Hobblin....hobblin...

Still hobblin.

I don't know. Sometimes I think it is getting a little better...and then I move in a random way and there is a lot of pain. I can't put my leg straight. There is still knee swelling.

But sanity (and exhaustion) - I have gone back to work. With big help getting there etc.
Telling the same old story over and over again. Actually it's a good judge of student's real ability - how much they can ask and find out about the situation from me. Should use a Faked Disability as a level check for future students????

Okaasan.
Her reaction.
Well, of course she sees me hobbling around with crutches and has asked three times why.

Ski accident.
Knee injury. Hurts

Oh? Skiing?

....................

And that is about that.
That lack of empathy really. I could be wearing a bright yellow sweater with live kittens sewn into the sleeves....I think there would be the same response.

None of the: where/why/how....doctor advice?....shared tales....offers to help.

It doesn't matter. I GET all of that from wonderful students/employers at the community centers and my man....but it is interesting how she responds to obvious injury and pain and hardship in another.

Last night she watched me wash up all the dinner plates - sitting on a chair at the sink, with crutches to my left.....and there was no offer to help....nothing. Dear Son was chatting and she was responding....and nothing....usually Japanese women rush to help you even before you have an inkling that you might need ANY help....but no.

It's ok. Just a thing.

A shitty thing.
Dear Son had the full shitty experience.....he is a wonder...he cleaned up the soiled area, washed the clothes...washed his mother's body AND got her to wear a paper diaper.

He is a good man....

So. Spring is arriving. W"arm sunshine. Melting snow. I'm inside.

Going to try driving tomorrow to work. Can get to the classroom with the center staff's help. TUesday MRI.....Thursday MRI result.....

Heard a horror story from a student:
She fell while skiing a few years ago and drove home with pain.
Had pain the following week and went to the doctor. Got some pain killers.
Had a quiet life....but walked the dog and went shopping.
3 weeks later - THREE WEEKS! - she went to a different doctor and had MRI and they found the ligament had broken in her knee....operation...in hospital for a month..physical therapy for three months.....

Oh God. 

But now she is skiing again :-)

I will return. I will return. I will.

We have lift off. (muted)

You know those moments before you tell somebody something...

Shall I do it now?
Or now?
What about now?
While they are still eating?
When they have finished that drink?
When they come back from the toilet?

When shall I tell them??????

Like the moment you break up with a lover, tell someone you are sick, tell someone you are angry with them...

I told Okaasan at 7.25 pm. After the haircut, after she'd walked home by herself, after a nice a deux dinner, after some shared beer....

"There was a special reason you had a nice haircut and perm today! Dear Son has a lovely surprise for you! Look! Here is his letter!!!"

And I gave it to her.

She read it. I waffled on brightly about how nice it will be to visit Kawagoe etc, how exciting, how nice to see her brother and his wife etc..

Her response? Muted. Not negative (thank goodness), but strangely muted. I might have suggested opening the window for some fresh air.....

We talked about it for a while.  Well, I talked and she responded...mutely.

Yes, Kawagoe is where you were born - it isn't where your house is.
Brother's wife's name??? No idea
Yokohama - maybe Chinese food?
Wednesday morning we are going to the airport.
Look I circled the days on the kitchen calendar!

She read the letter several times. She did understand. But her reaction was massively muted.

I guess she needs a long time to process this new information and think about what it means.
There was a news report recently about how changes in sense of humor can signal dementia, with inappropriate laughter at bad news or events etc. I think too many emotional responses are off-balance: lack of empathy "Oh Paris? many people died? Oh, yes" to this muted response to news about a trip to see hometown and family.

After dinner I came upstairs to watch Richard Gere movies and a program about person-centered care for dementia sufferers, and Okaasan sat in front of yet another ice skate program (Japanese TV is full of them) and read her letter.
She kept ON reading the letter...when I was in the bathroom before sleeping I could see her still reading the letter.

So. We'll see how she feels about this trip as today plays out. I have work, but am home to catch cats for pet hell late afternoon, and then home again after an evening class.

Will she get in a panic about the clothes required for the trip? Or get annoyed that a visit to her house isn't included?

Wait and see. :-)