Money...NOW!

Okaasan tried to borrow money from the neighbor - and was completely baffled when Yujiro told her this was totally out of order - apart from a real emergency.

We usually dole out about 1,000 yen ($10) a day, for her to buy magazines and yogurt and have a coffee somewhere. If she wants more we give it no problem.

I gave her 1,000 at 3.30 pm yesterday. She went out for a walk and shop.
I left later to go working and Yujiro got home about 6 pm. Okaasan was standing in the street chatting to the old neighbor. She hurriedly left off and came scuttling over to Dear Son: "Can you give me money? I want to buy a magazine! The shop is keeping it for me! I must go back now! I was asking Mrs H for money!"

Yikes.
Really, Mrs H is a sweet old lady. But borrowing money in Japan from anyone outside family is a no-no. It looks really bad and places all sorts of obligation feelings on people.
Okaasan once came home in a taxi and didn't have enough money, so she borrowed from Mrs H. That is just about ok - an emergency with an obvious, immediate need for cash.

But another time she borrowed money for something - again from poor Mrs H - and then forgot.
;-(
About a week later Mrs. H had to come asking us for it. Pretty embarrassing all round.

And now again. Nuts really. The magazine can wait till tomorrow, the shop would keep it until tomorrow. And Yujiro is usually home about 6 pm....both of those facts are pretty obvious. If Okaasan had the Wait Until Later function switched on.
She doesn't. Situations are right now.
I want to buy the magazine - NOW.
I need money - NOW.
There is Mrs. H - I will ask her NOW.

Yujiro was annoyed with Okaasan....and even more so because she seemed oblivious to why it wasn't appropriate to go asking the neighbor for money....

We decided we should make sure she has about 2,000 yen every day - that should be enough for coffee, snacks, magazine, yogurt etc. Should be.

* Cute cat picture? Well, ok then. Very hot here right now...on and on and on. We are all melting.
The cats have the right idea to get maximum air to all parts.

Money, money...oh..

Okaasan didn't have enough money to pay in a cafe again yesterday.


This time SHE remembered, because she got home about 5 p.m. and asked Yujiro for the money...but it was pouring with rain outside and we didn't think she should set off again all the way back downtown.
Yujiro called the cafe and said he'd come in with the money today. Only small money.


But.


Poor Okaasan looked very unhappy about it. Sat at the kitchen table saying "I must be going senile, I don't have enough money to pay for things etc etc" I tried to make reassuring noises about how Sapporo is a friendly city, how Okaasan looks like an honest person, how the shop staff don't worry etc etc
Yujiro wasn't super comforting to his mum - instead he TOLD her that she hadn't paid twice at another restaurant recently and that they'd called the house to ask for their money! I could have strangled him. It wasn't the best thing to say to Okaasan at this point - to tell her she'd done worse than she thought.
Poor lady.


Anyway. She settled down by the TV. He called the cafe. I had an early dinner and went off to an evening class. He'll go in and pay today.


But it IS our fault. We give Okaasan Y1,000 or Y2,000 so she can do a bit of shopping, but sometimes in our morning rush to work we forget to check how much she has in her purse, she doesn't ask...and then the moment of truth is when she gets the bill in  a cafe or restaurant and has to confess in public that she can't pay.
She must feel embarrassed. Japanese people get embarrassed about all sorts of things in public life that us brash Westeners don't think twice about...but for anyone this situation is cringey.
We MUST make sure she has enough money. Not too much - otherwise we'll have a house full of random stuff she has heard mention of on TV or in the newspaper...or our recent conversation.
But she must have enough to go out and do stuff around town.


Yujiro is worried it's an iceberg situation - we only know the tip of the problem. That probably all over town there are places where Okaasan didn't pay, and didn't remember to go back. Or shops where she has asked them to keep something for her - and then never goes back. He is worried one day someone will call the police....an over reaction I think....most shops are pretty kind to confused old ladies. Even in a big city like Sapporo.


Anyway. Money. Must give it to her more.


* I've booked Okaasan's Birthday Surprise hair appointment at a nice salon downtown recommended by a student (HI Tamiko!!!! How are you today???). The salon is nice, the owner is a respectable older lady...I hope it will all be a good experience for Okaasan. And after her hair do we'll take her out for a birthday dinner. All of this is next month.

Eating out.

He got a call from a restaurant downtown - Okaasan had been in there recently and eaten a meal...but hadn't had enough money to pay for it, so she'd promised to come back later with the money....and had never come back.


THIS is one of the (many) reasons it is good she is living with us now. Otherwise the Sapporo economy would nosedive as she left a trail of unpaid bills around town.


We usually only give her Y1,000 - Y2,000 for random shopping and snack buying. This is only about $10 and it is more than enough for the kind of snacks/magazines shopping she actually needs to do for herself. If we give her more all sorts of foodstuff gets bought and left in her room for days and starts to rot.
If she needs more money for bigger purchases (pants/flowery scarfs/tea pots) she asks for the money.


I'm constantly surprised that she accepts us doling out money to her like this - in fact she often asks me for the cash because Yujiro has told her that if he isn't around - she should ask me. She tends to forget the first part of that information and even if he and I are both there in the kitchen - she asks me! He gives me a stash of money to dole out to her...slowly.


The not-having-enough-money-to-pay situation may also explain why sometimes Okaasan comes home looking really unhappy and we wonder what happened while she was out. Sunday night was that I think - at 3 pm here she was all smiley and chatty - by 6.30 pm after a trip out, she was almost silent and complaining about her tooth pain...and not eating. Maybe she ate went to that restaurant, had the embarrassment of not being able to pay and then came home with a vaguely not-happy mood.
We don't know.


Anyway - Sapporo is such a kind city it is wonderful that restaurant owners will let old ladies pay later on meals eaten - and remember to keep the telephone number of the old lady customers! This restaurant is a branch of a chain that Okaasan used to use in Saitama and she often goes there - so they know her.


And finally: Culture Quiz.
Which doorstop object is a sign in Japan that here-be-gangsters?
a) The plastic sandal?
b) The ceramic cat with tattoos?

Staying well out of it.

Hasn't BEEN much Okaasan and Me this week because Yujiro is home and not working - so I just have to turn up at the kitchen table for 45 mins in the evening and make polite sounds, rescue dirty underwear secretly and do incidental chat.

Nice.

There is some Okaasan Confusion over something to do with hula dance class/teacher/Y5,000/new dress/dress shop/hula......which Yujiro is dealing with luckily. I am staying well out of that.
It's so good that, at the moment anyway, Okaasan basically trusts him over money affairs. When she doesn't understand/remember she eventually asks him and mostly believes what he tells her - you hear the horror stories of dementia sufferers accusing family members of stealing their money etc.
But at the moment she trusts him to sort out the endless confusions.
"I'm senile aren't I?" I heard Okaasan ask him as they discussed the confusions...."Yes" he replied, "but it's ok, I know what the hula teacher said, I'll go with you to the shop."
Okaasan is lucky that she is living with a family member who will sort out life's problems.

So today - Mr Cool Ski Instructor is going shopping with his mother to the hula dance dress shop.....

Good week otherwise: Okaasan went to hula on Monday. he and I went and had a great and really cheap dinner on Tuesday because Yujiro had got a deal on an internet coupon site (Y4,000 for two people, 8 courses PLUS all-you-can-drink....), the cats are eating and playing again and my taxes are maybe in order for the accountant when she comes today.

And so. Onwards.

Day Off from Duties.

Oyomesan escaped - to a huge, meat 'n chocolate cake/fondue pig-out buffet lunch with a friend and Nine, the escapist movie about the Italian movie business (who knew Daniel Day-Lewis could sing?!!).

Yujiro stayed home and cooked lunch for his mother, in between translation work.

The doorbell rang.
It was Hoshiba-san. The nice old lady who lives across the road with the big garden.
In winter we don't see her so much, but chat a little on fine weather days or putting out the trash.
She'd come to ask: "Can you return the money Okaasan borrowed from me for a taxi recently?"
WHAT?
Of course Okaasan doesn't remember this at all.
But apparently sometime recently she had come home by taxi, but didn't have enough money. She'd gone and borrowed Y1,000 (about $10) from Hoshiba-san......but then totally forgetten of course.

A little embarrassing in any culture, for anyone.
In Japan a MAJOR embarrassment.
Poor Hoshiba-san, we don't know her so well...and I bet she was waiting and wondering what to do. Finally she saw the car in our parking space and came over to ask for her money back.

Yujiro returned the money with many apologies and says we should go at the weekend and give Hoshiba-san some kind of apology present too.

Yikes.
He doesn't give Okaasan much money because of all the random shopping she does, but she usually has enough for bits and pieces. About once a month Okaasan doesn't have enough money in her purse for a restaurant or shop. But getting in a taxi without the money to pay for it is a new level of money-mismanagement....