My beautiful laundrette

Thankyou all!
I've been off doing something called Life. Hadn't checked in here for a while, and Comments Awaiting Moderation hadn't forwarded into my email - so there was a little rush of friendly comments when I just logged in here.
Thankyou :-)

And here we are - getting into December and all the usual end-of-year panic.

And.

Skiiiiiing...................................................

Back at the ranch of underpants and old newspapers: Okaasan had a laundry day. A very rare occurrence.

A year? Maybe 2 years ago - she would take some of dirty clothes into the bathroom, either when she was having a bath, or just to do laundry. She'd hand wash everything and rinse them in the bath and spin dry them in the machine. Then she would take the clothes in a bowl into her room or outside to the line and ever so carefully hang them up to dry. Later take them down and fold them up, unfold and refold several times...and leave them around her room to get mixed in with the remaining dirty clothes...

Now: the clothes mount up in the two laundry boxes in her room, and around on the sofa and carpet and table. I sweep in when she is out and grab what I can to do it all in the washing machine and hang them up upstairs in our apartment. I iron/fold and give them back to her. Very occasionally she will wash a pair of underpants, or wash stuff at day care and bring it home wet in a plastic bag.....to be forgotten for days unless I happen to hunt thru the bag.

Last week I tried a different tactic: "Oh Okaasan! Look, your wet clothes from day center! In a bag! What shall we do? Do you want to wash them?"

"Wash clothes? It's too cold...."

I heated the kitchen and bathroom.

"Wash clothes now?"

I gave her the washing powder and bowls.

I put the bags of wet knickers on the carpet in the entrance to her room.

And finally she did.

I say finally, because it turned into a two or three hour event: first she got dressed, then she sorted thru ALL her clothes and tried to decide what was dirty. Then she opened the bags with a few knickers in them, and lots of other stuff and set to on an orgy of handwashing and rinsing and hanging.

Really: hours. I left for work. I left her lunch flasks out. Dear Son came home from ski teaching and Okaasan was still doing it all.

I thought I was encouraging her to just open the bags and wash the few knickers. But once she got the idea of "laundry" in mind she was locked into the Full Wash Cycle. Couldn't stop once started.

It was good for her: mentally and physically. I should prompt her to do it more often. Really. In fact, it made me admit to myself that she should be having a bath at home (and doing laundry) at least once a week. Since she started daycare we haven't been bothering to get her to bath at home. Twice a week she goes to day care. But, we should be making her bath at home at weekends when we are around to check safety etc. We really should. She sits and stares at the Tv for so many hours.

Apart from that? I took her twice to the local supermarket and left her wandering around inside for an hour, with instructions to phone us when she was ready to come home. 

Her legs are so much weaker. She walks with a shopping trolley for support. She complains about knee pains. So different from the hours and hours downtown she was doing earlier this year.

Maybe another trip to the laying on of hot hands and chatting treatment?

Actually, although I am still a skeptic about it - I went back to that place myself last week. I had some scary repeats of my thigh earthquakes. Was it stress or dehydration? Don't know. But the young woman with hot hands and a sympathetic ear made me relax.

maybe Okaasan should go back.

:-( Toilet problems are increasing....

The towel that Okaasan is using under her body when sleeping is wet with urine almost every day. I've bought a bedsheet from the drugstore, it looks enough like a sheet that hopefully she won't know what it is for and refuse to use it. It soaks in urine and can be washed easily. ;-(

Reset to normal

After weeks of physical and mental stress all round- just a normal week.
As normal as it is to track someone with GPS and fetch 'em back from the local shopping center by car; wash their underpants while you are showering and scavenge around their room for forgotten food wrapped in old newspapers!

Okaasan's leg pains have stayed away and she went walking alone locally. Went to day service center...almost willingly. There is another member who is kind of bossy and Okasan doesn't like her - so she has to be reassured that "THAT woman isn't there today" and for their part of the center staff are trying to keep the offending person away from Okaasan more.

I'm standing aside and letting Dear Son tell Okaasan about day care at the moment. Then I help with the final 5 minutes of packing the bag. She is getting worse at this: deciding what to take and finding it and putting it in the bag. The center have actually asked us to pack stuff secretly and just give it to the driver - obviously Okaasan has turned up at the center with random stuff in her bag.

On Sunday I took Okaasan to the hair salon by car. First time for her downtown for ages. She walked ok from the parking area to the salon - a bit weakly, but ok. I hope the trip doesn't jog her memory of how fun downtown can be so that she tries to go there alone by subway - fetching her home by car from local shops is easy. Downtown will be a hassle.

Debating taking the old people's subway pass OUT of her bag, so she would be flummoxed at the subway station and give up on the idea...

* Laundry.  I tried to give Okaasan some newly washed underpants and the hanger - to encourage her to hang up her own washing for the mental exercise...she used to spend hours doing this. But...she just glanced at it, thanked me and her attention went back to the TV. 24 hours later the laundry was unhung...she'd climbed over the bowl several times..and I did it myself.
She used to do so much of her own laundry and take interest and pride in hanging it just so. Now that has almost gone as an activity.

* Hallucinations? Last night Okaasan called Yujiro to catch "those moving things!"on her carpet. Turned out to be pieces of black paper. She was convinced they were moving...

:-) But generally, she is much better mentally - all good as the temperatures drop and the bad weather of autumn and winter comes.

+ My leg pains???? Haven't come back yet!!! Did that mysterious, off-the-wall treatment work? Am I thinking it might work, so it works? Don't know. But happy not to have spasms.

So happy in fact...that.....

I bought a kayak!

Yes. I am mad. But a nice Canadian guy came to show me his old kayak and I fell in love right there in the street with the thing...and it was only Y10,000 (with an old lifejacket and spray skirt included)....so I bought it.

The cat approves.

Now. That car. You may notice...kind of small.

I didn't notice.

Have now had a few days of worry - will the kayak fit ON the car roof? Will every police patrol car in Hokkaido home-in on me and set up road blocks to happiness?

The Suzuki dealer guy had his mind a bit blown by my question: "an Alto Eco and a KAYAK?????", but the measurements are just about ok, and the police website maybe says it is ok.

Next stop will be an outdoor/car accessories shop...

October...November...hmm...can I squeeze in a kayak debut before the snow comes?

Every dementia guidebook for carers says: you should develop an interest away from the caring. You will need it for your sanity. Too right. I do.

Oyomesan is on holiday from tomorrow for a few days: heading to Japan. Real Japan on my own for a trip. Kyoto - Imperial Palace Tour AND gonna dress up as a maiko.....oh yeeees.

See you soon.

Dementia care ideas

Came across two interesting media reports this week about dementia care.

The BBC had this report about dementia dogs - like guide dogs for blind people, but dogs to live with dementia sufferers and help them thru the day with gentle reminders about eating and medicines, and a focus to talk to and walk with.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-23277537

Wonder if we could train our cats to do this with Okaasan? Come and paw her arm when it's time to go out for a walk? Nudge her about going to the toilet? :-)

The other report, is on CNN - about a wonderful care community in Holland - a real COMMUNITY - a home designed around a courtyard of shops and hairsalons, seating and public spaces, where all the staff "act" as shop assistants etc to the residents who come out and walk the community every day. Sort of like the Trueman Show, that Jim Carrey film. Seems wonderful. Giving dementia people the feeling that they are independently doing normal things, but within a controlled environment.

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/07/11/world/europe/wus-holland-dementia-village/index.html

Interesting stuff.

Meanwhile here, Dear Son remembered to take Okaasan to the dentist again this morning. Getting her out so early was a bit hard. She fussed about stuff endlessly.

But it's a good week : I took her to the hair salon on Sunday, Monday she stayed home and Tuesday she went to day service. Life ongoing. I feel we are giving her the safe routines.

Laundry: when we first came to live here Okaasan was always doing her personal laundry, pants and things. Now she sometimes starts doing it - but leaves the wet clothes in the bathroom or in her room on the floor, or she puts clothes in plastic bags "for later". I'm doing 95% of it now.

What am I doing?

We've all had those moments: What am I doing?


In the supermarket, in the upstairs bedroom/store room, in the garage...that blank moment when you think: now, why did I come here? What am I doing?


I saw Okaasan having a chain of blanks the other day as the summer routine of Hanging Out Laundry foxed her.


The weather has been shite until now. There were even tulips in snow in east Hokkaido last week, so hanging laundry outside in Sapporo hasn't been possible for almost 6 months.
I've done most of the laundry for us and Okaasan, hanging it upstairs and giving Okaasan back piles of dried clothes.


But Okaasan loves hanging out laundry. It is one of the few domestic activities she actually seems to enjoy and do with care. 
Outside her living room, big sliding doors is a large cement step leading down to the garden, and the laundry stand is set up there, kind of in full view of everyone who walks by in the street, but it is the sunniest place.
In summer Okaasan slides open the window/door on the left and puts on outside slippers, steps out and hangs laundry with precision. Her laundry. My laundry. The neighbors' laundry, if she had the chance.
Nobody hangs laundry like Okaasan. There is a system for it all.


But 6 months have passed.
The other day I gave her a bowl of clean and damp panties and one of those circular peg frame-things, so she could welcome spring by pegging out her own laundry for the first time this year.
She pegged them in the room. On the indoor clothes stand.
Then stood. And stood some more, looking at them. Looking at the half-closed curtains. Standing some more.
From afar in the kitchen I realized: no outdoor slippers! 
I rushed to get them from the house entrance cupboard.
Burst into Okaasan's room and gave them to her. Showed her how to open the window, showed her the slippers and the laundry stand outside.
She looked as though it was all first time.
Those slippers? Using that door? That laundry stand? 
Can I go outside wearing my nightdress like this?
Yes, yes! You can, you do, the neighbors don't mind! You did this last year every day didn't you? 


But of course she didn't remember.
A blank about how to go about the hanging stuff outside routine.


Finally she got the ..hang... of it and stepped outside to set about lining up corners and hanging it all just-so, eyeing my badly hung laundry nearby as usual and waiting till I'd disappeared upstairs to rearrange things.
Back on track for a summer of laundry hanging.


But strange and sad: a small, pleasurable routine which seemed to be a blank till she was reminded how to put the essential elements together.
I've read about this, how dementia sufferers lose the ability to do familiar routines...bit by bit...so that in the end teeth brushing or putting on clothes is a mystery.
Okaasan is far from that, I think, but it was definitely a blank moment.
I have this laundry on these pegs...there is something about outside and sunshine...and the window...and outside...and this laundry.

One pair of knickers at a time..

Progress...slowly...on the laundry system with Okaasan.


Used to be that we could only get her dirty laundry by sneaking into her room while she was out, whisking it away (at arm's length) into the washing machine, drying it upstairs in our apartment, and then sneaking it back into her room again - artfully scattering knickers in piles where she might come across them.
If I asked about doing laundry for her she'd say there was none to do, and then wash two pairs of knickers by hand while 25 others festered in one of two laundry boxes in her room. And I do mean festered...


This winter this system was getting harder because she didn't go out so much and sneaking in to the clothes store room while she was in the other room watching TV was TOO risky.


So I bravely stepped up the Help Action: marching into her room all brightly with a half filled basket of dirty clothes and asking if she wanted to put anything in the machine "because it is SO hard to do hand washing in winter isn't it!".
A few times she got in the "no laundry to do" excuse and I left it seconds too late to override that and march in and grab the stuff. against her will. Not that brave.


But generally it is working. I follow up the offer quick enough with a "let's have a look to see if you have anything".
This morning I got into the living room with the bright: "got any laundry for the machine?" and as she was muttering about laundry and standing up I moved quickly towards the door into the other room and got her to follow me inside where I pointed out the two laundry boxes...both sitting innocently covered with old newspapers...and Lo, and Behold! - opened up to reveal the usual army of knickers and pajamas.
I stood there with the laundry cue basket and she picked thru her bits put them into my basket...everytime she looked like she was hesitating I cheerfully gabbled on about how BIG the wonderful washing machine is "yes, yes - give it all to me!!"...and the other basket and finally out to the laundry room.
"When I was young we didn't have washing machines, we did it by hand" said Okaasan a little embarrassed, and I gave her the reassurances that it is "SO hard to hand wash in winter and you were sick last week and didn't have time to do it all did you etc etc etc".


An hour later I gave her back a bowl of 5 pairs of pants and a set of pajamas and a circle clothes hanger....and took the bulk of the stuff to dry upstairs. Thought it best to let her hang up some of the stuff - it took her ages...because the clothes drying rack in her room is covered with everyday clothes...well, if summer T-shirts and hula skirts can be counted as everyday wear in February.


It is sort of working as a system. When the bulk of the stuff is dry I will give it back to her.


Letting me do her personal laundry MUST be a slightly embarrassing and I'm trying to make it as unstressy, but no-nonsense firm. Mostly succeeding. But the whole transaction is finely balanced, a moment too late and it is hard to invade her private space and take her dirty clothes...and trying to keep the whole thing light and friendly and done with a feeling of helpful togetherness.
Stretches me as an actress it does!


Meanwhile....

These are Taiwan bananas. Okaasan's absolute favorite. Since before the war. She won't eat any other kind. Tell us all that endlessly. You only have to mention "Taiwan" or "banana" or "fruit" or "yellow" or "monkeys"...(well maybe not all of those words)....and the "Taiwan bananas are the best" story comes out for an airing.

Regular supermarkets don't sell these much, the Philippines and Mexico grow them cheaper. Okaasan is adamant that ONLY Taiwan bananas are worth eating.

Last night I found them in our local, cheapo supermarket. Bought them as a sweet present to my dear Okaasan to make her happy.

Happy???????????? Dream on.

See that hint of green up near the stalks? It is a clear sign that these were picked too early, so they won't be delicious. No, not even if we leave them for a week under the kotatsu . In fact...could it be??...maybe they are NOT Taiwan bananas!!! Maybe the label is a lie! Never have Taiwan bananas been seen with green bits like this. No!

After 4  rounds of THAT conversation I was clearing my lunchtime plates and making kitchen escape plans. Yujiro could zap the offending potatoes in the microwave the other night, I don't think that works with bananas. Maybe a pot of yellow paint would be a good idea!

So much for a nice present of your favorite food. :-((

Takes a lot of patience to be an Oyomesan.

* Good News: I haven't had my leg spasms for two mornings now!! I am drinking a LOT of water and eating almost healthily..and two boxes of chocolate are surviving uneaten. Maybe it IS dehydration? I am thinking of getting a humidifier machine to improve my working air.

Got lots of potassium in the bananas though!

Tis the season to be merry!!!!!

I DID it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am SO pleased and smug and over-joyed with myself. I am wonderful.


Skied today and did the '72 Sapporo Olympic Women's Giant Slalom course (easy side) at Teine Highland.


AND..........................................................


Got Okaasan to help me load about 40 pairs of smelly underpants into a general laundry basket and come with me to the washing machine and put them in it.


VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I think I need a celebration. Oh, I have it. I'm drinking coffee with cooking brandy. At 3 pm. 


The skiing makes me SO happy. I feel glimmers of my former life returning. We went up to Teine Highland, a big ski area up above Sapporo city and did a few easy courses slowly. Then got to the bottom and thought: can do more, my knee is ok. Went up to the top and came down the big main course. This.

SUCH a great feeling. We came down the easy side, turning, turning slowly...but I felt connected to the ski area again...not piddling around on the family course as I did last year. And the knee felt fine. :=) I so, so miss getting out and away from the house and city to DO this. Two years of injury and the year before that we didn't ski much because Yuiro was recovering and Okaasan had just arrived.

AND. Okaasan's underpants. Which will shortly be launching their own blog. And book tour.

I came home all elated from the skiing and seized the day - or the moment - or in this case, the underpants.

Marched cheerfully into Okaasan's room with my laundry basket half-filled.

"Okaasan! Have you got any laundry for the machine?".

There was fumbling around and stalling, and excuses - I do it on a sunny day (yeah right), I prefer to do it by hand (yeah right)...there isn't much to do (yeah right)...I don't do laundry when there is an "R" in the month (maybe true...)...but I followed her into the Japanese-style room where she has two laundry baskets and stood over her - well hopefully beside her encouragingly - while she peered into the smelly depths and started picking out pants after pants and putting them into my basket....yippeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"It's hard to do all that laundry by hand isn't it? The machine is easy! Let me help you! In Hokkaido in winter it's hard isn't it! etc etc"

Then swept away to the laundry machine, with Okaasan trotting behind, and showed her how to put the powder in and switch it on.

Victory! A deep and satisfying victory.

Until now I've basically been too nervous of her reaction to do this. Too afraid of all the excuses. Easier to take the sneak-in-and-grab-it-in-her-absence route.

But. Time has come. I remember an old student of mine, whose mother suffers from dementia. He said that his wife was able to get his mother to do much more than he. "I think she's a little scared of my wife, because she has that hospital professional air about her - even though she's a dietician and not a geriatric nurse". He thought that his wife, as not direct family and with a no-nonsense approach got the old lady to do more in the area of personal hygiene etc.

I've always thought that if I get up enough confidence with Okaasan and vault over the language barrier, I can maybe get her to do things. Just sweep her along with it all.

And today I did it. Maybe by tonight she'll be giving me the scary treatment at dinner. But for now.....VICTORY!

About half the underpants from this week.....

And yesterday: we did another Very Boring Family Outing to a shopping mall. Walked about aimlessly, had a silent lunch ( we are one of those families you see eating out together and not talking) and then a bit more wandering for exercise...and then home.

AND........you can see I am on a high here. Better cut back on the brandy....yesterday I made a traditional English Christmas cake stuffed full of fruits and brandy....from a not-so-traditional recipe off the BBC....I THINK it's turned out ok. This is actually for a class on Tuesday, for the class party, but the extra bits I cooked for us taste great...so maybe I can recommend this easy Christmas cake recipe!

A historic laundry day.

Reached another stage with the laundry.
(Can't believe this topic obsesses me....)


Last night I put all Okaasan's pants (about 20 pairs) and some pajamas in a neat pile and walked into her room and gave them to her.
"Here you are Okaasan! Your laundry! It was drying upstairs. It's hard to wash all of this by hand isn't it!"


Triggered off a volley of "thankyous" from her...and I smiled and left. She sorted through the pants a bit and later took them in her laundry hoarding room. Probably put them straight back in one of the two baskets she uses for dirty stuff...


It IS time. Now with winter and Okaasan not going out for days on end - waiting for a chance to sneak in and remove/return laundry is hard. I've been keeping it at the top of the stairs...and when I hear her going to the toilet I grab some and rush down and throw it onto her sofa with all the other jumbled up clothes.


But. Time to "man up" to this situation and be more direct.
Yes, I come into your room. Yes, I wash some of your laundry. It's hard for you to do all of it. I am helping you.
Not that we had this conversation this time, she didn't debate the point of WHY I had her laundry...this time. But if she does, I'm gonna be as direct as possible. Helping you. We are helping you. I am sure she knows we come into her room and remove laundry, and on some level accepts it. I am hoping! :-)




If we get past this point of US doing her laundry we can maybe progress to going into her room with a laundry basket and asking her to put stuff in it once a week. That would be great. An end to the laundry sneaking.


And in other news...


It is almost certain that one of my Japanese-sisters IS moving to live about 10 minutes away from here in January, with her husband and new baby. They have checked out an apartment near the local station here and are talking a mid-January move.
I'm SO SO delighted. For me of course! I will have a close friend right here nearby. I will get to see her regularly in her new role as mum. I can vent to her about Okaasan...and as she has public health nursing experience...get a semi-professional opinion about Okaasan....
But beyond all that I am looking forward to ambles in the park with the pram...exploring my city with her (and pram)....and spending much more time with one of my favorite Japanese ladies. Years ago we shared an apartment in Saitama....years ago when we were single and carefree....


And...in other news...I treated myself to Christmas lights.....one of my neighbours has some and I liked them...so....it was bloody freezing work to put them up...and the supports of old ski poles etc don't look so pretty in daylight...but at night....ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Laundry basket case

The hours we spent thinking about Okaasan's laundry....


Yujiro realized in the last few days that the reason Okaasan has asked him for money a lot recently is that she had three dry cleaning receipts (furthest back was for August)...so he gave her money, she bought other stuff, and then she rediscovered the receipts and asked for money again....each time she'd forget that he money was for the dry cleaning.


So we took the receipts and I went today to pick up the missing cleaning.
And - managed to get Okaasan to give up that grimy sweater she wears all the time - I spirited it away for cleaning with just a little prompting.


No wonder she wears the same thing - I picked up 5 T-shirts/little sweaters at the shop.


And getting the laundry going in the opposite direction: Yujiro sneaked into Okaasan's store room to return washed clothes to the jumble of stuff on the bed. 
I'm too nervous to do it when she is there next door watching TV...but with all the snow and ice I fear she won't go out for days - so he ever-so-carefully slid open the door from the hallway and sneaked the clothes back onto her bed. She was next door watching TV and never heard him. I doubt she notices that there are suddenly clean pants and pajamas on the bed among all the stuff.


Crazy isn't it! I think the time is a-coming when we should just be more up-front about doing her laundry. March in with a clothes basket and get her to put stuff in it, "it helps you to do it in the machine, instead of by hand doesn't it!" etc - but I'm not quite brave enough to try it.....yet.


And so it goes. Very icy in Sapporo right now, I don't think Okaasan should/will go out walking in this.


I've noticed in the past few days she is looking at the newspaper flyer about dance classes at the culture school....I wonder if she'd like to go?

Fear of the guilty.

Sorry. Been busy. TRYING to get Xmas presents and cards done and sent this year, before the post office has to charge me special prices for a personal jet to deliver each and every single one.

Almost done. Spent some sweaty hours in the shops at the weekend remembering why I hate shopping so much, came home and wrapped it all with the help of cats, and then surprised a rural post office yesterday by telling them there are places - oh wow! - outside Japan to send stuff too....got the counter lady, the manager and their trusty manual to process that transaction...


All quiet at home.
Almost too quiet.
I managed to sneak out laundry from Okaasan's room: the usual 30-40 pairs of urine soaked and smelly pants, some wooly tights, some pajamas, a blouse and a little summer sweater.
Recently at dinner she turned up the cuffs of the sweater and I almost gagged - inside was a murky area of grey/black dirt. Gross. She hasn't washed this for ages...a year maybe? 
She used to wash some clothes, occasionally, or take them to the dry cleaners - HAD to be the cleaning shop way across town near the old apartment.


But recently? I think she hasn't done much laundry this summer. Occasionally a few pants.


It doesn't matter so much. She spends all day in her pajamas and a sweater. She only gets dressed to go out. Doesn't meet anyone anymore. It doesn't matter really if she is a smelly old lady for shop staff and subway passangers.


But...I feel I should try to do some clothes washing. Of course...this is hard ...if I suggest it to her she'll say: "no, no leave it - I'll do it myself later"...and then forget for another 6 months.
Hence: Sneaking Laundry.


But, Sunday night as Yujiro was making dinner, Okaasan shuffled across the kitchen to get a cup of water wearing The Mask. That strange, blank look that she gets. 
Don't want any dinner.


?????????????????


Had she found the missing clothes? Or rather, not found them?
I was in a tizz....had I over-sneaked clothes from her room and now she was angry with me...had I tipped her over into a dark mood?
After our dinner we talked about it safely upstairs. He thought maybe she'd had a toilet accident and was blue, but couldn't tell us. Or had eaten too many snacks by the TV all day and just wasn't hungry.
I wasn't so sure. Nervous that we were heading into scary Okaasan time, with accusations and finger pointing and paranoia. 
Except, it isn't paranoia is it when people ARE coming into your room and sneaking out your clothes!


I wondered how I could shift the laundry-doing  into another mode. Ideally we'd go and offer to do some laundry for her about once a week and take the stuff with her blessing...but I really don't think she will let us do that...yet.
Okaasan is still too aware of herself, thinks she is in control to allow us to "help"...it is a hard topic - how do you "help"/"encourage" the life of someone who thinks they don't need you?
I'm sure she thinks she does laundry - but the boxes of smelly underpants in her room and the soiled, greasy sweaters tell a different story.


But. By Monday morning.　The black mood had passed. The Mask was replaced by a polite, smiling Okaasan again. I continued drying laundry upstairs in our apartment and while Okaasan was out yesterday Yujiro managed to put it all back in her room - spreading the clean stuff around on the bed and sofa and floor so she thinks it was always there.


I feel deceitful doing laundry this way...but I can't see an alternative yet.

Cleaning...to make no difference.

Cleaning a room and making no discernible difference?
I can do it. So far.


This morning Yujiro took Okaasan off for another dentist trip, so I could safely clean in her room knowing she wouldn't suddenly reappear.


The trick to cleaning is: Clean it all and throw away some trash, but in the end it must look as though nothing is changed!


It's a strange thing to be setting aside piles of stuff.... vacuuming the carpet underneath...and then gently putting the stuff all back in place....arranging old shopping receipts just so, the empty plastic bags, advertising flyers etc I could get a job as a set dresser in Hollywood maybe.


In the past Okaasan has got very angry about me going into her room and taking stuff, so I am super-careful that I clean and throw out the really bad trash (rotting food and dirty underwear), but leave a good layer of stuff so she doesn't notice... much.


And yes - she is definitely making a collection of screwed up newspaper or flyers, I found several bags of them today. People make balls of paper to stuff shoes or bags to keep their shape in storage and maybe that's what she is doing. But I am going to ask some of my older students about this, I have a feeling it is something else...some wartime custom...did people stuff balls of newspaper under their clothes for warmth maybe? Why is she rolling up so many balls of paper?


The underwear situation has spread into the living room recently. She always used to put it in one of two laundry boxes in her Japanese-style room. But now I'm finding urine soaked pants in little piles in her living room....if they migrate to the kitchen we may have to build a safety wall.

Golden Week catch-up

I've got a headcold - so haven't been up to any coherent thoughts.

Of course, I now have 4 days off work during the Japanese series of public holidays called "Golden Week" - typical!

I wasn't actually planning anything interesting - just quiet down time at home with the kittens and the garden. Yujiro is starting training and work as a Velo Taxi driver and the weather has FINALLY woken up and geared into spring.

We fixed the front door steps. I'd take a picture - but I just dropped the camera as I was trying to negotiate kittens gate with an armful of too much - and I think I've broken it. :-((

Anyway - cement/fake stones from the homecare center (we seem to spend 90% of our couple time at that place), and $40 later there is a stylish array of half steps for Okaasan to use as she returns from shopping expedititions with her loot.

A slight blip on the event was that Yujiro said airily at breakfast: "I don't think it's necessary, I asked her and she says she is ok on the steps now!".

NO WAY!

I set him straight with on overly direct: this old lady doesn't know what day it is today. HOW can she judge whether she can manage steps of not? She is just being polite and doesn't want to cause a fuss and naturally doesn't want to think herself that her physical condition is not so great. So of COURSE she says: "I can manage, no problem". The reason she is living with us is that WE can make this decisions for her, to make life easier. We can't let her deny she needs help with some things.

It frustrates me that sometimes he wants to take the easy way out, and doesn't want to see his mum as a) a healthy but sometimes physically challenged senior b) a woman with dementia which effects her ability to make judgements/decisions.

Of course he is remembering the young mother who could do anything and the middle aged woman who was fiercely independent. I've only ever known this sometimes befuddled senior. So I am a lot more direct. She couldn't get up the steps the other night. A month ago she fell and grazed and bruised herself badly on these steps. Time to act.

So. The steps got bought and made. Looks good.

We celebrated by actually sitting outside and having our first outside lunch of sandwiches and beer of 2010.

Apart from that.

I've cleaned 37 pairs of Okaasan's pants. Now I have to find devious ways of slipping them back into her room so she can find them when she needs them.

I smelled them first. Sorry....you can imagine. Luckily this blog comes without pictures or smells.

2 days ago I could smell something funny in the hallway. I thought Okaasan had had a toilet accident. But after cleaning the floor the smell persisted.

Then I realized it was coming from the otherside of the door into the tatami room, where Okaasan keeps a lot of clothes and stuff.

I found her dirty laundry basket overflowing with...um....smelly underwear. So I took half of them and hurled them in the washing machine. Dried them upstairs in our apartment...and now I have to get them safely home, a few at a time while she is out. Just leave them on her laundry drying area, on the sofa, on the floor etc.

She does do her own underwear washing by hand, but usually about 4 pairs at a time. She'll never get to the bottom of 40 plus pairs of pants!

But Okaasan is getting into laundry mode again. The good weather means she can hang stuff outside and rehang it to her hearts' content. She did it endlessly yesterday. Our laundry. Her laundry. Our laundry again. She loves hanging laundry.

And she is starting to go out every day again. Walking for a bit late afternoon. And coming home almost on time for dinner. All great.

Time to go. I am cooking her lunch today and while I got it all going she asked me to delay...because she was busy washing more...laundry......

Privacy lines

How much to do you cross privacy lines into some one's life?

I can't decide. And I can't do it!

Yesterday I cheerfully told okaasan that I'd put her piles of wet, handwashed underwear into the gentle spin cycle of our washing machine. She leaves it in a pile in her bathroom sink, or in piles on the carpet in front of the living room heater to dry.

So I whisked it all away and threw it into the machine. Hung it in our living room to dry - we constantly have laundry drying it seems.

Later in the afternoon I unpegged the laundry and as I folded them all up I realized. They were ALL pants! Knickers! 20 pairs of pants....

Since I had washed some only the other day I was amazed. Is she washing them needlessly just because she finds them on her carpet and forgets she's already washed them? Does she have incontinentcy problems?

I discussed it with him. I feel I can't get into this topic with her. Partly my Japanese isn't good enough to do shades of formality/casualness...and partly I just feel she and I don't have that kind of personal relationship. Yet. I guess it's new territory for him too: discussing underwear with your mother!

I really wonder though how much to step into her life. She isn't ga-ga. Forgetful and confused about stuff. Illogical. But not crazy or incapable.

Every morning and evening I march into her home and reset the hot carpets and take out the trash. While she's in the bath I throw away stuff in the kitchen sink and supermarket flyers. I steal her post from utility companies/banks etc so her son can manage her finances. (we noticed with concern the other day that she had info about convenience store cash points...) and I march into her bathroom to set the bath water heating switch.

But I don't know how nag her into her doing stuff.

Yujiro tackled her on the 20 underpants after dinner last night. She said she has some incontinentcy problems. He told her it's ok, we can get some medicine for that etc. I wonder if she'll take it though, she doesn't like medicines and hospitals. One of those: I am healthy and don't need that stuff types. A few pickles and green tea is enough.

Anyway. This morning I popped into to do the hot carpets and collect the trash. There were 20 pairs of clean pants laid out on the carpet drying in front of the heater in the living room.....

"Ahh...okaasan, I washed and dried those yesterday. They were dry when I gave them to you. You don't need to dry them any more. You can put them away!".....

AGHHHHHH!!!!!! It's hard to make a difference! Of course it doesn't matter if she sits with piles of clothes on the carpet around her. But I feel it makes her living space more confusing her. I am guessing old people like the reassurance of stuff all around them they can see, rather than put it away somewhere?

Anyway. Today I am going skiing. Because I need to. He has just hobbled into her place on his crutches to monitorbathtime...and maybe tackle her on the Putting Away Dried Clothes issue. We discussed whether she needs more clothes boxes and different hanging space for coats.

Yesterday was ok. I had to deal with the cat and his health problems in the morning. I came home lunchtime. The 3 of us ordered a pizza and ate it with salad. In the afternoon I did very belated Xmas/New Year letters for friends. Then I went shopping. Then he put together stuff for a nabe, a kind of table top one-pot dish, which is easy to do. Okaasan was very animated at dinner and chatted away about wartime memories and New Year festivities when she was a child...I'm learning all sorts of stuff about Japan Circa. 1940-50...living with us is giving her a great outlet for all these stories. Although by the third or fourth retelling he and I are getting a bit glazed over and our responses are getting muted!