Too difficult for hospital...

The hospital is complaining.
They've asked us to take Okaasan home for a night. In the hope that it will ease her aggression/stress/anger.

Dear Son got the phone call yesterday and went in to talk to the doctor and nurses.
They said that the physical therapy is progressing. But she still can't stand or walk alone. So they have taken her to the toilet by wheelchair and lifted her on and off the toilet twice. And she is diapers, of course.

But. She is noisy and difficult. Banging her hand on the wall by the bed. Aggressive with the nurses. Shouting.

Of course.


They suggested she comes home tomorrow for one night. To give her (and them) a break.

We are in a whirl of wondering. And heavy feeling.

Will one night at home make any difference?
Would Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon be better? 2 nights?
Will we be able to get her back to the hospital?
Is it actually NECESSARY that she goes back to the hospital?
Special taxi and driver with a wheelchair.
How to get a wheelchair into the house.
Toileting......
Should she sleep on the floor (as usual), or the sofa? Or we should get in a bed?
Toileting......protecting the flooring/carpet/sofa.....
Could she transfer to another, more dementia-experienced facility? 
Could she be at home, here - with a physical therapist coming every day?

Dear Son will be calling the day service manager today for advice....

His difficult bike taxi customer leaves today. Finally. He was looking forward to a few days of normality and rest. No chance.

Aghhhhhh...

This is a smallish hospital. Orthopedics. Mainly neck and back. Many elderly patients, of course. But they don't have special staff for dementia and psychological support. The nurses are busy.
As Okaasan's pain subsides and she begins to feel better - she is getting more questioning about her situation.... questioning which is frustration and aggression. She can't remember the calm reasoning anyone gives her and she doesn't do much to ease her own stress.

Anyone in hospital usually arranges their time to while away the hours. A bit of TV, a book, a letter, a visit, sleep, some food, physical therapy, checks...but someone with dementia doesn't. She frets and stews and stares at walls, listens to conversations....turns away magazines and the tricky TV earphones.....doesn't chat to other patients.....living only in the moment of self-unhappiness.

And it's coming our way...tomorrow or Friday.....

Stay tuned.

Black Sunday

Knackered.
Have to go to work today...and the next 5 days.
Spent a lot of emotional energy yesterday...

We visited the hospital at lunchtime. While he parked the car and went on upstairs, I went to a local cafe to get a choice of coffee or a cocoa, and a nice cake for Okaasan. Try to take her something nice everytime.

A few minutes later I arrived in the ward room. Okaasan was the only patient - the other 3 bed were empty and clean.

And fury was in the air. She was NOT happy - she was angry - at everything we did or said. The fury. The aggression. Anger. Rudeness. Raw emotion sitting in a wheelchair.

DON'T sit there!
Don't move that chair!
Hmm. Coffee? Cocoa? Both.
Don't put your bag there.
Don't use that trash bin.

DON'T!
It's itchy on my back. What's this thing round my body. I want to go to the toilet. What's this. Don't.

Such a change. We'd left her Saturday afternoon all smiley and pleased to have seen us.
And come on Sunday to this.

I got riled up too. I couldn't help it.
Dear Son put a warning hand on my arm....I went to walk around the corridor with my coffee. I Reset and went back. 

DON'T walk around the hospital like that with a coffee cup!
DON'T put the lid there!

It's impossible to fully get over the shock of seeing someone so different. So much anger, where usually there is none. 

I left again. Blood boiling. Went to the toilets downstairs.
Came back.

She was talking about the itchy feeling of the corset and wanting to go to the toilet. Dear Son trying to explain that she couldn't GO to the toilet - she was wearing diapers and a urine tube and bag. Trying. Anger. Wanting to defecate. Badly.

We left her. Hoping that without us sitting by the bedside she would defecate. 

Stood in the rain in the parking area wondering what had hit us. Was she alone in the ward because she'd turned difficult and the nurses had moved other patients? Or was that just a coincidence of hospital admin?

We went to lunch. Tried to Reset. Exhausted. Dear Son had a whole thing about whether he was bike taxi working or not, whether the rain would stop.

One hour later we went back to the hospital.

She was in bed. The anger was gone. Replaced with whimpering sadness and irritation about the itchy feeling.

I'd bought a back scratcher. While DS  paced the room I sat at the bedside and tried to scratch inside the back of the corset. Okaasan endlessly telling me to take it off and check her skin for redmarks. I sat and talked comforting, kind words. On and on....she calmed.
I got one of her magazines and held it over the bed, showing her pictures of old Tokyo - asking her about places in the city. Scratching. Talking. Calming.

It was a relief. She had returned. That other person, the anger person. Gone.
I guess everybody who lives with dementia in the family has this experience? Seeing a whole OTHER side to the person they know? It's amazing. Scary and confusing.

20 minutes later DS wandered off to the toilet. Okaasan heard the word "toilet" and started getting agitated. Flapping her hands on the bed, whimpering...stress building.

I asked the nurses to come and a team of three went into action behind the curtains to help Okaasan. We stood in the corridor and wondered when this will all come right...when will she be able to come home?

She HAS started physical therapy. End of last week. She had talked happily about the nice therapist. Obviously a positive experience. Will she be able to stand and start walking this coming week? 

We left. In the rain. Exhausted by the two hospital visits.
Went home to finish cleaning Okaasan's room and clothes. Watched a video. Ate steak for dinner.

And now a week of work begins.

Ho hum.

All hanging on...and on...

SO sorry. It's been almost a week.

You are probably starving in front of your computer screen, drooling slightly with screen-stare waiting for the updates on this situation? Sorry!

The week kind of imploded. Just busy and exhausted. Nothing to do with Okaasan. Work and stuff. And tired. I can't do life on lack of sleep and our current schedule of DS working until late and coming home at 9.30 pm to watch Tv and drink beer...and that bookended with early summer sunrise and cats wanting breakfast at 4.15 am.....

I was zombiefying. I even  slept one night at the classroom. I was probably on the futons on the classroom floor by the time the student had reached her car....desperate for sleep.

Now ok.

So Okaasan.

She is still in hospital. She is wearing a corset and we hope that next week thy will get her standing and walking...and that Coming Home can be in sight.
Mentally she is ok. Calmed down a bit. Every single day we have  to tell her why she is there. The whole story of why she is in this place and why it is important to take care etc etc.
She kind of accepts it enough when we are there. We take in snacks she likes. Tell funny stories about the cats. Make sure her TV is working. Try....

She looks better. Hair washes and  showers from the nurses. Sleeping better I expect - at home she sleeps in front of the flickering TV, which can't be good for her brain. In hospital it must be an almost dark, quiet room. Maybe better quality sleep? I hope so.

And tonight Dear Son and I have dinner alone time. It's rained all day, so his job was cancelled and we are going to pig out on tacos shells stuffed with meat, cheese and all sorts of goodness.

Tomorrow I will continue and maybe finish the big cleaning on Okaasan's room.

And we hope she will come home...soon....really.....

Boning up on...vertebral compression fracture.

That's what Okaasan has got.
My new word of the week. Or, collection of words.

This week she's got one. And she has had two others - sometime in the past. 

Kind of amazing this. I didn't know that elderly, and specially women, can have spinal bone fractures as the back bones weaken and crumble. And some people don't even know it's happened, they just feel a bit sore in the back for a day or two...and carry on.

Okaasan has falls. Maybe about two a year...or so. The front door step. While out walking. The subway station area. I guess there is damage inside that we don't know about.

Dear Son has told the doctor that they should get her fitted up for a soft-type corset and get her able to stand and walk the toilet again - and then send her back to the living family. Hopefully after the carpet comes back from dry cleaning.


I visited her yesterday, we both visited her today.

She was in a much better way mentally and physically. Able to sit up in bed and wheelchair. Had enjoyed a shower by the nurses on a special shower bed. Had clean hair. Enjoyed ice cream and bits of hospital food. Watched a bit of Tv.

But she IS ansty. Wants home badly. She told me yesterday she was going to leave - BIG whisper about that - without the doctor or Dear Son knowing. Don't think she actually will escape from the hospital, because she is there in bed and has no idea where to go from a 4th floor ward!!

She gets stroppy with us for speaking too loud, or too quiet. Or other people having visitors. Or the food cutting style. Or...whatever. 

But much brighter. Stronger. Less pain. maybe.

So. We enter the second week since the accident. Hope they will get her up out of bed this week. I can't go to visit so much because of work, luckily Dear Son is in that direction every day.

Thankyou for all your comments and support! Real people are out there. It still surprises me that this blog thing reaches people out there in internets-land. I'm bad at replying to comments, but I do read them and enjoy. Thankyou.

Going to sit myself down with a blue cheese salad, some alcohol and the final season of Breaking Bad on Netflix. So ends my week :-)