Well...not off the carpet 100% yet.

We are still locked in a dance of toilet/walking/denial conversations.
And on-going carpet dwelling.

Okaasan IS a whole lot better than last week.
She sits upright and watches TV, she eats a little food.
She has walked herself to the toilet....twice in the past 2 days.
The rest has been...predictably a carpet and pajamas and diapers situation.
She made it to the kitchen table...once.

So, you can see - we aren't off and walking yet.

Trying to persuade/recommend/encourage her to wear the diapers - or even the sanitary towel-like pads is a struggle. She constantly claims to be on the verge of going to the toilet room herself. But usually doesn't. Her focus goes back to the TV, or if she is trying to actually move she will reach one stage of the journey from carpet to toilet - and get stuck there, for an hour or more....one knee off the carpet, sitting on the side chair....

Hard.
The moaning/screaming painfest on the carpet was easier to 'nurse' - but emotionally/physically tougher for us.
Now, because she is mentally more together, everything we try to help her with has to be discussed WITH her and reasoned thru again and again...repeating the messages in loops.

He and I did escape for a few hours yesterday afternoon and early evening - to meet friends in the beer festival downtown. Then back by 7 pm to feed Okaasan.
She was aiming to stand and get to the kitchen table all the time the food was being prepared. So she got up off the carpet. To the sofa. To the side chair.
When the food was ready and on the table - she was still 4 meters away on the side chair in her room. She examines her feet and legs as if they are a disconnected from herself and she is waiting for them to kick into action...as if somebody somewhere will throw a switch and she will be mobile...
The food was in the bowl all hot and waiting. That 4 meters gap looked undoable. She refused to use a stick or a supporting arm from a caring family member.

We gave her a small bowl of pasta at that half way station.
Then she slipped back down into the carpet nest.

And so it goes. I'm home today.
Next week - if he and I are working - we'll have to leave food for her within reach of the carpet nest.

Ah. The carpet.
I am trying to clean it up. Hard with her in situ of course.
I've got towels and newspapers down to mop up pee, I am trying to dry it out - with a hair dryer!!! And the blanket that covers the kotastsu heated table is damp too.....

Yuk. Yuk

I am doing mopping up operations in front of Okaasan - because it's a way of trying to enforce the idea that "you DON'T always get to the toilet, and it IS embarrassing, but I'm ok with it, but it WOULD be helpful if you wore the diapers or pads"...trying...trying to get that message across.

Of course she doesn't think that sitting on a pee-soaked carpet is a good thing. Every good-housewife cell in her brain tells her that. But there's a vast disconnect between knowing that and agreeing to help us with that situation.

Oh, and it's all in a second language for me.
:-))

Ho hum.

Meanwhile...just to add spice....one cat has brought home TWO still-alive catches this morning!
The bird that was in this computer room - I managed to let escape thru open windows.
The baby rat/large field mouse is still lurking somewhere in the living room.....last seen shortly after 5 am behind the CD collection.

Ahhh...the weekend. So relaxing.

Chickens.

We are chickens. He and I. But mostly he.


We haven't told Okaasan the awful truth yet....stalling until she remembers that she wants to join that hula class.
The class that she isn't good enough for.


I got home last night about 8 pm, he and Okaasan had already started dinner and from the front door I could hear her laughter and his chat.
So I went in all smiling and joined dinner, thinking "did he tell her, or not?", but making sure not to mention hula/Hawaii/dance/exercise in case she got onto that topic.
Okaasan seemed very upbeat and we all enjoyed dinner chat and laughs about stuff.


Went back upstairs after dinner.
"Did you tell her yet?"
"Err. No. She seemed very down this evening, so I didn't tell her."


????????????????????????????


Chicken.


But, me too. I put the task onto him.
We are both nervous about how she will take it, how she will react to knowing: you are not good enough to join a performance level class etc.


We talked about it several times....and he says he is going to be honest with her. That this is best. That: "she should know the reality of her dance level".


Reality? A dementia sufferer?? Hello?????
She is still in 15 years ago thinking, when her husband died and she joined a hula dance class etc - when she could still do the dance steps etc.


This morning was pitiful really. I'm ashamed to say he and I skulked around upstairs and in the kitchen, hoping Okaasan wouldn't ask about the Thursday morning hula class.
It's pouring with rain in Sapporo today, so he has no work. He will be at home with her all day.
Would she suddenly realize it was Thursday at time for a 10 am class?


Well, when we left the house at 9.45 am (gave me a lift to the station in the car), she was still sitting in front of her TV engrossed in the morning noise that is Japanese daytime shows.
She has a calender and a clock, but hadn't yet connected to what day/time it was.


And so. I am here at work all day.
I will go home tonight and find out how that "she should know the reality" worked out.
I expect Okaasan will be in a sad funk, curled up on the carpet by the TV sadly defeated by the world. Pretty sure she won't accept the idea that the old people's hula class may be better for her. So, again. No hula class. No interaction with other people, no feelings of success at being able to do something.


I may stay at the office all night.


But also, this kind of stuff makes me dread (like him) the whole idea of trying-to-get-Okaasan-assessed-for-daycare-attendance.
We know she will fight THAT idea. And trying to get round her to GET her to a hospital for an assessment, and trying to get her to GO to daycare.
Oh, the battles.


We can't get her to even try hula dance class for elderly people. Not even one. I don't hold out much hope for a hospital and a doctor asking questions.


Sigh.


She is too self-aware still. Much too aware. Have to wait until she is more confused?

How NOT to sell the next Hula Class.

"Okaasan...there's a hula class at the community center near my classroom!"
"Really? How interesting!"
"Yes, one of my students told me about it...here is the leaflet. Look, on Wednesdays at 2 pm, I can take you there if you like this week."
"Where is this? What time? What is today? Where is this? Is this near here? Is this tomorrow? Where is this place.......... " (repeat x 10)
"You have the leaflet, so you can think about it. If you want to go I can take you there. I'll write it on the calender so we remember when..."




One hour later...


"Dear, kind, thoughtful Oyomesan...I've been looking at this community center leaflet...look! There are two other hula dance classes! The one you showed me is the Elderly Club, I know I am elderly, but I've been doing hula for many years, I am pretty good at it, I don't want to join a class full of old women, I want to go to one of these classes! Look!".


"FUCK" (said under breath).


"Um...don't you think the Elderly Club hula class might be more fun, more relaxing? You are 82 years old...and the other ladies will be similar to you in hula experience and energy...
Last year you were in a class with many younger members and all those performance days - it gave you a lot of stress, you couldn't learn the new dances, you sat here crying and refusing to go, it made you so unhappy....wouldn't an Elderly Club class be more relaxing?"


"I did? Me? But I can do hula, I don't want to be with old people doing it, I have been doing it for years, I can do the dances. I want to go to this class. It's better for me". (repeat till Oyomesan beats head on wall, thru to the neighboring house).


Yujiro: "Sigh. I told you so. You shouldn't have given her the leaflet with information about ALL the center classes. Now she will go to a high level, performing class and get stressed all over again".


Yes. Epic fail.


Bugger.


* and in case you are still thinking of nominating me for Oyomesan Sainthood. I should, in all honesty, admit to a nasty little meltdown and bad behaviour on Sunday night.


I cooked dinner, made Korean style pancakes and served it with rice, soup, veggies and pickles.
Then Yujiro helpfully reminded me: in Japan, we never eat wheat-based food like pancakes with rice.
So I got all stressy with Life in Japan with Japanese Cooking Rules. I snatched up the rice from Okaasan, poured cheese and basil salad dressing over it, ate it myself in furious, emotional silence and stormed out of the house.
Walked round the streets and came home 30 minutes later to calm down.
Sometimes living in Japan with a Japanese family just gets tooooooooooooo much. :-(

We're still standing. A bit.

OMG.
We did it.
GOT Okaasan up off the carpet.
Out of the dirty clothes.
Into a bath.
While we blitz cleaned her room.
Then with clean body and hair she was safely back - sitting in the kotatsu in front of the TV.


And we fell exhausted into bed by 8.15 pm. Which is why I am now here at 3.30 am.
AND I am writing this on the revamped home computer - which yesterday deigned to relocate my 2011-12 tax data thanks to huge efforts by Yujiro.


Huge efforts all round yesterday.
I sat in my classroom before coming home running over the conversations we could have with Okaasan to persuade her to stand up and walk.


Tried out all sorts of ideas (even though Yujiro was going to be there, as it was me driving this attempt I wanted to have the arguments ready in both languages).


Went home just before 5 pm.
Okaasan curled up on the carpet with pants/papers/supermarket flyers/wet towels/little bags/odd socks/God-knows-what all around her.
I told Yujiro the Action Plan. He agreed. We went in.


He used Appeal to Pride tactic: "Okaasan I am away for two days, dear Oyomesan is out all day tomorrow - we are worried about leaving you alone like this! Can you stand up? Show us you can stand up? What about a nice warm bath? Maybe you can't stand up, maybe we should ask a day care visitor to come tomorrow...etc etc etc. ".


Repeat for the next 40 mins until her pride kicked in "I don't need a day care person, I'm not nearly dead, I can stand up, NO! I Don't need that chair to help me, oh but my neck, oh but my head, I can stand up" on and on.


Her leg muscles were weak and it took a long time for her to sit, and then kneel and finally to haul her body. She stood up and wobbled on unused leg muscles to the waiting bath.


As soon as the bathroom door closed we cleaned her room, working as a team to grab and bag trash and move the carpets around. Another 40 mins of cleaning.


The carpet where she has lain the last few days was soaking wet. With urine.
Worse: it all soaked through the carpet, thru the under-carpet and stained the wood flooring. Don't think this was just from the last 3 days, we think it was long term.
Time to DO something about the incontinence.


We cleaned the floor, put down newspaper, rotated the under-carpet - switched the two top carpets and removed one for washing.
Did a massive cleaning in the room - put down a clean sheet and pillow.


After an hour Okaasan got herself out of the bath and sat down in her refreshed room and SAT watching TV for a bit, wanted a bit of light dinner!!! and..then didn't want it....watched some more TV and finally lay down to sleep again.


I looked out the big bag of old people panty-pads. I will try to talk to Okaasan about these tomorrow. Recently she told me she that the reason she has taken to wearing a hula flower skirt at night is so "I can go to the toilet more easily than pajama bottoms", I shall suggest a night-pad and hula skirt as suitable nightwear.


He and I sat in the kitchen eating curry and congratulating ourselves, then I washed the foul carpet in the bath by trampling on it with my jeans rolled up like a French vine yard worker....did that 3 times, and THEN discovered the needle, luckily with the palm of my hand.


whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.


In bed, exhausted by 8.15 pm.