Okaasan EATS so much!
We always aim for dinner at 7 pm.
Last night I walked into the kitchen at 6.20 pm and found her sitting on the sofa in her room with a plastic box of rice dumplings on sticks smothered in sweet bean paste...scoffing them down.
It's funny for a woman who is always says she is so careful and about what she eats and how much she eats and when she eats!
I was out for Family Dinner because of work - but Yujiro said later that of course she wasn't very hungry for the food he cooked and served.
I am sure Okaasan has put on weight since she came to live with us - partly the food we cook and make sure she eats, but also the eating at all times and when she sees something she likes.....I hope when I am 81 years old I have the same abandon.
Hell - maybe I do now anyway.
Just came away from another dentist trip and I'm sitting here eating chocolates to comfort myself.
One more dentist trip to go before I fly away from all of this next Thursday afternoon.....
Showing posts with label eating times. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eating times. Show all posts
Friday, 16 September 2011
Friday, 26 August 2011
Randomness.
Still managing to avoid Okaasan - it's a GOOD week! - had another evening class and late dinner with the Couch Surfer.
Yujiro stayed home all day because of rain and fed Okaasan lunch and dinner, before coming out to talk Brazil-and-all-things-football with our Brazilian Couch Surfer.
Okaasan slept most of the afternoon, and when he woke her up at 6.30 pm for dinner...she thought it was 6.30 AM and was all confused as to why "dinner" was being talked about...and didn't want much anyway because of course she'd slept on the carpet for hours.
Old people sleep a LOT don't they? Or is this Okaasan and dementia?
Okaasan often sleeps for whole afternoons, and then gets active late afternoon....and evening...nighttime she is often sitting there watching TV or washing underwear at 2 am or 3 am....Dementia sufferers and "sun-downing" is a recognised condition, for some reason sufferers get active late in the day.
Postbox/morning glory - my anger is subsiding, I can now ruefully examine they remaining plants and wonder whether they will bother flowering now at all. If I meet the postman I'll ask him about it all, but I won't lay in wait for him....life is too short to spend energy on that. :-))
Dad - doing ok, although I was a bit weepy yesterday. Had a good howl in the shower. And I sent an email to the church warden and his wife in Dad's village and asked whether the vicar can mention Dad in prayers this coming Sunday. Dad wasn't religious, but he went to that church every Sunday for years with his churchgoing wife, because he enjoyed the community aspects of it all....and I would like to think that this week in that small community in England some people are remembering Dad, if only for a moment.
Many of the people in the village adopted one of the many stone statues that Dad made, now many gardens in that village have "one of Eric's animals or faces" - so maybe they could go and say "hello" to their statue or something...I did here to the dog and bird I have in my garden.
And finally...
In my many trawlings round blogosphere and news sites for stuff about dementia I came across this amazing story - a sports coach and a bishop who are bravely going public with their Alzheimer's and trying to continue to work.
Courageous people.
Yujiro stayed home all day because of rain and fed Okaasan lunch and dinner, before coming out to talk Brazil-and-all-things-football with our Brazilian Couch Surfer.
Okaasan slept most of the afternoon, and when he woke her up at 6.30 pm for dinner...she thought it was 6.30 AM and was all confused as to why "dinner" was being talked about...and didn't want much anyway because of course she'd slept on the carpet for hours.
Old people sleep a LOT don't they? Or is this Okaasan and dementia?
Okaasan often sleeps for whole afternoons, and then gets active late afternoon....and evening...nighttime she is often sitting there watching TV or washing underwear at 2 am or 3 am....Dementia sufferers and "sun-downing" is a recognised condition, for some reason sufferers get active late in the day.
Postbox/morning glory - my anger is subsiding, I can now ruefully examine they remaining plants and wonder whether they will bother flowering now at all. If I meet the postman I'll ask him about it all, but I won't lay in wait for him....life is too short to spend energy on that. :-))
Dad - doing ok, although I was a bit weepy yesterday. Had a good howl in the shower. And I sent an email to the church warden and his wife in Dad's village and asked whether the vicar can mention Dad in prayers this coming Sunday. Dad wasn't religious, but he went to that church every Sunday for years with his churchgoing wife, because he enjoyed the community aspects of it all....and I would like to think that this week in that small community in England some people are remembering Dad, if only for a moment.
Many of the people in the village adopted one of the many stone statues that Dad made, now many gardens in that village have "one of Eric's animals or faces" - so maybe they could go and say "hello" to their statue or something...I did here to the dog and bird I have in my garden.
And finally...
In my many trawlings round blogosphere and news sites for stuff about dementia I came across this amazing story - a sports coach and a bishop who are bravely going public with their Alzheimer's and trying to continue to work.
Courageous people.
Monday, 9 May 2011
Mother's Day...failure.
Bugger.
Nice little Mother's Day thing planned here last night and it failed.
Okaasan came home so late that we weren't feeling all sweet and kind to the mother-in-our-life.
This going out late and coming home late - it's the thing Okaasan does that pisses me off the most.
Having dinner together at 7 pm is the main Family Time/Communication Time we do every day because in the morning we eat breakfast upstairs and go to work and we usually leave Okaasan food on the kitchen table for her brunch-alone.
Yesterday Yujiro was working. I was home in the morning and then set Okaasan's lunch on the table and headed out to a Japanese dance show with an old student. And no - taking Okaasan to the dance show wasn't an option because the ex-student is a senior herself and I can't look after two old ladies!
I came home at 5 pm. Cleaned up Okaasan's lunch stuff in the kitchen, she almost never does it, just eats and leaves bowls and plates and dirty tissues on the table and kitchen counter.
Yujiro came home at 5.30 pm with a Mother's Day flower arrangement to present at dinner time.
At 5.45 pm - after a whole afternoon spent sitting in front of the Tv - Okaasan decided to go out.
At 6.15 pm I start making dinner. No Okaasan. At 7.30 pm we eat dinner without her.
Okaasan comes back about 8.10 pm just as we are finishing.
And then Yujiro - who sometimes is SUCH a stupid guy - starts talking to her about a flower headpiece she must take to hula dance class tomorrow - starts talking to her about this AS she is walking through the kitchen and entering her room with her hat and coat still on!
So then her mind switches to that topic and not dinner and she starts scuttling around her room in a panic about which flower, which color and why etc....
WHY didn't he wait until later to talk about that? Why? Does he have noodles for brains?
So they are getting themselves in a stressed conversation about hula flowers, I am reheating dinner....Okaasan comes to the table and then goes off AGAIN to look for the flower.
And I say: "No! No! Okaasan, please come and eat your feed while it's hot! Please look for the flower later!!"
In my stress I mix up the words for food and feed - the word for human food and the word for the stuff animals eat. It sounds pretty strange and rude. Yujiro is choking with shock. Okaasan is confused, but comes back to the table.
I've had enough and exit the kitchen. It's almost 8.30 pm by now.
Yujiro calls me back downstairs a few minutes later when he gives Okaasan the flower arrangement, supposedly from us. And I retreat to sanity again upstairs.
Grrrrrr.......these moments I hate. Her going out late and coming home late stretches the whole cooking-dinner-washing up-chatting time into hours......our own evening time is eaten up and we feel forced to sit in the kitchen more when she DOES come home just to give her a bit of human inter-action for the day.
Many dementia experts say that this sun-downing is common - that dementia sufferers get more active/anxious at the end of the day - Yujiro says Okaasan is following her old routine in Saitama of going out late afternoon in the evening cool for shopping and dinner in the local noodle restaurant.
Whatever it is. It's frustrating. She misses the best weather of the day. She often comes home late for 7 pm dinner.
When it's only her and me I don't do it. I'm tougher - in my book if you come home after dinner time you'll get reheated food on the table, but you don't get Cosy Family Time. Not logical I know, she doesn't know WHAT time it is...what she is doing....but...but..I ain't gonna do it.
Grrrr...got that out of my system now. Maybe. Sorry, needed a good venting.
aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Nice little Mother's Day thing planned here last night and it failed.
Okaasan came home so late that we weren't feeling all sweet and kind to the mother-in-our-life.
This going out late and coming home late - it's the thing Okaasan does that pisses me off the most.
Having dinner together at 7 pm is the main Family Time/Communication Time we do every day because in the morning we eat breakfast upstairs and go to work and we usually leave Okaasan food on the kitchen table for her brunch-alone.
Yesterday Yujiro was working. I was home in the morning and then set Okaasan's lunch on the table and headed out to a Japanese dance show with an old student. And no - taking Okaasan to the dance show wasn't an option because the ex-student is a senior herself and I can't look after two old ladies!
I came home at 5 pm. Cleaned up Okaasan's lunch stuff in the kitchen, she almost never does it, just eats and leaves bowls and plates and dirty tissues on the table and kitchen counter.
Yujiro came home at 5.30 pm with a Mother's Day flower arrangement to present at dinner time.
At 5.45 pm - after a whole afternoon spent sitting in front of the Tv - Okaasan decided to go out.
At 6.15 pm I start making dinner. No Okaasan. At 7.30 pm we eat dinner without her.
Okaasan comes back about 8.10 pm just as we are finishing.
And then Yujiro - who sometimes is SUCH a stupid guy - starts talking to her about a flower headpiece she must take to hula dance class tomorrow - starts talking to her about this AS she is walking through the kitchen and entering her room with her hat and coat still on!
So then her mind switches to that topic and not dinner and she starts scuttling around her room in a panic about which flower, which color and why etc....
WHY didn't he wait until later to talk about that? Why? Does he have noodles for brains?
So they are getting themselves in a stressed conversation about hula flowers, I am reheating dinner....Okaasan comes to the table and then goes off AGAIN to look for the flower.
And I say: "No! No! Okaasan, please come and eat your feed while it's hot! Please look for the flower later!!"
In my stress I mix up the words for food and feed - the word for human food and the word for the stuff animals eat. It sounds pretty strange and rude. Yujiro is choking with shock. Okaasan is confused, but comes back to the table.
I've had enough and exit the kitchen. It's almost 8.30 pm by now.
Yujiro calls me back downstairs a few minutes later when he gives Okaasan the flower arrangement, supposedly from us. And I retreat to sanity again upstairs.
Grrrrrr.......these moments I hate. Her going out late and coming home late stretches the whole cooking-dinner-washing up-chatting time into hours......our own evening time is eaten up and we feel forced to sit in the kitchen more when she DOES come home just to give her a bit of human inter-action for the day.
Many dementia experts say that this sun-downing is common - that dementia sufferers get more active/anxious at the end of the day - Yujiro says Okaasan is following her old routine in Saitama of going out late afternoon in the evening cool for shopping and dinner in the local noodle restaurant.
Whatever it is. It's frustrating. She misses the best weather of the day. She often comes home late for 7 pm dinner.
When it's only her and me I don't do it. I'm tougher - in my book if you come home after dinner time you'll get reheated food on the table, but you don't get Cosy Family Time. Not logical I know, she doesn't know WHAT time it is...what she is doing....but...but..I ain't gonna do it.
Grrrr...got that out of my system now. Maybe. Sorry, needed a good venting.
aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Friday, 12 November 2010
Day 4
Yiiikes.................................
A bit of One of Those Days.
The beer I am drinking now has never tasted so good.
Weather looked ok, so I left the "We are Out, so you should go and have lunch out" laminated sign on the kitchen table with Y1,000. Briefly chatted to Okaasan in the kitchen as she was heading to the loo while I was heading to the shower.
A busy day at work, with new students and a returning student.
I got back early afternoon - mainly to keep the cats company because I knew I'd be a bit late.
Recently a large, menacing local stray has been hanging around - and even daring to peer round the open window/door - scaring Popo and Chichi badly. So we can't leave windows open so much. It's interesting that even though there are two of them and one of him - he knows they are youngsters and no match at all.
Anyway. Came home about 1.30 pm.
Okaasan was here. Watching Tv. She'd eaten pickled bits of fish and a yogurt.
I offered to make her lunch (not too enthusiastically I must admit) , but she stirred herself to going out and about 2 pm she finally got out.
I kept the cats company. Put on the rice for dinner. Grabbed a pile of dirty underwear out of Okaasan's smelly room...a few plastic bags etc. Waited till the washing machine finished and then put the clean, damp pants in a bowl on the carpet just inside her room: with any luck she'll think she washed them herself and will take them to the next stage of hanging them up.
I think that recently she hasn't been doing the hand-washing for the endless pants so much.
She always used to be doing it constantly - and leaving bowls of damp pants here and there in the bathroom, kitchen and her room.
Recently - really nothing.
I know she bought yet more pants yesterday because I found the bag and receipt.
So the PILE of pants in her room.....I don't think she notices it, or has the get-up-and-go to start washing by hand such a mountain of underwear.
So - maybe we need to do more of her washing - either secretly as up till now, taking them quietly while she is out and returning them to her room likewise...or more openly by going and asking her to put things in a laundry bag for the machine.
At 3 pm. Back to work.
New students stayed late.
I finally got home at 7.15 pm, with supermarket sashimi and salad. And cake from students.
Okaasan not bothered, no problem.
At dinner I turned on the full charm and chatted her up about all sorts of topics: cake and Christmas, and wartime and food, and wartime work and heating and children, and wartime food etc etc.
Then I mentioned the hula dance event next week.
"There's an event? Nobody told me! Really? What are we dancing? I don't know about this!"
????????????????????????????????
Two days ago she knew about this.
Monday and Tuesday she went off to the rehearsals. Talked about it later etc.
Today - a complete blank on the subject.
Just nothing.
She was surprised to hear. Wondered what they would be dancing. Wondered when the practice would be. etc etc etc.
It's going to be a bit hard on Monday because I'll be at work and Yujiro isn't back from Tokyo till evening. I'll be booking a taxi to come and take Okaasan to the hotel in the afternoon with a bag of stuff I have to prepare for her.
But I'd like to her to at least REALIZE there is an event!!!
I can see the taxi driver coming at 1.30 pm and Okaasan still being in her pyjamas in front of the TV. i'd better get Yujiro to call her from Tokyo several times that morning to make sure she is getting ready.
THIS is the mad life we are leading!!!!
This beer is so good.
A bit of One of Those Days.
The beer I am drinking now has never tasted so good.
Weather looked ok, so I left the "We are Out, so you should go and have lunch out" laminated sign on the kitchen table with Y1,000. Briefly chatted to Okaasan in the kitchen as she was heading to the loo while I was heading to the shower.
A busy day at work, with new students and a returning student.
I got back early afternoon - mainly to keep the cats company because I knew I'd be a bit late.
Recently a large, menacing local stray has been hanging around - and even daring to peer round the open window/door - scaring Popo and Chichi badly. So we can't leave windows open so much. It's interesting that even though there are two of them and one of him - he knows they are youngsters and no match at all.
Anyway. Came home about 1.30 pm.
Okaasan was here. Watching Tv. She'd eaten pickled bits of fish and a yogurt.
I offered to make her lunch (not too enthusiastically I must admit) , but she stirred herself to going out and about 2 pm she finally got out.
I kept the cats company. Put on the rice for dinner. Grabbed a pile of dirty underwear out of Okaasan's smelly room...a few plastic bags etc. Waited till the washing machine finished and then put the clean, damp pants in a bowl on the carpet just inside her room: with any luck she'll think she washed them herself and will take them to the next stage of hanging them up.
I think that recently she hasn't been doing the hand-washing for the endless pants so much.
She always used to be doing it constantly - and leaving bowls of damp pants here and there in the bathroom, kitchen and her room.
Recently - really nothing.
I know she bought yet more pants yesterday because I found the bag and receipt.
So the PILE of pants in her room.....I don't think she notices it, or has the get-up-and-go to start washing by hand such a mountain of underwear.
So - maybe we need to do more of her washing - either secretly as up till now, taking them quietly while she is out and returning them to her room likewise...or more openly by going and asking her to put things in a laundry bag for the machine.
At 3 pm. Back to work.
New students stayed late.
I finally got home at 7.15 pm, with supermarket sashimi and salad. And cake from students.
Okaasan not bothered, no problem.
At dinner I turned on the full charm and chatted her up about all sorts of topics: cake and Christmas, and wartime and food, and wartime work and heating and children, and wartime food etc etc.
Then I mentioned the hula dance event next week.
"There's an event? Nobody told me! Really? What are we dancing? I don't know about this!"
????????????????????????????????
Two days ago she knew about this.
Monday and Tuesday she went off to the rehearsals. Talked about it later etc.
Today - a complete blank on the subject.
Just nothing.
She was surprised to hear. Wondered what they would be dancing. Wondered when the practice would be. etc etc etc.
It's going to be a bit hard on Monday because I'll be at work and Yujiro isn't back from Tokyo till evening. I'll be booking a taxi to come and take Okaasan to the hotel in the afternoon with a bag of stuff I have to prepare for her.
But I'd like to her to at least REALIZE there is an event!!!
I can see the taxi driver coming at 1.30 pm and Okaasan still being in her pyjamas in front of the TV. i'd better get Yujiro to call her from Tokyo several times that morning to make sure she is getting ready.
THIS is the mad life we are leading!!!!
This beer is so good.
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
No Dinner as normal.
Weird can get normal eventually.
Just another night...Okaasan buys a bunch of stuff during the day and eats it, leaves it around her room and the kitchen - although thankfully this time she put the scallops INSIDE the fridge.
At 6 pm she decides to go out for a walk again. We remind her about 7 pm dinner.
At 7 pm I am cooking dinner.
Yujiro calls her: she is in Macdonalds down the road having a coffee and...
Comes home and bringing her chicken McNuggets in a napkin.
She flops down at the kitchen table.
I start serving dinner.
"No, I'm not hungry...no...nothing for me."
We sit and eat the scallops...the eel that I bought....and Okaasan sits acoss the table and chats a bit. Occasionally she looks around the kitchen as if wondering where she is and why she isn't eating. But when we offer food she says "no".
We finish our dinner. We clear the table. She goes into her room and watches Tv, and sleeps. We go upstairs and watch our Tv and sleep.
Another increasingly typical evening in our home.
We could almost not bother cooking for her. But then sometimes she eats. But about 3 nights a week she doesn't. We have to have the miso soup and rice ready in case she does, because you can be sure the night we have cheese fondue all cooked up for us alone - will be a night when she DOES want to eat.
No way to stop her going out and buying stuff at the end of the afternoon.
* News from England. My step-mum had her polyp operation. She is ok. But has low blood pressure and they may give her a blood transfusion...
Just another night...Okaasan buys a bunch of stuff during the day and eats it, leaves it around her room and the kitchen - although thankfully this time she put the scallops INSIDE the fridge.
At 6 pm she decides to go out for a walk again. We remind her about 7 pm dinner.
At 7 pm I am cooking dinner.
Yujiro calls her: she is in Macdonalds down the road having a coffee and...
Comes home and bringing her chicken McNuggets in a napkin.
She flops down at the kitchen table.
I start serving dinner.
"No, I'm not hungry...no...nothing for me."
We sit and eat the scallops...the eel that I bought....and Okaasan sits acoss the table and chats a bit. Occasionally she looks around the kitchen as if wondering where she is and why she isn't eating. But when we offer food she says "no".
We finish our dinner. We clear the table. She goes into her room and watches Tv, and sleeps. We go upstairs and watch our Tv and sleep.
Another increasingly typical evening in our home.
We could almost not bother cooking for her. But then sometimes she eats. But about 3 nights a week she doesn't. We have to have the miso soup and rice ready in case she does, because you can be sure the night we have cheese fondue all cooked up for us alone - will be a night when she DOES want to eat.
No way to stop her going out and buying stuff at the end of the afternoon.
* News from England. My step-mum had her polyp operation. She is ok. But has low blood pressure and they may give her a blood transfusion...
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Dinner? Yes! No! Bugger!
Apologies for a good old British swear word: Bugger.
Okaasan did it again. Said "Yes" to dinner as I was preparing it. Then when it was served: "No, I ate when I was out/I feel tired/my stomach aches". And back to the carpet and the TV.
It is SO SO frustrating. I know I shouldn't let this get to me. But it does.
I don't do so much family cooking here and when I do - and this happens - it frustrates me.
Today I'd shopped for and planned a wonderful Hokkaido feast of salmon and vegetables and made-from-scratch Miso soup.
We'd left the "We're Working, So Eat Out" sign on the kitchen table for Okaasan.
I came back at 2 pm and she was out: which I thought was a good sign because that probably means she is eating fairly near lunchtime somewhere.
At just before 6 pm she came home.
She watched TV and pottered around her room - I started cutting up vegetables and fish and checked with her: Dinner? Yes? Great. Tonight we have delicious salmon!
Cut the right amount of stuff for 3 people. Started cooking. Put the finishing touches to the soup.
Called everyone together...
Would you like rice as well as potatos?
Potatos? Rice?
No, I don't want dinner. Maybe I'll eat later.
Buggeration. Major.
Like that movie Amelie...I feel like sinking to the kitchen floor in a pool of disappointment.
The Hokkaido feast is there on the hot plate all sizzling away. The soup is steaming. It all looks great.
Yujiro is all excited about it. So he and I sit and eat and chat. Okaasan in the room behind us is on the carpet staring at the TV.
Frustration.
She won't go hungry because she snacks endlesly and we assume she eats in a restaurant when she is out. But this will she/won't she over dinner is wearing me down.
Okaasan did it again. Said "Yes" to dinner as I was preparing it. Then when it was served: "No, I ate when I was out/I feel tired/my stomach aches". And back to the carpet and the TV.
It is SO SO frustrating. I know I shouldn't let this get to me. But it does.
I don't do so much family cooking here and when I do - and this happens - it frustrates me.
Today I'd shopped for and planned a wonderful Hokkaido feast of salmon and vegetables and made-from-scratch Miso soup.
We'd left the "We're Working, So Eat Out" sign on the kitchen table for Okaasan.
I came back at 2 pm and she was out: which I thought was a good sign because that probably means she is eating fairly near lunchtime somewhere.
At just before 6 pm she came home.
She watched TV and pottered around her room - I started cutting up vegetables and fish and checked with her: Dinner? Yes? Great. Tonight we have delicious salmon!
Cut the right amount of stuff for 3 people. Started cooking. Put the finishing touches to the soup.
Called everyone together...
Would you like rice as well as potatos?
Potatos? Rice?
No, I don't want dinner. Maybe I'll eat later.
Buggeration. Major.
Like that movie Amelie...I feel like sinking to the kitchen floor in a pool of disappointment.
The Hokkaido feast is there on the hot plate all sizzling away. The soup is steaming. It all looks great.
Yujiro is all excited about it. So he and I sit and eat and chat. Okaasan in the room behind us is on the carpet staring at the TV.
Frustration.
She won't go hungry because she snacks endlesly and we assume she eats in a restaurant when she is out. But this will she/won't she over dinner is wearing me down.
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Dinner Missteps...again
If I was the suspicious type (which of course I am not...) I would think that Okaasan actively tries to avoid my dinners.
Last night again - she came home late, and then when the food was all set out in front of her - didn't want it.
She isn't planning this I know. And I let the ripple of exasperation run thru me and try to move on. But it IS frustrating.
Tuesday is a busy day. Classes. The knee. I did some shopping afterwork.
Home. Kittens (last supper before The Snip).
There were the remains of tofu and egg and instant miso soup scattered around the kitchen counter and in a pan. And a supermarket pack of shellfish left on the kitchen table in the warmest day of the year. I guessed Okaasan had gone out, done some shopping and then tried to cook something. We had a left the "Go out for lunch" notice on the table, but maybe she'd shopped and amazingly tried to cook something herself.
She'd also done a lot of handwashing of underwear.
At 5.50 pm Okaasan went out again.
Yujiro came home.
6.30 I started cooking dinner - a stir fry with the mushrooms and fishpaste sausages Okaasan bought the other day.
Yujiro checked on the Internet about how to wash out the shellfish by putting them in salty water to make them open up.
At 7 pm we called Okaasan and reminded her...again...that family dinner is at 7 pm so please come home.
As usual: she was 10 minutes away in the Macdonalds drinking coffee and eating MacNuggets.
We ate our dinner. It was pretty good I thought.
Okaasan came home at 7.25 pm.
She sat down at the table and looked tired.
I reheated her food and served her.
She looked at all the plates: No, I'm not so hungry. I ate when I was out. I'm tired.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So we made gentle noises and cleared the table. I went upstairs to call my step-mum in England (who is doing great!!! Yeah!!) and Okaasan finally settled down under the heated table blanket and with the TV.
I KNOW she doesn't plan it. But it does seem that when I cook - and when it is half way deliicious - she isn't feeling like it. Or comes so late and doesn't want it.
Yesterday she may have eaten when she went shopping, she ate something at home, then she had MacNuggets at 6.30 pm.....
Last night again - she came home late, and then when the food was all set out in front of her - didn't want it.
She isn't planning this I know. And I let the ripple of exasperation run thru me and try to move on. But it IS frustrating.
Tuesday is a busy day. Classes. The knee. I did some shopping afterwork.
Home. Kittens (last supper before The Snip).
There were the remains of tofu and egg and instant miso soup scattered around the kitchen counter and in a pan. And a supermarket pack of shellfish left on the kitchen table in the warmest day of the year. I guessed Okaasan had gone out, done some shopping and then tried to cook something. We had a left the "Go out for lunch" notice on the table, but maybe she'd shopped and amazingly tried to cook something herself.
She'd also done a lot of handwashing of underwear.
At 5.50 pm Okaasan went out again.
Yujiro came home.
6.30 I started cooking dinner - a stir fry with the mushrooms and fishpaste sausages Okaasan bought the other day.
Yujiro checked on the Internet about how to wash out the shellfish by putting them in salty water to make them open up.
At 7 pm we called Okaasan and reminded her...again...that family dinner is at 7 pm so please come home.
As usual: she was 10 minutes away in the Macdonalds drinking coffee and eating MacNuggets.
We ate our dinner. It was pretty good I thought.
Okaasan came home at 7.25 pm.
She sat down at the table and looked tired.
I reheated her food and served her.
She looked at all the plates: No, I'm not so hungry. I ate when I was out. I'm tired.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So we made gentle noises and cleared the table. I went upstairs to call my step-mum in England (who is doing great!!! Yeah!!) and Okaasan finally settled down under the heated table blanket and with the TV.
I KNOW she doesn't plan it. But it does seem that when I cook - and when it is half way deliicious - she isn't feeling like it. Or comes so late and doesn't want it.
Yesterday she may have eaten when she went shopping, she ate something at home, then she had MacNuggets at 6.30 pm.....
* Yujiro is just beginning to realize that his mum's conversation style isn't normal - he is talking to more elderly people now in his Bicycle Taxi job. He says he notices how lively and engaged they are in conversation - and how different that is from Okaasan. In the tennis game of conversation she doesn't do serves herself, and often doesn't return serve at all, or goes to the ball late, or the wrong ball. Or she just stands at the baseline while balls bounce around....and as I've mentioned, I think recently her ball contact time has decreased.
* Talking of balls - Chichi and Popo have gone in to the vets for the Big Snip. Yujiro and I actually went and slept at my English classroom last night, so we wouldn't have to spend 3 hours this morning with desperatly hungry and confused kittens. No food before the operation of course. But they don't know that.
Poor little buggers. One website said they will be more affectionate after the operation. I hope not: if Popo gets any more affectionate I won't have any neck or face skin left!
Saturday, 27 February 2010
Oyomesan duties...
Stimulating Saturday night.
Not.
Had 5 classes at work today and a pile of student diaries to read, so finally got out just before 6 pm and did a quick spin round the supermarket to buy sushi, veggies and tofu.
Took a taxi home with all the shopping and the diaries. And I think I saw Okaasan scurrying along as she does - heading to the Seiyu and Macdonalds...a favorite haunt of hers recently.
But that was 6.10 pm, so I knew she wouldn't be home for ages.
So I got back - started the pork and veggies soup, made the salads, fed the kittens, played with the kittens, made the bed, picked up a few tissue paper balls from the living from carpet....checked the soup and put on the heater in Okaasan's room....and found the window of her tatami room WIDE open to the street.
I just hope no burglar ever thinks this house is worth coming into...in Japan they actually have a whole sub-species of Women's Underwear Thieves (I've lost mine twice from a balcony clothes line and a coin-laundry) - so maybe some WUT would like to come on in and rummage thru Okaasan's collection.
Anyway. By 7.20 pm Okaasan wasn't home. So I ate dinner alone in the kitchen with a beer and the newspaper. I called Yujiro at the ski area to check his phone GPS and locate Okaasan. She was in one of the local supermarkets near the station.
I continued eating. Finished. Washed plates and came upstairs.
She rocked home just before 8 pm.
I fed her and chatted a bit. Then gave her the "got to call someone" line and escaped to MY Saturday night finally.
Oyomesan duties done.
And that's my life....
* Yesterday I made a mistake in Okaasan's chat-along. She was wombling on as usual about how her mother's family had once lived just by the bridge over the Toyohira River on the road between Sapporo and Otaru.
"Ahh yes, you went with a taxi driver once didn't you and he helped you look for the place didn't he?" I prompted.
"I did? Me? A taxi driver?" she looked across at me bemused, until I gave her another prompt about how far it was in those days between Hokkaido and Kawagoe...and then she was off again on the usual storyline about Kawagoe and the bus to Omiya.
But it was a funny moment.
Of course I've heard the Toyohira Bridge story so many times and how she once came to Sapporo and got a taxi driver to take her looking for it etc.
But - for some reason - last night THAT part of the story wasn't in her mind and when I supplied that part of the puzzle she was momentarily thrown because it wasn't in her memory at all - and of course she believed she was telling me this story for the first time ever!
So, so strange.
I read about this in my dementia book - and there it was - a clear example of it, it's ok to give the prompts which lead a person with dementia off into another story, but you can't give away the fact that you've heard it all before.
The brain is a wierd and wonderful thing.
.....and my curtains are rapidy becoming wierd and wonderful too...the kittens are into climbing mode this week. I can see daylight thru the claw marks. I think I'll have to ask Santa for new curtains next Xmas.
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Beginning to settle down.(J)
Sorry - I haven't blogged.
The weather has been great and as I've had a half teaching schedule I've been spending a lot of time outside - STARTING THE GARDEN! Yeah!!!
Gardening is so, so cathartic. It relaxes me more than I ever realized. Even with Okaasan coming to help/hinder...it is relaxing. (But I have learned that if I stay away from just outside the living room windows when she is home she won't come out and join me!).
Maybe it is the gardening. Or maybe it is just that finally the moving stress is beginning to recede. But I feel more relaxed and I feel that there IS some happy future in this situation for all of us. Finally. Since Okaasan came in December it's been mainly day after day of stress. Now I feel life opening up in front of me...and him.
So, a quick round up:
- He and I started morning walking again, exploring our new neighborhood.
- Okaasan and I spent a morning in the sunshine tackling 3 years of bamboo grass growth.
People using the street and the old lady opposite stopped by to comment on our good work. Okaasan enjoyed the gardening, although I did have to watch that she kept on task and didn't stuff dead bamboo grass in the plastics trash bag. She only started that childish whining once - when I wouldn't prune a bushy thing as she wanted it. I walked away and a few minutes later talked about something else, and she appeared to have passed on and over the stressy situation. The garden looks huge! I am so happy. It's going to be a big challenge, but I come from a family of gardeners. It's gonna be fun.
I don't think Okaasan actually knows much about plants and gardening...but she likes flowers.
Bobcat makes his garden debut.3. Okaasan came home from a shopping outting at 7.30 pm. We'd started cooking dinner after deciding that we'd go ahead and eat without her. She walked in just as Yujiro was serving up 2 bowls of noodles. So, being the good son that he is ...he gave Okaasan HIS dinner, and started cooking another portion of noodles for himself. "Eh, Yujiro isn't eating anything?"she asked..."Yes, YOU are eating his...!" I remarked nastily....She really has NO concept of time. It annoys me like mad.
4. Yujiro escorted Okaasan to hula dancing as the class resumed today. We wanted to be sure she knew how to get there. She told him they were going to walk the 3 km to the sports center, so they left early. He came back later and commented that she didn't really seem so sure of the route.
Around 4 pm I had just finished "stealing" some of my plants from my old house garden (helped by my wonderful neighbors) and I decided to wait on the road near the sports center and spy on Okaasan from the safety of the car to see how she went home from Hula dancing....first she walked with classmates to half a kilometer to Nakanoshima. But then I guess the classmates went into their apartments and she cheerfully set off in the WRONG direction! She did stop and ask some women the way, but as it was starting to rain I finally broke cover and spun her a white lie about happening to see her as I was returning with a carload of plants...and scooped her up and took her home.
One night recently she came home from "shopping" and she looked so cold and tired I am sure she was walking lost for ages. It's sad, but there isn't much we can do...wants to go out, she enjoys walking. But I fear she often walks in circles.
5. I discussed with Yujiro that we should try and get Okaasan to look after herself for her mid-morning meal. He agreed. But then cooked for her twice. I kind of feel he has brought this dependency on himself by cooking almost every day for her since she came here in December. He is starting to job hunt now. When he and I are both working she'll have to fend for herself and I think we should be getting her in training!
6. We are eating all the stuff she buys. She goes out every day and comes back with stuff...apples, yogurt, rice balls, snacks...but she soon forgets when it is in in the fridge. So we eat it. Nothing has been done about the lilly bulbs yet! They are lurking in the fridge,
7. Okaasan is still falling asleep in front of the TV on the living room carpet. She wakes up a lot at night I think, but she forgets to heat her bedroom...so it isn't an attractive place to sleep. We don't know quite what to do.
8. He and I have had a few words about how much of our habits and life need to be extended to include Okaasan. He chatted to her about cheese fondue, she looked unconvinced (naturally, because she doesn't really like cheese...even though she eats pizza!). I felt sad because I have happy memories of US eating fondue. I don't want to share the experience! Then we talked about a local curry restaurant we want to try..."she'll like that, she likes curry" he said..."well, she doesn't need to come, WE can go and eat curry, she doesn't need to come with us all the time! I wailed....
9. The ghost/spirit/whatever hasn't made any more appearences. Maybe we've scared her away!
２００９年４月８日（水）
落ち着き始める
ごめんなさいね・・・ブログをご無沙汰しちゃって。
気候もよくなってきて、仕事量も半分だったので、
ガーデニングはそうね、すごい癒しだわ。
ガーデニングかもしれないわ。いえ、たぶん、
それでは、最近の出来事：
- 彼とワタシは朝のウォーキングを再開し、
新しいご近所を探索しているの。 - お義母さんとワタシは朝日の中、
３年かけて育った笹と格闘して過ごしたわ。 この道をいつも通る人々やお向かいの老婦人が立ち止まり、 ワタシたちの成し遂げた仕事にコメントしたのよ。 お義母さんはガーデニングを楽しんでいたわ。 お義母さんが仕事を続けて、 枯れた笹をプラスティックのゴミ箱に入れないようにワタシが見な ければならなかったとしてもね。 ワタシがお義母さんの望みどおりに茂みを刈り込まなかったとき、 お義母さんは一度子供っぽく愚痴を言い始めたの。 ワタシは立ち去り、数分後、何か違うことについて話したの。 それでお義母さんはストレスの状況をやり過ごし逃れたみたいだっ たわ。庭が大きく見えるわ。ワタシはとてもうれしいの。 これは大きな挑戦になりそうだわ。でも、 ワタシはガーデナー一家の出よ。たのしくなるわ。 ワタシはお義母さんが植物やガーデニングに精通しているとは思わ ないわ・・・でもお義母さんはお花が好きなのよ。
（写真説明）ネコのボブ、ガーデンデビューを果たす
- お義母さんが買い物のお出かけから７時３０分に帰宅したわ。
ワタシたちはお義母さん抜きで食べようと決めて、 夕食を作り始めていたの。 ユウがちょうど二人分の麺をよそい終わったときに、 お義母さんは入ってきたわ。それで、 彼のようにできた息子がすることは・・・ ユウはお義母さんに自分の分をあげ、そして、 彼自身のためにもうひとつ作り始めたの。「あら、 ユウは食べていないじゃないの？」お義母さんは聞いたわ。「 ええ、お義母さんが彼の分を召しあがって・・・」 ワタシは不愉快な気持ちで一言いったの。 本当にお義母さんは時間の観念がないのよ。 それはめちゃくちゃにワタシを困らせているのよ。
- ユウはお義母さんをきょう再開のフラダンスに付き添って行ったわ
。 ワタシたちはお義母さんがそこへの行き方をわかっていると確信し たかったの。 お義母さんは彼にスポーツセンターまでは３キロ歩くと言ったので 、二人は早めに出かけたわ。彼はあとで帰ってきて、 母は道をよく覚えてはいなかったようだ、って言っていたわ。
午後４時ごろ、
最近のある夜、お義母さんは“お買い物”から帰ってきて、
- ワタシはユウと、
お義母さんが自分で午前中の食事の支度をするように仕向けるべき ことについて話し合ったの。彼は賛成したわ。でも、 それから２回お義母さんに作ってあげたのよ。 １２月にお義母さんがここにきてからほとんど毎日作ってあげたこ とがこんな依存関係を彼自身にもたらしたって感じてもいるのよ。 彼は今、職を探し始めているわ。彼とワタシがどちらも働くとき、 お義母さんは自分でどうにかしなければならなくなるし、 ワタシはお義母さんを訓練しなきゃって思うのよね。
- ワタシたちはお義母さんが買うものすべてを食べているの。
お義母さんは毎日出かけ、りんごやヨーグルト、おむすび、 お菓子なんかを買って帰るの・・・ でも冷蔵庫の中にあるのにすぐ忘れちゃうのよ。 それでワタシたちが食べるの。ユリ根はまだだけど！ 冷蔵庫の中に身を潜めているわ。
- お義母さんは居間のカーペットの上のテレビの前でぐっすり眠って
いるわ。お義母さんは夜に何度も眼を覚ましていると思うの。 でも自分の寝室を暖めるのを忘れるのよ・・・ だからそこは眠りを誘われる場所ではないの。どうしたらいいか、 さっぱりわからないわ。
- 彼とワタシは、
お義母さんを加えるためにワタシたちの習慣や生活をどの程度広げ る必要があるかについて少し話し合ったの。 彼はお義母さんにチーズフォンデュのことを話したわ。 お義母さんは納得していないみたいだったの。（もちろん、 お義母さんは本当にチーズが好きじゃないのよ・・・ ピザは食べてもね！） ワタシはピザを食べた二人の楽しい思い出があるから寂しさを感じ るわ。その体験をわかちあいたいとは思わない！ それからワタシたちは行ってみたい近所のカレー屋について話した の。“母は気に入るだろう。カレーが好きだし”彼は言ったわ。“ うーん、お義母さんは行かなくてもいいのよ。 二人でカレーを食べに行きましょう。 お義母さんはいつも一緒に行かなくてもいい！ ワタシは声を上げて泣いたの・・・
- あの幽霊だか精霊だかわからないものがもう現れなくなったの。
たぶんワタシたちが追い払ったのよ！
Thursday, 15 January 2009
The gentle tyranny of eating requirements.
Yesterday was my day off.
We got up kind of late. Had breakfast about 8.30 am - coffee, cereal...fruit..
About 10.30 I started cooking Okaasan's meal: fish, rice, soup, salad. She came in about 11 am to eat it, we sat at the table with her chatting.
Okaasan said: "this is troublesome, you don't need to cook specially for me, I can wait until lunchtime and eat with you."
We told her that it wasn't so much trouble. That today I am home etc. That now is a strange time in our lives because HE is home all the time with the ligaments etc. When we are both working she will have to fend for herself at lunchtimes with convenience stores, food deliveries or going out.
But it IS troublsome of course. Different eating timetables and different eating styles.
Yesterday around 1 pm He and I ate a combination of stuff in the fridge: potato, eggs, cheese, a can of tuna...some salad. It's fine for us, but we absolutely know Okaasan would NOT want to eat that! She often says: I can eat anything. BUT then she picks through something asking what it is etc.
In addition, eating seperatly from her gives us the freedom to eat what we want sometimes. Okaasan doesn't like bacon. We love it. We bought some the other day and it sat around for ages because there was no actual meal time when we could eat it!
I don't know the solution to all of this.
But I do know preferred different eating times and styles is troublesome.
On a happier front: yesterday I got Okaasan out of the house in time to walk to Hula dance class. There was a bit of a panic when I went to take her, because she had 3 pm as a time fixed in her head...and she wasn't ready at all at 2 pm...and then she lost the sports center strip of tickets...and then she couldn't remember which black boots in the center shoes area were hers...and so it goes...endless little confusions!
But she enjoyed Hula dance. A class member will sew up the material into a skirt. I enjoyed a quick work out and shower at the gym during the dance class time. We walked home together chatting about his leg.
He cooked chicken stew for dinner. Okaasan picked out the potato skins. She wondered about adding more salt.
Late at night we sat at the computer again looking at real estate agent sites for small houses. We Can Change!
We got up kind of late. Had breakfast about 8.30 am - coffee, cereal...fruit..
About 10.30 I started cooking Okaasan's meal: fish, rice, soup, salad. She came in about 11 am to eat it, we sat at the table with her chatting.
Okaasan said: "this is troublesome, you don't need to cook specially for me, I can wait until lunchtime and eat with you."
We told her that it wasn't so much trouble. That today I am home etc. That now is a strange time in our lives because HE is home all the time with the ligaments etc. When we are both working she will have to fend for herself at lunchtimes with convenience stores, food deliveries or going out.
But it IS troublsome of course. Different eating timetables and different eating styles.
Yesterday around 1 pm He and I ate a combination of stuff in the fridge: potato, eggs, cheese, a can of tuna...some salad. It's fine for us, but we absolutely know Okaasan would NOT want to eat that! She often says: I can eat anything. BUT then she picks through something asking what it is etc.
In addition, eating seperatly from her gives us the freedom to eat what we want sometimes. Okaasan doesn't like bacon. We love it. We bought some the other day and it sat around for ages because there was no actual meal time when we could eat it!
I don't know the solution to all of this.
But I do know preferred different eating times and styles is troublesome.
On a happier front: yesterday I got Okaasan out of the house in time to walk to Hula dance class. There was a bit of a panic when I went to take her, because she had 3 pm as a time fixed in her head...and she wasn't ready at all at 2 pm...and then she lost the sports center strip of tickets...and then she couldn't remember which black boots in the center shoes area were hers...and so it goes...endless little confusions!
But she enjoyed Hula dance. A class member will sew up the material into a skirt. I enjoyed a quick work out and shower at the gym during the dance class time. We walked home together chatting about his leg.
He cooked chicken stew for dinner. Okaasan picked out the potato skins. She wondered about adding more salt.
Late at night we sat at the computer again looking at real estate agent sites for small houses. We Can Change!
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