Here we are!

 

Okaasan and Dear Son - together again!

For a brief moment in time - thanks to Covid.

This is Okaasan about to enter her forever care hospital - just 10 mins drive from our home. She dressed in her fave red cardigan, with newly washed and brushed hair. She was awake and responsive to all the old hospital staff farewells, and us, and the special taxi driver, and the new hospital welcomes. Dear Son got to ride in the taxi with her for the 20 mins between hospitals, and all in all it was a positive transfer.

So, now she is there. Attached to three lots of tubes: food and medicine tubes going in - and pee going out. Big mittens on her hands,  and straps across her body and from her wrists to the bed to make sure she doesn't pull it all out and run screaming from the building. Like I would.

Such is this kind of care in Japan. One of my students who works in a hospital said she and her colleagues are holding a working group in her place of work to try and rethink if the bed restraints are necessary in all cases - because she said it's just so automatic and many of the staff don't like it. She asked me about the UK. But I don't know. Maybe calming down drugs are used more? Do we actually tie elderly demented patients to beds?

Anyway.

Okaasan's new home.

We had a meeting with the admin staff, then the doctor, then the nurse, then the admin staff again. All super efficient.

The doctor, a straight-talking older man, went on and on about how the blood pressure meds were not a good idea. My Japanese isn't good enough to catch the full detail - but he strongly advised that there were inherent dangers in trying to control the blood pressure at this age/stage of life, and THEN went on to explain that if Okaasan's heart failed - resuscitation involving chest pressure etc was equally risky.

Basically, he was telling us to face up to the realities of an over 90 year old whose body organs are beginning to weaken. We understood and accepted. It's the truth. Brutal, but true. And she wouldn't want any different.

So the blood pressure meds will stop. And we'll all hope her condition will stabilize.

The head nurse was equally realistic about Okaasan's clothing: don't need it now. Can take it all home. Unless she makes a great improvement and can move to a wheelchair and physical therapy room - from now her therapy will be bedside in her pajamas. We guessed so.

Visiting rights in Covid times? The hospital has, of course, a reservation system. For once a month family visits. But AMAZINGLY - they have the option of an online visit via iPad!! First time we've been offered that. Not that it's any use for us, as Okaasan can't talk and may not understand our faces on a small screen.

But we can make up a small photo album so that staff can show her photos and talk about it.

Best of all: the head nurse actually asked us about Okaasan as a person. What job did she used to do? What are her hobbies? So refreshing! This isn't just a medical case to be processed thru the system. This is a human being who can't communicate much, but she has a whole life of experiences/likes.

So we told her: book keeper a long time ago, super housewife, great cook, flower arrangement, Hawaiian dance, travel, funny...

We left out the part about a healthy distrust of doctors and nurses. ;- )👀

And our next meeting.....the admin staff checked the calendar and came back all apologetic.

We can next meet Okaasan on February 2. Next year. 7 weeks from now!!!

Thanks Covid.

A choice of...one

 Okasan's next move in the works - to a long term care hospital near us.

Social services sent the info about our options. Option.

There were 3 options for the suitable facility in our requested area. But two of them can't take an elderly person with fluctuating blood pressure. So, we got the small brochure for the third offering.

I thought MOST old people have fluctuating blood pressure? Is that really a reason to refuse a potential customer?

Anyway, Dear Son looked at the brochure, which has a stock image photo and general info arranged in colorful boxes. Could be any care hospital anywhere in Japan. We are not allowed to visit because of COVID. And anyway - as Okaasan's life is now a bed and tubes...does it really matter what lovely facilities are elsewhere in the building?

Sorry. My bitterness is showing.

It of course matters very much that the people coming to her bedside are kind and caring, professional and humane. It matters that they have a proactive policy in allowing family visits during a pandemic.

We can only hope. Dear Son is talking to the social worker and the move is in motion.

Planning my death

 Really I have thought a lot since we saw Okaasan last week.

I hope that the place she goes to next is a better environment, where she has the chance to be a human - not a vessel for tubes In/Out. And if the Pandemic will allow us more time with her. Dear Son won't do more to push the medical experts and social worker in any other direction. He is very passive on this topic.

But I know I need to actively protect MY future.

Maybe he will be the decision maker at the end of my life. Maybe I will be doing it for him. Maybe other people. But it's something I want to think about now and plan.

I found the Japan Society For Dying With Dignity and I've sent away for the membership pack. Then I can talk to Dear Son. Maybe he would like to join me in making a Living Will?

If this is a topic that interests you, here are some links:

Japan Society For Dying With Dignity

World Federation - Right to Die Societies

Time to move on

 Okaasan can move to her next "home". Maybe her last "home".

The hospital called us in last week for a doctor chat. Sitting at a small desk, with the plastic screens between us and the Doc as he showed us data on his computer - Okaasan's heart rate and other vital signs. Basically, all good.

So, as this hospital nears the end of the period in which they can claim national insurance money, it prepares to let her go and allow another institution a chance at the Money Pot.

Sorry to be so cynical. I am sure the Doc and the nurses, social workers etc are all nice people. Just doing the job in a system of elderly care. And we family members play our part. Are we doing what's right? What Okaasan would really want? I doubt it. Really, I do.

After the Doc meeting we had a brief chat to the social worker, confirming the areas of the city we would prefer for the elderly care hospital that Okaasan can be moved to soon.

Then we got dressed up like this to visit Okaasan's bedside for 10 mins. She smiled, cried a little. Did the head bobbing motion and opened and closed her mouth a few times. Her hands were muffled up in gloves to stop her removing the tube into her nose "medicine?", and the other into her arm for "food"...and the other removing her "waste". She was on a bed, on her back with bed rails and a spot of sunshine from the window. Pink curtains.

Is that good? I don't think she would think so. 

I don't think so. If this was my life. I would not choose this existence. The mercy is that she probably doesn't sense time at all. Just the now of the pink curtain, the  face of a nurse, the sunshine, the dark. Discomfort when she swallows spit.

She doesn't have TV/magazines/food. And with this blasted Pandemic - she doesn't have family visits and the jogging of memories and that happiness. Will her quality of life improve in the next facility? Will she have a TV within view? Will she have interaction with more people? Activities? I so hope so. Because I don't like the so-called life she has now.

I just read a book called "Changing the Way We Die", by Fran Smith. It's about the hospice system in America - the history of the movement, the finances, the people involved. Made me think a lot about these end of life choices.

Don't know what the answer is. 

Updating to...not much

 Hey there,

Nothing happening. But still here.

The hospital still has a no-visit policy, despite the end of the State of Emergency in this region and a very low new infection rate. So, we can't visit Okaasan and all we know is that the hospital sends letters about hair cut/payment for diapers etc

Little by little I hear from friends and students that their care homes are relaxing the no-visit rules, so we hope that we can go hang with Okaasan sometime soon. 

And then maybe we can start the actual search for the more permanent care hospital, if the feeding tubes situation is stable.

Waiting....

Another move. Another hospital bed...

 Okaasan has moved again.

Back, in fact, to the hospital unit of the care home where she is no longer a resident. She'll be there for a month maybe, while they monitor how the arm feeding is doing and whether the system is stable enough for her to be moved again to a more permanent care hospital.

This week in Japan it was Respect for the Elderly Day, and the Residents' Association came to the front door - with a present for Okaasan! They know she is in hospital now, but she is on the list for this area...so we received shopping vouchers on her behalf - worth $30.

Dear Son went and did all the necessary admin stuff for her hospital moves this week, since I was working.

He said that she was fine, in herself. Knew him and smiled. Seemed herself.

Now we just wait again. State of Emergency for COVID in this region may end next week, so maybe the hospital will allow us to visit her more.

Her furniture and clothes are also still waiting back here at the house: for distribution to a charity drive, or the recycle shop. I had a VERY bad week after my 2nd Covid vaccination shot - the arm pains went on and on, the lymph glands under my arm specially bad...swollen boob. Exhaustion coming at me in waves.

I did the work that was unavoidable, and cancelled the rest. Went to bed when I could. Didn't drink alcohol all week!

So, processing Okaasan's things took a back seat. It's all still around our hallway, kitchen and my classroom. Maybe tomorrow. One of the cats is also poorly with asthma, so he needs attention. 

Plodding on in life a bit. Good news - I can now walk one mile and a half with the Achilles tendon damage of this spring. So, there's a good thing.

All vaccined UP!

 As a family we are now full vaccinated.

👌

Okaasan got her 2nd shot this week in the hospital that is currently "home", and Dear Son and I got our shots last Sunday.

NEXT week Okaasan will transfer back to the hospital unit of her former care home...for how long we don't know...and then? Don't know.

I can't go next week as I've got work scheduled the same morning, but Dear Son will go to check her in and out of the two facilities and follow the ambulance/transfer special taxi between places.

Our vaccine week was eventful. The day itself went smoothly - although my process thru the vaccination line was slow as both the check in staff and the checking doctor wanted to do the instructions in English with me (kind of sweet, I told them Japanese ok, but can't begrudge people wanting to use their language skills).

Our stresses started Day 2. Dear Son was completely knocked out for 24 hours. I mean: he didn't even drink alcohol!

He was in bed, emerging to use the toilet and eat a bit. Then back to bed.

Day 2 night I started feeling it. The Moderna Arm, the fever.

Day 3 and 4 was crashing exhaustion, arm and then pains in lymph glands where I didn't even know I HAD glands. Specially arm pit and side...swollen, throbbing, pains. At one point my left boob looked like I'd been trampled in a stampede of overweight cats and I read online that women with a similar reaction have been inundating cancer check clinics this year - because THAT's what it looked like.

The exhaustion came and went. I did a class downtown ok. Started feeling tired, came home and cancelled the rest of the day - laid out in bed for hours.

Yesterday was Day 6 and I managed a 20 minute creep round my local park, using the handrails for the steps and taking a rest on a bench.

Hoping today will be better.

Wow. Hadn't expected all of that post-vaccination reaction. We'd bought fever reducing meds, but didn't use them. The exhaustion and headaches were far worse. And my lymph glands.

On the latter, I read online that some scientists believe the lymph reaction is more common among people who've had the infection at some point. Maybe true - looking back to the few days in winter/spring 2020, when they news was full of the new from-China virus that caused coughing and fever.

I had several days of fever and exhaustion, but no cough. So, maybe.

Whatever, I don't want to experience anything like this past week again. Heavy.

I see ex-pat online groups this morning are full of chat about the UK government relaxing some of the travel rules, so that doubly vaccinated people can get into the Uk more easily, and that the Japanese vaccinations will be recognized. It's wonderful news for so many people. I have friends who haven't seen their elderly/sick/or new family members in over 2 years - so these changes will make a big difference to so many.

I'm ok. Japan is home. I've got friends I want to see one day - in Manchester/Surrey/Cambridge shire/Hampshire/the West Country, but no urgent family situations. When international travel becomes somehow more normal again I will plan a trip. For now, happy to be where I am.

Downsizing...again...

 

So.

Goodbye to this care home room, after...what is it? 3 years?

We spent an exhausting day on Sunday packing up everything in Okaasan's care home room and moving it all back in to our home again to decide whether to keep/sell/throw away/give away.

Yet more downsizing of Okaasan's life. I feel as if I have done this so many times, picking up her clothes and stuff and deciding what to do with it. I know each scarf, each T-shirt.

The actual stripping of the room was fairly easy. Took us an hour. Checking with the staff to remember what was ours: the curtains, the little table, the trash box, the clothes rack, the TV, the TV table, the clothes boxes...all the clothes....scarves....

It seems only recently we were furnishing this room, trying to make it pleasant. Dear Son did all the final documentation at the care home, and we bowed our official thanks. It was an ok place, not great - the first lot of staff were wonderful - but after the company was taken over - and there were all those family meetings about staff changes - it became just a sterile system kind of place. Okaasan was ok there, but it wasn't ideal.

After clearing we came back home. Our hallway and the classroom filled with stuff, and after lunch we set to sorting through it all.

Clothes: how many does she actually need? Will she ever get out of hospital pajamas, in to a wheelchair and outside into sunshine? Does she need her coat, gloves and hat? I'm sure she would LIKE to wear her old red cardigan again, to see her colorful scarves. But do elderly care hospitals allow that kind of thing on or near a bed-living patient?

And ...sometime in the unknown near future...what clothes will we ask a funeral company to dress Okaasan in for the final time? I chose her favorite blouse and some black slacks.

I kept some things, that I know she likes. I kept some nice scarves/shawls for myself. Made a small pile of clothes for the recycle shop. Threw away a whole LOT of clothes that were dirty, tatty, unsellable.

Dear Son did the non-clothes sorting...the photographs, the knickknacks, the clothes hangers, the papers...

The recycle shop refused to take the 12 years old TV, but I found a new home it thru the foreigner's buy/sell mailing system and we drove to the north side of the city to deliver it to a nice Filipino woman. Gave it away, 12 years old and when it dies there will be recycle costs.

The rest of the stuff - furniture and curtains...still downstairs now. I'm cleaning them and then we'll try to get rid of them.

Curtains!! OMG! Now I remember the setting up hassle with this. The care home room window was a strange shape. My sewing service woman did a  rushed job to shorten one curtain, and the net curtains. At the time it had to be a rushed job...but the result is that NOW I have one curtain longer than the other!!

So, do I try to sell them like this? Or do I pay her to shorten the other one, and try to get some of the money back on the resale?

Decisions. All of this downsizing is exhausting because it is the physical part or moving the stuff around...but more than that it is the endless decision making. 

SO! I'm saying it again. To you, to me. While you still have the energy - SORT THRU YOUR STUFF AND THROW OUT WHAT YOU DON'T USE/NEED!!!!

Because at some point, your family or a stranger will have to do it for you. At some point you won't be able to. Make a plan to spend 30 mins a day looking at the things around you and deciding if you really need to be keeping it!!

Just looking at the bookcase to my right now I can see an old broken bedside light stand. Like, really?? What am I keeping that for? I am going to stand up, pick it up and take it downstairs to the trash box.

Decisions...decisions...

 

Visited Okaasan yesterday and spent a wonderful whole 30 mins with her!

She was very alert, knew us, knew the TV cooking show was switched on, laughed, smiled...even spoke a few words. Did the goldfish gesture with her mouth. Looked from us to the nurse as we talked. Responded with her eyes and nods to conversation about her home town and the Tokyo Olympics (in 1964).

All great. When we arrived she was due to have a bath, but the staff delayed that and let us sit for ages with her. It was a good visit.

And.

The meeting with the doctor and discussions about what to do next about the feeding. Continue with medicine thru the nose pipe, and nutrition thru the arm into the vein. Or, a small operation to insert a tube direct into the stomach. And/Or wait for a few weeks to see if the infection at the chest feeding port clears, and that entry point to the vein can be used again.

If she has the stomach feeding, she wouldn't need to wear mittens to stop her pulling out tubes.

And yes, best to cancel the care home contract - because Okaasan won't ever be going back to care home life. From now on it will be hospital units. But...and this is a crazy thing about health care insurance in Japan...she WILL have to return to the hospital unit of the care home...for a short time...and then (probably) back to the current hospital (which is in the same group).

This last point has nothing to do with care. It's all to do with health insurance rules in Japan. There's a 3 month limit on stays - I guess to stop hospitals keeping patients forever for money reasons. But, like all systems, the work around it is: move the patient out and then back in again....

Anyway. The central question.😟

Dear Son decided: "No" to the stomach feeding tube, because a) Okaasan herself wouldn't support this idea and b) her problems this summer started because of stomach ulcers and bleeding, so it seems risky to start activating the stomach again.

So, that's what he hopes will happen. Back to arm/vein feeding, with the option to use the chest port again if that becomes possible. Ironically, the doctor said Okaasan has GAINED weight recently as the nutrition feeding has progressed.

It's such a hard subject. Food is a life essential, and feeding somebody you love is a given. Medical technology has created whole systems of ways to keep to body alive, but are they getting in the way of a natural course of events? I think yesterday's decision would have been easier if Okaasan had been lying in bed, unresponsive. But she wasn't. She was alert and happy.

So. That's where we are now.

Plans cancelled

 This should have been a positive, happy post.

But, as anyone with elderly loved ones knows, things can change suddenly.

Last week the hospital said Okaasan was ready to transfer back to the hospital section of her care home, with her feeding port fitted etc. Ready for the social services to start the hunt for a facility that can look after her with feeding port. We felt positive that the next stage was about to start.

Special taxi service was booked, care home staff ready to receive her. Our Wednesday morning (tomorrow) planned.

But, then came the call yesterday: there were problems/an infection? with the feeding port and they'd had to stop it. So she is back on tube feeding ...thru the arm? And we are going in tomorrow to talk to the doctor...

Sigh. Not good. As much as I gather from Dr Google and friends, the feeding port allows more nutritious feeding, with less chance of infection. Thru arm feeding is less...meaning she will weaken?

I guess this means she won't be transferring anywhere, and staying put in this hospital.

In a strange, sad way it IS a second chance to maybe make a decision that fits more with what Okaasan herself would want? To be allowed to gently fade away, and die? Not to have tubes and contraptions fitted into her body and kept alive? I personally think so...and although I gently mentioned this idea to Dear Son...it has to be his decision.

He isn't very pro-active on this topic....I feel he lets the doctor call the shots. But, it's his mum and his decision. I'm just the "wife" sitting alongside with my handbag, looking concerned. So...we'll see what the doctor says tomorrow, and if there is any chance to let nature take its course.

1st Vaccine completed.

 Dear Son and I got shot. Finally.

Now suffering the Moderna Arm, stiffness, soreness and pain. 

We rocked up to the community center at the district admin offices on Sunday morning and got slotted into the production line of helpful people in masks checking our paperwork and directing us thru the maze of partitioned off cubicles.

Mine was first, and I felt like a pinball machine silver ball being batted down the table with paddles and directional bars...from staff member to staff member and finally thru to the screened off area where a young woman apparently gave me an injection. I say "apparently", because it was SO quick and easy I didn't feel a thing and I'd spent every moment since waking obsessing over the pain-to-come :-)

I guess I haven't had a vaccination for many years, but blood tests aplenty, and maybe it's a different kind of needle? Or, was she like that story of the German nurse who injected saline solution into thousands of people as a protest against the whole vaccination system?

I hope not!

Anyway - spat out at the other end of the process after about 35 mins.

We went shopping, spent a quiet afternoon at home and tried to stay off the alcohol...too much alcohol. Felt a little arm stiffness and heat overnight. But no worries. The next day I actually drove out to see a friend living in the countryside to help her bottle tomatoes and devour a homemade pizza. Felt a little sore in the arm.

Come 5 pm - a full 30 hours after the injection - major change. Both Dear Son and I had painful, dead arms and taking off clothes at bedtime was like a kids' game where you have to do something with only one hand.  Sleep was patchy.

Anyway. We feel happy to have finally got the vaccination. We hope Okaasan had it too last week, Sapporo is in yet another State of Be Careful, so hospital visits are out of the question. And we wait to see when she can be released back to her care home hospital unit...and then onwards to a permanent facility.

Guess that'll be a September event.

Vaccines on the horizon...

 We might ALL get vaccinated soon :-)

And if you're an anti-vaxer you can stop reading right here and sod off.

You are wasting your energies with me. Go off and find another part of the Internet to pollute.

:-)

Dear Son and I were on standby yesterday at 9 am as this week's tiny reservation availability window opened online for our age group.

He was manning the reservation website on the computer.

I was womanning the website accessed thru the Japanese social media application LINE, after "Friending" Sapporo City.

"Website busy. Please wait".

And wait.

Dear Son makes two rushes to the toilet, leaving me, nervously, to monitor the two "Please Wait" screens. He came back on duty.

Wait.

Ping! After 25 mins the screen of my mobile phone changed and we were IN to the vaccination booking site. Frantic scrolling and stabbing fingers at the screen....and minutes later we had reservations for him and me this coming weekend at a local community center.

Yay! We are FINALLY joining the Covid 19 vaccination program.

We think. There seemed to be no system for a confirmation email. But we believe we have made a reservation...

And THEN! Phone call from Okaasan's current hospital! They have unused vaccines, can we give permission for HER to receive one soon?

Yes! Of COURSE!

Very good day. Excellent day.

Japan has been shockingly slow at vaccines. A shock to people around the world AND Japanese themselves, who have this image of Japan in the 21st century as being a high tech - high service country.

But no. A whole slew of factors destined us to a long, long wait. The country doesn't MAKE vaccines, it wanted to run domestic tests on all imported vaccines (but the tests were tiny and meaningless), then only doctors could administer the vaccines, then there weren't enough mass places to do them....then local governments expanded the program...then the government hadn't ordered enough to meet demand...then reservations were cancelled...and on and on...

There's a history of vaccine hesitancy in Japan too, after side effect debates and legal fights about mandatory vaccinations (MMR and HPV) in the past 30 years. And many people don't actually read a newspaper or watch mainstream Tv news at all, getting their information off internet sites. One of my Japanese friends - who is a bit "out there" in her beliefs about health and the search for personal happiness - shocked me with claims about vaccinated arms and magnets/spoons can stick. She'd "seen it on YouTube". I came home, stuck a teaspoon to my sweaty, non-vaccinated arm, took video and sent it to her. And distanced myself from her on Facebook and, I'm afraid to say, in person too.

Sigh. I guess, like the Friends actress Jennifer Aniston said - this Pandemic has opened up chasms in many of our relationships. Made us revalue what someone believes, and how much they attempt to push their beliefs on others. We've maybe all had run ins with family members/friends/colleagues on this subject. It's another source of stress on a never ending stressful experience.

Anyway. Dear Son, me AND Okaasan should be getting vaccinations soon. And for me that is a good thing.

AND.....went out early morning at the weekend to show my support for Team GB marathon runners as the Tokyo Olympic (but races in Sapporo) courses passed thru my neighborhood! Almost got caught out with the one hour shift in start time for the Women's race...but very fun to stand there with a scattering of locals and cheer on the runners as they streamed past.

Early morning temperatures were still 26-29 C....and wouldn't you know it...ONE DAY after the marathon races the record breaking heatwave (daytime 30-34 C) finally stopped and now we are back to daily averages here of 23-26 C.

Happy... Birthday?

 Okaasan was 91 years old this week.

And "celebrated" this in a hospital bed, attached to machines that are feeding her and monitoring her body functions.

We visited with a wonderful, cheerful array of helium balloons, which she could see and understand. She smiled, cried a little, gestured to us with her mouth as usual. No actual words. For 15 mins we sat bedside, put on the TV in her room for some familiar background noise and stroked her hair.

2021

In past years we've taken her out for a crab lunch or dinner, fought to keep her intake of sake within limits and had fun. Last year it was decorated biscuits at the care home for a short visit.

2020

WHAT to do for someone's birthday in this situation was a problem. We decided on fun helium balloons, because we can't do flowers/food/drink. At first the hospital said "OK", but a few days later "No", by which time we'd ordered the balloons anyway.

But we got to spend 15 mins with her, and left the cute little message card from us tied to the side of her bed within easy view. And brought the balloons home...

She stopped swallowing food in June, after several coughing blood fits due to stomach ulcers and emergency trips to hospital. Now she is in another hospital, and had a feeding port put in about 3 weeks ago. We HOPE we can move her back to the care home soon...and then move again to a care home that'll look after the feeding over the long term.

Sigh.

To remember happier birthdays. I love this picture of mother and son from a 5 years ago birthday.

Okaasan loves to laugh and joke - even yesterday one of the nurses said when they playfully tap her don't-touch-the-feeding-tube mittens she laughs with them.

Happy Birthday, Okaasan.

We're not sure if we are doing the right thing with your care now...if this is what you would want...but we hope so.

2016....

Small improvements

 Tiny steps of improvement for Okaasan - the very ill/sick/frail - you take and glory in what you can.

Dear Son got called into the hospital on Friday. Okaasan had lost another tooth, and he was allowed to visit her for a short time.

She was prone in bed, the feeding port fitted and she wears mittens to stop her fiddling with the tubes.

But she smiled up at him when he talked to her and seemed...as content as you she could be in this situation.

The nurse said that the day before she had said "Good morning" - which was the first time they'd heard her speak.

And so it goes. Maybe they will keep her at this hospital for a few more weeks, then a transfer back to the hospital unit of her care home...and then....the search for a more permanent place.

have some Hokkaido calm....

In other news, a letter came from the company next door to Okaasan's house near Tokyo. The house itself is ok, but the garden is getting very overgrown and plants are sticking out in the road and into their land. Can we do something about it?

They sent photos and even recommended a local gardening company and their price for trimming it all back. Maybe it's an old school mate of the company president :-)

Anyway, of course something to fix. An old empty house for years doesn't look good for the neighborhood. Luckily in the Tokyo suburbs it's only overgrown garden to worry about - here in north Japan empty buildings and their snow accumulation cause big problems.

It was funny to look at the photographs of the old house. I think I only went there once or twice, when we attended the memorial ceremony for Dear Son's dad, and I was introduced to the family. In those days, maybe 20 years ago, Okaasan was living independently but already not cooking so much for herself and letting the housework slip. Dear Brother-in-law was still alive and working/drinking for his business.

So.

Summer 2021. Olympics starts in Tokyo, and elsewhere, next weekend. Here in Hokkaido there will be the Marathon, Race Walking and soccer games. We've all been told to watch it on tv as spectators are now banned. Covid numbers are rising, with Tokyo daily numbers now over 1,000.

It's crazy hot here. I have a lot of quiet time since I gave up social media work for the tour company. I'm still nursing the weak Achilles tendon, but I can kayak and bike. So, I sit at home quietly a lot and read books! The library finally reopened after State of Emergency and I could get the books I ordered in May.

Sweat. Hot. Getting OFF the computer soon!

.........

A small operation

 This week Okaasan will have a small operation to insert a feeding tube "port" into her upper chest area.

Dear Son went into the hospital last week and had the doctor talk about it. He got to meet Okaasan briefly, and while she was still flat in bed - she was alert and seemed to know him. We asked the hospital to move a TV into her room, so at least she has the familiar sounds of tv shows and commercials.

Sigh.

Is this what she would have wanted? I'm pretty sure not.

Are we fooling ourselves making the distinction between tubes into stomach area vs tubes into chest area?

It's a whole subject that most people don't think about, or know about beyond end of life scenes in TV shows. Should we have said differently a week or two ago? Just left her on IV feed into the arm...to get weaker and fade away?

These decisions are so hard. And of course, most of us don't discuss this with family - who are left at stressful times to make choices and decisions. Hard to know what to do.

She's been on a tube into her arm for a few weeks now...now it'll be a tube into the chest area...

HOPING there is a coming stage of end of COVID restrictions to hospital visits, that we can get her into a nice facility...get her some meeting time...wheelchair to summer sunshine time...

Ulcers - ouch!

 AND.....drum role please....we have a winner!

Okaasan has gastric ulcers. Lots of them, all over the lining of her stomach. Little white/yellow spots and nodules here and there. The blood from her mouth in the past month has been when the ulcers pop.

No wonder she stopped eating. 

A nice, human-friendly doctor at the hospital showed us the full-on color photographs of the inside of Okaasan's stomach - all pink and juicy - apart from the very obvious ulcer spots.

Kind of makes me wonder what on earth the big city hospital was looking at when he poked his probe camera down Okaasan's throat - damaging her pipes in the process - did he take the wrong turn and end up in a different part of her body??!! I'm a language teacher/writer/narrator and even I can see that these white/yellow spots around the stomach are not left over rice crackers.

So. We have an answer. Hooray!

Medicines and care should do the trick. They are getting SOME medicines into her mouth and down her throat naturally, but maybe not enough. They will try to get some food down there too, but will probably revert to the drip tube feeding...and the "port" hole just below her shoulder blades.

Time will tell. Perfect phrase for this situation. Wait and see.

Weird, random thought: I've seen inside Okaasan's brain - the scan at the mental hospital three years ago, and now I've seen inside her stomach. And Dear Son has seen far too much of his mum's rear end. Really, there are no privacy barriers left!

And waiting...

 Finally got Dear Son to call the hospital and ask.

The nurse said Okaasan is brighter than on Monday and they may try to get her to eat something! Kind of doubt that is possible actually...more than two weeks she didn't swallow...is it possible to start again?

And the doctor has asked us to go in on Monday for a meeting. So there's that.

Meanwhile, a student to whom I was chatting about all of this reminded me: her father-in-law lived for FOUR years on drip feeding, in a bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Fours years! At the beginning he could communicate a bit, but the last 2 years plus, he basically just lay there and family members came and went. The tubes put nutrients into him, and others took waste away.

Oh my God. I don't want that for Okaasan. I don't want it for me, either.

I started hunting around on the Internet about those Swiss clinics that'll assist in end of life - for me, I hasten to say. Not Okaasan. Of course, there is the added HUGE factor that I'll probably be in Japan, and a long way from Switzerland. I'd have to be healthy enough to get on a plane for Europe.

But I notice Oregon in the US has legalized assisted euthanasia for residents. I have a good friend in that state. I wondered if Dear Son would like to take me to Oregon to live and die.

Anyway. All of THAT exploded in my brain when I considered that poor Okaasan could spend years attached to tubes and staring at the celling.

We'll find out more on Monday, I guess.

Meanwhile, Hokkaido's State of Covid Emergency has ended. But the city of Sapporo (where we live) has moved to a slightly lower Alert Stage - which translates and gets abbreviated in Japanese into "Mambo"...making otherwise serious news broadcasts kind of funny.

It means that bars and restaurants can't serve alcohol, and must close by 8 pm...and I expect places like libraries and art galleries will stay closed? The city's COVID beds are at 79% capacity, with daily figures of deaths still mostly in double digits.

It also means that we maybe can't get into the hospital to visit Okaasan much.

AND!

Bear! Maybe It's appeared on your news - we had a bear running round in the northern suburbs of the city yesterday morning! It attacked and injured 4 people, and was eventually shot by hunters.

Even Hokkaido people were stunned. This is right in the city area, within the expressway ringroad and near subways stations, schools etc Usually bears appear in the forested areas and parks on the south and west sides of the city.

This was totally different. A 5-6 year old, male animal about 150 kg galloping along the streets, crashing thru gardens and panicked.

It attacked two elderly people from behind and pushed them to the ground. One of them it shook several times like a rag doll. At the local army base it was hurling itself at the gates, injuring the soldier inside - before breaking thru into the base.

I hate to see a wild animal like that. Panicked and totally out of its element. And then killed. We all wish there was a better way - to tranquilize it and set it free in the mountains. But the experts say it poses a future risk because it's already lost the natural fears of being near humans, and that a half tranquilized bear crashing round an urban area is even more dangerous.

I know. I get it. And what happened yesterday was at very dangerous level.

But. Still.

 And here we are again.

Another hospital.

Another emergency. Ambulance. Wait to see which hospital will accept Okaasan.

More tests. Hospital admittance paperwork. PILES of paperwork. A short visit to lower our masks momentarily and wave our love to Okaasan.

Monday morning suddenly the care home hospital called. She had blood from her mouth again.

This time, luckily, one of the hospitals in the care home group had a room and could accept Okaasan. AND the hospital is fairly near to us.

So off we went again.

She looked tiny and frail. But she was conscious as they wheeled her in and and around. CT scan twice...maybe stomach camera again? Dear Son had to fill in miles of paperwork. I found myself thinking - "If/when he is ever in hospital for something I simply don't have the Japanese ability to cope with all this paperwork..."

Anyway. Nice hospital. Overlooks one of the big parks. I think Okaasan knew we were there. She moved her head. Made eye contact and did that mouth puffing gesture.

And so we wait again. Strange to say: all of that was Monday afternoon. And now it is Wednesday - and the doctor still hasn't called to inform us what (if anything) they discovered. And Dear Son, being so-Japanese, doesn't call the doctor himself to ask.

And so. We wait.

I kind of promised Dear Son that I won't make any plans to take the car out of town for hours at a time, so he can get to the hospital quickly. because who knows what the coming weeks will bring?

I feel a bit detached emotionally from the situation. Not my mum. Sad to see, of course. That THIS is what awaits us at the end of our lives - a hospital bed, tubes and strangers talking loudly to us. Dear Son seems nervous to engage with her.

In a very strange way, my experience two years ago with my student/friend who died of Jacob Creutzfeldt disease, is maybe helping me - to approach the person as a person, despite all the hospital surroundings. To touch the person. Talk lovingly to them. Try to connect a little.

And so it goes....waiting for news from the hospital.

:-( The next stage...

 And here we go...

Okaasan is sliding ever so slowly into the next stage of her end of life.

Now she has stopped eating - or actually swallowing. The care home doctor says she can't go back to her normal life in the care home, because she is going to need tube feeding. And the care home hospital can only keep her a month or two on this tube feeding - so...

The social worker is looking for a facility - I guess that is a hospital? - that will accept her and feed her by drip feed. Dear Son (and Okaasan for sure, and I actually) don't support stomach tube feeding.

So it'll have to be drip feeding.

Sigh.

And she COULD have the Corona Virus vaccine at the care home soon - they are waiting for their batch to arrive to start giving jabs. It would make getting her into another facility easier, if she's had it.

Because. While she is, obviously, dieing of old age and lack of will to swallow/eat...we don't want her to die of Covid with all the tubes and pipes and panic of THAT death. We hope she can just get weaker and weaker and  naturally slip away one day. Probably one day soon...this summer?

Or, if the State of Emergency is lifted here a week from now - and the care home opens up to family visits. Can we get in to see her once a week, and will our visits give her the motivation to eat again? Avoid all of this?

The timing isn't great. She WAS eating something at the big city hospital 10 days ago. But not now.

I gather that if you stop swallowing for too long, restarting in the elderly gets harder and harder. So, it would have to be  a big change in the coming weeks to get her back to eating again.

All of this actually happened 4 days ago. But this week has been horrendous for us with a sick cat and me on less and less sleep...plus a dentist big visit...and all sorts of other things.

So. Just telling you now. I haven't had a quiet moment near the computer with enough brain cells to muster.

As has been said by many commentators, the Covid situation has reached into the lives of so many people - directly and indirectly.

IF there wasn't a Pandemic we would have continued our weekly visits to Okaasan. Had the little happy trips out with the wheelchair to see flowers in gardens and visit coffee shops. Karaoke in the care home canteen room.

She would probably be happy and eating now. Going to day care to practice walking, and ball catching. Making simple handicrafts. Snoozing near the TV.

But. Now she is too weak to sit up. And giving up on eating. Sliding to the next stage of end of life.

Closer to home

 Okaasan is back in her care home - kind of.

She was moved Monday this week from the big city hospital, back to the hospital of the care home. Dear Son got to see her again, briefly, before the transfer and said she maybe recognized him, but looked very weak.

Two weeks in a hospital bed, no cheerful day care people making her walk around a bit.  Her muscles aren't strong anyway, and two weeks in bed will have really had a bad impact.

Guess she will stay in the hospital section for this week, and then move finally back to her floor and her own room again? We hope so.

And the cause of the sudden coughing up blood is still unknown. It only happened once. It wasn't from the stomach. And that's all we know.

And Covid.

The care home hospital will have vaccines for its residents - so we hope Okaasan will be deemed healthy enough to receive hers, on schedule.

You may have read in the media, Japan's vaccine roll out has been painfully slow. Getting a little better now - but it seems the central government didn't plan early enough for things like mass vaccination sites, training up staff to administer the shots and HOW to clearly inform people. Actually, a lot is left to local government.

Seniors in my city are just now getting vaccinated with their first shots - only started June 24. Friends living in small towns fare better, because the authorities plan for the whole community and order up enough doses.

My age group will probably be reservations in July or August - for shots in August or September...at this rate. Sigh. My Facebook is full of happy, strangely jarring pictures of families and friends meeting up, unmasked, sharing beers, attending concerts, hugging.

I'm delighted for them. Really. But it is a head-shaker that I live in one of the richest countries in the world, with a good health care system and yet we are SO far behind on this public health situation.

STILL in hospital..

 Okaasan is still in a hospital, and not her care home.

Tomorrow Monday? Maybe?

The hospital called to say she'd been moved to a bigger room. But that was it. No news from the doctor about her condition - whether the scratched internal injury has healed ok, or whether they have any other ideas about the source of the blood.

And Dear Son doesn't press anybody to find out more. He just waits to be told by the hospital.

As I've said before, if this was MY parent and I was the main decision-taker - I'd be a lot of more pro-active on it all and demand some information and make a decision. But he doesn't. Whether because he is Japanese. Or just himself. He just doesn't.

I know the doctor is probably under a lot of pressure now - because of Covid - he can't consult with families in the regular ways, and everything has to be done as a phone call. But, I'd be that troublesome family member who hassles the doctor to find out the information I need.

Sigh. Just wait.....I hope she gets moved back to her familiar world in the coming few days.

And...

Hokkaido is now officially the worst place for Covid new infections in Japan! We've beaten Tokyo two days in a row now with our new case numbers. I've heard from a friend that there are so many people getting tested now in Sapporo city, it takes a week for the results to come back. Her daughter travelled to another city to get tested.

At this rate, Tokyo will be able to claim that Sapporo shouldn't host the Olympic Marathon because it's too dangerous for the athletes, never mind the issue of heat...

The whole Olympic thing is a dark subject here. Really can't believe it'll all be doves of peace and world happiness in July. Osaka numbers are coming down, but still the hospitals are struggling. State of Emergency there might be extended into June.

Most Olympics, in recent years anyway, have approached with a certain level of negativity in the local population, be it for fears about costs, or traffic or terrorism. And then the event kicks off and people get swept up in the excitement of the sporting stories and Tv entertainment.

Tokyo 2020/2021 will be starting from a VERY low level of support locally. It's sad for the athletes at what should be a time of excitement and hope.

 Beautiful Hokkaido countryside!

And...as I was taking this photograph, Dear Son's phone in the car was ringing...and it was the care home...

Okaasan had coughed up blood after lunch.

The care home doctor had examined her. But wasn't sure. And wanted a Doc at a bigger hospital to check. So they'd called an ambulance and hoped she was on her way to a hospital in the south of the city.

U-turn and back to the city we'd left 90 mins before on a day out to see flowers and countryside. Back across the mountains, past our picnic lunch spot we'd left 30 mins earlier...

Back to the city. No call yet from the care home/social worker/hospital.

We called the care home hospital...and found that Okaasan was STILL in the ambulance sitting outside! The ambulance was calling round all the city hospitals, but they were all refusing to take a patient from a care home which has Covid cases!! Even a 91 year old who had coughed up blood.

We went home to wait further news. Okaasan was ok enough to be taken back into the care home and put to bed in her room.

I did some gardening. He watched TV.

Then...again. The care home Doc had called round the city hospitals - and found one willing to take in Okaasan, so another ambulance was called and this time she was on her way to a big facility way in the north of the city.

Back into the car. More driving. 45 mins later we are at the ER of the hospital.

Allowed to MEET Okaasan! In the ER room. Haven't seen her for 3 months. I guess the staff thought it would reassure an old lady with dementia and no conversation, to see a family member.

She was sleepy and sweet. Tiny on the big hospital cot.

They did a stomach camera...Dear Son filled out documents, we got a bag of her clothes. Sent away again. Back in the car across the city. Knackered.

On the way home came the Doctor's call: nothing apparently wrong with her stomach. BUT....in using the stomach camera they had scratched the lining of the stomach wall a bit...so now there WAS bleeding from there. Best to keep her in for a few days so they could check it was healing.

Was the after lunch blood from her nose? Just a nosebleed?

All of THIS for just a nose bleed? Surely the care home staff/doctor can recognize a nose bleed?

All a mystery. We hope to get her back to the care home within a few days. Because hospital won't be good for her. Unfamiliar people and routines. Staff don't have time for her. Poor Okaasan...it must be confusing. But why? Sudden bleeding doesn't sound good.

It was lovely to see her. Now again we can't. Maybe on the day she transfers back to the care home we can meet briefly curbside.

And in other news: Sapporo City has JUST started reservations for Covid vaccines for the Over 75s. News is full of tales about confused seniors trying to use the website, or busy telephone lines. Daily new infection numbers are over 500.

Oh...and the Tokyo Olympics rolls ever closer. Feeling negative about it in Japan. State of Emergency active for Tokyo and with other regions.

Summer 2021....what a strange world.

The GOOD and the BAD...

 Good news !

Okaasan can get her vaccine shots in the hospital that's part of her care home.

Excellent. She get pushed down a few corridors and the elevator - to the hospital, where a doctor who know her can jab her quickly. She'll be back in the day room with the Tv and a cup of tea before she knows it.

Bad news...

Now they have another positive Covid case on the 7th floor of the care home. Okaasan lives on the 10th floor...

Guessing they won't start vaccinating people if they are also watching for COVID symptoms in everyone.

So they whole roll out may get more delayed...

OPh. And Hokkaido has gone back into a State of Emergency. 2 weeks maybe. 

Lots of early closing, universities back on line. Many things cancelled.

One of my jobs cancelled til July. Some private students cancelled.

Quiet time ahead.

Vaccine is acoming...

 

There it is!  The documents telling Okaasan that she can soon make a reservation for her COVID-19 vaccination. Finally.

As you may have read in the media, Japan is crawling along on the vaccine roll out. Only 2% of the population have had a shot, and the vaccines first arrived here in March.

Many reasons: only doctors are allowed to give the shots, Japan runs domestic trials on all imported-vaccines, central government pushes much of the responsibility on local authorities, there was a whole thing about the syringes here not being able to deliver 5...or 6 shots each, and the entire system seemed SO slow off the mark.

Even now, the emphasis seems to be on people having to get thru on busy telephone lines to a local hospital or clinic. Where other countries have used huge venues, such as convention centers or stadiums for mass vaccinations - Japan is hardly doing that.

But. Okaasan is now near the starting point for the system.

Although.

HOW she is going to get it. We don't know. She is living in a care home, which has a hospital attached. We family members are not allowed to meet her at the moment.

Hopefully, she can just get wheeled downstairs to the hospital for 15 mins - and get a shot.

Or, will she have to leave the building and go somewhere in a car or ambulance? Do we arrange that? Does social services?

The care home/social services are equally, ridiculously slow about telling us families what is going to happen. It's just so symbolic of how slow official Japan is in response to things.

They all knew for weeks and weeks that these letters would be sent out. That millions of care home residents will need vaccinating. But no decision was taken about HOW? No information to us families, at all. So, we all get these letters and then we start phoning the home/social worker to ask what we should do?

It's these moments in Japan that just make me want to beat my head on a wall.

Anyway. There is some tiny movement of progress. I so hope it WILL be in the care home's attached hospital, quickly and with staff she vaguely knows.

And in other news.

Mother's Day 2021 came and went. We chose some artificial flowers and included a card with our photographs. I delivered it to the care home doors. Another year we don't get to be with her on that day.

And there are great cherry blossoms all over Sapporo! It's all pink and white. Glorious. But very windy. The infection numbers are surging again. Weeks it was 100-200 new cases a day. Now it's over 500 for this region of Japan. Still far far better than many other countries. But kind of a surprise locally.

(Down south: Osaka and Tokyo are around 1,000 new cases a day).

We had a big spring public holiday time. Most people stayed close to home. Local walks. TV. Reading books. Quiet time.

Oh. And I stopped working for the tour company. Several reasons. My choice. But still, a little sad. If the Pandemic hadn't come along I'd be in my 3rd year of guide work now. I was lucky they gave me social media writing to do. But copywriting for their new online shop really wasn't my thing. And who knows when the guiding will start again. Or, whether I will physically have the energy to do it again?

I notice recently that my energy levels are definitely lower. I need recovery time.

If guide work started again, it would be like starting all over and the necessary mental/physical energy would be enormous. I'm not sure I have it.

So. Time to read. Time to play with cats. Time to ponder garden weeds.

AND....no visits again...:-(

 So, we don't know...

Was the sad little Okaasan of our last visit just a tired old lady on that afternoon? Or, is it her general state?

Don't know. The care home has closed its doors to family visits again. Covid case numbers in Japan are growing again - March and April is the moving house/starting job or school season - so inevitably with all that people movement around the country.

Local numbers here aren't at all bad. But, still the local government is requesting only local, essential outings. Kind of hard in spring in the north country - FINALLY getting some warm sunshine and the cherry blossoms are about to explode.

There'll be a lot of local walks in the coming weeks. And hopefully, we get to see Okaasan next month.

The Ups....and the Downs..

If you only see somebody for 20 mins a week...

Last week's visit Okaasan was laughing and bright eyed.

The staff agreed to us taking the wheelchair JUST outside the care home doors for a few moments, so Okaasan could feel the sun and wind for the first time in over a year.

Sadly, the wind from the care home parking exit was winning over the sunshine power - and we had to rush her back inside. But she was fine and we left happy.

🙋😊

Yesterday. A different Okaasan.

Slumped sideways in the wheelchair, with grey, almost unfocused eyes, and sunken cheeks.

We took her down to the staff canteen area and sat for our 10 mins of chat time. Although she did give us a smile and one laugh, she certainly wasn't with it...at all. Stared to the side with hooded eyes. Moved her mouth in the goldfish gesture a bit. Stared at her hands when I sprayed the alcohol cleaner on them...and made no attempt to mimic my hand cleaning movements.

Looked shattered by life.

The staff said she'd had walking practice in the morning. And been to the toilet. 

We found her in the lounge, sitting across the table from the woman-who-sings and folds paper bits...slumped...sad.

We HOPE it was just a bad day. A sleepy moment. But her eyes looked so empty of life. We were both shocked. Bugger COVID. Now we have to wait another week to see her again.

In the UK, my oldest friend's dad has just died. I remember him in my childhood - the cool dad because he was the airline pilot, jokey, funny story-guy. His wife died a few years ago. Recently he's been living with round-the-clock care, and drugs to keep him out of pain.

Sigh. Age. What a bugger.

I so hope Dear Son and I have a good old age. Able to care for eachother. Be active and enjoy life. The just die one night while asleep.

Oh shit. Maybe not that! Waking up with a loved one who is dead next to you.

Maybe not like that!!

Whole sentences :-)

 Okaasan spoke whole sentences, about the weather, on our visit this week!

We were so happy! Even though it was, basically, the same sentence.

Our 20 mins visit was in the middle of a spring snow storm, which makes looking out the window and talking about something harder. We had been pleased to hear from the staff that we could actually take Okaasan and her wheelchair to another floor of the care home - such freedom felt wonderful.

The elevator! Another notice board to look at, oh look - a picture on the wall!

We ended up in the open space room where oh-so-long-ago I was about to launch my career as a care home karaoke star. Over a year ago, before any of us worried about masks and a shared microphone.

One usual problem for us/Okaasan when "looking out the window" is that from her chair position she can't actually see much, since the window frame is too high. Note to care home/hospital designers: if most of your users are in wheelchairs, how about making window frames lower???

We end up positioning her chair back from the window and trying to talk about things she can see. But of course, she then doesn't know we are talking about the view FROM the window - because that is too far away. Our conversation becomes too abstract for her. It's all not so great.

But this time. The open space room window faces parking areas, and a nearby temple. But there is a black building wall to the right.

"Look it's snowing today, you can see the snow flakes!" Okaasan suddenly said, pointing to the wall. And indeed we could, SHE could. The snow flakes showed up very clearly against the wall, far better that the scene against the grey city landscape or grey sky.

She repeated this a few times, with excitement. And we shared that thrill with her. Whole words. Strung together in a whole sentence. Said with appropriate feeling.

Dementia brings such a huge change to somebody's brain. A few years ago I was enduring those looong kitchen table talks about wartime memories, and flower arrangement classes, and housewife things. Now I am so pleased to hear a simple sentence from Okaasan.

It was a good visit.

Vaccination cometh????

 Saw Okaasan again yesterday - all great.

Happy, smiley, laughing. No speaking. But she is in a good mood. Given the no-speaking, our allotted visit time of 20 mins is enough.

She gets the happy feeling of seeing us.

We feel reassured.

And, somehow, we can do a double act of chat to fill out 20 mins. What's out the window, the weather, his jacket, my mask design, my impending birthday age...Okaasan looks from face to face and smiles and makes the nodding motion, and open mouth pouting gesture.

And then we're done. Back in the elevator and out into the snow.

Care home sent a letter about the COVID-19 vaccination.👀

Japan is JUST starting vaccinations now. Health care workers. Elderly will start in April, a very very slow roll out, which will only really get going in  May. Japan bought its vaccinations from Europe, and then had a system if domestic trials to go thru.

So the general vaccination program is still a month away, at least. Healthy...fairly young people like me probably won't get the call up until late summer...

Dear Son looking at the letter: "Hmm...she hates vaccinations. She won't want it. What should I do?"

 Me: "Well, I hope we can take her out of the home this year, into sunshine, to a coffee shop.  If she picks up Covid in a coffee shop and takes it back into the home....for a few minutes of her bad feeling about injections - we should be thinking of her community - ALL the old people in that home!"

Really. He even considered NOT authorising her to get a vaccine.

Face Palm moment in a relationship.

I hate injections too. Not for the same reasons as Okaasan (general distrust of mainsteam medicine), my feelings are based on the sight of needles entering skin. TV is FULL of that image at the moment....it maybe having a feeling-numbing effect on me?

Anyway. Okaasan. I hope she gets the jab. So she can go to a coffee shop this summer.

Meeting again :-)

 

And there they are - together again! Mum and son! 

The care home announced recently that family visits can start again, reservation only and for 20 mins at a time. 

New COVID-19 case numbers in Hokkaido have dropped to less that 50 a day recently, and so the home felt they could let us meet our dear elderly again.

Okaasan was surprisingly great - we were relieved.

Last spring, when we didn't meet for 10 weeks she lost a lot of communication ability and mental alertness. It slowly returned over the summer, and then of course we were cut off from her in November.

She was very smiley and happy, lots of laughs and funny goldfish mouth gestures. Pretty sure she knew who we were. The care home had Dolls' Day decorations, and plastic cherry blossom on the walls - more cheerful. We spent our 20 mins walking the corridors of her floor, sitting in window areas to make gold fish gestures and laughing a lot.

The staff said she can still walk, with the walking frame and a lot of support from an able bodied person, but her confidence for walking is initially low.

But! Here she is!

Hope we can visit once a week again....and I wonder when she will get vaccinated? Japan JUST started vaccinations last week and a 90 year old in a care home must be high on the list.

By the way - did you see this funny Covid-19 story last week? We all need a laugh...a 6 cm high man was offered an early vaccination....