Back to hospital

Just a quick update, before I head off for work.

Okaasan is back at hospital. Same bed. same room room. With nurses under instructions not to force her to eat food she doesn't want, and to try and just mildly agree with things she says.
If they can....

At the end of all that - getting her back to the hospital was actually very easy.

She was dozing on the sofa at 1 pm and I felt bad that we were about to unsuspectingly rip her out of comfort back to the place of uncertainty. Even though for her own good. Like when the cat is snoozing in the closet and I am tiptoeing around to prepare the cat carrier in another room so he doesn't know the a vet visit is a coming.

Just before the wheelchair taxi arrived Dear Son got Okaasan alert and took her to the toilet. She was there ages...leaving the taxi driver and Dear Son hanging around in the entrance hall...and then...he helped her walk out..oh and "turn right!" and "sit here"...and "put on this coat" and "here is a nice driver man" and "let's go!"...she was out from the toilet and into a wheelchair and out on the road to hospital without a fight. Amazing.

The nurses said she will need at least another week of hospital to get strong enough for solo walking. She IS really shaky and not balanced. The day care manager telephoned...she and dear son will discuss things...whether a short stay unit could be used....or not.

WE were knackered. And I had the extra emotional toll of seeing the events in London on my TV screen. I was born in London. It's my city. I had dinner with a friend near London Bridge after the Olympics....I feel numb about it all.

And so.

We certainly couldn't have Okaasan living with us if she was like Saturday's condition. Impossible. For the first time Dear Son actually said that. He saw the reality. He talked about her living in a care home.

But we really really believe that the Saturday condition was an extreme. She isn't that bad, yet. We hope that she can get strong physically and come home and mentally enjoy life again with us.

We do hope that. I know that is shades of an abuse victim saying: he didn't mean it, he was just drunk and angry. But we don't believe Okaasan is that bad yet. This whole hospital experience is effecting her and will make her dementia worse. But we think she will retutn to a calm state.

But we are exhausted.

And now I am going to work....

* Thankyou for many messages. I can't reply to all. Just no time and energy. But thankyou .:-)

On watch. In turns.

One hour each in the kitchen - at hand to make sure Okaasan doesn't fall off the sofa, stand up...throw a tantrum. On watch to respond to her ever-changing needs and anger level.

Yesterday morning was definitely worse. Late afternoon she was mixing querulous with bursts of anger. Occasional laughs. Then stressy hand flapping and shouting.

And I am emerging as the focus of negative feeling.

"That English woman..." - who doesn't wipe things down properly, doesn't know Japanese way...doesn't...

And one very odd conversation about "Japanese people don't wear aprons at mealtimes"...from a woman who comes from a culture and generation where women certainly DO wear an apron at mealtimes. Okaasan's absolute routine ever since she has lived here, and back into the mists of time, has been to put on her apron when sitting down to eat.
But now? What is that? Why do you want me to wear it? Japanese people don't do this!

It all has started to come out. Paranoia.
Hate cats
Is this water safe to drink?
Maybe somebody pushed me? Did I fall naturally?

And place confusion.
Where is this? Where are we going to eat?  Do we live here? Are those my clothes? Are we going home soon?

Dear Son is keeping his patience so far.

He and I have had long conversations about options and what-is-best. I think the best option is that she stays at home and he and day care support try to manage this situation into the coming week. Second option is to get her into a short stay unit. Third option is go back to hospital.

Apparently the short stay option isn't that easy right away. Okaasan's Welfare Care level is too low to be able to activate that option immediately. She is Level 1. That's the level based on the interview with the psychologist and home appraisal by day care manager. Obviously her dementia level has shot up (down?) several levels this week, and if she was appraised now it would be different.

Dear Son is for the back-to-hospital option. Even though he recognises it won't be good for her mentally, at all. Physically she isn't so great. This morning she seems to have more back pain. Wheelchair to the toilet again.
Meanwhile HIS back pain is increasing because he is hauling her around....

We are taking turns to be on watch.
Sitting in the kitchen within sight and shout range of Okaasan.
I sit and read a book. Look at my smartphone. He relaxes upstairs with TV.
Then an hour later we swap - he sits in the kitchen watching football on his smartphone and I sit upstairs with Netflix.

He slept again on the floor of her room and took her to the toilet in the night.

Today?
We'll try to do lunch...aiming for a friendly, family feeling at the kitchen table. Which is nearly impossible with Okaasan complaining about the food size/type/arrangement. I keep my head down and just eat. let Dear Son do all the soothing agreeing and gentle explaining.

After lunch.....the major task of getting her BACK to hospital.
Special wheel chair taxi will come at 2 pm.
We've agreed to try and tell Okaasan "oh, let's go out together, let's use the wheelchair...let's take this taxi..." and NOT, initially make it Return to Hospital. Until that is inevitable.

I fear an actual physical situation with her resisting him trying to get her into a wheelchair and shouting and anger.

He feels he must follow the hospital system. Return her there. Talk to the nursing staff etc Then day care manager to tomorrow.

It's the Japanese way. To accept system and authority. Of course, it wouldn't be my way as an English woman....if this was my parent I'd be calling the hospital and TELLING them that my parent was going to stay here at home. Then hassling the care manager Monday morning to give me a) full care worker support for home care or b) get a short stay place ASP.

But it isn't England. It isn't my parent. I try to imagine what it would be like if this was Mum or Dad, or my wonderful step-mum shouting and attacking verbally like this. How I would feel. It must be so hard for Dear Son.

I have a protective non-family coat. I react as a human to the anger and rudeness. But without the emotion.


So. Okaasan will - maybe - go back to hospital this afternoon.

And yes. We are planning to let out our whole loada stress with beer and meat/soup curry for dinner. Looong weekend. It's rained and been cold too.....going to work next week looks like happiness on the horizon...

Volcano in the living room

Bubbling, bubbling...erupting...throwing out rocks...hot...molten...simmering again...bubbling...spewing forth....raging...simmering...

ALL of the above. Often in the space of a few minutes.
We are on volcano watch this weekend.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. 

Physically? Okaasan IS getting better. We had to use the wheelchair last night. But then she started being able to walk and stand - in a kind of two-step with Dear Patient Son. They look like judoists grappling. She is holding onto his arms as he backs slowly in front of her and she shuffles forward.
She has got to the toilet a few times with help.

She slept on the sofa, with a coffee table upended next to it to stop her slipping onto the floor. And her Dear Very Patient Son sleeping on the carpet nearby.

We had family dinner. She ate well. Looked soooo sleepy and was pretty silent. Maybe happy to be back.

"I went to hospital? When? Why?" was probably the stunner of the evening. Two weeks plus of experience gone from her memory. 

But the impact of those two weeks is right here and raw. 
Fury. tetchy, fractious, scolding, anger - at everything.

MOVE that clothes rack!
Why is that table there?
Why is that wheelchair here?
What's that?
Are those socks clean?
That man on TV.....

All of this with raised voice and anger.

It's very, very wearing. And she only came back yesterday...we are hoping this will subside. Apparently the hospital said she was more aggressive in the mornings.

Oh God we hope so. And we hope it gets less. If THIS is the new norm? It's like the dementia has scaled up by several notches.

And then.
She let us change her pajamas and diapers without too much fuss. Like a toddler - she let Dear Son kneel in front of her and she held onto his shoulders. I was behind her as we took off the clothing, she obediently lifted one foot at a time to let us undress and dress her - all the time chatting on about the name plate of the neighbor's house she could see thru the curtains... 

And 20 minutes later - she took off the hospital corset  and threw it on the floor...."I KNOW what is best for my body? What hospital? What doctor?" 

And then polite again; "thankyou for the flower. That's pretty". 

"Why is that piece of paper on the table? Is it mine? What is that cup?" with cold fury voice.


We are exhausted. It's only 10 am on Saturday.
Onwards into our weekend.

Coming home.....for...???

Yay!
Okaasan will come home tomorrow.
And stay until Sunday afternoon. Then go back to hospital.

Maybe.

Big maybe....

Lots of negotiations between DS, hospital and day care manager. We have a cute, compact wheelchair and table, we have a special taxi booked, the carpet is back from dry cleaning....the clothes washed, every surface cleaned.
And it'll be a special welcome home dinner of fish.

Today at the hospital she walked all round the nurse station - twice! - with a stroller....an amazing change in ability. If she can do that, she can get to the toilet at home and she'll be fine.

We don't really want her to go back to hospital...but that's the plan, so the doctor can see her again on Monday. If she stays at home day service can arrange some physio care....

It's all stations GO.

We hope.

Amazing how she has made a great progress in physical ability. I wonder if she suddenly understood that demonstrating ability was the key to getting out? Before that maybe she didn't bother to stand or try - just said "Yes, of course I can stand" to the physio. Then realized that demonstrating that was her key to freedom?

AND what will happen on Sunday when she understands she has to go back to hospital?

Deep breath....we are heading into the weekend...