Return to...where?????

There we are - back in Kawagoe, back with the family, back with the memories.

We did it! She did it. I did it. He did it. Success.

Along the way....oh.....ho ho ho.....

First of all: she enjoyed it. She got noticeably brighter when we arrived in Kawagoe. Lots of old chat came out. With the family she didn't know who they were at first ("Hello? I think we met recently?", but then understood and smiled and laughed and chatted.....and DOESN'T she look great? So young and beautiful!

It was a good thing to do. Worth all the work...all the work....for her and for her family members. One of Okaasan's brothers is not so well at all, and this may be the last chance for them to meet. 

But.

Oh, but.

You can imagine...the GETTING there was one whole HUGE puzzlement for Okaasan. Out of her familiar surroundings she was all at sea in confusion of place and time and reason. She depended on us a lot. Her dementia leaves her very vulnerable to confusion.

At 6 am on departure day she had no idea we were going anywhere. No idea there was a letter. Wanted to know WHY we were going. Wasn't at all interested. It was a major effort to get her up off the carpet and dressed.

Mind you: she then happily told everyone she met along the way: "I love going places. When they invite me to Tokyo I jump right up and say "Yes!""....yeaaaah. Right. Oyomesan groaning in the background...

The packing was a nightmare. Couldn't do it. All she could do - after a lot of pushing from me - was to put hand towels and handkerchiefs in a handbag. I packed her suitcase out of sight...and unpacked the towels and handkerchiefs....then unpacked and packed her in Yokohama and Kawagoe hotels.

And place: "Where is this?" was a constant, constant refrain. Every few minutes. At the airport, on the bus, in the hotels, in the streets, on the trains, in the hotel elevators, in the toilets...

Funniest was: "Is this my room?"...standing in the hotel bathroom? "Is this where I/we live?"

"Is this Yokohama? Is this Sapporo? THIS is Kawagoe?"

Return to Kawagoe.

And toilets: I KNOW I have been in and out of every single public toilet in Yokohama station area and then between there and Kawagoe, all over that town, and back to the airport. Know it. 

Actually maybe our trip was a tour of toilets.

We did well finding toilets and averting accidents - almost...in the final trip back to Tokyo airport I let Okaasan go into toilets alone and she chose the Japanese style squat cubical...minutes went by and she didn't come back...then started calling my name and banging on the door!

She had fallen down on the toilet floor, with her clothing round her knees...and couldn't stand up. Her body was wedged against the door - so I had to force my way into the cubical to haul her up off the floor....and get her dressed again and safely out.

While we were at the Elton John concert - 5 minutes away from the hotel - she was dozing by the TV in the room. But locked the door from the inside...had to telephone and bang on the door constantly to get her awake etc But she was safe.

And Kawagoe. The three of us walked and bussed around the old historic town, where little Kazuko had played long ago. She and I went inside the old house where a shogun was born, saw treasures and autumn leaves. She had great delight in showing off all the history and telling EVERYONE: I was born in Kawagoe!!!

We even found a town history exhibition with a friendly curator. He was obviously very interested in Okaasan and what she must know, but his questions confused her and she kept repeating: my friend lived in that shop, I don't know her name, where did I live? I don't know, I was born here!, my friend lived there, I played there, we went to the doctor's office in a rickshaw...

Frustrating for the curator. A child of course doesn't know the names of places and people. And now Okaasan has child-like memories. Lacking the facts.

"My friend lived here, we played together!"

Funny which experiences or information stick.

As we stood in the hotel foyer saying goodbye to family members I commented how well T-looked: "Was he here today? Did I meet him?"

But next morning: "H-san didn't come yesterday, because one of her husband's relatives is very sick."

So she forgot the brother who she sat next to for two hours. But remembered the sister who didn't come...and why.

And so. It is done. My good deed. I promised myself that she should go two years ago when I visited her hometown. And we managed to take her.

Success.

Today she is tired but seems fine. Chatted away. I will make up these photographs into prints and give them to her to aid her memory of the trip.

It was a huge amount of work - but the results for her and her family were good.

Now. Winter.

Countdown to THE trip

Two weeks and counting.
Actually in 2 weeks it will all be over.
The trip to Okaasan's hometown and family.

She, of course, doesn't know anything about that. We hope. Think.
Fairly easy. We usually don't talk about DS's annual trip to party with his friends until the day he goes: "to a national ski teachers' meeting in Tokyo". Okaasan has accepted that lie and his absence quite happily for a couple of years.

This time his trip will turn into the Happy Family Trip as Okaasan and I fly to Tokyo a week later to join DS for a) he and I going to a concert and b) Okaasan going back to her roots and family.

But we aren't telling her until it is necessary, because she and we (mainly I) don't need to stress of her getting in a tizzy about the trip. 3 days notice is enough.

So. We make plans while Okaasan is oblivious.
He bought the souvenirs to send ahead by delivery company to all the family members we might meet, or who might know we are in town. Japanese custom - LOTS of gift giving. 
I'm all primed with the air ticket details.
My student who is a taxi driver is all primed with pick up information to get Okaasan and I to the airport bus stand, and then 3 days later pick us all up at the airport.
DS has the tickets for Elton John concert and all the hotel details.
Okaasan's sister in law is organizing the hotel and the family dinner.
DS goes off to meet his friends in the Tokyo area next week, leaving Okaasan and me as a happy twosome for six days.

In the final countdown:
I'm getting some of Okaasan's clothes washed/cleaned ahead of time so she can panic over clean clothes about what she needs for a two night trip
I'm booked in for a hair cut.
I've booked HER in for a haircut next Sunday afternoon - which will give me a few hours to get her clothes in final order.

And on Sunday evening next week I will tell her that DS has a surprise.
I will hand her a letter from DS (so she can keep all the information straight) - and announce:
"Hey! You and I are going to Tokyo in 3 days time!! You need to put a few clothes in a bag."

It won't be that simple......
His letter will tell her that
* The souvenirs have all been bought and sent
* You don't need new clothes for a simple family dinner
* You only need clothes for 3 days

And we'll try to leave any mention of Okaasan's old house (where useless brother lives) until....we can think of a good enough excuse for why this trip isn't going THERE.

Oh, about useless brother.
I casually mentioned to DS about who might come to the family dinner. Brother and his wife, a sister? A sister in law? The useless son/brother....

"Err...I didn't tell him. He has diabetes, he has XXX, it's not good for him to eat a lot of food..."

What the Fuck???

Men can be so, so dense sometimes.

Of COURSE useless brother should be invited! This is probably his last chance to meet his mother before she dies! He never comes here. He hardly phones. She probably won't be physically or mentally able to do and enjoy this kind of trip in future.
Whatever the man's failings as a son...err...adult human being...he IS her son and for his sake and her sake they should meet if at all possible. A child and mother relationship is important. Never mind coming to the funeral when she dies (as they all will I am sure) - NOW is the time to come and spend a few hours with the living person.

I couldn't believe the man-of-my-dreams could be quite so highhanded, stupid and dense. And I told him so.


Anyway, at the moment nobody has been able to contact UB - so maybe he won't come. Which will be a real shame.

Hey ho. Strange family.

Okaasan drifts along, sleeping/eating/the occasional walk/lots of TV.

We notice more and more little strange things creeping into almost every day.

* She is rearranging the toilet mat again. Sometimes level with the toilet,sometimes with the door frame. Sometimes at an angle touching both! Obviously it bothers her - that this mat is in the wrong place....but what is "wrong" changes daily.

* Had a saga with a lost kitchen knife, I asked Okaasan if she had it in her room ( because she peels apples while watching TV), but she was amazed that a knife may have somehow migrated anywhere near her...and kept offering me the TV remote instead...then came to the kitchen and tried to show me how to cut chestnuts with a carving knife....
But surprisingly - 20 minutes after I'd got back from the local store with a new knife - Okaasan had remembered long enough what I had been hunting for and found it under all her stuff.

* Oh...and trash.
She goes out often with scrunched up newspapers in her handbag....containing trash to throw away. One day it was toe nail clippings,another day a rotting shrimp from the lunchtime box a few days before.
She has two trash boxes in her room - which she uses. She also (occasionally) puts things in the kitchen trash boxes.

Not sure why she thinks it is a good idea to take trash out of the house in her handbag :-)

And so.
She is getting out for a walk sometimes.
Not far. 
Hope she will HAVE the energy for a whole airport/Yokohama hotel/trains/Kawagoe and family thing.

Hope I have the energy for it too......

The Roadtrip a-COMING!

Yup.
Okaasan and Me will hit the road this November.
Playing the double act, with support from Dear Son and assorted family members in Yokohama, Kawagoe and an airport near you.
Shopping! Travelling! Chatting! Toilet Breaks! Lost Things! Packing! Panicking! More Shopping! Eating! Controlling the Alcohol Intake!

Oh my God. It's gonna be hard.

But DS contacted Okaasan's younger brother and his wife and they wildly offered to let the three of us stay in their home, or in a nearby hotel. They'll organize a wonderful family dinner. It'll all be splendid. Okaasan will walk the streets of home again. Kawagoe. The city of her birth. All those glorious memories.

But first.

I have to get her a hair cut.
Prepare her clothes.
Tell her we are going.
Help her...pack. And pack again. And again.
Get her into a bath.
Get her to the airport.
Steer her past lots and lots and lots of airport shops.
Fly with her to Tokyo.
Steer her past more shops....and onto trains.
Get her to the first night hotel stay in Yokohama.

Then DS will meet us and the three of us will settle into the hotel. Have an early dinner. And then Okaasan will snooze in front of the TV in a nice hotel bedroom...and we will sneak away to the Elton John concert for a few hours of escape.
Praying that Okaasan doesn't escape the hotel.....

I am already trying to imagine each stage and what might happen.
It doesn't happen until November.
But I can rehearse it all in my mind till then.
All the variations of what might happen....
Okaasan, hopefully, won't know anything about it till a few days before the trip.

Meanwhile:

* Having a hard week at the moment. DS has his regular customer for the bike taxi. But it isn't just taxi using, he acts as a kind of personal escort and shopping helper to a sight-impaired lady. Pretty demanding of his time and energy. He is working every evening and doesn't come home till gone 10 pm. THEN he wants to unwind with a beer and Tv...so I am awake late.
And at 5 am the cats are demanding breakfast. I feel I am operating on failing batteries.
It's like the weeks in winter when he is gone.

I had dinner tonight with Okaasan. But she's been a bit abandoned this week. Lots of lunch box deliveries and food left out for her on the kitchen table. Of course she doesn't count the days of this because she is just going from moment to moment - but at some level the lack of human contact and conversation (such as it is from my tired brain) must impact her mood or feeling.
Tonight her usual story of the flower business man who gave her a high quality hydrangea bush when she was a 50-something housewife somehow all got mixed into "my house when I was a child in the war, but of course we didn't have flowers in the wartime, so I don't know what happened to the hydrangea..."
I didn't correct her. Just agreed that flowers didn't survive wars.

* And tomorrow DS is taking her for her mental health check up and dementia assessment at the clinic. Every 2 years apparently. This is so we can reapply for day care services this winter - the day care worker who will come once a week and take Okaasan shopping in a taxi etc
So, that is what DS is doing with Okaasan tomorrow.
That Name 5 Things test, Draw a Clock etc. Dear Son will probably fail the test himself thru sheer exhaustion. Then I can get public assistance for both of them and never have to cook another tofu dish again.

It will be interesting to see what the assessment is.
A little worse I guess. That's what we feel about Okaasan's dementia level.
She is less physically active now. Less talking. Less personal care. Less environment care. Memories of adulthood and childhood are often mixed up.
But okay. I think.

Hence the trip. Time to go connect with her family and past while she still can enjoy it.