Did my Oyomesan duty yesterday and took Okaasan downtown for a look at the Christmas lights and a feel of the season.
She hasn't been downtown alone for months - well there was once.
I felt she should get out and enjoy the season with crowds and decorations.
I drove her downtown with a white lie that I had to meet an old student for a few hours - so she could enjoy herself freely and then meet up with me and come home again by car.
Wondered whether I should go round with her - but decided she probably enjoy going back to her old haunts and doing what SHE chose - so arranged to meet her later.
It's always hard to make plans for meeting with Okaasan. I'm never sure whether the information has lodged in her memory or not. LOTS of repeating of the main message: "Here at 5.30 pm. Yes, inside. Here. This coffee shop. 5.30.....5.30....5.30 ..."
I try to keep the information simple - didn't elaborate too much on where I was meeting the old student etc, in case THAT information got into the mix.
Dropped her off outside her favorite coffee shop, and I disappeared to do some shopping and wandering of my own.
The central park of the city - right opposite the coffee shop has winter illuminations and a German-theme Christmas market - so it looked perfectly. Inside the market itself looked slippery because we hadn't had fresh snow for a week - but the scene looked good from across the road.
Came back just before 5.30 pm.
No Okaasan in or out of the coffee shop.
I waited 10 mins. Then called her.
She was 100 m away in the underground shopping area - said she was coming. Waited another 15 mins. More phone calls, I ran around into the shopping area to look for her - thinking "wow! So many people seem to have orange padded winter coats!"...and started to panic...had I lost her? had I over-assumed how much she remembers about being downtown? Thought about asking information desk to make an announcement.
Wondered what Dear Son would say if I lost his mother, or she fell and injured herself. Felt my blood pressure edge upwards.
Went back to the coffee shop and there she was. With coffee and a cake "because it's rude to just order coffee, but no I don't want it...you eat it...."
We sat in comfortable-twosomeness and watched all the customers come and go, people loaded down with Christmas shopping and families out for the lights in the park. There I was in HER favorite coffee shop, where she used to meet the friendly woman etc Okaasan was happy to be back in that place.
It was a good thing to do.
Her walking downtown was actually good. I was pleased and surprised. The parking area was a basement, but she got down about 20 steps holding onto the handrail and didn't seem to complain about leg pains.
Came home and made Okaasan a Korean onepot dish with lots of tofu and veggies. She had just plopped down in front of the TV when it was ready - so I gave it to her there...and I retreated upstairs to finish off the day very healthily...with mulled wine and cheesecake.
Oh - and Christmas cake cupcakes?
From the BBC Food website - VERY good. I've made a batch this afternoon - oh yum.....very yum. Will try them with more alcohol next....
The slippers started it.
Every Japanese home has a line (or jumble) of shoes in the entrance due to the shoe changing custom.
It's a good indicator of who is in and out. Office workers probably have double shoes so they can leave one pair in workplace entrances to make the boss think they are actually IN the building somewhere, while in fact they are out snoozing at a coffee shop or catching a movie.
So. Our entrance hall...with its jumble of shoes and boots.
I came home and found the guest slippers out on the floor.
??????????????
Guest? who? A scheming futon cleaning salesman? A roof repair guy? Mormons?
My mind was on alert. Not it's usual state as I arrive home from work.
I go into the kitchen.
Okaasan is standing there in her pajamas drinking some water.
"Okaasan, who came today? was there a visitor?". (breaking First Rule of Dementia: DON'T ask direct questions).
"Today? A guest? Oh...err....that place I go to....that place....they came...they came, didn't they?"
"Day service came here today? Really? Why?"
She didn't know. I didn't know. My mind was a whirl. Her mind too of course...
Then I saw an empty pack of instant curry and a frying pan.
Day care came and cooked? There was some big miscommunication and they thought we were away? So they came and cooked for Okaasan?
Really?
Do burglars in Japan come in and cook for themselves?
Okaasan is now peering into the box of shopping I had just brought into the kitchen.
"They brought this maybe?"
"Err, no - I brought that in here 1 minute ago!"
Confused leading the confused. In circles.
Really I felt a sense of dread mixed with disbelief.
Who had come into the house? And why would they cook in the kitchen?
Then.
AhHa! A personal coffee pot carrier! That belongs to Dear Son, he uses it when he goes skiing.
Upstairs a sleeping bag roll.
Little things were moved all over the house. The TV was set on the sports channel.
Dear Son! He must have come during the day - on his way between ski resort jobs. Stopped off to change clothes, eat instant curry, leave the sleeping bag...
Back in the kitchen I reported to Okaasan that the mystery was solved: "Y came back didn't he! Did you meet him? (let's just go on breaking Dementia Rules with wild abandon while we are at it...)
"Y? Today? Did I meet him? Is he here?"
She really had no idea that sometime during the afternoon, a few hours before - she had met and probably had a short conversation with Dear Son. Nothing.
When I'd rushed in and shocked her with the direct question: "Who was here today?" she sorted around in her memory and came up with an answer which seemed to fit - because once a month to day care manager comes to meet Dear Son and Okaasan to review the service.
Guest? Guest slippers? = Day care people came.
* :-) Okaasan went off to day care twice this week. All happy. She talks about having a friend at day care, which is a very good sign.
I asked one of my friends to translate the service report paper for me - in case there are any important bits of information.
Usual stuff about - "Please send Okaasan with an extra pair of trousers next week, cos she pissed in the ones she was wearing. etc"
And: "She was very happy at lunchtime and said 'It's nice to have so many different kinds of food, because I don't cook so much at home'".
"I don't cook so much" ??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, right. Not at all Okaasan! Not at all! That switching on the heat for the oden a few nights ago, that wasn't cooking :-)
I cooked it. Got myself the scissors and opened the supermarket pack and poured the pre-cooked oden into the table-top cooker.......that's cooking :-)
Onwards into Christmas week.
In Japan this year it is preceded with a 3 day weekend. Emperor's birthday. A time to sit down and write all the new year cards, check addresses. Have to post them by December 25th really.
And Monday night I am going to have a gorgeous hotel buffet dinner with Cutest Baby and his mum. Dear Son might be home for a day or two next week - or not. I haven't made any plans for Christmas dinner for him and Okaasan. If he is home I'll get some chicken and create something.
Work is winding down - most of the lunch/dinner end -of-year parties are done. Got a few classes next week, but less than usual. Got a video narration job today.
Thinking about making Christmas cake cupcakes for Tuesday classes. Think I should practice that and eat the samples this weekend.
onwards.
Oh here we are - on a caring roll. :-)
Sunday night when I went into the kitchen (after writing the last post) I realized Okaasan had actually washed up the dinner dishes for me. Excellent.
She doesn't usually - some reason about you should let the body rest after eating, but while she can put a little water in dishes and leave them "till tomorrow", by tomorrow she has forgotten and we almost always wash up after meals.
But Sunday night - she obviously remembered that Dear Son was away and I was busy prepping Christmas classes - so she washed the dinner plates for me. :-)))
It's a small thing - but all good.
Then yesterday: my day of leaving home at 9 am for classes and two end of year parties - getting home at 9.30 pm.
I left Okaasan in charge of her own dinner AND asked her to feed the cats!
And she did it. I'm officially an Okaasan Trainer now. :-)
I copied and pasted one of Dear Son's letters to Okaasan that is on the computer. My Japanese isn't good enough to write an original letter, but I can cobble together a letter from his old letters.
I deleted and added in some sentences: telling Okaasan that I was out at a party in the evening. Telling her that lunch would be delivered as usual. Telling her to heat up the oden in the table top cooker for dinner and telling her to open a pack of dried cat food and put it in the bowls on the stairs.
Then I set out the oden on the kitchen table. Put cat bowls on the stairs - and marched into Okaasan's room to give her the letter and ask her to follow it.
She was pleased ( I think) to be asked to do something for me. She got up and came into the hallway to check the cat bowls, and wished me good luck at end of year party madness.
I set out thru the snow and ice and RAIN! to my day of work and parties. The streets are baaad.
......
And I came home at 9.30 pm and...
She had eaten ALL the oden (it was a pack for two people) - and not burned the house down.
She had fed the cats one pack of food.
The other pack was still on her table....not to worry - it wasn't their only food of the day and I was home eventually - Japanese doesn't have plurals - and my letter hadn't specified "give the cats BOTH packs of food".
The only failing? Dear Son's mistake methinks: the lunch delivery didn't come. Which is why Okaasan ate all the oden - for her lunch and dinner.
He organises the lunch deliveries, maybe he got the dates wrong.
But MY side of it all - all went well.
Using your Okaasan. It is very important! She can be the cat sitter in future :-)
It is so easy with old people to do everything for them. It's quicker and simpler. But getting them to do stuff and asking them to do favors for you - it's good physical activity and everyone likes to feel needed.
I've just been in Okaasan's room and given her big thanks for feeding the cats. Hope that gives her nice warm, fuzzy feelings about herself and life.
Start like mean to go on - all caring and active.
Got Okaasan to have a bath this morning. Months and months since she has done that. But no negativity about it: I just ran the bath for her, heated up the room, set out towels on the chair and called her with the suggestion that we'd talked about it already - "bath is ready now!".
She got up and fussed around getting stuff together. And then spent a good hour in the bathroom, washed her body and her own hair.
I also sewed the hem of her trousers so she won't fall over it. She can do this herself, but I don't want this job sitting undone for days on the table - it is just simply easier to do it myself. Even with my sewing skills :-)
Gave her lunch and a bit of chat. White lie excuse about "going to a friend's birthday party, shouldn't eat too much..."
Actually went downtown, had lunch quietly in a coffee shop and studied kanji...and then saw a great movie starring Helen Hunt called "The Sessions", about handicapped people and sexual awakening.
Came home. Cleared snow. Cooked dinner.
Ate with Okaasan and heard her stories about going to Ayre's Rock and New York to see the Statue of Liberty. Sometimes the stories got mixed up...I don't think tours to the statue give their customers breakfast before climbing the statue!!! And I'm pretty sure there aren't camel rides in New York.
It's been sometime since I've heard Okaasan waffle round and round in these old stories. Same old stuff. Repeats and repeats and repeats. Yujiro never shows enough interest in her chat to let her do more than two tellings of the same event.
I let her go on and on: 6 or 7 or 8 times....the dementia books say this is good. As long as you can muster up enough interest to give reactions when required. So I let her go on and on.
Well, I do at the moment. It's only Day 1.
By the end of next week I'll be cutting her off after two tellings.
Tomorrow I have TWO end of year parties with students. Lunch and dinner. I will leave at 9 am and won't get home till 9 pm or later.
Lunch delivery is ordered. For dinner I am going to set out oden, a kind of simmered pot of stuff, because I think Okaasan can switch on the table top cooker for that. It's a one pot dinner.
AND! I am going to ask Okaasan to feed the cats.
Rather than organise a cat sitter. Or leave the poor little monsters to starve for a few hours.
I'm going to give Okaasan two packets of dried food and a note, and ask her to put some food down on the stairs for the cats about 5 pm.
I think she can do it. We jokingly call the cats "Neko-sama", which is a very polite form of Japanese - and Okaasan generally enjoys watching the cats and what they do. I think she can open a pack of food and put it on a plate. Give her some responsibility.
Got to go to bed now...
Double party tomorrow. GOnna be a tough day.
