Weekend outings

Okaasan had a great weekend.
Thanks to me :-)
And, I managed to squeeze in a bit of joy for myself here and there too.

Yesterday took her downtown for walking and lunch.
Luckily managed to find a parking space just in the city center. Okaasan willingly grabbed my hand and off we started. Down the escalator into the underground shopping areas around the main subway station in Sapporo.
Okaasan's walking is bad for sure.
She kind of totters forwards all the time. Walking along the walls, so she can put out her hand to steady herself, and holding onto shop display areas to get along.
Downtown was busy with pre-Christmas shoppers, so it was a bit of a battle to move along. I'd hate to think of her alone in all of that. I agree with Dear Son - she can't do downtown trips unsupervised. Her balance and walking style just isn't great.

Lots of Christmas stuff to look at together, shops and displays. People dressed as Santa handing out paper butterflies, kids and families and music. All very stimulating.
I got Okaasan half way down the shopping arcade and then into an old fashioned restaurant where they had sets of fried oysters, with rice, soup and salad. Packed with families. But fast service. 
Okaasan ate mainly in silence and we chatted a little about the menu, the families and oysters. It was a good noisy place with many things for her to watch.
Then I managed to steer her BACK along the underground shopping street, via a few knickknack shops and a magazine purchase. Thankfully, when we got to the station she suggested herself that we should go home - having forgotten of course that we'd come by car.
I got her back thru the crowds, back to the car and drove home.
Successful. Enough walking for sure for her. After a week of sitting in front of the TV with her muscles doing zero.

Did dinner with her in the evening. Her conversation was very repetitive. I guess the outing was tiring.

Today?
I went skiing at 8 am!

Glorious weather. Great first skiing. This is 1 hour from home. Yes, I live in paradise!

Left Okaasan's lunch on the table and stove. Told her I'd be home by 2 pm.

Home at 2 for the next round of duties.

Today is Election Day in Japan. Nobody knows WHY Japan has an election now. The government decided to call one at the worst possible time - winter and end of year rush for everyone - to get a majority for 3 more years of awfulness.

Okaasan wanted to vote. She thinks it is important.

So I drove her down to the local elementary school and took hand again to take her inside. Took her up to the first sign-in counter, then pointed her on the next step round the voting area.

I can't vote in Japan. Lived here more than 20 years. Pay all my taxes etc. Own my own business. Can't vote.

I stood back at the entrance area and watched Okaasan go round the voting booths and boxes. There were two areas - maybe one is for the city and one is for national? When Okaasan got to the second area she seemed stuck in the booth for a looong time.

I didn't want to cause a voting center crisis by crossing the floor to enter the important area. Foreigners are probably banned from coming within 3 meters of a voting box - so I waved at one of the staff to go and help her. He presumably knows how much help he is legally allowed to give a confused voter....

Not sure what her confusion was. But she emerged a  few minutes later all smiley. Hope she didn't vote for 3 more years of the awfulness. 

She complained that she has a sore on her foot...I'll have to check that later.

Back in the car I casually asked if she needed any shopping. She asked to go to Macdonalds for coffee time. I delivered her there, then made an excuse and rushed home to clean her room.

BIG side effect of our new regime is that if Okaasan is always out WITH me, I can't get into her room to clean. So it was a chance. Otherwise I have to rush in while she is in the toilet...

Dirty clothes, old lunchboxes, newspapers, peanut shells...

45 minutes later I picked Okaasan back up from Macdonalds and politely turned down her offer of something to drink...cos back home at the end of all of this was a student's home made brandy plum wine.

As I backed the car out of the car park Okaasan said: "Oh...there is XX Supermarket. I could go there for a while, couldn't I?"

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

You can't.

I gave you 3 hours of my time yesterday. Now 90 minutes more. Plus two dinners. You are not going to wander round the supermarket too.

Of course I didn't say it like that. Just mentioned her painful foot and how it was best to rest it etc How the helper on Wednesday will take her to the supermarket etc.

Brought her home.

In the hallway was some election paper. Okaasan looked at it. "Oh, the election. I should vote today?"

You did. Already. You did. You did.

Time to break open the brandy plum wine.

And relaaaax.

The excuse.......

Why didn't Okaasan want to go out last Wednesday with the day helper?

She says: I didn't need any shopping, I didn't realize it was a walking chance. I thought it was a shopping trip.

Ladies and Gentlemen in the blogging gallery! What do we think of that excuse?
Does it sound possible? Does it sound credible? Does it cut the mustard?

Hmmm....
Dear Son buys it. Maybe because he'd rather that story be the reason than accepting the depressing possibility that we're going to have to struggle with Okaasan over these day care visits. Again.

I don't buy it. Cos I'm a suspicious, nasty woman.

Okaasan has never turned down the chance to go out shopping. She adores shopping. Supermarkets and department stores are her playland.

But ok. We'll accept it for now and play along. All smiles. Stop the headbanging. 
DS says he'll write a note for Okaasan reminding her that Wednesdays are walking/exercising trips out and that she should go for the sake of her health.

And now he's left again for a other week of ski work.

** Last night I had a restless night with hungry cats demanding breakfast at 4.20 am. Got back to sleep and dreamt: Dear Son and the care helper were in the kitchen (this is cos he and I were talking about it all last night in the kitchen).
Suddenly I looked up and realised the helper was my old boss from a few years ago. A woman who buggered me around over a business chance and I escaped her craziness by quitting my job...two days later my best mate in the office also quit her job and we spent Xmas holidays commiserating with alcohol all over town.

Anyway - THAT woman was working as the day helper! And in my dream I am pleading with DS:"Nooooo!!! I can't accept HER in my home as the helper!!! Nooooo. We have to talk!!"

:-)
Today is Saturday.
Time to saddle up for Oyomesan Duty and take Okaasan out for a walk....and a bit of shopping. And lunch.
She hasn't walked for 7 days. Sat on the carpet and watched TV for 7 days. I can't let her walk alone somewhere, I'll have to be with her and make sure she is safe.

Off to work.

...and that would be a "No"...

Trip out for shopping and walking with a day service helper?

Nope. Niet. No thankyou.

That would be a "no".

Sounds of Oyomesan banging head on wall....

I kind of suspected it when I got home last night. There didn't seem to be any new food packaging in the kitchen or Okaasan's room. The front door key and shopping money was missing from the day service helper report file.
I couldn't quite decipher the helper's scrawlings...
Okaasan? She nodded when I asked her if she'd been out shopping. No hope of information from her. She probably also believe she had a bath and cooked her own lunch....

So, this morning after I got Okaasan into a bath, I could rush into her room for a quick clean and hunt. I found the key and money envelope in her handbag. There were no new food packaging around.
Took the scrawlings to classes and asked a student to decipher them.
As I thought: "Mrs N said it was too cold to go out, and that she didn't need any shopping. So I just chatted to her. But I couldn't find the key or the money. And the file was in the entrance hall". That was the helper's report.

Yeah. Right. Too cold. And have enough shopping?
More likely: didn't want to be taken out by a helper. Didn't want to feel that she needed an outsider's help. Didn't want to waste money on a taxi.
If Okaasan is given any chance to go out she usually grabs it. Can be dressed and ready in minutes if she wants to go.

Aghhh.....

Really makes me want to bang my head against a wall.
But also, I'm not surprised.
Okaasan is so so so bloody independent. She doesn't see WHY she would need a stranger to come to the house and TAKE her somewhere at all. She doesn't know/remember that she hasn't been out of the house since the weekend. Doesn't think she needs exercise - because she firmly believe she is doing the Nishi-guru exercises every day on the carpet to keep her muscles in tone.

So. No thankyou.

Going out with me or Dear Son is different. It's a family together outing - in her mind at least. Maybe...maybe over time she can build a relationship with the helper and think that going out with them is fun. But I am pretty sure at the moment she isn't positive about it.

Dear Son - on the phone from his icy and rainy ski resort - said he will talk to her when he comes home tomorrow night. Talk to her about how fun and good it would be to go walking to the supermarket.
But of course that is fine for tomorrow. Come next Wednesday, when he is away working again....will Okaasan be any more welcoming to the helper?

Bangs head on wall.

And if we go to the trouble of setting up a DVD player on a timer...will she join in the exercise DVD? Or would she just say: "I learned all about that years ago. I don't need a video. I do my own exercises.". And probably unplug the player.??

This kind of thing just makes me feel: why bother? Why don't we just give her some food, clean her room, take her out a bit. And just let her age and be as she wants. Leg muscles weakening and mind freezing into inactivity.
Like that hit movie: Let it go!  I feel like running to the top of a snowy mountain and raging against the storms....

Winter Week 1

Hey!
Truckin' into the first full week of Winter Care on Okaasan and Me.

All going well.
The snow arrived - not a lot at the moment, maybe 5 cm, so the roads are icy and dangerous.
NOT the conditions for Okaasan to go walking. Luckily though, she understands that and doesn't seem to be keen to go out at all. I come home and she has switched on the porch light, closed her room curtains and has settled in for the evening.

A year or two ago I'd often come home about 5 pm and Okaasan would then start stirring to go out - of course it was far too dark/cold/icy - but this year she is less interested, maybe less confident, about going out for walks alone. So she'll be down to the twice a week outings: with day care helper on Wednesdays and me on the weekends.
( And no, I haven't forgotten about the Nishi-guru exercise DVD looping idea - just haven't had the time to set it up...)

It's good that Okaasan isn't wanting to go out alone. Before Dear Son left for ski work last week he and I talked about whether I should be hiding Okaasan's shoes to prevent her from trying to leave the house...but it seems there is no need because she is staying put in front of the TV.

This week?

I had Japanese test on Sunday afternoon. With hundreds of eager young Chinese students. Waaay above my level. Level 3. I knew it, and from the very first page of questions it was clear. So I just relaxed and enjoyed ticking random circles on the answer sheet...picking my way thru the stuff I could do as a language practice.
Listening section no problem. Reading and grammar - whooooaaaa!!!
It's ok. I haven't studied hard at all this autumn. So now I know what Level 3 demands. Maybe I'll try next year.

If there was a test in practical language ability I'd ace it. In the past few weeks I've done the following in Japanese:

* entertained and managed the life of an elderly lady.
* interviewed and arranged classes for a prospective student
* negotiated and booked a movie theater for a documentary screening next year (more on THAT later)
* given the Japanese language test room staff a blasting for being noisy during the first part of the test...

Yes. The test staff. They were tramping up and down the classroom during the first 15 mins of the grammar section - shuffling papers, clattering pens on the table and generally failing to Keep Quiet in the Test Room. So, in the break time - I complained to them. In perfectly ungrammatical, but getting-the-message-across Japanese!!
Cos I am bossy. Sadly, got that trait from my mother...

Anyway.
Okaasan and me.
Doing fine.
She had lunch box deliveries. Dinner with me on Sunday and Monday night. A bath on Sunday.
Dinner chat about Kyoto and wartime food. If students give me some Japanese snacks as souvenirs from a trip, I leave them on the kitchen table because then I can use them as a prop to get Okaasan talking about the place they come from.

Yesterday I had my first year end party with students. A friend came in to feed the cats in the evening. She could access the cats upstairs without disturbing Okaasan downstairs.

I left curry in a pan on the cooker. With a box of pre-cooked rice. As I was leaving the house at 10 am I wasn't sure that the food would keep hot in the food flasks until 6 or 7 pm.
So, somehow Okaasan would have to heat it up herself. Her ability on heating up food is hit and miss: sometimes ok, sometimes half heated, sometimes the food is forgotten in the microwave within a minute or two of her putting it there.

At 6 pm I found a quiet spot near the shoe lockers of the party restaurant to call Okaasan and tell her that I was out - so sorry etc - your dinner - DS's famous home made curry and rice - is on the cooker. Sorry. See you later.

At 7 pm I escaped the party again and by the shoe boxes checked in with Okaasan...
Dinner? No, I didn't eat dinner. I was watching Tv....oh...wait a moment...what's this...oh...curry...yes, I ate curry...here it is...

I got home just after 10 pm and could smell the burned saucepans from the entrance hall. Two burned pans. She'd cooked rice with water in one pan. And next to her sleeping form I spotted the other pan: burned curry and a bowl of half eaten curry.

Oh well. She ate something. For one night it is ok. Six years ago, when DS rescued Okaasan from her chaotic home in the Tokyo suburbs, he found many burned pans in her kitchen. She really can't do cooking or reheating. She knows there is a microwave and sometimes uses it...or pans, and burns the food. That's why we bought a cooker that cuts out when the heat gets too hot, or if the pan is not moved for an hour.

Sigh. Oh well. 
Time to start pan scrubbing.

But today! Day care day!!! Yippeee!!!
Now I only have to worry about leaving my kitchen in clean enough state that the helper lady isn't shocked about my housekeeping level.