No change.

Not really.

Fever comes and goes. Blood pressure falls, unless medicine is administered.

Okaasan is kind of sleeping, but sometime breathing is hard. Her eyes open for a while. And then close again.

Oh god...we have a no- resuscitation request, but the Japanese health system still forces life...by using the drugs to keep the heart working. It really is terrible. Okaasan wouldn't want this, at all.

So. Day by day. 

I was thinking yesterday I should get out one of her favorite blouses from the closet and iron it. So that she can "wear" that for her final journey.

Onwards.

Came a phone call...

 A different stage begins?

During a Zoom lesson the other evening, the house phone rang, the mobile phones rang...

Okaasan's hospital ringing with a change in status report.

She'd had a high fever earlier in the day. They'd administered medicine. Now her blood pressure was very low. Not sure whether it was the medicine...or "something else".

Reconfirming the "no-resuscitation" status we'd agreed on when she entered this hospital.

She'd been moved to a room nearer the nurse station. It could be the beginning of the end. We'll call you if there are any changes overnight.

There weren't any calls. But we went in the next day.

Something WAS different. Her fever was still fairly high and her breathing was more labored, kind of ragged. Sometimes tougher. But she was still on oxygen only from the little nose tube outlets, not a full mask.

We stayed a while. Played film music on the smartphone, hand massage.

Nurses came and went. Everyone professional and friendly.

And so. We come away. Keep our mobile phones more to hand. I've told friends I have plans with in the coming days that I may have to cancel suddenly. We'll see.

I so hope Okaasan finally gets escape from this.

A little change?

When  somebody has basically been in the same condition month in, month out for years...a tiny change is something to wonder about.

The last two weeks Okaasan has opened her eyes. Repeatedly, sometimes 6-7 times a minute.

She is still in the drugged sleep, breathing deeply.

But her eyes open, her eye balls are generally high and kind of roll to the left or right, and then she closes the lids again.

Of course, we don't believe she is seeing or choosing to open her eyes. It's an involuntary action. But evidence of some brain activity?

The nurses don't appear to think it's significant. They came and gave Okaasan big nasal and mouth suction (ohhh...that's hard to watch, but obviously gives relief). And then she went back to the eye opening.

We wonder if it's a sign of the body's last push in life? I heard recently about a family member who came out of inertia before death to announce "It's time to go".

Don't know.

Autumn here now. Another year closing down. We used to go look at autumn colors in the park with Okaasan. Now we look from the hospital window.

The cat is slowly responding to heart and kidney treatment. My injured ankle (fell out of the RV!!) is repairing as the ligaments recover. The new building over the road is done and we have to close the curtains a lot to preserve privacy.

Onwards...

Birthday...

 Okaasan's 95th birthday was this month.

She doesn't know it, of course. Long gone are the days of a crabby meal out, and hiding the sake bottle.

I made up this small poster of photographs and we asked the nurse at the hospital if we could attach it to the bedside cabinet - really for the staff to see it and realize that this hardly-responsive human, attached to tubes -  used to be this woman.

Handsome husband, cute boys, a foreign daughter-in-law and a life.

95 years of a life which are ending in this hospital bed in a city far away from where she was born and lived her life.

We continue to go in and sit with Okaasan once a week. Some floors of the hospital close and reopen as whatever latest infection spreads around. Okaasan is still on the meds. Her skin condition looks good, she "sleeps" and responds only to loud noises or sudden movement - which we try not to let happen.

Our summer has been hot - crazy temperatures in June and July. I hid inside with the fan and a book for days. The new apartment building directly opposite is almost finished and we have to be careful about our privacy and keeping curtains closed.

No big trips - BBQs with friends, I've been out on the SUP, and a young British man came to stay off/on because we live near the hospital where he is doing physical therapy after a ski accident.

More recently: the cat has been diagnosed with a skin tumor and a weak heart. He'll be 16 this winter and it's the inevitable sign that he is aging. He seems fine in himself, and even caught a bird recently. But 16 years old for a cat that has outside experiences is getting on a bit.

And MY signs of aging too...I fell off the steps of the RV and badly twisted my ankle. Hobbling around, with a trail of ice packs. I don't THINK anything is seriously injured, but it's a bugger.

Hope your summer is a good one :-)

Still here in north Japan!