Walking 二人で

The Saturday helper did her duty by Okaasan.

Trip out in the car to the local shopping mall - walk round the supermarket, walk round the home care center, lunch of noodles and chat, home again. All done in 2 hours 30 mins.

That's Okaasan's outside exercise until next Wednesday.
Unless God throws in a few more hours into my usual available 24 quota.

Wasn't so bad. She enjoyed it. I went with the flow.

Got her ready to go out with advice about suitable clothing and shoes. Gave her money. Put her cell phone in the handbag, in case I lost her.
Supermarket was huge and busy. Okaasan clutched onto the big shopping car and pushed it all the way round. I had some shopping to do, and she either advised me on what I should buy or picked up a few random bits. She asked shop staff if she couldn't find stuff....told me that the fermented soy beans I was buying were no good...insisted on buying two slices of pizza in the baker "for snacks".
We also went round the home center - a long walk via the pet center, the curtain department, the electrical department, the Xmas decorations.
Rather bizarrely, Okaasan stopped a man who was deep in thought near light bulbs and asked him "What's the date today?". And she commented several times that we didn't need flowers because guests don't come to the house.

After all of that I took her upstairs to a ramen restaurant. Ordered for her and we sat across from eachother looking at the parking area and mountains view, and then slurped our noodles.

Brought her home, via the gasoline stand.
She spent the rest of the afternoon asleep under the heated table carpet.

I watched a  movie on TV and went out to dinner with a friend. Left food in a heated pot on the table for Okaasan. She only a little.

All well.

Today??????????????????????????????

Got a snow storm.

And a Japanese test.......

Planning for two

Me and Okaasan.
What will WE be doing this weekend?

Under our new regime: take Okaasan out for a walk/don't let her go out alone.
This is what DS really wants because he is worried about her ability to walk safely alone. Worried, but not worried enough to be here...
Wednesdays the day care helper comes to take Okaasan out. Weekends are my duty time.

Makes planning a weekend a bit harder.

I used to be able to plan my own weekend and factor in:

* Bath time for Okaasan 
* Lunch and Dinner for Okaasan
* Send her out to go walking in daylight
* Maybe pick her up from somewhere
* Clean her room while she is out.

Now it is different. I need to GO with her somewhere to take her for a walk safely.

This weekend, in my life I have:

Saturday, 5.30 pm onwards dinner plans with a friend downtown
Sunday, all afternoon - Japanese language test at a local college campus.

Would also like to try and do some Christmas card/present shopping.

So - how will I fit Okaasan into this equation?

Tomorrow will be hard - the Japanese test will take up from midday to late afternoon. I'll be knackered after that.

So, I'd better take her out today - but early enough that I can rest up a little at home myself before going to meet my friend at 5 .30 pm.
Walk outside and then back here for lunch? That means I'll have to dredge up enough bright conversation for about two hours of interaction.
Walk AND lunch in the same place? Could get away with an hour or so of bright chat...

Hmmm..

Walk and lunch seems a good idea.
Sunny now, huge snowfall forecast for later today. Better get her out this morning.

Planning for two.......

Deciphering...

I have a Japanese language test this coming weekend - aiming for 3rd Grade this time.
Won't pass because I haven't opened the kanji book or online flashcards for about 3 months, and I've been doing just enough grammar and diary writing homework to keep my Nihongo teacher sane every week.
Just enough.

So, I should be studying this:

But I REALLY am peering at this, and trying to decipher it!

The day service helper report which was left neatly on the kitchen table yesterday. Big pink folder, with shopping receipts, the door key inside. And short handwritten report about going by taxi to the supermarket with Okaasan.

I wonder if Okaasan opened and read it after the helper had gone? I wonder what she thought about such a report on her?

Think it all looks good. That they went and she chatted about what she usually buys, where she usually goes etc. Receipts for the usual stuff: yogurt and magazines, snacks and dried seaweed.

Kitchen was all clean and tidy when I came home. Dinner stuff washed and put away.

Looks like a successful first day.

This morning I asked Okaasan: "so you went to XX Supermarket yesterday with the helper in a taxi, didn't you? Was it fun?"

"Me. XX Supermarket? I went? I don't know. Did I?"

No memory of that.

I laughed with her about it. She laughed about it. We made light of it.

But, still. Even after 6 years I AM surprised.

Must have been quite a lengthy, unusual experience because the day service people came and talked with DS and Okaasan in the kitchen, signed the contract for service etc and then got ready to go out and went, all the chat, and home again by taxi.

All of that yesterday afternoon -  gone from her memory bank.

6 years an oyomesan...

It really is: SIX whole years since all this began.
December 2 in 2008 I was a carefree English teacher in Japan with a cool boyfriend and a cat. Teaching and skiing and drinking and......

Now?
Full of responsibility. Feel I've grown up a whole lot. Now a middle aged, wife and daughter-in-law/carer/cleaner/cook/planner....
Well, I AM 53 years old. Had to grow up sometime!

Okaasan came north to live with us 6 years ago this week. Poor woman.
Well, no - actually. If she'd stayed in her own home in the Tokyo suburbs she would have been in a sorry state with a confused and dirty life. Fighting with the post office and bank about money and always looking for important things. Going out to the sports center for a bath and to the local noodle restaurant for food.
But - she would have been in her own home, with her neighbours and the area she had known for all her adult life.

Can't get away from that. We dragged her out of her familiar environment and into a place where 4 months of the year there is so much snow, it is hard to go out and walk. To a place where she has no friends or memories.

I guess that is the trade off every family makes: Familiar, but uncared for vs Unfamiliar, but cared for.

And so our 6th winter begins.
DS goes off today to start ski work. Maybe home once more this week, and then gone for a week.
And today the day center helper will come to take Okaasan out in a taxi for a visit to the supermarket and dinner preparations. The weather is really cold and windy, with snow flurries - which should reinforce the idea that "you can't go out alone today, so this nice lady is going to help you".

I hope.
I'm working till after 9 pm today, so I can't see how the day care helper visit goes down. Just sit here between classes....wondering!

Anyway.
6 years.

How long will it all go on? And when freedom comes...will we know what to do with it?
This experience has definitely aged us. Made us better people? Probably.

And Okaasan? Her condition is a little worse, of course. Not dramatic. But the independence has gone. The variety of every day she used to do. Replaced with a lot of sitting/Tv/sleeping. Conversation style: declining. Walking: declining. Personal care: declining. Interaction with the physical world around her: declining.
Overall: happy day to day.
And when there is a change of condition - whether that is a physical problem or stress with us or the world - oh boy! We see a scary change suddenly.A change into paranoia, aggression and raw emotion.

So. 6 years.....
Thankyou so much if you've been reading this blog for 6 years. Thankyou too, if you are a recent reader. I love knowing there is a support network.

Onwards into winter.