Deciphering...

I have a Japanese language test this coming weekend - aiming for 3rd Grade this time.
Won't pass because I haven't opened the kanji book or online flashcards for about 3 months, and I've been doing just enough grammar and diary writing homework to keep my Nihongo teacher sane every week.
Just enough.

So, I should be studying this:

But I REALLY am peering at this, and trying to decipher it!

The day service helper report which was left neatly on the kitchen table yesterday. Big pink folder, with shopping receipts, the door key inside. And short handwritten report about going by taxi to the supermarket with Okaasan.

I wonder if Okaasan opened and read it after the helper had gone? I wonder what she thought about such a report on her?

Think it all looks good. That they went and she chatted about what she usually buys, where she usually goes etc. Receipts for the usual stuff: yogurt and magazines, snacks and dried seaweed.

Kitchen was all clean and tidy when I came home. Dinner stuff washed and put away.

Looks like a successful first day.

This morning I asked Okaasan: "so you went to XX Supermarket yesterday with the helper in a taxi, didn't you? Was it fun?"

"Me. XX Supermarket? I went? I don't know. Did I?"

No memory of that.

I laughed with her about it. She laughed about it. We made light of it.

But, still. Even after 6 years I AM surprised.

Must have been quite a lengthy, unusual experience because the day service people came and talked with DS and Okaasan in the kitchen, signed the contract for service etc and then got ready to go out and went, all the chat, and home again by taxi.

All of that yesterday afternoon -  gone from her memory bank.

The winter plan...

The plan is: every Wednesday  late afternoon a day care person will come to the house, help Okaasan get ready for going out, take her by taxi to the local big supermarket, walk around it with her for exercise and chat, come home by taxi, cook/heat up food for her dinner and leave her to eat it.
I will be out working. DS will be away ski teaching.

That's the plan.

The day care manager, Dear Son and maybe Okaasan...have agreed to that.

I was out at work. But I agree to that.

It'll start next week. And we'll see if that is a good idea. Exercise/chat/someone apart from me to stimulate Okaasan's body and brain in the long winter months.

DS says Okaasan was a bit negative about it all - of course didn't think she needed outside help etc. But the carrot of "going to the supermarket for a walk" seemed to work.

Crossed fingers.

One side point: she is happy to go to Supermarket A...but not Supermarket B, because "the staff are bullies"......first we've heard of her having a negative about that supermarket. We wonder what happened to her there, or what she thinks happened to her there....

Meanwhile...you need to see this cat picture...current cat craze sweeping Japan....Neko Montage....give your cat cartoon eyes:-)
Have you got a cat handy now? Pick up a pen and a bit of paper - give it a go!

Before I forget...

I'd better update on the events of last week...before I forget, and before the next wave of headcold bleughhhhness overcomes me. Still not 100 %. Feeling bleugh.

Last Sunday, 40 mins before leaving for the airport I went into Okaasan's room and told her that both Dear Son and I would be away until "the day after tomorrow", and I gave her his letter describing this and the day service visits to cook dinner, and the cats away information.
She didn't seem too worried, and said she had no questions. Sorted thru the money I left her.
I escaped.

Outside the concert - we even got interview by a TV crew.

Y16,000 for seats soo sooo far away!

Post-concert ribs...

Our main event in Tokyo was to the concert - which was great. He sang a lot of Beatles music, both well-known and not, various Wings' songs and tribute songs to John and George. He played a variety of guitars and two pianos, and amazingly - his voice was okay. Good actually.

It was all worth the hassle and the expense of going to the big city. And, thankfully - no earthquakes while we were there.

But we also visited Kawagoe, a city about an hour from Tokyo. Had a dinner out with Dear Son's old work friends and a look around the old town with its historic buildings.

Kawagoe is where Okaasan was born. It's the center of most of her stories - her father had a haulage business, and local cabinet makers would bring their precious cabinets to him to deliver to customers in the Tokyo and Yokohama area. This is pre-war, when having a driving license and having a vehicle was unusual. The home and business was one, they had a telephone that local people would come to use. Okaasan was the oldest of a big family, she looked after the younger kids. She ran in the long grass by the river. She made underwear for soldiers instead of going to junior high school, she worked in the fields. She remembers an American plane crash landing and someone sending for the school teacher, because he spoke some English. She remembers the American soldiers driving around. She remembers the police opening and stealing food packages...and no food.

It's another world: the Japan of her childhood.

It was so strange to be THERE, at that place of her childhood. Dear Son's uncle still lives in the city, maybe his house in next to the land where Okaasan's family home stood. He isn't quite sure.

So, before the co-workers party we ambled thru the shopping area at dusk, a long, lively pedestrian street of shops and lights. We walked out the back of the department store, where shoppers were hurrying home - and stood for a few moments in the back street outside uncle's house. I wondered how much this had all changed since little Kazuko's days with the cabinet delivery business.

I felt sad that Okaasan now lives hundreds of miles away from this town - she lives in a cold place with snow and ice and darkness. She would be so happy to live in Kawagoe, never really very cold, with that shopping street and familiar place names.

But - only her youngest son was prepared to look after her when dementia robbed her of self-care abilities. And his life is near ski areas in the cold, wintery place.

I made a small promise in my heart that we should try to bring her here at least one more time before she dies. It would be a huge stressy time to do it, but I think we should.

And so. Home again on Tuesday afternoon.

Day Service had got their information mixed up and taken Okaasan for her Tuesday session. We'd actually cancelled it, thinking it would be too much for them to come to the house and get her ready without us. But somehow they did.

It gave me a moment of panic though: I arrived home and found her out. Assuming she was in the local shops I casually checked the phone GPS map and peered desperately at the map that popped up on the screen showing her location.

Where is this? Not the local shops? Where IS she???

Missed a heartbeat - and then realized it was the day care center.

Had a bit of a thing with the convenience store lunch box delivery people, who had brought Okaasan's lunch and found the house empty.

(Dear Son complained to the day center about it whisking Okaasan off without our permission and the center Manager and a staff member came to our front door Wednesday night to apologize in person - that's Japanese customer service! Then they went to the 7-11 to apologize in person to the delivery man!).

So Tuesday night the three of us gathered to have family dinner. Of course, we couldn't talk about what we'd been doing (concert and Kawagoe), because we were supposedly away working. And Okaasan doesn't ever ask us anything about what we've been doing. So it was a silent dinner.

Our life back again after the excitements of Tokyo. He and I had good couple time before winter comes and he disappears to the ski resorts.

Okaasan was fine with our absence. Maybe she didn't really remember it clearly. I commented that the day service lady had come to cook and chat twice, and she nodded vaguely and said something about going out in the day service car. 

Of course the woman hadn't cleaned in Okaasan's room - there were old food boxes and dirty laundry, wet towels etc. But for 2 nights it was fine. When we go away for a week next year they will need to do more.

And the cats? Chichi and Popo. How did they survive?

Noisily.

A bit thinner and very clingy and happy to be home. But they survived. SO friendly. Animals give love to us, whatever horrors we impose on them.

And then he and I got sick. Probably too much excitement and late nights in Tokyo. We are getting old. I got it first and now he has it. We are both creeping around in our pajamas, wrapped in blankets.

Thankfully my headcold didn't hit till after I'd done the narration job on Tuesday afternoon.

But now...just feel bleu8gh...

Ongoing...with help.

Okaasan's painful leg drama is ongoing, but at least now we are sharing it with the daycare staff.

They came on Tuesday and checked that she was alive. She sat slumped under her heated table and grudgingly showed the staff her legs and knees. But she was lively enough.
Tuesday late afternoon she actually said she planned to go for a walk, but Dear Son stopped her because it was rainy and windy.
She ate lunch and dinner ok.
Then yesterday she started talking about going out - and I was encouraging her - from 4 pm onwards. Then she lay down on the carpet and dozed again...and again.
Finally at 6.30 pm she was talking about going out and we stopped her again: dark and dinner is in 30 mins.
We thought that was all a good sign - showing that she wanted to go out.

But this morning. Day care? Today?
No thankyou.
Dear Son was his usual insensitive self about asking her.....if she gives some rambling, confused answer he turns on his heel and walks out saying: "I don't understand you, you aren't making any sense!". It's a huge help to a dementia patient. Not.

Day care called for the Thursday outing and then sent the staff round at 9.45 am to see what Okaasan was up to. When she arrived I was in the last 10 mins before going to work - rushing around with a towel wrapped round me and cooking Okaasan some lunch for the flasks on the kitchen table.
The daycare staff tried to get Okaasan to go for a "little walk in the fresh air", but she refused...said she would just sit and the pain would go away, as it had in the past. Said she wouldn't eat anything, and the body would get better on its own etc etc
The staff were lively and determined, but Okaasan wasn't playing ball and they didn't force the issue.
But Okaasan was walking round her room when the lady came (well actually she had been crawling round her room on hands and knees JUST before), but she was more physically active.

And so. They left again and grinned understandingly at me...

It IS good that someone else is in on all of this (apart from you lot of course!!), some kind of person with training....who will monitor the situation.

Just have to let her be and see what happens. Tomorrow there is a 9 am dentist appointment. I look forward to seeing how Dear Son is going to get Okaasan to go to that.....

The irony is: sometimes she doesn't actually REMEMBER the whole pain-in-the-leg-drama at all. Yesterday afternoon I suggested that she shouldn't go too far for a walk because of Monday night's events - and she didn't remember anything about the station staff calling Dear Son, coming home by taxi and being carried into the house on a garden chair...and hopefully nothing too much about us shouting at her...

Sigh...

And yes, I forgot to write it. Understandably. Monday night was also the 4th anniversary of my dad's death. In fact the 4th anniversary of getting that phonecall from England to say the postman had found him on the living room carpet. They thought he'd died 2 days before.....
4 years ago. Seems like a lifetime. So much has happened, good and bad. So much.

A fall

Okaasan fell in the street today - cut and bruised her hands badly.
A woman who lived nearby saw it and walked her home.
We guess she is ok - but will watch her carefully for the next few days to see if there is any other injury or effect.

Been another week - shows you how much I am getting used to this life that I don't blog about it all!

Even when I went to the toilet early morning and stepped into something wet in the hallway...realised Okaasan had got up in the night and failed to make it to the toilet in time - a trail of pee across the kitchen, hallway and into the toilet.
Luckily we have carpet tiles in the kitchen that can be take up and washed, and the hallway can be mopped.

And later in the week was day care and ballroom dancing. Okaasan went off happily enough to it. She is tired and hungry when she comes back - Yujiro found her in the kitchen trying to cook fried rice at 5.30 pm. But the report the staff make on Okaasan continues to say she appears to be enjoying it - dancing with the teacher, playing some kind of ball catch game, exercising with other people.
Strange - Okaasan SAYS to us that she is there is only one other member in the hula and the ballroom dance class. Sounds a little odd. Can't believe a teacher would come in only for two students...

Anyway - MY week was good because Dear Son was in housewife mode. Shopping, cooking, chatting to Okaasan when I had evening classes.
I just led an ordinary life.....after a looong winter. Nice.

He will start his summer bike taxi job soon, so I'm enjoying having a full-time wife at the moment.

It was FUN!

"Tanoshkata!"

Okaasan said loudly and happily as she came home last night from hula class at day service center.

FUN! It was actually FUN!

Break open the champagne, throw cats in the air, light votive candles to the foxy shrine spirits...

Wow.
 She actually thought it was fun and enjoyed it.

Finally.

Dear Son went into overdrive in the morning to get her to go, using all his beloved family member powers to crush any opposition as soon as she tried to say it.
No.........you've only been to this hula class once, you can't judge on one time, you should go again and check, you're mixing it up with another class etc etc.
I stood at the top of the stairs (well, ok...leaned over the top of the stiars with my ears on stalks...) to listen to him work the magic. He was firm and abolutely unwavering....when he does that with me in fights I give him lots of flack back, but Okaasan was powerless in his logic firestorm.

So, she went.

And come late afternoon, in a snow storm - she was back.
Wearing borrowed trousers from the center because she'd had a toilet accident during the day, but really happy about it all. Spoke loudly and confidently. Even bought a CD of the hula music to listen to at home.

Really relieved, and full of admiration for Dear Son plugging away at it. I was ready to cave in 2 weeks ago after her Dementia Cleared Angry Speech.....but he kept on at it.
HUla is 3 times a month...so that's enough...hopefully she'll go in February and March and April....and who knows, when she snows start to clear she might actually continue going....

Report card

Day service gave Okaasan a great report card.
She went to the toilet twice...and didn't bite anyone.

No, joking aside (but not for long), it really was a very detailed report card about what she did, said, felt that day at the day service center.
Looks positive, she appeared to enjoy it all and interacted with other people. Appeared to enjoy the ballroom dancing.
I say "appeared", because who knows? Of course the day center staff will write slightly postive things as we are customers and they are trying to get us to continue using them, and of course Okaasan in a public place with friendly strangers will look happy etc
But. Looks good.

On the way to day center she was underdressed for a cold day (I know), and in the car she checked several times that it really WAS ballroom dance day and NOT hula.
At the center she went to the dance class, but her heart rate was a bit high (excited?), so they suggested that she just watch...but can't keep Okaasan down when she wants to do something - so up she jumped and joined in. Danced with the teacher. Danced well. Talked to classmates.
After that didn't join a traditional card game, but watched, chatted to people....enjoyed lunch, didn't have a bath because of the slightly high heart rate...cut her own nails, chatted about stories long ago.
All good :-)
And peed twice.
Didn't bite classmates.

You know - this might be better than hula...if she will continue going - because hula is quite an isolated dance style. You stand in your own space, looking at classmates' backs and you don't interact.
But ballroom you touch other people, you stand close, you talk. All of that sounds much more stimulating.

Oh! I soooooo hope this continues.
Slightly cloud on the horizon is that I thought she'd commented on the dance class and said "real"...actually the word she said means "basic".....so if that thought stews around in her brain for a few days it might become "too basic/boring/low level" and then we'll be back to square one.

Hoping....

Shall we dance???? Shall we???

Hold your breath.
We may, MAY have success on the day service ballroom dancing class!
Maybe.
Time will show.....I am sure Okaasan's negative thinking will get to work within a day or two and find fault in what seemed to be a good experience today.

Started shakily when I told her at 8.45 that "Today is ballroom dancing, they are coming at 9.30am!"...and she was round and round on the topic of: IS it ballroom? It's NOT hula is it? Ballroom? I quit hula, didn't I? What day is today? Is this ballroom? Where's Yujiro? Who says it is ballroom today?
But she seemed happy and excited about ballroom. In Japan it's called "social dance" - and the slow numbers are called "cheek dances" by leering old men.
I wondered if Okaasan would find her Richard Gere at day care.

By 9.30 am she was almost ready. In a skirt. Minus stockings and socks, and in a T-shirt and a cardigan. I managed to get her into socks for putting on her outdoor boots to walk to the center car.

And off she went.

I managed to be home at 4.30 when she came home.
Thought that was good for her to come home to someone and tea and chat.
She seemed happy, I think she told me it was "real" ballroom, with men, and different steps.
To be honest, I was too nervous to go into the subject with her too much...

I settled her into the TV watching-mode, left to do my evening class, and then came home to get the late dinner on the table.
She was chatty at dinner - told me about her father repairing an American army jeep after the war, and how as a small child she used to have a ride in father's truck delivering kimono drawers to Tokyo.

Neither of us mentioned the ballroom dancing.

But! The day service offered to write a Diary report about Okaasan's day and I have it :-) In Japan teachers for young kids do this every single day - send a note back to mum about what the kid did at school, if it bit a classmate, pooped etc....and day care does the same! (I think we pay for it).
Just wait while I get a friend to translate correctly...but I think I spy the words "enjoyed" in among the squiggles.
I'm hoping.

Meanwhile...in non-Okaasan life...I am making ice candles out of balloons and water and food coloring dye.
And getting wet in the process...and covering the kitchen counter in red coloring.

But LOOK! I think they might work!



Balloons out on the doorstep overnight

3 done...only another 20 to go...

STOP PRESS* Just been into the kitchen...HolyMoly.......Okaasan has done ALL the washing up after dinner! Long may this continue. Day Care is doing wonders for her!

A day service center present !!!

She liked it.
THAT is my best Christmas present this year.
Forget the piles of chocolate and biscuits and magnetic Scrabble tiles, cute cat cards, cat muffler, Marks and Spencers mince pies etc etc.
No - all I wanted for Christmas was a Nice Day Service Center with a Nice Hula Dance Class.

And I got it.

Okaasan came home just after 5 pm with a nice day center lady in a car and I helped her inside, helped her make tea, gave her a Japanese-style cake from a class party and carefully DIDN'T mention what she'd been doing all day.
I didn't want to go there as a topic at all, didn't want to get a reaction from her while she was tired, didn't want to ruin my Christmas Day. Just left it.
She seemed happy, but of course a bit tired from being out for hours.

So, for our Chrstmas Night dinner I had slaved round a department store food section for 20 minutes with my credit card - actually I HATE department stores, so it was kind of hard!- and bought crab legs and lots of little starter things in a pack, and combined that with rice and soup and mulled wine from some students.
Instant - great dinner.

 

 

Yujiro got home at 6.30 pm. We opened a few presents round our rubber plant and then woke Okaasan up and the three of us sat down to toast eachother with mulled wine: "Merry Christmas!"

Okaasan LOVES crab. It takes her right back to the night when she was a child and she stayed up late waiting for her truck driving father to come home with a fresh crab he'd bought at a port somewhere. It's a big, happy memory for her. Waiting for father to come home and being allowed to eat crab, which was unusual in those days before refrigerators and credit cards in department stores.

So, she was happy, we were happy - the crab was delicious. It was a giddy, jolly dinner. Dear Son cutting up crab claws for his mum, me quaffing mulled wine...cats hovering at the kitchen door.
Okaasan was giggly and merry.

"I love crab, can I have more? I'm hungry because I was doing hula dance today!"
"Oh yes, how was it, was it good?"
"Yes! It was fun! I enjoyed it, it's a nice place, not so crowded, the people are nice, I met that man who came here the other day - is he the manager or something?"

Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The warm, happy feeling that spread silently between Dear Son and Me. Oh joy! She liked it. Oh joy.

Happy Christmas everyone.

Onwards into Japanese New Year and Oyomesan tries out her newly acquired skills on traditional Japanese New Year foods. :-)

Watch this space.

Now? Think I might have a mince pie and stollen bread for breakfast. Healthy? no...

Day service debut.............

The day arrived. Day service for Okaasan.
After all the long waiting and trying to arrange and pressuring and couple tantrums and fixing.

The bus was due to come at 9.20 or 9.30 am - which is just after the time I should really be leaving for work.

But I knew Okaasan would need help in getting ready. The day service manager had left a note with instructions - but still she would need help to get the hula skirt, socks, T-shirt, change of underwear etc into bags.

At 8.55 am she was still her pajamas......

We had 30 mins of ever increasing panic. Sooooo hard to keep my cool in this. But Okaasan couldn't remember what she'd already chosen and put in a bag, so she tried to gather more clothes and put them in another bag.
She fussed terribly about what blouse to wear, what socks to wear, whether to wear a coat etc etc etc She and I circled around her room and the kitchen and the hallway - fussing, fussing, fussing. Was there money in the purse? Was the front door key in the purse (FOUND the 2 weeks ago lost key in yet another little bag!!!) and on and on and on.

I really had to leave by 9.25 and I imagine the bus came shortly after.

All day I wondered about her. Like a mother with a child at school for the first day...what was she doing now? Was she happy? Was it confusing?

I rushed home mid-afternoon to get there before she arrived back: because I hadn't been able to get into her room for more than a week - since she didn't go out - and I knew there was dirty underwear lurking.
She'd had a toilet accident last Friday after the day service people came, and sure enough - I found several soiled underpants all wrapped up in newspaper in one of the laundry baskets....:-(( And about 25 more needing laundry.

At 4.20 pm the bus pulled up outside. I ran out and the driver threw open the doors and put down the special steps...and Okaasan was helped out. A few other old people peered out at this unusual Oyomesan.
Okaasan seemed animated and happy - a bit tired - but happy enough. Her hair looked newly washed and brushed. I made her a cup of cocoa and she said it had been "fun", and lunch was "okay". The hula dance was "easy". Hmmm...

I prepped dinner. Went back to my classroom for the 6 pm class. Then took a taxi home to get dinner on the table....
Okaasan and I ate and chatted about this and that...I mentioned the day service place lunch....and the hula....
"That place the hula is low level, I can do better than that. I don't need that. I won't go again. Those people have just started haven't they? I won't go again. It costs money to go doesn't it.....I won't go....it was boring....I can exercise myself, every morning I do my exercises here, I don't need to go there......".

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I tried to do the voice of reason: but your room exercises are not enough, because last winter your legs got weak and you fell over many times. Yujiro is worried about you. You should go, just once a week in winter and exercise and enjoy it. Just once a week, it's easy in the bus.
etc
etc
etc

And then I stood up, put my dinner plates away, swept the cats off chairs and left the kitchen before I got too angry and frustrated.

No..................................;-(

This mixture of pride and false sense of abilty, mixed with the dementia is SO bloody hard.

Just talked to Dear Son on the phone and he advises leaving the topic alone. Hoping she will forget the negative feeling. And then getting her ready again next week...next Monday morning the whole Getting Ready thing again...or what? Refusal to go?
I can't actually do that at the start of MY working day. I was 5 minutes late for class this morning anyway, can't be late again next week.

I wonder if we should get the day service manager to come in and talk to Okaasan again - persuade her to try again, or try a different exercises class?

Aghhhhh..... bloody hell.

I knew it of course. No matter how much we all strived to set it up and get her there - the real task is getting her to continue going...

Disappointed.

So. Yes :-)

Finally. Almost 4 years to the day since Okaasan came into our lives - we get her set up for outside care help.
Only once a week for now - that's the level of care she qualifies for at the moment - but it's a start.

He goes off for 10 days ski work from tomorrow ;-( and I have a week of end of year parties, two dental appointments and all sorts of other stuff - so the help is very needed.

Monday morning the sled will arrive and take her away to a pink palace of fun and stimulation. And bring her home again in late afternoon. She'll have lunch there too (and hopefully it'll be so big she won't need me to cook dinner...).
And we've ordered in Tuesday to Friday lunchbox delivery for her - this time from the convenience store 7-11. He took her yesterday to buy new slippers for the day service center. On Monday morning, before I go to work, I'll get her ready to go...

So, I have to do dinners, and underwear washing, and room cleaning, and dinner chats, and money supervision...and try to get her out for a walk sometimes.

AND my usual end of year over busy schedule......

He says the contract signing went well. This time 3 people came and talked about how it will all be etc. Okaasan seemed positive about it and even noticed with excitement that the day service center has flower arranging. But when the service staff asked Okaasan whether she ever falls down, she denied it and wasn't happy to be corrected by her son in front of strangers...
And later I found a toilet accident on the floor that she'd tried to hide....
So - we SO need this outside care. I hope that eventually they will be able to talk to her about diapers etc...I hope.

But. I am happy. I have done it. I have brought about another level of care for us all. Now the outside world knows about Okaasan and her family (well of course YOU all know!!!!) - and we can get help in future.

And. Are you sitting down? I think you should....

Tomorrow Oyomesan is going for a cooking lesson.
A Japanese food cooking lesson.......
In fact: a Japanese, traditional New Year food cooking lesson!!!

Yup. I'm gonna try and do it this year. I'm not lazily ordering from the store. I am going to try and create seasonal magic out of vegetables, soy sauce and a huge amount of sugar.
The friendly cooking teacher in my gym has invited a friend and I to go cooking in her apartment Sunday morning - both of us foreigners with Japanese families.
I am actually looking forward to this. Teachers love to be on the other end of learning - and I really would like to know the mystery of how to make something that resembles a traditional, Japanese dish.

New Year food - if I learn to make even 10% of this, I'll be happy...

4 years ago Okaasan was able to show me a little, 3  years ago she was more confused and unable - it was the terrible 5 hours cooking saga that left us both knackered and confused, 2 and 1 year ago I ordered pre-cooked food from the store.

This year? I am going to try and be an Oyomesan. Try.

Hey - guess what? I got a new hair cut. Bravely went to a new hair salon and told them to make me into a new woman....the result...

Now need a facelift to banish those baggy eyes...

A world of opportunities and fun!

Here it comes!!!!



Christmas tree...lease...object...



Up, up and away!

The staff will line up to greet you?

Instructions: Pick-up time and bring your hula dance skirt.

 

Next Monday morning Okaasan's world (and mine!) will change for the better!

Santa's sleigh will arrive outside the front door and whisk her away on a journey of delight and care.

 

HAPPY Christmas!!!

Lights! I see lights!

Actually can't bring myself to finish that tunnel analogy following the terrible tunnel collapse in Japan this week - but you get my feeling.
Tomorrow the day service people will come and make the contract for Okaasan to become a customer.
Yippeee!!!! It's really happening. 
She isn't out the door yet...but soon.
Maybe she can start from next week and go once a week on Mondays to hula dance and chat. A minibus pick up etc.
Oh - sooooooooo goooooood.

He came back from ski work and filled me in, briefly, in the result of last week's meeting. Two men came and chatted. Okaasan repeated the "I moved here over 10 years ago" story - and they sold her the idea of a nice place with hula dance classes for essential exercise in winter.
(I wonder how they sell the place if the old person's hobby is a bit out there i.e. bungee jumping or lap dancing?).
Anyway, luckily for us Okaasan's hobby is a popular choice for wrinklies.

All happening just in time.
The weather is getting a grip and at the weekend he'll go off ski teaching again, maybe 10 days this time :-( My winter widow-time is here.

We'll have to think about how we get Okaasan ready for the bus on Monday, because I will be at work I think. She will need help to get hula skirt and things ready, and to be ready when the mini-bus comes. Maybe I'd better cancel the early afternoon class and come home to supervise her?

Day service visit

They came today.
Came. Talked. Decided something. And left.
And I don't know anything about it!
All I know is there were slippers in the entrance hall, and the evidence of 2 guests drinking coffee or tea in the kitchen....

So frustrating.

He and Okaasan had the meeting with two people from the day service management office. I was at work all day and came home later.
But he's gone off to the mountains to do 4 days ski teaching and Okaasan is in her routine of TV, newspapers and a bit of dinner and chat...and I'm not going to open THAT can of worms with her as a topic.
So - who knows what happened!!!!!

But the setting was perfect for all of them to understand why it is so important to get her signed up for hula classes and lunch etc with lots of other friendly people.
This week we had a blizzard on Tuesday, then rain on Wednesday and sheet ice on Thursday. Okaasan couldn't go out all week. Too dangerous on the roads near the house. Dear Son drove her to the subway station finally to get her out of here.
And then last night the ski school called - sudden late booking for 4 days from a Malaysian family. Want the same teacher. He had to grab his stuff and go to stay tonight near Otaru and the ski area. Tried to move the day service meeting earlier in the day, so he could leave early - but failed.
I'm sure he had his ski stuff in the entrance hall when they came - and was stressing about leaving before dark - so they certainly got a clear idea of this old lady's life....icy roads forcing her inside for a week, a son about to go away working for 4 days...and an absent, working, foreign Oyomesan.

They'd better offer us 5 days of constant day service and rescue her from this hell hole....

;-)

P.S. BIG thankyou for all your votes on my beautiful cherry blossom picture...it's now got 110 votes and is the top picture of New Pictures in the photo competition!!!
...and if you haven't voted yet - click right back to the last post - WOW! - and vote NOW!
In fact go right now to a friend's computer, log in and vote from there too.

Thankyou.....

Now to settle into a weekend of Okaasan care....I have Couch Surfing guests too...and think I might try and get out for a ski myself....oh...and Christmas. THAT is lurking. I should really get stuff set up for the Uk etc....because we all know that last minute panic gets expensive when you have to air mail large presents.

Choosing a day service center

We're at that stage. Finally.
Choosing a day service center.
And learning the difference between Day Care and Day Service. Things we've never, ever thought about.
He got back from his holiday and awaiting for him was the To Do list that every woman has ready for a man.
1.Take car to garage to get summer/winter tires changed.
2. Read the paperwork about day service.
3. Etc
4. Etc

I asked one of my friends (whose parents have used various services) to talk directly to Dear Son: so I connected them up on the telephone and left them to chat about care plans and care managers and how to go about it all. And I chatted to a woman at the gym, whose 89 year old mother-in-law goes to the local center too. All information gathering.

The snow is here - in bits and pieces, but coming for sure. So really it IS time to get Okaasan sorted for winter exercise. She is still going out when the weather is good.  In fact she went off twice last week with the Kawagoe souvenirs to give to the friend in the coffee shop (sweet!), but the time of icy streets and knee deep drifts is hiding down the street and round the corner.

And I discovered why Okaasan has been oddly going out in just a thick cardigan or thin summer coat recently: her warm coat is dirty and needs cleaning. But she hasn't done anything about that, or said anything about it ;-( More and more recently she is failing to take action on a personal need, or express a need. I think I should ask her more directly and try to check if there is something she wants - but isn't telling us.
Many people with dementia start to look dirty and unkempt and I guess it's because they only notice something is dirty when they want to use it, so they don't use it, and then they forget to do anything...and so it goes, on and on.

We had a great long 3-day weekend in Japan. I really needed it after last week. It was also his birthday weekend. My GOD! He is 54 years old....seems very old. Not possible. We did a lot of eating out of BBQ meat, and  plum wine and beer, and hamburgers and ...and ....I need to eat salad this week.

Okaasan wasn't really aware it was her son's birthday. We told her a few times, and we had (another) bottle of cheap BJ at dinner last night and the three of us toasted the occasion. Then I hid the rest of the bottle by my feet, under the table, so that Okaasan wouldn't demand any more alcohol.

So. I hope this week he will investigate the day service and make an application so that Okaasan can start sooooon.

Day 7. Rescue....zzzzzz

I'm not doin' it alone anymore.
He's home from the "ski instructors' meeting in Tokyo", and even remembered to buy a box of cakes made in Okaasan's birthtown Kawagoe. What a Dear Son!!!

He got back just in time. I was exhausted. Still am. Somehow, knowing that rescue is at hand makes the last 24 hours harder.
Okaasan was fine, to be honest. But I was having a busy work week, and what with the weather and the cats and all the other bits of life....shattered.
By the time I got home and got dinner on the table I was almost incoherent. So good to have him chatting along all jokey.

How did Okaasan feel about his week-long absence this time?

Well, in the morning I mentioned that Dear Son was due back around 4 pm.
"Oh? Isn't he back yet?" she said vaguely looking at the calender...

And when he arrived at the door he didn't have his key, so he rang the bell. Okaasan came into the hallway asking: "Who's there?" and opened the door.
"I'm back!"
"Oh, you aren't upstairs?" she replied.

;-)
So, Okaasan not really stressed this time about his absence at all really!
Last year she was more aware of his absence and asked about him several times. Not so this time. Good really. Shows she is basically ok with me looking after her.
And the mystery doorbell ringer didn't make an appearance either.

So. His holiday is over. Before work start at the ski resorts (opening this weekend in Hokkaido!!!), he has important stuff to do. 
Change the car tires for winter. Number 1.
Fill out all the paperwork from the city office for DAY SERVICE. Number 2.

And! Apparently I read the paperwork wrong. Okaasan's level is higher than I thought - meaning even MORE care/service is possible. ;-)
There are two Low Support service levels or 1 and 2, and then the 1-5 of actual Needing Care ranking. Okaasan is Level 1 in the second stage.
Excellent.

And. More good news: yesterday was my final day at the physiotherapist for the latest knee drama. My left thigh muscles are now so super-strong I can maybe do ski jumping on one leg....please come back if you have problems...but continue the exercises at home.
Good.
Now I can get onto the next health problem - I've reached the age where it is all falling apart - next is this potential polyp in my stomach. I need the stomach camera and I've found a hospital where my student swears they will knock me out senseless before forcing tubes down my gullet.
In my working week I don't have time for more than one Japanese hospital wait-for-hours routine - so now the knee is super-strong it is time to move to the next problem....

And. It is a long weekend. Three glorious days of no work. I need it. Rest time. This week was tiring. I need to get energy up for the whole Christmas/End of Year....and I need to ski.....ski ski ski ski....

This is a video of Niseko one of our famous ski resorts earlier this week. Some guys from a local company went up to enjoy first runs in a deserted ski resort with no lifts working. Oh.....look at it...look at that powder....oh....