My beautiful laundrette

Thankyou all!
I've been off doing something called Life. Hadn't checked in here for a while, and Comments Awaiting Moderation hadn't forwarded into my email - so there was a little rush of friendly comments when I just logged in here.
Thankyou :-)

And here we are - getting into December and all the usual end-of-year panic.

And.

Skiiiiiing...................................................

Back at the ranch of underpants and old newspapers: Okaasan had a laundry day. A very rare occurrence.

A year? Maybe 2 years ago - she would take some of dirty clothes into the bathroom, either when she was having a bath, or just to do laundry. She'd hand wash everything and rinse them in the bath and spin dry them in the machine. Then she would take the clothes in a bowl into her room or outside to the line and ever so carefully hang them up to dry. Later take them down and fold them up, unfold and refold several times...and leave them around her room to get mixed in with the remaining dirty clothes...

Now: the clothes mount up in the two laundry boxes in her room, and around on the sofa and carpet and table. I sweep in when she is out and grab what I can to do it all in the washing machine and hang them up upstairs in our apartment. I iron/fold and give them back to her. Very occasionally she will wash a pair of underpants, or wash stuff at day care and bring it home wet in a plastic bag.....to be forgotten for days unless I happen to hunt thru the bag.

Last week I tried a different tactic: "Oh Okaasan! Look, your wet clothes from day center! In a bag! What shall we do? Do you want to wash them?"

"Wash clothes? It's too cold...."

I heated the kitchen and bathroom.

"Wash clothes now?"

I gave her the washing powder and bowls.

I put the bags of wet knickers on the carpet in the entrance to her room.

And finally she did.

I say finally, because it turned into a two or three hour event: first she got dressed, then she sorted thru ALL her clothes and tried to decide what was dirty. Then she opened the bags with a few knickers in them, and lots of other stuff and set to on an orgy of handwashing and rinsing and hanging.

Really: hours. I left for work. I left her lunch flasks out. Dear Son came home from ski teaching and Okaasan was still doing it all.

I thought I was encouraging her to just open the bags and wash the few knickers. But once she got the idea of "laundry" in mind she was locked into the Full Wash Cycle. Couldn't stop once started.

It was good for her: mentally and physically. I should prompt her to do it more often. Really. In fact, it made me admit to myself that she should be having a bath at home (and doing laundry) at least once a week. Since she started daycare we haven't been bothering to get her to bath at home. Twice a week she goes to day care. But, we should be making her bath at home at weekends when we are around to check safety etc. We really should. She sits and stares at the Tv for so many hours.

Apart from that? I took her twice to the local supermarket and left her wandering around inside for an hour, with instructions to phone us when she was ready to come home. 

Her legs are so much weaker. She walks with a shopping trolley for support. She complains about knee pains. So different from the hours and hours downtown she was doing earlier this year.

Maybe another trip to the laying on of hot hands and chatting treatment?

Actually, although I am still a skeptic about it - I went back to that place myself last week. I had some scary repeats of my thigh earthquakes. Was it stress or dehydration? Don't know. But the young woman with hot hands and a sympathetic ear made me relax.

maybe Okaasan should go back.

:-( Toilet problems are increasing....

The towel that Okaasan is using under her body when sleeping is wet with urine almost every day. I've bought a bedsheet from the drugstore, it looks enough like a sheet that hopefully she won't know what it is for and refuse to use it. It soaks in urine and can be washed easily. ;-(

Glacial moving...

Stand back! Don't rush to see! Careful!
A Japanese man is taking action.

Today was raining - autumn has finally thought it should show up here - and Dear Son acted on my gentle reminder: Don't just sit and watch TV all day, use this non-working time to start finding out about Okaasan and assessment.

So he checked around the website for the ward office.
He thinks he understands that he has to go and make an application. And then someone will come to the house and assess. And then...and then? There are 75 points on which Okaasan may be assessed. Maybe.
He didn't actually GO to the ward office (had the car sitting outside the house all day, so he could have done it), but it is a step in the oh-so-right direction.
I may be extra nice to him tonight....

I know there are many hurdles to go until Okaasan is cheerfully climbing in the day care bus and going off to hula dance and lunch in the winter months. But...

I guess the assessment person will come and sit at the kitchen table and chat to Okaasan is a nice non-threatening way....while we make some white lie about Sapporo-city-is-assessing-all-old-people-for-free. Being Japan they probably hand out little gift towels or cookies after each assessment.
I hope it is an easy process, that doesn't get her all riled up and stressy with us. With me.

Meanwhile - a first for Okaasan and Me on the topic of incontinence. She actually told me she'd had an accident. Until now she tells Yujiro, or just ignores it.
But Sunday night I was trying to get her ready to go to our local sushi place, and she was wandering round her room in a T-shirt and underpants, looking for something to wear.
"You were wearing your black trousers 20 mins ago, when you came back from walking..." I reminded her.
"Ah, but I peed in those. I can't wear them."
"Ah, shall we look in the closet together.....what about this skirt?"
"That's a winter skirt. Is it winter now?"
"Well, it's October next week...so almost"...

and so it went. Strange to be helping someone choose the clothes to wear. I remembered too that I'd taken some of her clothes to the dry cleaners...and that the pair of trousers we bought in the spring got damaged when she fell over. The knee area is scuffed badly, I doubt she'll wear them.
She probably has very few clothes to actually wear, poor woman, I have to put my brain into gear and take responsibility for her clothes more. Buy some more underpants, get her dry cleaning back....remind her what season it is....

The Talk II

"You know those blue elephants that do cartwheels thru your living room? I think we should leave them out some frosted-cupcakes".


"Elephants? Cartwheels? Cupcakes.....???????"


It may as well have been all of the above, as Okaasan and I did The Talk II.


She had no idea what I was talking about: toilet problems/wet pants/using supports/accidents in your pajamas/ accidents on the toilet carpet/wearing two pairs of pants/cartwheeling elephants...


Me? Toilet problems? When? Now? But this nightdress is dry - look! I'm wearing one pair of pants - look! These are my pants? These pants came out of THIS box? My nightdress is dry. I have a problem? When?


All of this thru the always present fog of a foreigner's Japanese where I mixed up the words for "soft" with the word for "weak", as in "older ladies toilet control muscles get weaker, it happens to  everyone".




I'd decided that I needed to go in quickly for The Talk II, because Talk I had only got the box of pads into the living room, where it was lurking round the corner of the sofa in case Okaasan needed it.
But I came home from work to find she'd been up and eaten the lunch I'd left on the kitchen table and was sitting upright watching TV. So, obviously the leg problems were better.
Better get in quick, while she had a possibility of remembering yesterday's Talk I and I still had some courage left.
The cutesy trash box for used toilet pads was still waiting to be revealed. IIt was the missing element of the whole Time to Use Pads in Your Pants conversation.


I took it in.


Aghhhhhhhhhh.   :-()


This time she wasn't all sad and sorrowful on the carpet in the dark, she was alert and incredulous.
"I don't need any of this. I don't have toilet problems. When? Look, this nightdress in dry and clean".


I took her thru to her clothes changing room and put the box of pads and the trash box strategically between where her clean pants are strewn over the futon and the laundry box is sitting, overflowing with dirty pants and pajamas.


I don't go to the toilet here!  
Yes, but this is where you change pants isn't it, so this is a convenient place, isn't it?


I picked up the overflowing laundry box and took her with me to the washing machine, tried to SHOW her the evidence of what I was saying: the many, many pairs of pants in the box inside eachother - all soaked with urine. 
You know you have a problem, because you are wearing two pairs of pants aren't you, and they are all very wet inside this box......(repeat till the elephants do cartwheels)..


So, Okaasan and I are standing by the washing machine picking through her dirty underpants, separating them out from their doubles, squeezing them with our hands to see if they are wet and sniffing them.


Oh gawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ladies, when you meet a cute Japanese guy be warned: this is what it will end up like!


The old newspaper at the bottom of the laundry box is wet with urine too, I throw that away.


I show her the newspaper under the carpet where she sits.


I talk about how Yujiro often comments on "that funny smell" or asks why the toilet carpet is being washed again.
It's a little embarrassing for him to talk to you about this, so this is woman to woman.


My parents had the same problem. English people, American people, African people, Japanese people. Many seniors have this problem, so it's ok, it's just our body muscles get a bit weaker as we get older. I'm middle-aged and it's starting, when I come home from the cold outside I have to rush to the toilet quickly because MY muscles down-here are getting weaker too....(repeat till elephants do handstands...)


Unfortunately the laundry box pants were just wet, not shitty; also the under-carpet floor was dry and yet again my Frozen Panties were outside in the shed.
But 20 pairs of double pants, soaked with pee were my evidence.


And Okaasan was amazed.
She has no memory of any of this.
She looked thru the pants with me as if seeing them for the first time. Almost with an air of are-these-mine?, and was incredulous about it all.


I tried to keep it light, but firm. I used the Yujiro-knows-but-is-embarrassed-to-talk card.


After 15 minutes of this I left her to think about it all/forget it totally.


I worry that all she'll remember is: Oyomesan was upset with me about something and doesn't like me.


And THEN she'll descend a few notches on the happiness scale. And then we'll be in trouble.


A little while later I gave her the rice cake covered with redbeans that a student had made for me (traditional on the First Day of Spring festival today), and I told her about the delicious sushi dinner that was all ready for her on the kitchen table.


Then I went "to work"...although actually with a friend to see the movie My Week with Marilyn, which the cable TV company had given us free tickets for.
I stepped onto the subway with lots of other normal people and left cartwheeling elephants behind.


And so.


Will Okaasan remember ANY of the above conversation and pants checking?
I doubt it.
Will she notice the pads and trash box when she puts on clean pants next time?
I hope so.
Will she try using one of the pads in her pants?


I doubt it.


For now.


But I have crossed the line from polite mealtime companion to personal topic adviser.
It's a strange place to be.

And so.....

We had The Talk.


Just now, in the half dark of her living room, both of us kneeling on the carpet among the newspapers and socks.


No big drama. Just a quiet, gentle woman-to-woman conversation.


I've given her the pink box full of pads and diapers.


I doubt she'll use them. Yet.
I guess it'll be the start of a never-ending reminder...day by day..Chinese torture style. For me, and for her.
Stepping over the personal border of polite Oyomesan into nagging about toilet pads nurse.


Today Okaasan says her leg feels bad again. She's having problems standing up. Didn't eat dinner. Feeling low and sorry for herself. I couldn't make my conversation Tough Love as planned, it was just a quiet conversation.


"Maybe you could use these if you can't get to the toilet tonight, sometimes recently you have problems at night don't you? Yujiro can't talk to you about this, so just between us, my parents had the same problems, when people get into their 80s your toilet control muscles are weaker aren't they....etc etc"


She said: I can stand up if I start thinking about it soon enough. I don't need pads and things yet. I don't have a problem. 
But she looked so sad, and lay her head against the side of the sofa.


It IS sad. I dread being like this. I saw my mother brought down and dependent by cancer, I saw my step-mum losing all control over her toilet functions as she stood up...it is a sad point of life to get to.


Okaasan stayed home all weekend: that's probably why her leg muscles are feeling bad. She should have gone out yesterday in the semi-warm - but she slept thru the afternoon and by the time she was awake the day had turned icy again. Today was just cold and snowy.


I've stayed home all weekend to and buttered her up in preparation for The Talk.
I cooked, I chatted, I made her cocoa, I even found an old photograph of her husband's memorial ceremony lunch 10 years ago (when I got introduced to the family)...predictably, in an almost textbook dementia conversation, she talked about people in the picture as if it were 50 years ago...saying it was her FATHER'S memorial ceremony and not recognising the grey-haired woman in the picture as herself.


And the Frozen Panties? They are still outside in the garden shed because tonight's "chance" for The Talk suddenly presented itself.
I think there'll be a wet stained floor under the carpet again tomorrow.
No need for defrosting the panties.


:-(

Operation Panties

It WILL happen.
This weekend maybe.
Early next week?


Operation defrost the panties and use them in evidence to tackle Okaasan about the need for her to start using pads or diapers.


He's gone away ski teaching for 4 days, so it's my bonding girl time with Okaasan.
I'll cook her up a few nice meals, and let her chat and chat.
Get her all warm and fuzzy about me - and then go in for......... The Talk.
Armed with: 
1) Nice pink box containing pads and diapers.
2) Nice pink top trash box - marked in pink with the word "Napkin".

Presentation and wrapping is everything in Japan. The country lives and breathes Presentation.

So, I hope my presentation of these things and topic is adequate!

This week I didn't have much to do with Okaasan - work and out a lot - so I think I need a few days to soften her up and get her all friendly with me.

But I'm armed and ready for action :-)

Wish me luck.

We're still standing. A bit.

OMG.
We did it.
GOT Okaasan up off the carpet.
Out of the dirty clothes.
Into a bath.
While we blitz cleaned her room.
Then with clean body and hair she was safely back - sitting in the kotatsu in front of the TV.


And we fell exhausted into bed by 8.15 pm. Which is why I am now here at 3.30 am.
AND I am writing this on the revamped home computer - which yesterday deigned to relocate my 2011-12 tax data thanks to huge efforts by Yujiro.


Huge efforts all round yesterday.
I sat in my classroom before coming home running over the conversations we could have with Okaasan to persuade her to stand up and walk.


Tried out all sorts of ideas (even though Yujiro was going to be there, as it was me driving this attempt I wanted to have the arguments ready in both languages).


Went home just before 5 pm.
Okaasan curled up on the carpet with pants/papers/supermarket flyers/wet towels/little bags/odd socks/God-knows-what all around her.
I told Yujiro the Action Plan. He agreed. We went in.


He used Appeal to Pride tactic: "Okaasan I am away for two days, dear Oyomesan is out all day tomorrow - we are worried about leaving you alone like this! Can you stand up? Show us you can stand up? What about a nice warm bath? Maybe you can't stand up, maybe we should ask a day care visitor to come tomorrow...etc etc etc. ".


Repeat for the next 40 mins until her pride kicked in "I don't need a day care person, I'm not nearly dead, I can stand up, NO! I Don't need that chair to help me, oh but my neck, oh but my head, I can stand up" on and on.


Her leg muscles were weak and it took a long time for her to sit, and then kneel and finally to haul her body. She stood up and wobbled on unused leg muscles to the waiting bath.


As soon as the bathroom door closed we cleaned her room, working as a team to grab and bag trash and move the carpets around. Another 40 mins of cleaning.


The carpet where she has lain the last few days was soaking wet. With urine.
Worse: it all soaked through the carpet, thru the under-carpet and stained the wood flooring. Don't think this was just from the last 3 days, we think it was long term.
Time to DO something about the incontinence.


We cleaned the floor, put down newspaper, rotated the under-carpet - switched the two top carpets and removed one for washing.
Did a massive cleaning in the room - put down a clean sheet and pillow.


After an hour Okaasan got herself out of the bath and sat down in her refreshed room and SAT watching TV for a bit, wanted a bit of light dinner!!! and..then didn't want it....watched some more TV and finally lay down to sleep again.


I looked out the big bag of old people panty-pads. I will try to talk to Okaasan about these tomorrow. Recently she told me she that the reason she has taken to wearing a hula flower skirt at night is so "I can go to the toilet more easily than pajama bottoms", I shall suggest a night-pad and hula skirt as suitable nightwear.


He and I sat in the kitchen eating curry and congratulating ourselves, then I washed the foul carpet in the bath by trampling on it with my jeans rolled up like a French vine yard worker....did that 3 times, and THEN discovered the needle, luckily with the palm of my hand.


whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.


In bed, exhausted by 8.15 pm.

Back to reality.

After all the elation of the Walkathon success...which by the way is featured here in the Hokkaido Newspaper...

After all that....um...Okaasan basics.

Toilet...err.. problems again.

Came home Monday evening and Yujiro said he thought Okaasan had had an accident in her room because he saw her suddenly stand up, grab some newspaper and run from her living room into the tatami room...and then she was there for a long time.
Sure enough. On Tuesday while she was out he got into her tatami room and found very soiled underwear and newspaper and tissues and stuff. All had to be bagged up and thrown out.

What to do? It's SO hard to talk about this. For either of us really.
Recently she has double incontinence more and more. It must be embarrassing and disgusting for her, but lucky if it happens at home. But eventually I think she'll stop going out.
Does she remember it happened or not? Does she know that we've cleared up after her in her room?

I hope when she goes for the very basic free health check at the clinic this spring that we can get a nurse to mention it and maybe recommend old person diapers. Hope.

Charity begins at...

Home.
That's where charity begins, according to an old proverb.


So, while we are thinking to offer up my classroom apartment as a home for a nuclear crises evacuee...we are also turning our attentions to our very own Saitama evacuee. Okaasan.


She had a so-so week. Yujiro feels she is ok. He's been home cooking and chatting. I feel her conversation abilities have slipped one or two notches down.


So Sunday we did Family Duty and took her out for a walk round the neighborhood and tried out a local ramen place near the subway station.
Felt odd to be ambling round the neighborhood streets as a threesome. Yujiro holding Okaasan's hand over tricky bits of ice. Me pointing out amazingly interesting things - wow! Look, a bud on a tree! Look! A sign about a lost canary! Anything to create a relaxed mood.
Okaasan tripped along with us, she seems to walk on the front of her feet a lot. Kind of tripping forward all the time.
Anyway. We did ramen for lunch and tripped home.
All ok.


Yujiro and I spent the afternoon watching TV and worrying about Popo-chan's health. Poor little cat still isn't very bright. Not eating much. Yujiro's found some miracle pet water on the Internet which various people claim has made their almost dead cats super-bouncy within days.
We've ordered some and we'll see what happens.


So, while I am buying bottled water to send to a pregnant friend in Tokyo because the tap water maybe or may not be dangerous (depending on which Tepco staff member is counting his fingers)...I am also buying special miracle water for the cat. Okaaay.


And then.
Late afternoon Okaasan threw a nasty little something into an otherwise nice day.
Nasty toilet accident.
I won't get too graphic...but she was in the toilet a long time. And tried to clean up the floor and stuff, and mat...and then she went out and we swooped into her room to look for the soiled clothes and throw them away and wash the toilet mat, and the toilet bowl etc etc.
Yuk.
She didn't say anything. We didn't either. Not sure if she remembered or not. She went out at 6 pm again and came home after 8 pm. We'd already eaten dinner. Yujiro heated up stuff for her in the kitchen.


Don't know what we can do about this incontinence. Becoming double incontinence really.
My suggestion is to get the nurse at the free health check in the spring to broach the subject and suggest diapers....


and so, that was Sunday.

Long...long...long day...(J)

Looooong day.
And the moving day isn't until tomorrow!
The computer didn't get packed up yet, because Japan beat Korea in the World Baseball Classic - so Yujiro spent most of the day stuck to the TV and feeding Okaasan lunch.

I was working all day, 3 big classes - with students all excited about the baseball game and people gathering round television screens with strangers in public places.

At 5.30 pm I got back to my English classroom. Already pretty tired. Okaasan was settled in with the TV and her new sewing machine. BUT! She hadn't got her glasses and she hadn't brought the sewing scissors to cut the curtains. Of course by now they were probably in a box somewhere that Yujiro was busy packing in her apartment.

So. She and I sat and watched TV and drank tea. At 6.30 Yujiro came in and we went to a nice local restaurant to eat dinner and toast our move. We ordered food.
Then Okaasan came back from the toilet and confessed that she'd had suffered from incontinence...and wanted to go immediately to the nearby store and buy new underwear! And change into it...

So....while Yujiro sat with the food arriving at the table Okaasan and I put on our coats again and boots, and headed over the road to the store. Bought the underwear, changed into it, got bags from the shop staff for the soiled clothes ...and 25 minutes later got back to the table and started dinner...again.

Aghh...life with an elderly lady who refuses advice about being incontinent. We HAVE to tackle this situation soon. Get a care worker in to start getting Okaasan primed more about health and aging care.

So. We ate dinner. They drank alcohol. But I was driving. Then we made sure Okaasan was ok at the English school with bedding/heating/lights etc...and came home. Yujiro had drunk a bit too much...baseball happiness and moving stress...I was stone cold sober. Grrrr.....

I've just spent an hour or so finishing up the packing in Okaasan's apartment. Only 3 months ago we were setting up this apartment. I remember so well at the beginning of this blog worrying about curtains and kitchen things. Now we are taking it all apart and may not use it again....

Oh - and the Leader of the Opposition in Japan tearfully said he wouldn't be resigning in the latest political scandal - his live press conference was on Tv while I was scooping up the last of Okaasan's bits and pieces and taking down curtain rails.

Now it's 11 pm. I should go to bed. Tomorrow the moving vans and a strong friend are here at 9 am. Moving day will begin.

２００９年３月２４日（火）

長い・・・長い・・・長い日・・・

長―い日だったわ。

引越しの日はやっと明日よ！

パソコンはまだ荷造りされていないの。ＷＢＣで日本が韓国を破ったせいでね・・・ユウは一日の大半テレビに釘付けになり、それからお義母さんに昼食を与えて過ごしたわ。

ワタシは３つの大きなクラスがあって一日中仕事だったの。生徒たちはみんな野球の試合で興奮していたし、人々は公共の場所で知らない人同士がテレビのスクリーンの周りに集まっていたわ。

午後５時半にワタシは自分の英語学校に戻ったの。

すでにすっかり疲れていたわ。お義母さんはテレビと新しいミシンといっしょにそこにいたわ。でもね！　お義母さんはメガネとカーテンを切る裁ちばさみを持ってきていなかったの。もちろん今はもうそれらはたぶん箱の中。ユウが急いで荷造りしていたお義母さんのアパートのどこかのね。

それで、お義母さんとワタシはテレビを見てお茶を飲んだの。６時半にユウが来て、ワタシたちは近くの素敵なレストランに引越しのお祝いの夕食に行ったの。ワタシたちは料理を注文したわ。

そのあと、お義母さんがトイレから帰ってきて、失禁して困っていることを打ち明けたの・・・それですぐにも近くのお店に行って新しい下着を買いたいって！そしてそれに替えたいって・・・

それで・・・ユウは運ばれてきた料理とともにテーブルに座っていたんだけれど、お義母さんとワタシはまたコートを着てブーツを履き、お店に向ったのよ。下着を買って取替え、店員に汚れた衣類をいれる袋をもらったの・・・それで２５分後テーブルに戻り食事を始めたのよ。もう一度ね。

あー・・・失禁に関する忠告を拒否する老婦人との生活。ワタシたちはすぐにもこの状況に取り組まなければならないんだわ。もっとお義母さんの健康と老化のケアをきちんとしはじめるためのケアワーカーを頼まなくては。

ワタシたちは夕食を食べたの。彼とお義母さんはお酒を飲んだわ。でもわたしは運転だったのよ。それから、ワタシたちはお義母さんの英語学校のベッドや暖房や灯りなんかを確認して、家に戻ったの。ユウはちょっと飲みすぎたわ・・・野球の喜びと引越しのストレス・・・ワタシはしらふでかなり冷めてたわ。もう・・・・

ワタシは一時間くらいお義母さんのアパートにいて荷造りの最後の仕上げをしたの。わずか３ヶ月前ワタシたちはこのアパートを準備したのよ。ワタシ、よく覚えているわ。このブログの初めのころ、カーテンや台所用品で悩んでいたことをね。今それを全部ばらばらにして二度と使うことはないかもしれない。

えーっ・・・日本の民主党の党首が涙ながらに最近の政治スキャンダルで辞任しないって言っているわ。ワタシがお義母さんの残りのものいくつかをかき集めたり、カーテンレールを取り外している間にあった記者会見のテレビ中継でね。

今、午後１１時よ。休まなくっちゃならないわ。明日は９時に引越しトラックと力持の友人がここにくるんですもの。引越しの日が始まるわ。