May Visit

 Gonna be struck off the Care Home Visit List soon!

This time we actually got the time wrong and almost missed our 15 mins of valuable communication time (heavy sarcasm intended...)

He wrote it down as 3:30 pm. I had it at 3 pm.

3.01 pm the care home called to remind us we had a dearly loved relative in its care. So we rushed to go visit, grabbing the little pot of fake flowers that were a sad offering for Mother's Day.

Made it in time and sat bedside.

Okaasan was peaceful/doped up. She opened her eyes a little, shook her head a bit. Didn't make any of the awful sounds of before. We sat and tried to fill in the silence with our voices talking about the weather, flowers, recent news...

Then a nurse came up with a large plastic bag of stuff! "We found this, maybe you should take it home?" - "this" was Okaasan's old red cardigan (one of several), a T shirt, socks, underwear, hospital slippers...

It was probably transferred with her when she came to this care home 2? years ago, stashed away in the bedside closet and forgotten. Okaasan doesn't and will never again wear these clothes because now she is in pajamas and with pillows to prop her up in the best position for the tubes in and out.

So it all came home for the trash bin. We still have some of her clothes here, just because it actually feels somehow wrong to completely throw them away...I've kept the good stuff. I kind of think she might wear them in her coffin? Or, do bodies in Japan get dressed in special white clothing? My Dad went out wearing his brightest shirt and socks. I feel Okaasan might prefer to go out wearing her favorite blouse and scarf.

A little life update

 Not that my life itself is "little", you understand!

More like the update will be "little".

Thankyou for some of the comments saying you miss us/this blog. Yes, I'm afraid it's become very much an intermittent blog. It was originally about the joys and stresses of living with my Japanese mother-in-law as dementia grabbed her brain.

And along the way it was about cats, gardens, life in north Japan.

But Okaasan has been in a care home for the past 5-6 years, thru Covid times and now her home/hospital limits family visits to once a month for FIFTEEEN minutes each time - so that doesn't give much material for a blog about her.

We are going to see her next week - taking in a small bunch of fake flowers, because the hospital doesn't allow real flowers to mark Mother's Day. 

Apart from that, our life trundles on. We bought a 2nd hand camping car in March and enjoyed our first 2 night trip to the coast - sake tasting, cherry blossoms and delicious fish eating. The cat had to stay at the dreaded vets because he isn't relaxed enough yet about vanlife. We are training him gradually in all of that - a harness, hanging out in the van with snacks etc.

I dream of being one of those uber-cool bloggers who posts sunsets and coffee photos, while a handsome feline lounges beside me. I fear the reality will be a rowdy cat standing next to my pillow at 4 am demanding to be given toilet trip outside.

Other stuff? I'm working as an English teacher. Not such a busy schedule these days, kind of coasting down to retirement. A community center class I took over from another teacher a year ago mushroomed into 7 classes at three different centers in the group - which helps pay for the cat's food.

Dear Son is completely retired. He does 90% of the planning/shopping/cooking for us, and fixes things around the house when there is a break in the TV baseball or soccer. Our health is pretty good, which is a relief.

Oh - and THIS is exciting - I did a tree walking course and zip line! Big challenge for my fear of heights, but very fun. The "high" feeling of the success stayed with me all week. I can see how people get addicted to that feeling and chase the next thrill.

Travel plans this year will probably be something in the RV, and a lot of friends are planning visits here this summer - travel to Japan is cheap right now. So I imagine many BBQs, festivals and beers.

So, there we are. a little life update.

April visit

 Bad family - we actually SKIPPED a month!

If it isn't bad enough that we are still limited to 15 mins a month visit time. We go and forget to visit in March....

Not quite so awful in fact, because I think we visited end of February...and then we went yesterday - April 8. But, still.

March kind of got away from us - busy busy. Tax season, helping a friend pack up and move home - and then two extra jobs that came out of the blue and filled my schedule.

Oh. And we bought this.

Yup. An RV/camping car!!!

If you know me in real life, you probably know the plan - that after Okaasan passes, and we get the cat ready for new adventures - we are planning our retirement life all over Japan in an RV. It's been our plan for years now.

Well, recently we decided that the cat would probably need a long training time to get used to RV life, because now he only goes in a car to the terrifying vets. So he needs reprogramming that Car = Fun.

And. It might be fun for US to have an RV and do little trips.

So we looked for a used RV, saw a few and found this one in March. And bought it.

It won't come into our lives until the end of April (needed repairs from the previous owner's bumper damage etc) - but it IS coming.

Very exciting! This is probably not our eventual home, it's a small model. But an in-between RV for short trips and cat training.

And so. We didn't visit Okaasan.

But yesterday we did. Clutching the timer. We sat at her bedside.

She opened her eyes a few times. Appeared to make eye contact. The closed eyes again and drifted off into a dopamine-fueled semi-consciousness.

No strange sounds this time, no frantic head shaking. We stroked her hands, chatted about baseball and spring and the garden flowers.

Under the bedding and towels her little body is curled up, her hands are bunched into fists. The tubes go in and out.

Another patient in the room has the TV on, so there are familiar Japanese afternoon TV shows chat in the background. The nurses are bright and friendly.

That is Okaasan's reality. We dropped in.

And came home again.

Awake in February...

We came

We sat

We saw

She saw us

We chatted to fill out the silence

We went home again.

😞

Another month. Another visit.

Okaasan was awake and aware of us. Made eye contact with both of us.

Made some strange sounds. Shook away Dear Son's efforts to stroke her hair (I would too!).

Some care homes and hospitals are restricting family visits again, after the winter holidays and festivals have led to virus cases spiking a bit. So, we are lucky that this home isn't doing that yet.

Winter going on and on here. We were tricked into spring thoughts by an incredible day of 14 C, with a lot of snow melting. But 3 days later there was 45 cm of snow in 24 hours - and we are back into winter!

Tax return season, clear snow, try to go swimming as much as possible...work/play.

This month we went to a concert by British rock band Queen and their current frontman Adam Lambert. It was amazing and I danced for ages, even with my gammy knee.

Apart from that...we are looking online at old camping vans. We might buy one as a kind of training vehicle, while we are still living in Sapporo. Training for us, for the cat. Maybe make some short trips.

Basically, we have plans to retire and travel Japan in a camping van - after Okaasan goes to the Big Kotatsu in the Sky. But that might not be for a few years yet - her life and my work is ongoing. But it would be fun to have a transition van.

Anyway, we are looking at a few now.