Day service debut.............

The day arrived. Day service for Okaasan.
After all the long waiting and trying to arrange and pressuring and couple tantrums and fixing.

The bus was due to come at 9.20 or 9.30 am - which is just after the time I should really be leaving for work.

But I knew Okaasan would need help in getting ready. The day service manager had left a note with instructions - but still she would need help to get the hula skirt, socks, T-shirt, change of underwear etc into bags.

At 8.55 am she was still her pajamas......

We had 30 mins of ever increasing panic. Sooooo hard to keep my cool in this. But Okaasan couldn't remember what she'd already chosen and put in a bag, so she tried to gather more clothes and put them in another bag.
She fussed terribly about what blouse to wear, what socks to wear, whether to wear a coat etc etc etc She and I circled around her room and the kitchen and the hallway - fussing, fussing, fussing. Was there money in the purse? Was the front door key in the purse (FOUND the 2 weeks ago lost key in yet another little bag!!!) and on and on and on.

I really had to leave by 9.25 and I imagine the bus came shortly after.

All day I wondered about her. Like a mother with a child at school for the first day...what was she doing now? Was she happy? Was it confusing?

I rushed home mid-afternoon to get there before she arrived back: because I hadn't been able to get into her room for more than a week - since she didn't go out - and I knew there was dirty underwear lurking.
She'd had a toilet accident last Friday after the day service people came, and sure enough - I found several soiled underpants all wrapped up in newspaper in one of the laundry baskets....:-(( And about 25 more needing laundry.

At 4.20 pm the bus pulled up outside. I ran out and the driver threw open the doors and put down the special steps...and Okaasan was helped out. A few other old people peered out at this unusual Oyomesan.
Okaasan seemed animated and happy - a bit tired - but happy enough. Her hair looked newly washed and brushed. I made her a cup of cocoa and she said it had been "fun", and lunch was "okay". The hula dance was "easy". Hmmm...

I prepped dinner. Went back to my classroom for the 6 pm class. Then took a taxi home to get dinner on the table....
Okaasan and I ate and chatted about this and that...I mentioned the day service place lunch....and the hula....
"That place the hula is low level, I can do better than that. I don't need that. I won't go again. Those people have just started haven't they? I won't go again. It costs money to go doesn't it.....I won't go....it was boring....I can exercise myself, every morning I do my exercises here, I don't need to go there......".

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I tried to do the voice of reason: but your room exercises are not enough, because last winter your legs got weak and you fell over many times. Yujiro is worried about you. You should go, just once a week in winter and exercise and enjoy it. Just once a week, it's easy in the bus.
etc
etc
etc

And then I stood up, put my dinner plates away, swept the cats off chairs and left the kitchen before I got too angry and frustrated.

No..................................;-(

This mixture of pride and false sense of abilty, mixed with the dementia is SO bloody hard.

Just talked to Dear Son on the phone and he advises leaving the topic alone. Hoping she will forget the negative feeling. And then getting her ready again next week...next Monday morning the whole Getting Ready thing again...or what? Refusal to go?
I can't actually do that at the start of MY working day. I was 5 minutes late for class this morning anyway, can't be late again next week.

I wonder if we should get the day service manager to come in and talk to Okaasan again - persuade her to try again, or try a different exercises class?

Aghhhhh..... bloody hell.

I knew it of course. No matter how much we all strived to set it up and get her there - the real task is getting her to continue going...

Disappointed.

JOY to my world :-)

Hula dance class III - success!
Yippeeee!
Something for Okaasan to do, physical and mental activity, interaction with other people.
Yippppeeee!!


Got her all primed by about 9.20 am and took her one subway station away to the area where my classroom is located.
On the way she showed me (she remembers!) where she fell recently. In fact, not the station entrance area - but a sloped, rough ground pathway under the subway line...now she uses the handrails eachside. I wonder how long she lay there before someone helped her?


At the station it is agony to watch her fumble ever so carefully - somehow those contradictory ideas ARE possible - through her handbag as she searched for money to buy gum, and then put the gum in the bag, and then look again for the subway card, and then look for the gum, and then the card...and...and..
Like a small child who has to fasten her little purse just so, and then look up and focus on the next thing..Okaasan and her bag is a whole performace. There are three pockets in the bag and she hunts thru all of them eachtime.


At Hiragishi subway station I steered her to the closest exit to the community center, and then pointed out to Okaasan loudly and clearly the landmarks - BEHIND the supermarket, PAST my classroom, IN FRONT of the hospital. I hope some of this information will sink in and help her in future.


Because YES - there WILL be a future to this class. :-)
It was perfect.
Only 7 students, mostly middle aged, one friendly teacher. A nice clean, new community center room with toilets handy and a service kitchen area for drinks. I'd forgotten to check that she'd brought a bottle of water, and an umbrella...but I stayed for the first few minutes of the class and came back when they'd finished.
Okaasan became lively and happy. I saw her standing with a classmate at the sink area chatting, standing right next to the woman, elbow to elbow, all animated about weather and stuff. She sometimes stands behind Yujiro at the sink like this, standing closer than is natural, almost joined at the hip to him. She was doing it with the classmate. Good sign.
All excellent.


It fits my schedule too - just before I have a class downtown, so I can take her for the next few weeks, and in winter I could even take her by car.


Of course, the great unknown is how many stressy performance days they have. I recognised one of the classmates from somewhere - so I think there will be some as Japanese groups love to display talent at events. But we'll climb that problem when it comes.


Okaasan seemed to enjoy it and was all enthusiastic.


From my classroom window I saw her heading home later. I followed her as far as the corner, to check if she would locate the subway entrance alone and saw her heading into the supermarket. She ate something there, and bought more food at a convenience store and got home mid-afternoon. Quite a long day for her. But she was happy and wants to go again.


VICTORY!!!




...and...yesterday the local newspaper featured me, yet again, this time as a local Brit who has tickets for the Olympics etc. My double-chin is in glorious techni-color for all of Hokkaido to see. 

and then I got home after evening class to find...MY OLYMPIC TICKETS HAD ARRIVED!!!!

I am really going. Really. Going. Soon.  JOYYYYYYYYY!

Hula hoops.

Dear Son is looking for the hula solution for Okaasan.


How to ease the terrible panic about the performance days that her group does three times a year.
She can't, of course, learn the new dances and little by little gets negative about going to the class as they practice in the weeks...and months...before the performance at the community center.


We want her to continue hula as long as possible because:
a) she enjoys it and is good at it to a certain hobby level,
b) exercise is good for her
c) meeting classmates is the only social interaction she has all week apart from us.


We checked out some other community center classes and asked if THEY did performance days too....and then Yujiro talked to the current class' teacher...poor woman must be glad to hear that we'll keep Okaasan away from this Sunday's performance so she won't have to design a group performance around hiding Okaasan in the back row - she can let her ladies shine equally.


But interestingly, the teacher said Okaasan always volunteers to join the performance days - even though there is ANOTHER class member always declines and doesn't join. 
Why? Why doesn't Okaasan sit-it-out with that woman?
I guess, of course, that Okaasan doesn't want to feel she can't do it...and doesn't want to sit out the practice sessions with the other woman...but as the weeks go on and the practice gets more intense...her confidence declines and then we get into the "I don't like hula, I wanna quit hula".


Yujiro thinks to tell Okaasan directly that she can just sit out the performances with another classmate. I don't think that solves anything. 
He can say that NOW, and she'll agree NOW. But in a few months time as they start to practice for yet another performance day....she won't want to sit out of practices or admit she can't do it. 
And so it all starts again.


Ho hum. The hula hoops we go through on all of this.
Okaasan has so little going on in her life - so little that she can do and enjoy with other people - we really expend a lot of energy on this topic.


*  Okaasan Cute: I got Yujiro to write a sign for our entrance hall door for Okaasan: "Don't open the door and let the cat in or out."
We are trying to limit Popo's outside trips, so that he goes under escort only...in case crows attack an injured animal or he gets into another fight...very hard with two cats and three doors.
We put up the notice this morning. Sometimes Okaasan "helps" by opening a door for a cat and it would be awful if Popo got out unaccompanied.


I came home and Okaasan asked: "That sign on the door, is it OK if I open the door to go out? Should I stay inside?"
??????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cute!!!!  She really wondered if she should never open the door? Stay home until told it is ok?
I giggled and joked with her that SHE is healthy and can go out on her own...the cat can't.
Sweet.


Thankgoodness the cat doesn't do hula, it would rip up his stitches something awful.
HE is making a big recovery - stitches out today and noticably angry at having to go to the vet. Last week he was all sad and panicky. Today healthily angry about it.


*...and! and....I got emails from the holiday apartments in Australia...about airport pickup etc and the bakery is open from 7 am...and ..and...YES. I am going on holiday 2 weeks from tomorrow.....yes...yes...yes....

Hula storm clouds gathering...

'ere we go again.
Nearly September, yet another hula class performance day approaching....and Okaasan is getting the willeys.


Yesterday I reminded her that Sept. 11 is performance day (probably news to her) and would she like to go to the hairsalon before it and have a trim etc?
Hmmm...well...maybe ok...hmm.. hula performace...not so fun recently.....I think I might stop....shall I stop? Hmm.. not so good...don't like the performance day...new dance....etc etc....


I made some gentle remarks about performance nerves and it'll be alright on the night etc.....and left the topic.


Yujiro and I talked later: yet again it would be better if we could find a group that doesn't have these performance days which are taken so seriously with new dance routines to learn. Just a hobby group. And maybe this week and next week we won't talk about hula at all and probably Okaasan won't go - because she basically doesn't know what day it is unless we leave a big sign on the kitchen table - so if she is absent from class for two weeks she'll just miss the performance day altogether.


Maybe, maybe, maybe....there are of course many hula dance groups - but we need to find one that is near a subway station etc so that Okaasan can go there in the 5 months a year Sapporo is buried in snow.


Yujiro had another Velo Taxi and Dementia lecture, said he learned a lot and realized he does/has done a lot of the Things You Shouldn't Do ( like get angry, ask yes/no questions, quiz about details, correct strange information)....and that he learned about the importance of encouraging the dementia sufferer to DO what they can, however small - things around the house.
Okaasan does a bit of clothes washing, loves hanging clothes out to dry and rearranging OUR laundry because it's been hung out all wrong, and she likes washing dinner dishes, arranging flowers, destroying climbing morning glory plants..........

To hula or no?

Hula....here we go again.


Should Okaasan go or not? Hula Performance Day is tomorrow.
This time her hula class performance day starts at 11 am and goes on ALL day until 8 pm! Hours and hours of practice and lunch and chat and make up and hairstyling and performance and chat at one of the civic centres on Sapporo.


Yujiro's decided that it would be too long for Okaasan and that he won't talk about it and hope she had forgotten. Just let her stay home and have an ordinary day.
He argues that she would worry about toilet control, so she wouldn't eat all day...and just get tired and confused with the new dance steps etc etc.


So. I am under orders to Not Talk About Hula.
Easy enough, cos I am GOING AWAY FOR A WEEKEND!!!!!


But I do wonder...when Okaasan goes to hula class next week and all her classmates are talking excitedly about their performance day...how will SHE feel when she realizes she didn't go to it?
Probably come home and kill her Oyomesan on the kitchen floor with a Japanese tea whisk thingy.


Oh well - his decision about his mum. Out of my hands.


I am off meanwhile on a train tomorrow a few hours south to Hakodate to get a rental car and drive to the historic town of Esashi, stay at a lake resort in a cheapo guest house and then drive to Esan on the coast to see the wild azalea...


so I am OUTTA here!

Summer blues again?

No-show at Hula dance yesterday.
Don't know why.
And Okaasan looked kind of down and stressed when she came back from a late afternoon walk to the shops.
SO down and tired that I even made her a cup of instant coffee and sat there in the kitchen chatting about weather and cats and garden.....at dinner she was withdrawn and didn't talk much, we worked hard to brighten her up and get a few smiles and laughs.


But I think....it maybe the hula dance class performance stress reappearing again. That they are learning a new dance for the show in June and she can't remember the new steps, so the class is a stress and so she doesn't go...and so....and so...she'll savage the Oyomesan's ankles very soon.
That's what I fear!


Coincidentally I was looking back thru this blog to last June and July trying to see when my roses blossomed last year (planning an English Garden Tea Party for students this year) - and I noticed that Okaasan wasn't a happy camper early last summer...lots of coming home late, confusions, suspicions etc.
Could it be the hula pressure building again?


This morning Yujiro got Okaasan up and bathed and ready for the 9 am dentist trip again...it took her ages and ages...but they just about got out the door.

Staying well out of it.

Hasn't BEEN much Okaasan and Me this week because Yujiro is home and not working - so I just have to turn up at the kitchen table for 45 mins in the evening and make polite sounds, rescue dirty underwear secretly and do incidental chat.

Nice.

There is some Okaasan Confusion over something to do with hula dance class/teacher/Y5,000/new dress/dress shop/hula......which Yujiro is dealing with luckily. I am staying well out of that.
It's so good that, at the moment anyway, Okaasan basically trusts him over money affairs. When she doesn't understand/remember she eventually asks him and mostly believes what he tells her - you hear the horror stories of dementia sufferers accusing family members of stealing their money etc.
But at the moment she trusts him to sort out the endless confusions.
"I'm senile aren't I?" I heard Okaasan ask him as they discussed the confusions...."Yes" he replied, "but it's ok, I know what the hula teacher said, I'll go with you to the shop."
Okaasan is lucky that she is living with a family member who will sort out life's problems.

So today - Mr Cool Ski Instructor is going shopping with his mother to the hula dance dress shop.....

Good week otherwise: Okaasan went to hula on Monday. he and I went and had a great and really cheap dinner on Tuesday because Yujiro had got a deal on an internet coupon site (Y4,000 for two people, 8 courses PLUS all-you-can-drink....), the cats are eating and playing again and my taxes are maybe in order for the accountant when she comes today.

And so. Onwards.

Insides OK. Outside OK!

It's all happy - inside and out.

Dr. No Bedside Manner had a good scrape around my insides this morning and pronounced: All Clear. Come back later this year. Or next year.
I think he may have said something about sending a sample for lab tests, but all looking good.

I came back out into the public part of the hospital and got all weepy with relief.
Then got spotted by one of the women who was in at the same time as me last September - I think she was the one who was undergoing her third round of chemo. Under a fierce wig and lots of winter wrapping I couldn't be sure WHO she was. But we shared womanly relief and celebration for our bodies being ok. This time.

I  rushed home.
Sunshine.
Yujiro waiting with the skis on the doorstep.
We loaded up the car and drove out to Kokusai ski area and had a whole ski day to ourselves. Haven't done this in ages. Just the two of us. Easy courses only because my knee felt stressy on even the intermediate course.
But it didn't matter.

I was there. He was there. The sun was there.
And all was well.
I didn't ski at all last year, and the year before that was only 4 times and mainly easy, social skiing with beginner level friends.
It seems so long ago that I was actually an active good skier, trying all sorts of crazy stuff off the courses in the snow. I don't know if I'll do that kind of skiing again.
Doesn't matter. I am just happy to be cancer-free and out in the sunshine with my guy.

;-))


Okaasan didn't go to hula dance class again this week. It was a rare sunny day with no snow. But still she didn't go. She said she can exercise at home, I think that means health guru Nishi-sensei and his swim-like-a-frog-exercises on the carpet. And the intermittent walking she is doing outside, recently about twice or three times a week.
It's a shame, because she does need the exercise and the social part of the class is good for her too. Really she only speaks to us and people in shops. And her brother who occasionally calls.
But. If she doesn't want to go we can't make her.
She seems ok. We left her lunch things in the kitchen today and she'd heated stuff up and eaten it.

Yujiro will be off this Friday to the big ski area of NIseko to work for 10 days with mainly Chinese customers - it's Chinese New Year and Sapporo Snow Festival. I will be home alone with Okaasan.

But I feel so happy I can DO anything!!!!!

Day 4

Yiiikes.................................

A bit of One of Those Days.

The beer I am drinking now has never tasted so good.

Weather looked ok, so I left the "We are Out, so you should go and have lunch out" laminated sign on the kitchen table with Y1,000. Briefly chatted to Okaasan in the kitchen as she was heading to the loo while I was heading to the shower.

A busy day at work, with new students and a returning student.
I got back early afternoon - mainly to keep the cats company because I knew I'd be a bit late.
Recently a large, menacing local stray has been hanging around - and even daring to peer round the open window/door - scaring Popo and Chichi badly. So we can't leave windows open so much. It's interesting that even though there are two of them and one of him - he knows they are youngsters and no match at all.

Anyway. Came home about 1.30 pm.
Okaasan was here. Watching Tv. She'd eaten pickled bits of fish and a yogurt.
I offered to make her lunch (not too enthusiastically I must admit) , but she stirred herself to going out and about 2 pm she finally got out.

I kept the cats company. Put on the rice for dinner. Grabbed a pile of dirty underwear out of Okaasan's smelly room...a few plastic bags etc. Waited till the washing machine finished and then put the clean, damp pants in a bowl on the carpet just inside her room: with any luck she'll think she washed them herself and will take them to the next stage of hanging them up.
I think that recently she hasn't been doing the hand-washing for the endless pants so much.
She always used to be doing it constantly - and leaving bowls of damp pants here and there in the bathroom, kitchen and her room.
Recently - really nothing.
I know she bought yet more pants yesterday because I found the bag and receipt.

So the PILE of pants in her room.....I don't think she notices it, or has the get-up-and-go to start washing by hand such a mountain of underwear.
So - maybe we need to do more of her washing - either secretly as up till now, taking them quietly while she is out and returning them to her room likewise...or more openly by going and asking her to put things in a laundry bag for the machine.


At 3 pm. Back to work.
New students stayed late.
I finally got home at 7.15 pm, with supermarket sashimi and salad. And cake from students.
Okaasan not bothered, no problem.

At dinner I turned on the full charm and chatted her up about all sorts of topics: cake and Christmas, and wartime and food, and wartime work and heating and children, and wartime food etc etc.

Then I mentioned the hula dance event next week.
"There's an event? Nobody told me! Really? What are we dancing? I don't know about this!"
????????????????????????????????
Two days ago she knew about this.
Monday and Tuesday she went off to the rehearsals. Talked about it later etc.
Today - a complete blank on the subject.
Just nothing.
She was surprised to hear. Wondered what they would be dancing. Wondered when the practice would be. etc etc etc.

It's going to be a bit hard on Monday because I'll be at work and Yujiro isn't back from Tokyo till evening. I'll be booking a taxi to come and take Okaasan to the hotel in the afternoon with a bag of stuff I have to prepare for her.
But I'd like to her to at least REALIZE there is an event!!!
I can see the taxi driver coming at 1.30 pm and Okaasan still being in her pyjamas in front of the TV. i'd better get Yujiro to call her from Tokyo several times that morning to make sure she is getting ready.

THIS is the mad life we are leading!!!!

This beer is so good.

Okaasan catch-up

Okaasan - so how is she?
While so much happens at my end of this household...what about her?

She is ok, I guess.
The hot weather was tough for her, despite all the "I'm from Honshu so I'm used to for hotter" chat, but even so she went out almost every day for lunch and/or walking/shopping. While 200 people across Japan died from heatstroke I was was worried about Okaasan and I kept giving her bottles of water to remind her to drink...but I have to guilty say that Yujiro and I kept the electric fan upstairs and used it ourselves for most of the heat.

Hula dance has stepped up to twice a week. There is a dance event in September and the teacher has got Monday AND Tuesday classes going to get her students ready. This is so Japanese - a hobby group are taking practice to a whole other level and working themselves to a frenzy.

Ohta-san has told Yujiro that Okaasan finds learning the new dance routines hard, it's faster than usual and more complex. Okaasan hasn't said anything about it. Yujiro isn't saying anything. She seems to want to go. Certainly after the misunderstandings and hurt feelings of the Hula in the Park earlier this summer we won't try to stop/limit Okaasan's involvement in the coming event.

So, she's ok. Watching TV, hanging laundry, chatting hamster wheel stories. Needing a haircut very badly. Basically ok.

My end: Tuesday was tough tough tough. Leave the house at 9.45 am - teach three community center classes - drive 40 mins (x2) - get home about 5 pm - exhausted. Telling students about it all. Talking to the center managers about substitute teachers. The first two classes were fine, but my 3 pm I was getting backache and feeling hot and a bit strange. I managed to drive home and lay down for an hour. My stomach was enormous. But I managed to get up and sit for Family Dinner...a bit of fish and a bite of salad.
I'm beginning to think I won't be able to carry on a full teaching schedule right up to September 11th.

But wonderful thing: I put a message out on the Hokkaido Insider e mail service - which connects many of us ex-pats here - asking for other foreign women who've had gynecological operations to contact me and share their experiences...I want to ask questions about how I'll be prepped for this operation etc...like really detailed stuff...I've never had an operation...I mean, they stick a tube inside you to catch the pee right? Things like that? Got a great response from other expat wimmin in Sapporo - when I get a quiet time I'll be contacting them. I want to know what is going to happen, so I can panic in advance.

And finally.

My Dad. He died 1 year ago today. He'd just come home from visiting his wife in hospital, he was cooking sausages for tea, probably the TV was on with the news, his dog was with him. He'd felt sick that day, the doctor had come but done nothing much. He was worried about his wife in hospital. He collapsed in his living room with a burst pancreas. Two days later....found by the postman.

Tomorrow his wife will go home after her latest stay in hospital - we all hope she gets strong enough to stay living at home. But maybe a nursing home life is getting closer.
I've missed him. Missed talking about news stories together (he was a national newspaper photographer for 40 years), missed his funny cartoon cards, missed his detailed descriptions of "what-I-ate". Missed his enthusiasm. Missed him.

YES! She went!

Yup...Okaasan overcome all the silliness (for this week anyway) and went to hula dance class.
Yujiro's letter worked...she ate the bits of lunch on the kitchen table, got washed and dressed and WENT to the class.

Great. She enjoys it. She needs the exercise. She needs the social interaction with classmates.

In fact she then stayed out for hours and ate something downtown. Came home about 6.30 pm.
Ate dinner with Yujiro, and was pretty tired after a big day out.

Yujiro didn't ask her directly about hula and later he called the friendly classmate to check that she had actually gone.
Not only had she gone. But she'd been ther first to arrive and greeted everyone!

So that's alright then. For now.

Surface normality...

All seems well...but who knows?

We've had a busy week - with the football at semi-final stage, a friend's birthday, a Couch Surf guest, news  from England getting a bit better (moved to a hospital near home now) and planning for a BBQ we are having on Sunday.

Okaasan seems ok. Seems though. Who really knows?

She didn't go to hula on Monday. She said something about "that stupid/bad person...so I went downtown and drank a tea".
It's hard to get details with this kind of comment, because she doesn't give them and if we press with questions it all gets confusing and stressy. Best to leave it alone.
So we don't know what happenend between 9 am when I saw her at home and 1 pm when the class started. The classmate called and said Okaasan didn't come to class etc. So we don't think she even GOT to the class place, maybe the "stupid/bad" person was somebody at the station or on the train? Or a neighbor who talked to Okaasan for a long time and made her late?

We have no idea.

Apart from that, I've thrown away some dirty underwear left in the bathroom - not heavily soiled, but stained beyond niceness..I can't be bothered to start soaking stained underpants. Okaasan already has about 60 pairs of pants.There are enough! Her room smells pretty bad at the moment, I must get in there and do some basic cleaning and underwear hunting...

And Okaasan noticed all the BBQ boxes and bags in the kitchen yesterday and said to me worriedly: "Where is Yujiro? Is someone going away? There was luggage here!"
I reassured her that it's just Yujiro getting all BBQ-prepping happy. She looked a bit worried...

Mind you: we ARE planning a trip to Tokyo in October. Both of us. Because...WE GOT TICKETS TO GO AND SEE ADAM LAMBERT IN CONCERT!!!!!!One of my students sent me info about tickets going on sale and we got some!!! YEAH!!!!!!!I have no idea what we'll do with kittens and Okaasan that night....maybe put them all in a pet hotel together...

Sainthood only a step away...

I gave my Sunday to Okaasan.
Step aside Mother Theresa.
I am The One.
Pity I'm not Catholic. Does going to a Catholic school count?

Cooked lunch for Okaasan. Chatted to Okaasan. Got her interested in Hula Dance Festival. At 2.30 pm loaded her up in the car and took her downtown. Walked her to the festival. Found her dance class members (BIG excitement to meet the Gaijin Oyomesan). Walked her round the food and trinket stalls. sat and watched Hula with Okaasan.

Then went off shoe shopping and to get an eye test myself. Left Okaasan happily watching the hula under the trees. Called her later to check she was ok with her class members eating icecream etc. Relieved to hear she would make her own way home.
Came home myself. Cooked dinner for Mother and Son.
Chatted to all.

I did it. Feel good I did it. A bit of rare Okaasan/Oyomesan Bonding Time.
I know there are going to be horrendous times ahead with Okaasan and I should try to make some kind of Good Memory connected with her. So. I did good. 

And then went to bed early to get UP early for the England vs. Germany FIASCO!!!! THAT WAS A GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am writing right now to FIFA and if I can keep it up I will write every single day until they review this ridiculous "No 21st century technology in the Pure Game" rule.

And today it's 31 degrees in Sapporo. I can't sit near a computer any more. Going back outside to melt.

Hula...yes or no?

Well, the hula may be on...or off.
Okaasan said she isn't sure she wants to be in a hot park in the center of the city dancing (fair enough at the age of 80), and as the class members and Yujiro were worried about that too everyone is happy.
But he thinks we should just not talk about the hula at all now - whereas I think on Sunday at least Okaasan might like to go and sit and watch the festival - she desn't get much of a social life and I'm sure she would love to at least watch the hula performaces from a shady seat.

But of course - THAT would mean me giving up my time to get her there and make sure she is ok.
I kind of wonder if she'd be able to find it herself though - if I remind her about it on Sunday morning and chivvy her out of the house around 12.30 pm....

Hmm...how nice an Oyomesan am I?
Shall I bugger off and do my own things or shall I stay home and give my energy/time to her?

Will probably depend how friendly I am feeling towards her!

Yesterday I had two friends come to the house late afternoon - actually homestay CouchSurfers who are sleeping in the English classroom - and after taking them into the kitchen to introduce them politely to Okaasan we sat out on the front doorstep with beers.
Okaasan who had been preparing to go out never actually appeared at the front door. After 30 minutes I checked inside to see what was happening...and found she'd grabbed her shoes from the entrance and gone out through the big living room windows!!!! So strange! How hard is it to come to the door and say:"I'm off shopping now" and then head out. It's like a child sneaking out the back way to avoid the adults. Very odd behavior.

And then she forgot her mobile phone...so we couldn't call her and remind her to come home for dinner. So I cooked...and surprise surprise...she didn't come home till 8 pm. We ate at 7.15 pm. At 8 pm I got up from the sofa and the Tv and went back downstairs and got Okaasan's dinner cooked/heated and served. She apologised for being late. I left her to eat in the kitchen...

So, Sunday will really depend on how well she behaves today!

* Tokyo International University English Project team have sent me a wonderful parcel of Kawagoe booklets about life in Kawagoe, festivals and old shops and people. I think I can trickle this stuff out to Okaasan over the coming weeks, months, years everytime I can't think what to talk to her about.

Family service sushi

All seems well with Okaasan - the stressy situation seems to have receded.

Today we were home trying to finish off the big translation job we've been doing - that's him and me NOT Okaasan! - so it was a quiet day of kittens/garden/translation/soccer highlights on TV.

One of the kittens has lost his collar somewhere in the big outside and we've been trying to find it using the Loc8tor device..wandering the streets with this little black plastic thing in our hands...beeping it hopefully in every direction.
No luck. We have the cat. But we don't have the collar. Maybe a crow found it and flew away.

Lunchtime we took Okaasan to the local kaiten sushi place and feasted on fish...I really really LOVE sushi. If I ever have to live outside Japan I will miss it so much. OKaasan was happy to be out with us and chatted away about all the sushi plates.

Meanwhile...

...impending Oyomesan duty.

Okaasan's Social Secretary, Ohta-san the ever-helpful hula dance classmate, called to tell us that  there is a hula performance day in the park on Sunday. Okaasan hadn't mentioned anything about this. Thankgoodness Ohta-san knows to call us.
Sunday is Yujiro's busy day for taxi work...so he came and asked me to: get Okaasan organised on Sunday and get her out of the house and down to the park to hook up with her classmates etc.

It's ok actually. Of course I'd like to do my own stuff, but it WILL be a bonding chance with Okaasan. she and I do so little together. I can do this. If the weather is good there are worse things to do than sit in the park and watch hula dancing.

*  News from England: my step-mum may go home from hosoital today..but her operation has been put off again.

Hawaii plans??? Oh no!!!!!

Okaasan wants to go to Hawaii on a Hula Dance Tour......
Yikes!

Yujiro just got a call from Ohta-san, the ever-so-helpful hula classmate.
There's tour to Hawaii for hula dance watching/performing and it's open to groups/classes all over Hokkaido, maybe Japan.
Okaasan apparently told her teacher: YES! I'D LIKE TO GO!

Only problem is: nobody else in Okaasan's class is going. So, who would keep and eye on her, who would make sure she understood/remembered all the different elements of getting together and staying with a group as it goes through airports and checks into hotels and rooms and performance centers and sightseeing spots and restaurants and shops...and ...and....YIKES!

Ohta-san knows this. And thankfully she telephoned to tell us.

Somehow Yujiro has to find a way of disuading Okaasan from this idea. Gently.

It's hard. Part of me thinks that actually she might be ok. After all she knows the whole concept of Going on a Japanese Escorted Tour very well, in the past she has made many tours like this alone and with friends to South Africa, New York, Europe, Canada etc. . Japanese tours are very organised and protected.

But on the other hand - that was about 6 or 7 years ago - now with early/mid stage dementia I wonder how she would get on?

All new places? Time schedules. People giving information about future plans. Choices about food and optional tours. Being in places at set times. "Let's meet back here at XX".
Just getting to her hotel room, using a keycard and getting to the hotel restaurant would be a challenge.

If I think about the practical hour-to-hour routine of a tour I can imagine Okaasan getting into endless confusions about it all. She'd be a real headache for the the tour guide and members. Somebody would have to constantly check she was ok. (We could of course fit Okaasan with the Locator chips that we use for the kitten collars....)

Sad. I know she can't go. No way are either of us going to go on a Hawaiian Hula Dance Tour with her....so...somehow Yujiro has to find a way to nip this idea in the bud.

Okaasan blues...

Okaasan seems a bit blue.

There is no particularly reason we can see of course, and she isn't acting up.

But she shuffles around the kitchen and her room: washing a few clothes, watching TV, making cups of tea, eating the food we put on the table...but there isn't much spark.

At dinner she eats with her eyes on her food and listens to Yujiro prattle on about stuff, with occasional responses.

Not much laughter or eye contact really.

Should I just give her the fruitbowl back? At the moment I've hidden it behind the flower vase, so it doesn't come into Okaasan's view.

Is her moood connected to the fruit bowl? Or completely something else?

I wish (yet again) that I was the kind of person who could prattle on - in any language - because that's what Okaasan needs....but apart from the weather, cherry blossom arrival guessing, the flowers on the kitchen table...I can't think WHAT to prattle about!

Yujiro prattles well, but usually about stuff he is interested in: the difference in price between 2 supermarkets, the man he met who was a Brazil soccer team fan...Okaasan can't really latch onto any of these topics and join the conversation. If she ventures into it - Yujiro knocks her back (figuratively of course!) with a "Eh, no, I'm not talking about that!"....and she retreats again into silence.

I still reckon Okaasan has better conversation experiences when she is with me alone, because I don't have much language skill and it is easier for me to get her onto Korean food/Kawagoe/crabs/wartime...and let her bat that subject around herself.

But sometimes even the Favorite Topics don't seem to ignite a spark. I mention Korean food...and apart from: "Korean food is the most delicious in the world", there is no development. It's like Okaasan lets the tennis ball serve drop onto the court on her side of the net. On a good day the "Korean food" ball would instantly get lobbed back with the tales of going to New York and how the tour guide said Korean food was deleicious etc etc...but on a bad day the topic just dies.

Last night dinner was pretty quiet and the 3 of us stayed in the kitchen washing up for a while, but Okaasan seemed locked away in her thoughts while Yujiro and I chatted to fill the void.

This weekend I am away in Tokyo for one night and Yujiro has work/kittens/Okaasan to deal with, so there won't be much mental stimulation for Okaasan. I hope she is ok.

Last night the Hula Dance Friend called Yujiro to say there is another hula event coming up and Okaasan needs to pay some money for the costume etc, of course she hasn't said anything about this event and Yujiro will make sure to put the money in an envelope in Okaasan's bag on Monday morning - and then the Friend will make sure to ask Okaasan for it and look for it at the class.

Meanwhile - British politics unravels and unravels and nobody knows where it will go. I've been watching it all on the BBC website live newsstream. It  seems many worlds away.

A Year of Living...dangerously

We moved to this house a year ago - living all together in the same crazy mix.

So, it's the long weekend holiday and I actually had almost 3 days off. Yujiro was home some of the time thanks to bad weather stopping all the ski lifts and we did stuff together around the house. I also managed unheard of luxuries (for me in the past injured year anyway) of getting downtown twice alone to have lunch in a nice Italian restaurant, go to the woodchip sauna twice AND - GET THIS - DRIFT AROUND THE SHOPS AND BUY CLOTHES!
Just being able to walk where I choose, alone and with free time. Such a luxury.
Mind you, I did sit in the sauna salon lounge and reread Contented Dementia. I thought it was  a good idea because now I know Okaasan so much better.

As the book advised I actually wrote down in first person narrative all her hamster-wheel stories - wartime/Kawagoe/food shortages/warwork/father/crabs/picking vegetables etc etc. I could easily write 9 of them because now I know these stories well.
I think Yujiro and I are better at getting her onto these stories and letting her rabbit on and on. Although if she joins a conversation with a slightly off-topic piece of information Yujiro is still liable to say:"but we're not talking about THAT!" which isn't what the dementia book advises. If the client joins in, let them talk - even if it isn't so connected.Let them take the stage with their familiar topic.
The book also refers to the constant, repeated question that the client is asking. But I don't think Okaasan really has one. "What day is it?", "What time is it?", "Where's Yujiro?" aside.

All seemed well with Okaasan. We shared some meals with her and chatted her along on stuff. My coat and the buttons seem to have vanished, she said to Yujiro that she'd been to the sewing shop but forgotten to get the thread and was going back.
It's a bit tricky this one - how to gently remind her, without seeming to hassle. I really don't mind how long the button sewing takes - I have another coat. But what was designed to be a pleasant thing for Okaasan to do - seems to have thrown up all sorts of problems and I don't want her to start having negative feelings about me/the coat/the sewing.
I did wonder if I should go and buy the button thread and give it to her...or would that be giving her feelings of inability?

Yujiro went off skiing this morning.
I started Okaasan's bath. Reminded her about hula dancing. Reminded her about the bath. Gently kept her on preparation schedule. Served a light 11.30 am meal for her. Encouraged her out of the door.
45 mins later Yujiro telephoned to say that there was NO hula class today! National holiday etc. Okaasan had gone to the department store culture school. No class. She'd called him....(bet THAT felt good for the super-cool ski instructor to have his mum on the phone about hula dancing!!)
It's a real bummer after all Okaasan's confusion in the past week about the class schedule. Couldn't come at a worse time. Strange cos usually this class meets even on numerous Japanese public holidays.

But not today.
So poor Okaasan had got all gussied up for nothing. A negative experience connected with the thing she loves doing.

I came home about 6 pm from shopping. Okaasan was fast asleep under the heated table in her room.
I made dinner, called her several times. Stood in the door of her room. But she slept and slept.
Finally I sat down and ate dinner alone at the kitchen table and hoped the smells and sounds would rouse her. They didn't.

Yujiro called to say: don't worry, probably she ate out. Probably she's tired. It's my fault, I should have checked.
Of course somewhere there is a class schedule, and  I'm sure the teacher made an announcement last week. But that's no use to a lady with dementia....
Yujiro should GET the schedule and put it up on the kitchen noticeboard.


So there we are. Nice day. Followed by disappointment. I tried to have some kind of relaxing evening and get ready for classes tomorrow.

And so Year 2 of Living Dangerously starts....

Okaasan hits a bad patch.

Okaasan seems to be in a bad memory patch.

We don't know why.

Since the "Satoshi died?!!" shock on Friday she seemed ok.
We three ate dinner together on Saturday night and chatted.
Yujiro had ski work agaian Sunday so I cooked lunch and ate it with Okaasan.
She chatted on about Korean food and her Korean friend at elementary school. All very familiar stories.
Then she swerved off the usual course and told me that her elementary school was in Shiki in Saitama. ???? I was confused. Shiki is where Yujiro grew up from elementary age onwards. Okaasan as a child lived in Kawagoe.
Of course I looked puzzled and asked Okaasan"Shiki? Didn't you go to school in Kawagoe?". She looked confused. But stuck to the Shiki version of the story. It was all very mixed up. Strange.

Anyway. It was a happy lunch apart from that.

Then last night. Yujiro came home. 3 of us had dinner.
I  did nice sushi for Okaasan and we risked cheese fondue for ourselves, even though the last time we ate fondue Okaasan had a melt down and accused me of terrible deeds.
All seemed well, although I thought Okaasan was a little blue after coming back from her walk.

I talked about the spring clothes in Mitsukoshi department store. How Hokkaido is cold, but the spring clothes are in the stores.
"Really? I haven't been to a department store" Okaasan said.?????

Then we talked about "tomorrow is Monday, it's hula dance day isn't it?"...and suddenly she said.

"Hula Dance is tomorrow? Hula Dance is the first Monday of every month, is tomorrow the first MOnday of the month?".

It was so strange! She's never ever said this. She is always confused about what day is today. And we remind her about hula dance and Mondays. And make sure she sets off by 12 o'clock with her skirt and T-shirt. But she's never had confusion about how many times a month it is.

This came out of the blue.
We had the same conversation about 5 times. She was convinced and very surprised to hear hula dance class is every week and that SHE goes every week.
"Really? I must be losing my memory to think this mustn't I? Really???" she said.

THAT was hard! How much should we agree with that statement?
Sitting there at the kitchen table Yujiro and I were both muttering reassuring things about "yes a little, but you are so active to do hula dance and go walking"...but it was a shock.
WE came upstairs afterwards and talked about it.

WHY has she gone off into this now?
Is it all a fallout from the "Satoshi died?" experience?
We MUST make sure she is having positive experiences this week!

And I am going NOWHERE NEAR HER ROOM THIS WEEK!!!!!
THE NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES CAN STAY EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE NOW!!!!!

Hula Hell.

This is the garden across the road - Hoshiba-san aged 83? does this pretty much all on her own...and I get to enjoy it every time I look out of the living room or office window.

What's happened in Okaasan's head about her Hula Dance class?

Somehow this thing she loves, this group she seemed happy to go to has become ...bad, bad, bad!

Yesterday, unfortunately Yujiro got his days mixed up and sent her off to Hula Dance on the wrong day. God help us - someone in this family had better keep a grasp on the days of the week...

And this morning Okaasan had another little melt down on the subject of Hula Dance: I don't want to go, I feel tired, I don't have a T-shirt, they didn't tell me about the dance festival earlier this month, they always have breaks, they don't have a bath....and on and on...

I wonder if it's the Didn't Tell Me About Dance Festival situation. They gave her the information paper about it, but of course she forgot it and left it in a bag...and didn't apply to join the festival...so didn't know about it...we didn't know and the other women in the group don't intrude enough to make sure Okaasan is aware of what they are planning.

It's easy to see how people with dementia can isolate themselves from things - they just miss the forward planning and they are not very interesting at conversation...so social situations can slip away and all that's left is a negative feeling of being left out.

Anyway. If she doesn't want to go so be it. But it WAS a thing she enjoyed, it got her out interacting with people and exercising in a happy situation. Hopefully next week she'll have forgotten all about this negativity...maybe....

This morning I've tried to jolly-her-along with chat about the flowers and sunshine. She's outside right now endlessly reorganising the clothes line. This is one of her fixations: she stands there rearranging her (and my!) wet laundry...pegging and unpegging, moving the hangers round...staring at them...then changing their position again...then she goes inside and moves her socks, T-shirts, pajamas around on the floor and the sofa....some kind of reassurance in life....

The book I read about dementia said clients can go round and round the home doing things that seem ok in their little world - packing and unpacking, getting ready to garden or rearranging the books...something that they remember doing in their past and it feels safe. For Okaasan: handwashing/hanging clothes/drying clothes - VERY reassuring.

Meanwhile Yujiro has seemed to slump about his fruitless job hunting. I swept him away last night to a huge department store buffet place - using a voucher that a student gave me. We stuffed ourselves indecently on Chinese/Italian/Japanese food and drink. Tried to pep talk him. Tried to give him positive feelings. But it's hard to be hopeful for a 50 year old in an economic slump.

Haaaaa. What a happy summer!

Small things, small things. Just concentrate on the small things....my sweet peas are great. We can pick our own tomatoes. I'm going swimming today....small things...