or eat.

Little cats - one dead, and the other a fat, old boy who yowls in his waking hours.

Ahh, the memories!

This winter he and I have stayed home a lot. I hung out with friends over the holidays, catching up on lives now the Pandemic has ended and people are meeting again.

The friend who used to live in Sapporo with her baby and husband visited over the holidays because that baby is now old enough to take entrance tests for private junior high schools! And he got into one of them and they will move back here in spring.

My knee is little by little stronger - and in fact yesterday he and I went to have a VERY gentle, short ski on the local hill. Huge step for me. I had actually given up on skiing. But I could do it! In the sunshine and with wonderful snow it felt great.

This morning the knee is a little sore...so I must be careful. But after 2 years of no skiing - progress!!!

We visited Okaasan last week.

She was awake. Eyes mostly open, the head shaking, the not-so-happy sounds....eye contact a bit. 15 minutes of bedside words and hope.

Care homes and hospitals here are often still restricting family access, due to Covid. I guess we should just be grateful that they are letting us going in at all. :-(

So here we are in north Japan ^ lots of snow here finally. And soon Snow Festival and the visitors that always brings. Onwards into dragon year - with POWER in whatever you do :-)