November family trip is taking shape: we'll stay in a hotel near Okaasan's brother's home. Sadly not the hotel which is just 5 minutes walk away, but still near enough to explore the familiar areas easily.
Brother's wife is taking on all the arrangements: a family get together dinner at a local restaurant etc.
And talk about this trip being timely! Apparently brother himself is starting to lose track of things/life/conversations/memories - so a VERY good time to unite him and his sister while they can both still understand and enjoy it. Another sister and a sister-in-law may come too.
It'll be fun!
Maybe. Have to keep control of the alcohol....
And to finish here today...just off to do a quick clean up of Okasan's room while she is in the bath...
Read this on the Which Me Am I Today? blog - about perspectives, trying to look at "carers" from the perspective of a person with dementia....
I think I am guilty on all counts for how I view Okaasan. But it is HARD not to when you are involved in the very personal care/management of another person.
The blog writer is a smart, funny British woman who campaigns for greater knowledge and research into dementia. I love what she writes, but I think too that it is all too easy for someone who is still SO able in her world to forget that there are many millions of people who are beyond her level of ability.
And carers: if you pick thru the hidden away dirty underwear of someone it's hard to have a "respect" for them. They are the task you have to do, the necessary job in your already busy day.
But anyway - I read down this guest writer's checklist of "challenging behaviors" by "carers" and thought: Yup, yup, yup.....must TRY harder.
Showing posts with label over managing care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label over managing care. Show all posts
Sunday, 27 September 2015
Friday, 31 October 2014
Over Managing
Guilty of over managing. Again.
Hair salon appointment this time.
Okaasan looks like a horror movie extra, and long overdue for a hair cut and perm. One of the things of dementia? She never really ever brushes her hair. Sometimes she doesn't really even wash it. So always straggly and unkempt.
Among the million of things I have to do this week, I went into the nice salon downtown and made an appointment for her. Made sure that there will be female staff this time. 4 months ago when Okaasan last went there she complained after about the young men stylists and said it was hard to talk to them.
Then she found a just open salon near our home, which had a discount price. And...another male stylist. She's been there twice...or 3 times.
But I booked her in with the salon downtown.
Because? Her reason for quitting was odd - specially as she changed to a place with only a male stylist. And one of my students recommended this place. And she went there happily for two years etc.
But then DS found Okaasan with a discount coupon for the local salon: "I have to go here by tomorrow for the discount!" she demanded. The salon advertises in the newspaper, so the information was there in her hands.
Of course, HE then gets on at me about why I am ignoring her wishes about which salon to go to.....saying that if she's been to this one two or three times, she must be satisfied etc.
It's true. Why am I trying to force MY way of doing it on her? Over managing.
So. Cancelled the place downtown. Went in and booked the local place for Monday. Told Okaasan. Wrote it on the calender for her. Will make sure she gets there next week.
As I've said before, this balancing act of helping and managing and giving her independence is one of the harder aspects of our relationship.
She does need someone to step in and make the appointment and get her out of the house on the right day and time, and give her enough money for the salon. Left alone she wouldn't do it. She has the salon number. She has a telephone. She has no schedule every day. But she wouldn't make an appointment.
So we have to do it for her. But trying to remember to follow her wishes.
I'm bad at that.
* Falling down in sympathy.
I fell down last night in the car park outside work. I stepped off a small step onto a small, raised manhole cover. In the dark. In heels. Trying to judge my Halloween window decorations.
Crashed face first. Badly grazed my knee, hands. Swollen lip. Luckily didn't break my glasses. Got home and feel tender today.
I'm 53 and feel tender today - Okaasan falls like this a few times a year. She is in her 80s. I have sympathy for how she must feel.
Hair salon appointment this time.
Okaasan looks like a horror movie extra, and long overdue for a hair cut and perm. One of the things of dementia? She never really ever brushes her hair. Sometimes she doesn't really even wash it. So always straggly and unkempt.
Among the million of things I have to do this week, I went into the nice salon downtown and made an appointment for her. Made sure that there will be female staff this time. 4 months ago when Okaasan last went there she complained after about the young men stylists and said it was hard to talk to them.
Then she found a just open salon near our home, which had a discount price. And...another male stylist. She's been there twice...or 3 times.
But I booked her in with the salon downtown.
Because? Her reason for quitting was odd - specially as she changed to a place with only a male stylist. And one of my students recommended this place. And she went there happily for two years etc.
But then DS found Okaasan with a discount coupon for the local salon: "I have to go here by tomorrow for the discount!" she demanded. The salon advertises in the newspaper, so the information was there in her hands.
Of course, HE then gets on at me about why I am ignoring her wishes about which salon to go to.....saying that if she's been to this one two or three times, she must be satisfied etc.
It's true. Why am I trying to force MY way of doing it on her? Over managing.
So. Cancelled the place downtown. Went in and booked the local place for Monday. Told Okaasan. Wrote it on the calender for her. Will make sure she gets there next week.
As I've said before, this balancing act of helping and managing and giving her independence is one of the harder aspects of our relationship.
She does need someone to step in and make the appointment and get her out of the house on the right day and time, and give her enough money for the salon. Left alone she wouldn't do it. She has the salon number. She has a telephone. She has no schedule every day. But she wouldn't make an appointment.
So we have to do it for her. But trying to remember to follow her wishes.
I'm bad at that.
* Falling down in sympathy.
I fell down last night in the car park outside work. I stepped off a small step onto a small, raised manhole cover. In the dark. In heels. Trying to judge my Halloween window decorations.
Crashed face first. Badly grazed my knee, hands. Swollen lip. Luckily didn't break my glasses. Got home and feel tender today.
I'm 53 and feel tender today - Okaasan falls like this a few times a year. She is in her 80s. I have sympathy for how she must feel.
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