And another one down...

Shouldn't blog while depressed.
It'll make ordinary moans seem worse and crisis level.
But I can't help it. Need to vent.

Another member of the family has fallen at home...while I was upstairs...and I REALLY REALLY promise I have nothing to do with it.

Stupid fucker of a boyfriend. He got drunk and fell late at night in the bathroom. Hit his head on something and gashed his eyebrow area. Deep, long cut. Blood spatter everywhere. Bathroom walls and floor. Towels, T shirt, bed linen. The works. Nasty, stinky iron-smelling blood that dried in angry dark blotches everywhere.

Refused hospital aid that night. Of course. Next morning went and had 5 stitches to his face. Very lucky it wasn't his eye 4 cm away.

Stupid stupid man.

I am angry with him. Disgust and anger. Tired and SO over this man and his problems. His mother, the dementia, the hospitals - the whole thing.

I am having holiday in UK in September. 7 weeks away. It can't come soon enough.

I hate his over drinking. It's the culture of Japan - drink till you are stupid. It's the culture of Britain too. Smart people should know that and not let it control them. I don't need this in my life and I am angry that he doesn't see how stupid it makes him.

Four of us went for a drink in the city beer festival Wednesday night. A friend and his new wife, me and Stupid Fucker. Met about 5.30/6 pm. Drank and ate until just after 8 pm. All of us had work the next day. I had an 8 am narration job for the university. I had one drink and then stopped so my brain and voice was ok for people who are paying me to be in control.

God knows how much Stupid Fucker drank. 4 large glasses? Maybe. But it was with food. It wasn't a binge night out. Just a few hours in the city park, at an annual event, with friends.

He and I went home. He was staggering and tripping. The usual. Got home. Prepared for bed. I dealt with the cat and yet another not-dead-yet-mouse....then Bed. He got up to to the toilet downstairs...and as I closed my eyes..glad we'd got home early enough to ensure a chance of sleep...

Crash. Crash. Bang.

I lay there. Wondered. Stupid drink had fallen against the kitchen door? the bathroom sink? Where was the noise from? I waited. 
And 3 minutes later he came upstairs with a towel round his head. Blood everywhere.

Stupid.

I hate him at the moment.


And just to pile on the moans:

I am enduring endless hospital visits and medicines etc because my left foot has some awful fungal condition. The skin is being eaten away and it is and open mass of fragile skin layers. I've changed hospitals and doctors, I'm on my third course of treatment. I can only wear one pair of shoes. I want to go kayaking, but maybe I can't because of getting the foot wet and dirty.

So, there is that.
Moan.

And Okaasan?

oh yes. This blog is meant to be about her.

Yes.

Later today we will go to the hospital and see how her physical therapy is coming along. Then we will go to a different hospital and meet the social worker....because the next stage is that Okaasan will transfer to this physical therapy for old people hospital? Two weeks there maybe to get stronger....and then come home to her super happy family.

That's us.
Stupid Fucker and Angry Zombie Foot.

And a nightly parade of dieing mice.

And how is YOUR summer???

This is mine.

Holding pattern and happy

Really sorry - getting behind on the blogging.
Sapporo turned hot again and I just don't have the energy for things...

Okaasan is doing well.
She is starting to walk with walking frame supports and they are pleased with her. One foot is still swollen. She can't stand up herself from seated position.

We've been to see her a couple of times and mentally she is good. All smiley and friendly. Looks at photographs of South Africa and Rome - this lady traveled! - and we wheel her around the hospital floors for a different view.
Hard to visit someone who doesn't have any conversation skills. She sits and smiles at us...we chat to fill out the space. Talk about the tree...talk about the picture...

But she is happy.

The nurse at the weekend said there will be a medical appraisal this week and maybe an assessment of how much longer she NEEDS to be in this hospital - and when she is ready  for transfer...AGAIN! ...to a care facility that will do more and more physical and mental therapy.

Japanese hospitals are a constant merry-go-round...I think this is their way of milking the national insurance system. Moving patients around every few weeks so everyone gets a share of the insurance pie.

But we are sure: until Okaasan can stand on her own and walk from her room to the toilet and back again. She can't come home. We can't sleep with her every night, we do need to go out and leave her for a few hours. If we can't get her to that state - then it's a care home future.

We are hopeful...that in August she will be home. Whether that is for good, or not, we don't know.

Restraints in hospitals....

A patient was admitted to a mental health hospital in Japan.
For 10 days he was tied hands and feet to the bed.
After 10 days he had a heart attack - the family suspect Deep Vein Thrombosis.......Economy Class Syndrome...whatever it is you want to call it.

Lack of movement and exercise in a mental health hospital. Restraints.
Something apparently long criticized as inhumane by international commentators.

Sound familiar?

A very sad story about a Kiwi English teacher in Japan.
you can read it here. 


Okaasan is doing ok. DS told me.

He went to see her Sunday. She was up in the wheelchair and trying and failing to stand. She had lunch at the table in the day room. She chatted to him. He came away happy. This week the physical therapy will start.

Tomorrow Dear Son will meet case worker and social worker......

Visiting dementia

Not a great visit to Okaasan yesterday.

No big crisis. Just the sad reality of a lady with dementia....and an hour of silence and a few words exchanged. a smile or two.

We came home sad. Drank beer. Ate dinner. Felt sad.
]
As soon as we walked into the room we could see it: her face. That face of dementia. She was on the bed, slightly curled up - looking at the wall with an anxious face. The nurse bustled in with us and started raising the bed and talking brightly about family visitors and dinner-soon.

We unpacked the things we'd bought - special shoes, another mug cup with straw...a magazine that....will she look and enjoy mangazines anymore?

Dinner arrived. We sat with Okaasan for 45 mins while she picked at dinner. Alternating between chopsticks and a spoon. Seemingly enjoying the orange jelly....a little miffed that the veggies didn't have soy sauce. 

DS encouraged her to eat gently. He and I talked a little about his customers and the weather. Okaasan ate. Stared at us. Stared at the name card on the tray. Stared at the food. Eventually we turned the name card around - because she stared at it so much and tried to process it. And didn't eat.

Stared. Long.....stares. As if every thought process was taking time. Which I guess it is. SO different from saturday, when she sat and showed me the South Africa pictures - elephants and hotels and friends. Laughing, informative. So different.
Why? She is taking the meds. But maybe yesterday was a lot of stimulation...and she reacted well. A day in the bed in hospital...with a few visits from well-meaning nurses....staring at walls.

It's a 3 day holiday weekend. No physical therapy is going to happen till Tuesday. We worry.

Can she really come home again? Ever? In August, when DS has the rich customer for 10 days of bike taxi work - will I be sitting with Okaasan for lunches and dinners with her like this?

What IS going to happen?

This IS dementia. I feel as if the last few years have been a gentle preamble. A confused old lady, who was able to do most things herself with our reminding and encouraging.

What is here now, and what comes next. Suddenly in 2 months we are here. And it doesn't look good.