Long...long...long day...(J)

Looooong day.
And the moving day isn't until tomorrow!
The computer didn't get packed up yet, because Japan beat Korea in the World Baseball Classic - so Yujiro spent most of the day stuck to the TV and feeding Okaasan lunch.

I was working all day, 3 big classes - with students all excited about the baseball game and people gathering round television screens with strangers in public places.

At 5.30 pm I got back to my English classroom. Already pretty tired. Okaasan was settled in with the TV and her new sewing machine. BUT! She hadn't got her glasses and she hadn't brought the sewing scissors to cut the curtains. Of course by now they were probably in a box somewhere that Yujiro was busy packing in her apartment.

So. She and I sat and watched TV and drank tea. At 6.30 Yujiro came in and we went to a nice local restaurant to eat dinner and toast our move. We ordered food.
Then Okaasan came back from the toilet and confessed that she'd had suffered from incontinence...and wanted to go immediately to the nearby store and buy new underwear! And change into it...

So....while Yujiro sat with the food arriving at the table Okaasan and I put on our coats again and boots, and headed over the road to the store. Bought the underwear, changed into it, got bags from the shop staff for the soiled clothes ...and 25 minutes later got back to the table and started dinner...again.

Aghh...life with an elderly lady who refuses advice about being incontinent. We HAVE to tackle this situation soon. Get a care worker in to start getting Okaasan primed more about health and aging care.

So. We ate dinner. They drank alcohol. But I was driving. Then we made sure Okaasan was ok at the English school with bedding/heating/lights etc...and came home. Yujiro had drunk a bit too much...baseball happiness and moving stress...I was stone cold sober. Grrrr.....

I've just spent an hour or so finishing up the packing in Okaasan's apartment. Only 3 months ago we were setting up this apartment. I remember so well at the beginning of this blog worrying about curtains and kitchen things. Now we are taking it all apart and may not use it again....

Oh - and the Leader of the Opposition in Japan tearfully said he wouldn't be resigning in the latest political scandal - his live press conference was on Tv while I was scooping up the last of Okaasan's bits and pieces and taking down curtain rails.

Now it's 11 pm. I should go to bed. Tomorrow the moving vans and a strong friend are here at 9 am. Moving day will begin.

２００９年３月２４日（火）

長い・・・長い・・・長い日・・・

長―い日だったわ。

引越しの日はやっと明日よ！

パソコンはまだ荷造りされていないの。ＷＢＣで日本が韓国を破ったせいでね・・・ユウは一日の大半テレビに釘付けになり、それからお義母さんに昼食を与えて過ごしたわ。

ワタシは３つの大きなクラスがあって一日中仕事だったの。生徒たちはみんな野球の試合で興奮していたし、人々は公共の場所で知らない人同士がテレビのスクリーンの周りに集まっていたわ。

午後５時半にワタシは自分の英語学校に戻ったの。

すでにすっかり疲れていたわ。お義母さんはテレビと新しいミシンといっしょにそこにいたわ。でもね！　お義母さんはメガネとカーテンを切る裁ちばさみを持ってきていなかったの。もちろん今はもうそれらはたぶん箱の中。ユウが急いで荷造りしていたお義母さんのアパートのどこかのね。

それで、お義母さんとワタシはテレビを見てお茶を飲んだの。６時半にユウが来て、ワタシたちは近くの素敵なレストランに引越しのお祝いの夕食に行ったの。ワタシたちは料理を注文したわ。

そのあと、お義母さんがトイレから帰ってきて、失禁して困っていることを打ち明けたの・・・それですぐにも近くのお店に行って新しい下着を買いたいって！そしてそれに替えたいって・・・

それで・・・ユウは運ばれてきた料理とともにテーブルに座っていたんだけれど、お義母さんとワタシはまたコートを着てブーツを履き、お店に向ったのよ。下着を買って取替え、店員に汚れた衣類をいれる袋をもらったの・・・それで２５分後テーブルに戻り食事を始めたのよ。もう一度ね。

あー・・・失禁に関する忠告を拒否する老婦人との生活。ワタシたちはすぐにもこの状況に取り組まなければならないんだわ。もっとお義母さんの健康と老化のケアをきちんとしはじめるためのケアワーカーを頼まなくては。

ワタシたちは夕食を食べたの。彼とお義母さんはお酒を飲んだわ。でもわたしは運転だったのよ。それから、ワタシたちはお義母さんの英語学校のベッドや暖房や灯りなんかを確認して、家に戻ったの。ユウはちょっと飲みすぎたわ・・・野球の喜びと引越しのストレス・・・ワタシはしらふでかなり冷めてたわ。もう・・・・

ワタシは一時間くらいお義母さんのアパートにいて荷造りの最後の仕上げをしたの。わずか３ヶ月前ワタシたちはこのアパートを準備したのよ。ワタシ、よく覚えているわ。このブログの初めのころ、カーテンや台所用品で悩んでいたことをね。今それを全部ばらばらにして二度と使うことはないかもしれない。

えーっ・・・日本の民主党の党首が涙ながらに最近の政治スキャンダルで辞任しないって言っているわ。ワタシがお義母さんの残りのものいくつかをかき集めたり、カーテンレールを取り外している間にあった記者会見のテレビ中継でね。

今、午後１１時よ。休まなくっちゃならないわ。明日は９時に引越しトラックと力持の友人がここにくるんですもの。引越しの日が始まるわ。

Okaasan prepares to move...again.(J)

Today Okaasan really seemed to connect to the fact that we are about to move.

We showed her the curtains that we'd like her to shorten and told her that the table at my English school is nice and big for sewing curtains. "Wednesday would be a good day for doing curtains" we told her...I'm not sure if she has actually connected to our saying that she'll stay Tuesday night at my English classroom. I kind of wonder if Yujiro should sleep there with her?

To our surprise she also asked to have some boxes to start packing her things. Great! We thought maybe we would have to do it all. But she has actually made a start of putting clothes away.
A few days ago we tried to interest her in going shopping for the Greeting presents that it is traditional to give to new neighbors in Japan. But she didn't seem interested. So it's great that she IS connecting to the move and is prepared to pack some things.

It's tough on her. She did this in December too. I feel sorry for her having to do it again. But in the long term it is for the best. Where she is going to be so much better and more comfortable. I can really imagine her pottering around the 3 rooms: bedroom, living and kitchen - cooking Lilly bulbs and strewing drying clothes on every available surface.

And so we are ready for Wednesday. He and I took one carload of stuff to the house today and tried a few furniture position changes. But there isn't much more we can do. The kitchen and the bedroom are clear of everything we won't need in the next few days. I've ironed my work clothes until Thursday. I've prepared all my lessons until Thursday.

Tonight is the last night for old Bob cat to be here in this house. He'll go to the vets for 3 nights tomorrow. Poor little bugger. He doesn't know WHAT is about to happen. But he senses it is something. He was quite clingy today and even jumped up to sit on Okaasan's lap before dinner. She let out a terrible wail. She really is scared of him. Let's hope the baby gate will work and keep them safely apart.


Bob, the most handsome cat in the world...taken last Easter with a chocolate chick and eggs.


Anyway. I'm off to watch American Idol on TV. It's our complete addiction.

２００９年３月２２日（日）

お義母さんは引越しの準備・・・再び

きょうお義母さんはワタシたちが引っ越しつつあるという事実に本当に気づいたみたい。

ワタシたちはお義母さんに短くしてほしいカーテンを見せて、カーテンを縫うにはワタシの英語学校のテーブルがいい大きさだって話したの。“カーテンを縫うには水曜日がいいんじゃない”って言ったの・・・お義母さんが火曜日の夜に英語学校にいてもらうというワタシたちの申し出を本当に理解したかはわからないわ。ユウはお義母さんといっしょにそこで寝るべきじゃないかしら？

驚いたことに、お義母さんが自分のものの荷造りを始めるための箱はないか、って言ったの。すごい！ワタシたちはたぶん全部しなくちゃならないだろうって思っていたわ。でも、お義母さんは実際に衣類を片付け始めていたの。

数日前ワタシたちはお義母さんにごあいさつの品物を買いにいくように水を向けてみたの。日本では新しいご近所さんにプレゼントするのが伝統的なのよ。でもお義母さんは興味がなかったみたい。だからお義母さんが引越しを理解して荷造りの準備をするのはすごいことなのよ。

お義母さんには大変なことよね。１２月にもしているんですもの。またこれをさせるのは申し訳ない気がするわ。でも長い目でみれば、一番のことよ。お義母さんがよりよくもっと快適でいられる場所。ワタシ、お義母さんが３つの部屋でのんびり過ごすのを本当にイメージできるわ。寝室とリビングと台所・・・ユリ根を料理し、選択した衣類をそこら中に干している様子が。

水曜日に向けての準備できているわ。彼とワタシはきょう家に一台分の荷物を持って行き、いくつかの家具の位置を替えてみたの。でもワタシたちのできることは限られているわ。台所と寝室は今後２・３日にひるようなものいがいはすべてなくなっているわ。ワタシは木曜日までの仕事に着ていく服にアイロンをかけ、木曜日までの授業の用意を終えたわ。

今晩が年老いたネコ、ボブにとってこの家のこの場所にいる最後の夜なの。ボブはあしたから3晩獣医のところに行くの。かわいそうな子猫。彼は何が起こるか知らないの。でも何かを感じているわ。きょうは、まとわりついたばかりか夕食前にお義母さんのひざに乗るのに飛び上がったのよ。お義母さんは泣き声をあげたわ。お義母さん、本当にネコをこわがっているの。赤ちゃん用の柵が役に立って、お義母さんとネコを隔ててくれることを期待しましょう。

（写真説明）ボブ、世界一ハンサムキャット・・・去年のイースターのとき、チョコレートのひよこと卵といっしょに撮影

さあ、テレビでアメリカン・アイドルを見る時間だわ。ワタシたち完全にアメリカン・アイドル中毒になってるの。

Moving begins...a home starts to grow.(J)

Couldn't get near the computer last night - Yujiro is doing battle on Internet auction sites trying to buy an electric cooking range.

Yesterday Operation Furniture was a success. We left home at 7 am. I dropped Yujiro at the house do to a list of handyman stuff and picked up Darcy-Australian-macho-man at 7.30 am. We were at Tomoko's parents' home just before 8 am.

The truck man was already loading furniture. It all fitted in the truck - and Tomoko had even found Chawa-mushi bowls in her parents' kitchen. THESE are the bowls for the Japanese steamed savory custard that uses ----- YURINE/lilly bulbs!

We got back to the house at 9 am and unloaded stuff. Noriko and Heather arrived to help clean the place and we all set to wiping down, vacuuming and cleaning windows and light fittings.



The houses isn't dirty really. But a year of emptiness needed to be washed away. Thank you guys! Only Heather managed to stay on until a Thank You Sushi Lunch in Toriton - but thank you everyone!!! (The house may never be this clean again...)




We came home pretty tired late afternoon. But the house is begining to feel like a home now because of the furniture. I still can't believe how nice it is! I found out today that we have a heated toilet seat!!!! Small things..happiness.

We'd left Okaasan to herself today and she'd ordered in pizza. We cooked dinner - but when we called her, she was sleeping and woke up thinking it was morning already....and didn't want dinner. So we ate quietly together and talked about packing...

Later on TV I rewatched the movie "Iris", with Judi Dench and Jim Broadbent painfully wonderful as the writer Iris Murdoch and her husband John. It's about dementia and the decline of mind and self. I wondered if this will be our situation a year or two from now? I wonder how long Okaasan will coast along as she is doing now?

That onsen ticket that a friend gave me - I decided to use it WITH Okaasan later today after work. The hotel is very near and it would be a little outing for her and for me. I'd rather have gone with my friend - because this feels more like an Oyome-san duty - but...it's a nice thing to do for Okaasan and I will enjoy the onsen in between making sure she is safe with steps/hot water taps/pools and unfamiliar systems...

* P.S. We just discovered, Okaasan has been busy on Television Shopping! She bought a sewing machine...but when the delivery came she didn't have the money for it, and of course she doesn't have the company contact information. So we hope they might try to redeliver.

２００９年３月２０日（金）

引越しがはじまる・・・家が大きくなるわ。

昨日の夜はパソコンに近づけなかったの。ユウが電磁調理器を買おうとしてインターネットオークションで競り合っているの。

昨日の家具作戦は成功よ。ワタシたちは朝７時に家を出たの。リストにしたこまごました仕事をしてもらうためにユウを家で降ろし、７時３０分にオーストラリアのマッチョなダーシーを拾って、８時ちょっと前にはトモコさんのご両親の家にいたのよ。

トラックの人はもう家具を積み込んでいたわ。全部トラックに収まったの。それから、トモコさんがご両親の台所で蒸し茶わんを見つけていたの。それって、和食の蒸した具入りのカスタード（ユリ根！を使うの）用の食器なのよ。

ワタシたちは９時に家に戻って荷物を降ろしたの。ノリコさんとヘザーさんがお掃除の手伝いに来ていて、ワタシたちは全員で取り組んだのよ。拭いたり掃除機をかけたり窓や照明器具をきれいにしたりね。

実際に家は汚れてはいなかったの。でも、空き家だった一年間を洗い流す必要があったの。ありがとう、皆さん。ヘザーさんだけはトリトンのサンキュー寿司ランチまでいてくれた---でも皆さんありがとう！！！（この家は二度とこんなにきれいにならないでしょうね・・・）

午後遅くとっても疲れてアパートに戻ったの。でも、あの家が今では家具のせいで我が家のように感じ始めているの。ワタシはまだ信じられないわ。あの家がすごく素敵だってことが。ワタシ、きょうトイレが暖房便座だって気づいたのよ。小さいことだけど、うれしいわ。

ワタシたちはきょうお義母さんに好きにしてもらったの。お義母さんはピザを頼んでいたわ。ワタシたちは夕食を作ったの。でも、ワタシたちがお義母さんを呼んだとき、お義母さんは眠っていて、もう朝が来たと思って起きたの。それで夕食はいらなかったわ。それでワタシたちは二人で静かに食事をして、荷造りの話しをしたわ。

遅くにテレビでワタシは”アイリス“という映画をまた観たの。ジュディ・ディンチとジム・ブロードベントが作家のアイリス・マードックとその夫ジョンを演じた悲しくも美しい映画よ。認知症と知力や自我の衰えについてのものなの。今から一年後か二年後、これがワタシたちの現実になるんじゃないかしら？お義母さんが今のままずっといられるのはどのくらいなのかしら？

友人がワタシにくれた温泉のチケット・・・きょう遅く仕事のあとにお義母さんといっしょに使うことにしたの。そのホテルはとても近いし、お義母さんにとってもワタシにとってもちょっとしたお出かけになるのよ。友人と行ったほうがいいんだけど・・・よりオヨメサンの義務のように感じられるから・・・でもお義母さんのためにしてあげられるよいことだし、足元やお湯の蛇口とか湯船とかなじみのないシステムなんかに係わるお義母さんの安全確保をする合間にワタシも温泉を楽しめるわ。

追伸　ワタシたちは発見したの。お義母さんがテレビショッピングに夢中だってこと！　お義母さんはミシンを買ったの。でも、配達のときお義母さんは支払いのお金を持ってなかったの。そしてもちろん会社の連絡先の情報も持ってなかったわ。再配達してくれたらいいのになあ。

Countdown to moving. (J)

Today I found the front door steps.....and we also found a HUGE shed!

Sunday morning.
Yujiro's just gone next door to supervise Okaasan's bath. Soon this will be so much easier to do. The bath in the new house is nice and low and easy for her to understand. She won't need supervising.

We are on countdown now until moving.

Today: more boxes to fill and lists to make. Things to buy: gate to stop the cat getting downstairs, electric cooker, curtains. Things to arrange: utilities, why does the hot water system leak, cat's stay at vets.


March 20: Furniture from Tomoko and friends are coming to help clean at the house.
March 23: Cat to the vets to stay for 3 nights. Move goldfish...carefully.
March 25: Big furniture moving....and Okaasan. Sleep at the house?
Before March 31: Old houses cleaning.

We talk to Okaasan about the new house. We haven't managed to show her inside it yet. Maybe it's better to do that once it is looking better inside with furniture...

Spring is trying to come here...but then it is cold and snowy again. Tv in Japan is beginning to show plum blossom and sunshine down south, I think Okaasan is a little frustrated that winter seems to be going on and on here. She gets out walking when the weather is good.

On moving day I wish someone would take Okaasan out for the day. Yujiro doesn't think it is necessary. But I think it would be so much better for her to be AWAY while we are stressing with moving furntiture and trucks and stuff...I think she will find it stressful. She'll make US more stressed.

I wonder if I can push the boundaries of frienship with some Japanese friend and find someone who will take Okaasan out shopping/lunch/onsen...whatever....

Meanwhile I realized that I have been pushing away friends too much. One very good friend kept sending me e mails about going out for my birthday. I couldn't think WHEN to go. And I felt guilty about going out too much when Yujiro is basically stuck at home cooking for Okaasan. So I kept putting off my friend and saying..."next month maybe".

Last night the friend came and left a birthday present at the door: it was two tickets for an onsen! She bought them and wanted to go with me. But the deadline is the end of March. So now she's given them to me and said:"maybe you can go with Yujiro..."
NO!!! I feel so bad. SHE planned it all and got the tickets and I kept pushing her away...

I will call her today and arrange a girls' night out for onsen. Moving house and Okaasan should not take away MY life and MY friends.

PS. It's back! Yuri-ne....Lilly Bulbs. I found a bag of them the other day in Okaasan's kitchen. This time I'm gonna do nothing. 10 days from now she'll have access to a working kitchen. She can amaze us with how she cooks them.

２００９年３月１５日（日）

引越しへのカウントダウン

（写真説明）きょう、玄関のステップが見つかったの。それからワタシたち、大きな物置も見つけたのよ！

日曜日の朝

ユウはちょうどお義母さんのお風呂の監督に隣に行ったの。もうじきこれはかなり楽になるはずよ。新しい家のお風呂は素敵で低い位置にあるし、お義母さんにはわかりやすいの。お義母さんは監督がいらなくなるわ。

今、ワタシたちは引越しまでの秒読みに入ったわ。

きょう；　さらに多くの箱詰めとリスト作り　　

買うもの；　ネコが１階に行かないようにする柵、電磁調理器、カーテン　　

手配すること；　電気・水道など　温水設備から水漏れしているのはどうしてかしら　ネコを獣医に預けること

３月２０日；　　　トモコさんのところから家具を運ぶ。それから友人たちが来て家の掃除を手伝ってくれる。

３月２３日；　　　ネコを3晩獣医に預ける。金魚の移動・・・慎重に。

３月２５日；　　　大型家具の引越し・・・それからお義母さんも。家で寝られるかしら？

３月３１日まで；　古い家の掃除

ワタシたちはお義母さんに新しい家のことを話すわ。お義母さんにはまだ家の中を見せていないのよ。たぶん家具が入って見かけが良くなったら中を見せたほうがいいわね。

春がここに来ようとしているわ・・・でも、また寒いし雪が降っているのよ。日本のテレビでは、梅の開花と南方の陽気を伝え始めているわ。お義母さんはここでは冬がいつまでも続いているようだってことに少しがっかりしていると思うの。お義母さんはお天気のいいときには歩いて出かけるのよ。

引越しの日、誰かがお義母さんをその日一日連れ出してくれたらなぁ。ユウはそれは必要ないって考えているの。でも、ワタシは、ワタシたちが家具やトラックや家財道具の移動で緊張しているとき、お義母さんがいないほうがずっといいって思っているの。お義母さんがそれを見るのはかなりのストレスだと思うのよ。それがワタシたちを余計に緊張させるわ。

ワタシ、日本の友人との友情をもっと広げられるかしら？お義母さんを買い物とか昼食とか温泉かどこかに連れて行ってくれる誰かを見つけられるかしら？

一方では、ワタシは自分が友人たちをかなり遠ざけていることを実感したの。一人のとってもいい友人がワタシの誕生日のために出かけることについてＥメールを送ってくれていたの。ワタシ、いつ行けるか、考えられなかったわ。ユウが家に縛り付けられてお義母さんのために料理をしているときに、外出が多すぎることについて罪の意識を感じていたの。それで、先延ばしにして言っていたの・・・“たぶん来月には”

昨夜その友人が来て、ドアに誕生日プレゼントを置いていったの。温泉のチケット２枚だったわ。彼女はそれを買って私と行きたかったのよ。でも３月末が期限なの。それで、彼女はそれをワタシにくれて“ユウとなら行けるんじゃない”って言ったの。

なんてこと！　ワタシとっても悪い気がしたわ。彼女が計画し、チケットを手にいれ、そして、ワタシが彼女を追いやった・・・

ワタシはきょう彼女に電話して、温泉での女たちの夜の打ち合わせをするつもりよ。家の引越しやお義母さんのことはワタシの人生とワタシの友人たちを取り上げるべきではないのよ。

追伸　　帰ってきたのよ！ユリ根・・・百合の球根が。お義母さんの台所でユリ根の入れ物を見つけたの。今回ワタシは何もしないわよ。１０日後お義母さんは台所で仕事ができるようになるの。お義母さんはそれをどうやって料理するかで、ワタシたちをびっくりさせることができるのよ。

　

"And today's word everyone is:Haggard!" (J)

Since I came back from England many students have said that my face is "slimmer"..."thinner".

While of course preening a bit and thinking it may be a compliment I kind of knew it wasn't true, because I've eaten loads in the UK...meat, cheese, Easter eggs....

Yesterday morning's students got out the dictionaries and found the exact word they really mean: haggard.

Yes. Well, that's probably more accurate.

I'm tired. Very tired at the moment. There never seems to be any empty time in life.

Yesterday was a busy working day, 3 big community center classes - and I had to to do extra time in the last class after complaints about the substitute teacher while I was in the UK. It was only an extra 20 minutes of teaching time..but factored in with other things it meant an extra half hour of public "Amanda-sensei" time and I was knackered by 4.30 pm.

Then I drove nearby to meet an old student at her parents' house. Her father died and her mum is in care, so she has the mammoth task of clearing out the house...a life time of possessions and furniture.
We toured the house while I decided which furniture WE could use at our house...it was strange to be looking through a stranger's things like that, strange but necessary. That couple's life is closing...our "family" life is just starting...

Wonderfully I found a kitchen table and chairs, a kitchen cabinet, a wardrobe, a coffee table, a clothes rack...etc...we arranged a day when I'll get a removal van to go and pick it all up.
Tomoko looked relieved that she is getting rid of some of the furniture, I was very relieved to find some things for the house. It was a win-win situation.I promise we'll sit down in a garden this summer and have a relaxing beer together Tomoko!!!

Today is my day off. No jetlag to make me sleep until lunchtime. I'm going to pack and move several carloads of stuff today. I have to sort out and throw away a lot of video cassettes. DVDs are making videos obsolete. Okaasan has hula dancing and Yujiro will escort her to the sports center and do some rehabilitation on his leg.

Two weeks until we move!
２００９年３月１１日（水）

“そこで皆さんの本日の言葉は；やつれた！です”

イギリスから帰ってからというもの、多くの生徒たちが、ワタシの顔が“ほっそりした”・・・”やせた”って言っていたのよ。

もちろんちょっと得意だったけど、それが事実でないことはある程度わかっていて、お世辞かもしれないないって考えていたの。なぜって、イギリスでワタシはたくさん食べたからよ。お肉、チーズ、イースター・エッグ・・・

昨日午前のクラスの生徒たちが辞書を取り出して彼女たちが本当に言いたい的確な言葉を見つけたの。やつれた。

そうね。ええ、たぶん、かなり正確だわ。

ワタシは疲れているの。今ちょうどすごく疲れてるの。人生にヒマな時間なんて決してないらしいわ。

きのうは仕事で忙しい日で、３つのコミュニティセンターで大人数のクラスがあったの。それに、ワタシがイギリスに行っていた間の代わりの先生についての苦情のために、最後のクラスでは余分な時間を割かなければならなかったわ。それは授業時間の追加の２０分だけだったんだけど、他のこともあったので、いつもの”アマンダ先生“タイムの３０分間となって、４時３０分にはもうワタシはくたくたに疲れていたのよ。

それからワタシは古くからの生徒に会いに近くの彼女のご両親のお宅まで運転して行ったの。彼女のお父さんは亡くなって、お母さんは介護施設にいるので、彼女には家を片付けるというとんでもない大仕事があるのよ。人生の歳月のような所持品と家具をね。ワタシたちはワタシがワタシたちの家で使える家具を決める間中、家の中を見て回ったの。こんな風に他の人のものを探し回ることはヘンなことだったわ。ヘンだけど必要なことよ。そのご夫婦の生活は終わって・・・ワタシたち家族の生活が今始まるのよ。

素晴らしいことに、ワタシはキッチンテーブルとイス、食器棚、洋服ダンス、コーヒーテーブル、衣類掛けなんかを見つけたの。私たちはそれら全部を取りに行く引越しトラックを用意する日を打ち合わせたわ。トモコさんは家具がいくつかなくなるので気が楽になったようだったし、ワタシはいくつか見つかったのでとっても気が楽になったわ。どちらにとってもいいことだったの。ワタシは、この夏、庭に座ってトモコと一緒にゆっくりビールを飲む約束をするわ！！！

きょうはお休みなの。時差ぼけがワタシをお昼まで眠らせることはないわ。きょうは荷造りして何回か車で荷物を移動するのよ。大量のビデオカセットを整理して捨てなくっちゃ。ＤＶＤがビデオを時代遅れにしちゃったものね。お義母さんはフラダンス教室で、ユウはそれに付き添ってスポーツセンターに行って脚のリハビリをするの。

引越しまで２週間よ！

Got the keys..now we have to dig our way in! (J)

Today we got the keys to the house - and then we started digging through all the snow to find the parking area and make it wide enough for a car or a truck of furniture.

It was warm in Sapporo today and we were GREATLY helped by an American woman called Rebecca, she is Couch Surfing with us at the moment - actually staying at my English classroom. And for some strange reason, after too many beers in Susukino last night, she offered to come help us clear snow at the house...



So we dug....



and dug...

and found the parking area and found some grass. And then after 3 hours we called it a day and went to the nearby ROYCE chocolate shop and bought chocolate to take home and celebrate with over tea and coffee.

Okaasan is fine. She went out today and walked downtown in the sunshine. She came in for dinner tonight and she was chatty and bright.

I want to start making notes about her conversation areas (primary themes): because in the book I've read about dementia these are the "green" topics that she obviously feels happy with. But, by the time we sit down to dinner I am usually quite tired and after she's gone it's hard to get the energy to make notes about the topics she has chatted about.
Tonight she touched happily on: family names, cooking, eating oysters...maybe I should make a note here.

By the way: Yujiro thinks he's discovered the fish that Okaasan is happy to eat. Sardines....he is cooking them very slowly in a pan and so far she isn't complaining about them.

２００９年３月８日（日）

鍵を手に入れたわ・・・中に入る道を掘らなくては！

きょう、ワタシたちは家の鍵を手にしたわ。それからワタシたちは、駐車スペースをみつけて、そこを車や家具のトラックに十分な広さにするために、そこら中の雪を掘り始めたの。

きょうの札幌は暖かだったわ。それに、ワタシたちはレベッカというアメリカの女性の強力な協力を得たの。彼女はちょうど今ワタシたちのところに滞在しているの―実際にはワタシの英語教室に泊まっているのよ。それと、昨夜すすきのでビールを飲みすぎた結果、彼女が家の除雪の手伝いを買って出たっていうヘンな理由でね。

（写真説明）こんな感じで掘ったの。

また掘ったわ。

そして駐車場と草を見つけたの。それから３時間後、もうきょうは終わりにして、近くのチョコレートのお店‘ロイズ’に行ってチョコレートを家に買って帰り、お茶とコーヒーでお祝いしたのよ。

お義母さんはいい調子よ。お義母さんはきょう日差しの中を街まで歩いていったの。夜には食事に来て、おしゃべりをして朗らかだったわ。

ワタシはお義母さんの会話の範囲（プライマリー・テーマ）のノート作りをはじめたいのよ。どうしてかというと、認知症について読んだ本に、お義母さんがはっきりとよろこびを感じるような”生き生きとした”話題のことが書いてあったからなの。でも、夕食の席に付くとき、ワタシはいつもすっかり疲れていて、お義母さんが帰ったあとには、お義母さんが話していたことについてのノート作りのエネルギーは残っていないのよ。

今晩、お義母さんは幸せそうに話していたわ。家族の名前、お料理のこと、牡蠣を食べたこと・・・たぶんこの時点でノートを作るべきだわ。

ところで：ユウはお義母さんが喜んで食べる魚を発見したって思っているの。イワシよ・・・彼はそれをフライパンでとてもゆっくり調理するの。今までのところ、お義母さんは不満を言ってはいないわ。

Hula Dancing escort and packing...(J)

I got hit by jetlag today and was up in the middle of the night - and then slept from 4 am until 1 pm....

He made sure Okaasan was ready for Hula dancing and walked with her to the sports center, while she danced he was doing rehabilitation for his knee on the training bikes.

I stayed home and started packing boxes for the move. Tomorrow we can get access to the house (at the same time as the cable TV and electricity guys), so we have cleared one whole bookcase of stuff. It made 12 boxes...

Ahhh..moving. Always so much more stuff than you imagine.

２００９年３月４日（水）

フラダンスの付き添いと荷造り

きょうは時差ぼけがひどくって、真夜中に目が覚めちゃったの。そしてそのあと、朝の４時から午後１時まで寝ちゃった。

彼はお義母さんにフラダンスの用意をさせて、スポーツセンターに一緒に歩いて行ったの。お義母さんがダンスをしている間、彼はトレーニングバイクでひざのリハビリをしていたの。

ワタシは家にいて引越しの箱詰めを始めたわ。明日ワタシたちは家に入れるの（ケーブルテレビの電気やさんと同時にね）。それでワタシたちは本棚丸ごとひとつを片付けたの。１２箱になったのよ。

あぁ・・・引越し。いつだって思ってるよりかなり多くの荷物があるものよね。

Japanese family again. (J)

Well, the travel dust is settling and after 2 days of work and jet lag I can catch my breath and blog again.

Tonight we had dinner together, Yujiro, Okaasan, the cat...and I. Nabe (stew cooked on the table) of course. Okaasan is bright and lively. We chatted about English food and Hula dancing, and the drunk Finance Minister scandal etc
Tomorrow is her Hula dance class. Last week she failed to go because she wasn't ready when the classmate came to pick her up. So tomorrow we'll organise her more and make sure she is going. NEXT week her class is joining some mass-Hula event in a local hotel and we'll have to make sure she gets to that too. Tonight she showed me her dress and flowery headpiece. Very cute!

AND.
We have a moving house day!
March 25th. We've booked two little vans and their drivers to come and help us move the big things. That will still give us days to clean this place before we must give the key back to the owner. It feels strange to be leaving this neighborhood. I've lived here since before I met Yujiro.

But also this house is beginning to feel very small - now we know where we are moving to. It will be so good to leave the laundry hanging in one place to dry, and to easily check what Okaasan is doing with bath and shopping.In England I bought seeds and bulbs for the garden, a table cloth...

We took Okaasan on Sunday to show her the house from the outside. But there was so much snow piled up between the road and the building you couldn't really even see the front door! We've asked the house agent to see if the owners will do something about the snow - the building was empty all winter and we kind of feel it is their responsibility to clear at least a path to the door!

Anyway. From now on we'll be busy packing. Okaasan's stuff is limited. But we have a lot. Yujiro already started throwing out things. I must start tomorrow.

And I want to start thinking more about things I've learned in this book about dementia and how to talk to sufferers. Basically the book's advice is:

1) Don't question them (even things like "Where did you go today?" - keep conversation general and on their "primary topic" - which is probably something they know about and enjoy. Probably something which has been in their life and memory a long time. I think for Okaasan it may be shopping, food, family stories.
2) Don't contradict them or point out their memory failings. This is hard..and Yujiro has a tendency to tell Okaasan directly that he's already told her some fact 10 times.
3) Use props/key words to keep the "primary topic" cycle of conversation going round.

I've got to read the book again and make notes. I read it on the airplane and it spoke to me in a big way. Okasan isn't so bad yet. But I can see familiar situations: the indecisiveness, the trouble getting things together to go out, the repeated actions of hand washing and folding clothes and the confusion she has about simple questions.
It'll be hard for me to guide conversations so much in Japanese, because the nuance of language is hard. But I'll try.

２００９年３月３日（火）

再び日本の家族

やっと、旅行のごたごたが収まって、仕事と時差ぼけの二日間が過ぎたので、一息ついてブログを再開できるわ。

今晩、ユウとお義母さんとネコ、そしてワタシは一緒に夕食を食べたの。もちろん鍋（食卓で料理したシチュー）よ。お義母さんは明るく生き生きしてるわ。ワタシたちはイギリスの食べ物やフラダンス、それから酔っ払いの財務相のスキャンダルなんかを話したわ。

明日はお義母さんのフラダンス教室なの。先週お義母さんは教室のお仲間が迎えに来たときに用意ができていなくて休んじゃったの。それで、明日はお義母さんが行くようにちゃんとするつもり。来週お義母さんのクラスは地元のホテルで開かれる大規模なフラダンスの催しに参加するので、お義母さんがそれにもちゃんと行くようにしないとね。今晩お義母さんはワタシに衣装とお花いっぱいの髪飾りを見せてくれたの。すっごくかわいかった。

そして、

引越しの日が決まったの。

３月２５日よ。ワタシたちは小型トラックを２台と大きなものを動かしに助けに来てくれる二人の運転手を頼んだの。大家さんに鍵を返す前にここを掃除する日にちがまだあるわ。ここを離れるのはヘンな感じよ。ワタシ、ユウに出会う前からここに住んでいるんですもの。

でも、この家もかなり狭く感じ始めてるの。引越し先を知ってる今ではね。そこは、洗濯物を一ヵ所に干しておけるし、お義母さんのお風呂や買い物をするのを確認しやすくていいのよ。イギリスでワタシは庭に蒔く種や球根を買ってきたの。テーブルクロスなんかもね。

ワタシたち、日曜日にお義母さんにその家を外から見せたの。でも、大量の雪が道路と建物の間に積み上げられていて、玄関を見ることさえできなかったの。ワタシたち、家の業者に、大家さんが雪を何とかしてくれないかっていう確認をお願いしておいたの。その家は冬中空っぽだったんだから、ワタシたちは、少なくともドアまでの道を除雪するのは彼らの責任だ、って思ったりしてるの。

とにかく、今から荷造りで忙しくなるわ。

お義母さんの荷物は限られてるけど、ワタシたちはたくさん持ってる。ユウはもう物を捨て始めているわ。ワタシも明日始めなきゃ。

それにワタシは本から学んだことをもっと考え始めたいの。認知症についてとか患っている人々との話し方についてをね。要するに、本のアドバイスは、

1. 彼らに質問をしてはいけません。（たとえ”今日どこへ行ったの“のようなことでも・・・・話は一般的で、”プライマリー・トピック“であること・・・・たぶん何か彼らが知っていて楽しいこと。たぶん人生の中でずっと記憶していること。お義母さんだったら、買い物や食べ物や家族の話だと思うわ。
2. 彼らを否定してはいけません。また、記憶違いを指摘してもいけません。これはむずかしいわ。ユウは、もう１０回も話したよ、とお義母さんに面と向って言う傾向があるの。
3. 小道具を使いましょう。”プライマリー・トピック“に関する会話が広がるようにキーワードを。

ワタシはその本を再度読んでノートを作ったの。飛行機の中で読んだんだけどそれはワタシに多いに訴えてきたわ。お義母さんはまだそんなに悪くない。でも、ワタシはこんな光景を間近で見ているの。物事を決められない、外出の支度を整えるのに苦労する、手洗いや衣類をたたむことの繰り返し、簡単な質問への混乱。

日本語で会話を進めるのはワタシにはかなりむずかしそうだわ。だって、言葉のニュアンスってむずかしいもの。でも、やってみるわ。

Got a bath...and a house!

Here we are - we got a BIG bath...and a house in Minami Hiragishi! Yeah! We hope to move in April. Tonight we told Okaasan and showed her pictures...and what did she notice in "her" room? The tokonoma - flower arrangement/seasonal display place that traditional Japanese rooms have! AND - she's feeling much better and managed to walk into our apartment for dinner tonight. So. Good news all round.

I'm still standing...but not eating.

Okaasan is making progress, getting to her feet from the carpet better. Standing and moving around the apartment. We're not sure if she can get into the bath yet because the bathside is about hip height.

She is generally brighter and more her old self.

I suggested to Yujiro that we take dinner IN to her apartment yesterday. I thought maybe some family time with conversation and food would be a lift for her, as opposed to our constant short little checking visits.

So at 6 pm we put all the nabe/table-top stew materials in a pot and bag and took them to her place. She found the table under the mountain of papers and we set up dinner in front of the TV.

"Ahh, but I don't really want to eat...I had a food delivery at lunchtime...I'm not so hungry!"

Oh well...it can't be helped! Our mistake really, he hadn't clearly checked with her that she wanted to actually eat dinner. So, we sat and ate. She sat next to us and chatted a bit and we all companionably stared at the Tv for a while.

Then we took all the dirty bowls, chopsticks, pots and food pacakging back to OUR apartment.
She didn't eat. But maybe it was a good thing to do, a little energising event. She's been inside her apartment now for 4 days.

Luckily now there is snow falling in Sapporo...finally. So the ice sheets are getting covered up and hopefully she'll be able to go out later this week. Her knee still looks swollen to me. But she and he don't seem to think that's a problem. And we know Okaasan's feelings about doctors!

So today. My day off.

This morning the accountant is coming to look at my books and tell me if I actually made a small profit on my English school this year.
And then we are off to see THREE houses that Yujiro found.
We have to give an answer on "our" house today. I kind of just want to decide THAT house and stop the search. There will always be "better" places, but I'd like to move to the next stage of planning and enjoying the place we already found.

Sitting in the bath last night, with my knees on the same level as my ears, I thought about the BIG, new bath in "our" house...ahhhh....nice! And it would be SO nice for Okaasan.

I like our home here - I like the little pocket garden with its cherry tree and gardening neighbors, I like the view of the Japanese-style house across the street, I like the location...but...but..I will find more things to like in another house I am sure.

"Our" house - chance again?

Just like a teenage love drama - the Minami Hiragishi house comes back into our lives again.
And we are all of a dither.

Sunday's estate agent called back yesterday to say: "The yellow house owner says 'No' to a cat, and in fact this owner has already said 'No' to about 30 people...they seem to want only doctors and lawyers in these houses!"

Then he and Yujiro talked some more. This company too has "our" house on its books. He asked us what kind of price we WOULD pay for it. We told him...he called the owner...for 15 minutes Yujiro and I pretended we were interested in washing tea cups and checking weather reports on TV...and then the agent called back...

The Minami Hiragishi house could be ours! For a new, lower price! And an April 1st move. And the cat is ok. AND we could have the key in March if we want to measure things and move some stuff in!

Eeeeekk! Good news at last? We hope!

We asked to have until Wednesday to decide. But....
Yujiro is doing a final search on the Internet for houses and there is one maybe nearer my school that is a possible, we may go see today...but... the Minami-Hiragshi house has been "our" house in conversation since we first saw it.

Fingers crossed please!

Okaasan of course doesn't know about all of this.
Her leg is still painful. But she can slowly get up and down from the carpet. She gets to the toilet and bathroom and she gets to the front door to pay the food delivery man. Last night she even talked about going to hula dancing on Wednesday, although I think that would be in car.

Yujiro's leg is also getting a bit better. The doctor said he should start gentle bending practice at home.

The cat's legs are as wobbly as ever. He looked over his shoulder at the dried food bag yesterday - lost his balance and fell over.

My legs are great. One of my charm points really. I got them from my mother!

Recovery and freedom!

Sunday here was an incredibly cold day.

Okaasan stayed indoors massaging her knee and watching TV. She managed to get up and down from the carpet and reach the bathroom ok.

Yujiro made her breakfast. I took it into her on a tray...but she said: "Oh, didn't I say I don't want to eat?"
Grrrr!!! She didn't actually. So I just left it on her kitchen counter. This is a basic problem about cooking for someone/having someone cook for you - your wants and what you get sometimes don't match. And there are confused feelings all round.

Anyway. We then got out and escaped.

Went home hunting. We spent 4 hours seeing houses with an agent. Saw 2 nice old houses - but not suitable because of location and/or bathroom. It's like peering back into Sapporo history a little to see inside 20-25 year old homes with the style of woodwork etc
We also explored a new area, two stations down from my school - Sumikawa. Actually a good area with nicer homes and more space between the buildings. There is also a shopping/dining area near the subway station.

We saw a NEW cheap-build house. Kind of a yellow cube house. Absolutely goregous inside with all mod cons. Near the station and the library and care center (!!!!). It was just out of our "home" price range, but we'd save on things like heating bills and I expect a few private students would come to the house, although Sumikawa has a lot of local foreigners living there already.
Probably the owner has a "No pets" rule...the agent will check. Even though our old cat couldn't stand on his two back legs to scratch anything now...I can imagine the owner won't relent.Our current house has a "no pets" rule too, but I managed to appeal to the owner's human side with an appeal letter that a friend translated for me - and our cat is actually written into our current contract as an ammendment!

The house was wonderful. I would SO want to live there! I can really imagine Okaasan happy in that warm, bright, convenient home near shops etc
But I am guessing it'll be impossible - unless our dear cat dies. That'll be soon, but who knows when exactly.
Home hunting is like teenage dating - you get your hopes all raised on a new love, and then dashed again for some reason. I should try to protect my emotions from heartache...

We checked on Okaasan late afternoon. She agreed to eat ordered in udon noodles again. Meanwhile we went out to dinner with the Hong Kong woman who is staying at my English School. It was very relaxing to just go out and eat and drink like that, minus our Okaasan. We have to remember who we are...

This morning he goes to hospital to have his leg checked.
I go to work.
Okaasan will massage her leg and hopefully stay indoors.

He died?!!!!

Sorry for a silence. Been too busy living the life to blog about it.

**I worked. And shopped. And took out the trash. And checked Okaasan's hot carpets.

**He stayed home and made shopping lists. Cooked. Injected the cat. Home searched online.

**Okaasan threaded elastic bands into the waist of her hula skirt. Walked. Shopped. Ate.

Yesterday morning Okaasan suddenly came rushing into our hall waving her cell phone. She was confused because someone had called her on it and she doesn't know how to answer the phone. In fact nobody knows the phone number apart from us, we only gave it to her for the GPS function.
The house phone is her actual telephone.

"Ahh, I thought it was Toru-san calling about Satoshi. Maybe he's died"...
"Okaasan, Satoshi HAS died! We told you 3 days ago"
"Satoshi's died? Really? When?"
"3 days ago. We told you"
"Really???!!!"

Isn't that strange? She remembers that her brother was sick in hospital, but not the greater news: he'd then died. This short term memory loss is so strange. Anyway, she wasn't so shocked (yet again), they were a big family and she was older sister...younger brothers were troubles to take care of, not people you cared about...maybe!

I am learning more and more about Okaasan's life from her many stories.
Her mother was born in Sapporo, somewhere near a bridge on a road between Sapporo and Otaru. When she married she moved to Kawagoe in Saitama.
Okaasan's father may have been born in Fukui and moved to Tokyo. But after the Great Kanto Earthquake in 1923 he was evacuated to Kawagoe.

When I first met Yujiro and he came to live in Sapporo with me he was amazed to hear local people saying "azumashkunai!" for "messy/untidy" because it was a word his Mum had used to him and his brother when they were kids. He suddenly realised it was a Hokkaido phrase.

Maybe these Hokkaido roots are why Okaasan is pretty good at walking on snow and ice.

Anyway: other things.
We did say "no" to the house in Minami Hiragishi. And the owners said "no" to reducing the price. We'll wait and see. We still talk about it as "our house". It's the best we've seen so far. But we've looked online at others. Every day there are new properties to see with Street View.

and today?
Okaasan will debut in her hula skirt.
He will watch TV.
I will go skiing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally - we think/hope Okaasan willbe able to find her own way to the sports center and the hula dance class. I will get a day off.

Dinner out and houses.

Last night I took my family out for dinner. Helped the old lady over all the ice sheets outside the front door and into the car, then helped the man-on-crutches over the ice and into the car!
Sapporo's crazy weather gave us spring and flooded roads on Friday. Then Saturday it was Minus 3 and ice sheets.
We only went to our local yakitori restaurant, 5 minutes from the house. But it was essential to use the car.
I needed to have a dinner out of the house. I really wanted to eat meat and mochi-bacon...and other unhealthy things. I wanted to give Yujiro a break from cooking. I wanted to give Okaasan a change of scene.
It was a delicious dinner. Okaasan drank Nihonshu liqour and got a little tipsy(!!!), Yujiro drank 4 or 5 beers...I drank soft drinks as the driver - but we all enjoyed it. After an hour or so we went home again, but it was good to get out of the house.

Apparently Okaasan's younger brother has died. Yujiro called his older brother in Osaka to see if he will go to the funeral on her behalf. Okaasan doesn't seem too bothered. Not very close I guess. I'm an only child and maybe I have a too-rosy picture of family relations: I am always surprised when siblings are not so close.

House hunting. He and I talked a lot more. I kind of agree that maybe we can find better than the house we saw last week. He went online and actually found two more places much closer - one is only two blocks away from our present home!
I think we are going to tell the Minami-Hiragishi house owners that we are interested, but that the price is a bit too much for only a home - and see if they will reduce it. Meanwhile keep looking.
Looking at estate agent websites you really FEEL Japan's population is in sharp decline. So many empty homes. I think we can find somewhere. Patience!

By the way - dear readers - Friday I met Tokiko (she suggested this Blog in the first place), and she is super-busy translating it all into Japanese! One day we'll try and find a way of putting both English and Japanese on this Blog. I know many of my students are reading this (Hi artist Takako! Hi Tamiko! Hi manga-drawing Youko!) and having Japanese might help.

To do...or not to do...that is the question.

We are still debating about the house.
It's more expensive than we were looking for. If I moved my English School there it would be fine, but as a home only - it's a little more than we planned.
Today I went and looked again, afternoon and evening. I walked the area, testing whether it really was 5 minutes to the subway station and supermarket etc. All seemed well. But it's a quiet residential area and I can't imagine moving my English school there...other people might come there for English lessons - because people always find a foreigner/teacher in a Japanese neighborhood...but it's not good as my main business place.
Meanwhile at home he's been looking at other places on the Internet and printing out info about them. We may go and see some more places tomorrow.

The weather was awful here today. Okaasan stayed home not surprisingly. She sewed the elastic bands into the waist of her Hula dance skirt and watched TV. These Hokkaido days when the weather is bad and she can't go out are hard for her.
The news from my family in England is so-so. They are getting a home help to come in and see if she can help. Dad doesn't sound keen because he wants to do it all himself, and if someone else is there helping his wife he has to recognise that she maybe isn't so well. But I am sure SHE will enjoy having someone to help her with bath/toilet/dressing etc.

And so we head into another weekend. I feel a little sad, because I think the chance of that house is slipping away...Yujiro is losing the enthusiasm he had when we were there on Wednesday.

Maybe I have to accept that something else, equally good or better will come along soon...because this is the season for moving home and new properties are coming on the estate agent books every day.

Home sweet home???????

We found a house!
Maybe.

Here we are today looking at it. Yujiro and the estate agent (who so kindly helped Yujiro climb over the snow drifts to get to the front door!).

Ahhhhh.

We were both amazed. Big, pretty good location. It has a new bath, sink and toilet unit. It has a garden. It has parking. It has upstairs for us. It has a tatami room for Okaasan. It has a big kitchen/dining room. It's 5 minutes walk from Minami-Hiragishi subway station.

We have to think about this. We are both amazed. We have to think about the price...my school...the location...and whether the owners would wait until April for Yujiro's leg to be strong enough to DO moving home. Because if he isn't walking...moving two homes (and school) would be a killer for me!

We have to think. But for now we have to have dinner.

Oh wow. I never thought we would find somewhere like this. It is very good. It feels scary. Like becoming real adults all of a sudden with a real house. A family home.

WOW.

But. Our life is never that simple.

Also yesterday: at lunchtime one of Okaasan's brothers called to say that a younger brother is seriously ill in a Saitama hospital and last night my father called to say that my step-mother's leg is very bad. She is staying in bed and they are thinking about getting a nurse carer to come every day. Dad sounded so, so tired. He is 85 and he is doing the shopping, cooking, laundry and looking after the dog.

Yes we can...

Awake in the middle of the night again. Stress.................

But I was able to see the US take its giant step forward into President Obama's time. I sat in my dressing gown, sipping tea and injecting the cat and felt so happy that finally America moves beyond 8 years of Bushshit. Americans are basically such good people, why they elected such a terrible group of people AGAIN was unbelievable. Well, fear makes people crazy.
There was something so just about Cheney being in a wheelchair. Wheel out the old and in with the new!

Anyway. Here to more mundane things.

I just had 2 days of wall-to-wall work. Busy. Busy. 7 classes Monday and 3 big ones today. Lost it a bit yesterday, when I forgot to take a whole bunch of material for the afternoon class! I left it sitting on the desk at home. I had to wing it with material the wonderful office staff found for me. Stressy, but surprisingly it worked. Sometimes I surprise myself with my inventiveness in classes. Wish I could do the same on the domestic side of life.

I met another teacher I know on the subway. She was talking about how she'd lived for a time with her husband and Okaasan. How her husband had been reluctant to step into the "mother" shoes in the situation, by trying to control what his diabetic mother ate. I am so lucky that Yujiro is willing and able in the kitchen and with laundry/shopping lists. Recently too, I feel so connected and understanding of people caring for parents/in-laws. So many people with a public face...and then a whole other life at home.

In my life Monday morning I cleaned the cat toilet box, took out the trash, shoveled some snow, grabbed some breakfast and put on the Teacher Face.

Yujiro went to the hospital (by taxi...I delegated THAT job!). The doctors say the knee ligament appears to be doing ok. But at least 3 more weeks of keep it straight/walk on crutches. Three more weeks of staying home and cooking for mother. Poor guy! We really thought we'd got all of that behind us last year - the ski accident, the operation, the hospital, the rehabilitation. Now we face weeks..months of more.

Yesterday I came home at 6 pm with some fish and vegetables, Yujiro had made the soup and rice and I put it together. But I was so tired - the miso soup boiled over while I was trying to get the foil off the fish head and tails. I actually said "Shit!" in Okaasan's presence. I wonder if she knows that word! Yujiro of course - cos he is a sweet guy - said HE was more than happy to have cooked all the dinner...but for me cooking was the easier option to sitting at the table and trying to talk to Okaasan - after being bright and friendly in my working day, I come home with no more energy to be bright and friendly to anyone.

We ate dinner quietly and I escorted Okaasan home and checked the carpets. Sapporo has had a huge dump of snow which amazes her. I showed her how it folds all over the parked car and she was touching it with wonder, like a child. I apologised to her for not being so lively, it's hard to find any more energy.

On the home front: he has found a few possible places. I was a bit too tired to show enthusiasm. But maybe today we'll take a look at them. One house in Minami-Hiragishi looks very possible...there is an Internet mapping system called Street View, which allows us to actually "walk" down a street and "look" left and right at buildings! It's amazing and so useful for home hunting as you can check out an area.

I had thought I might ski today. My day off. But I have a million things that need doing. And there is Hula dancing. So I need a day at home.

Home hunting

We went home hunting on Saturday afternoon.

It was also a date/couple time for us, and an escape out of the house for him. It's so hard for someone on crutches to go anywhere in a city with icy streets.
After I finished work I picked him up. We had lunch in a small noodle place, and then armed with estate agents stuff and maps we drove around neighborhoods we think might be good, or places that have empty apartments/houses.
Didn't really find anything. Most of the houses were squashed between too many other buildings with no natural light, or too old, too far from transport, no garden...the apartments were better...but no garden.
But we got a better idea of neighborhoods and what area would work. One area we'd thought would be good proved to be all hilly and icy. A nightmare for Okaasan.

Anyway. We came home with a better idea of the topic and availability. No huge rush. Where we are is doable. We are coping...and into spring will be better. I kind of wonder whether pooling our monies together and buying a house might not be better...a home for her and us now, and a home for us into OUR old age...he's 50 now and I'll be...oh God..48 soon!

Okaasan came in for dinner. She'd been shopping at the department store that is closing down. Bought a huge bag of oranges. She walks into town from here! It must take her 45 minutes or more. Not bad for 78. With all the ice. She has got into life here very well really, many people would just sit around at home and watch TV. She gets out most days and walks and shops.

Sunday I helped a friend move furniture in the morning and picked up the double matress we bought off him: well "picked up" doesn't adequately describe it of course. It's a DOUBLE mattress, he lived on the SIXTH floor, with a SMALL elevator...another friend, his wife and I ..we all did a LOT of grunting and groaning to move the thing.

After that I escaped skiing with a friend, into the sunshine and snow. It rejuvenated me for the working week ahead, which is going to be busy. I also called England to get updates on that situation: which is slightly better (maybe) because they are now home again.

After skiing I dumped my friend on her doorstep and drove away to grab some takeout sushi and drive home at speed to try and get it on the table by 7 pm. Yujiro cooked the soup and we had family dinner. Okaasan forgets which sushi she has eaten of course...we have to constantly remind her and encourage her to eat what we know she likes.

This memory thing is so strange. It is funny, and makes funny stories. But it IS so strange and sad. Life must feel confusing when what you did a few minutes ago is blurry. We kind of wish she'd have a small accident or illness so that she was in hospital, and then doctors could take her in hand and tackle the problem somehow.

Anyway. Monday morning here. Another week to start. I have 7 classes today. And I have to take him to the hospital before it all starts. Lots of life...

The gentle tyranny of eating requirements.

Yesterday was my day off.

We got up kind of late. Had breakfast about 8.30 am - coffee, cereal...fruit..

About 10.30 I started cooking Okaasan's meal: fish, rice, soup, salad. She came in about 11 am to eat it, we sat at the table with her chatting.

Okaasan said: "this is troublesome, you don't need to cook specially for me, I can wait until lunchtime and eat with you."

We told her that it wasn't so much trouble. That today I am home etc. That now is a strange time in our lives because HE is home all the time with the ligaments etc. When we are both working she will have to fend for herself at lunchtimes with convenience stores, food deliveries or going out.

But it IS troublsome of course. Different eating timetables and different eating styles.

Yesterday around 1 pm He and I ate a combination of stuff in the fridge: potato, eggs, cheese, a can of tuna...some salad. It's fine for us, but we absolutely know Okaasan would NOT want to eat that! She often says: I can eat anything. BUT then she picks through something asking what it is etc.

In addition, eating seperatly from her gives us the freedom to eat what we want sometimes. Okaasan doesn't like bacon. We love it. We bought some the other day and it sat around for ages because there was no actual meal time when we could eat it!

I don't know the solution to all of this.
But I do know preferred different eating times and styles is troublesome.

On a happier front: yesterday I got Okaasan out of the house in time to walk to Hula dance class. There was a bit of a panic when I went to take her, because she had 3 pm as a time fixed in her head...and she wasn't ready at all at 2 pm...and then she lost the sports center strip of tickets...and then she couldn't remember which black boots in the center shoes area were hers...and so it goes...endless little confusions!

But she enjoyed Hula dance. A class member will sew up the material into a skirt. I enjoyed a quick work out and shower at the gym during the dance class time. We walked home together chatting about his leg.

He cooked chicken stew for dinner. Okaasan picked out the potato skins. She wondered about adding more salt.

Late at night we sat at the computer again looking at real estate agent sites for small houses. We Can Change!

Moving to a family house?

Last night after we'd gone to bed, we lay there talking about moving to a bigger house and all living behind the same front door.

Funny how it's easier to talk in the dark....

He has looked at some estate agent websites...I went into a local agents office the other day...we are both thinking about it.

Now in Japan there are more and more empty houses, because as the population ages people are moving into care homes/hospitals/smaller apartments and the larger multi-room houses are standing empty. Last year I walked round a posh part of our city on a hike and was amazed to see about 15 empty houses with the weeds growing and the windows boarded up.

So we talked. How to live behind the same front door and still keep our privacy. How the kitchen cooker would need to be electricity to be safer for okaasan...whether to try and include my English school in the same building. And of course: where.

For me I think I want: bigger kitchen, dining area and clearly defined seperate living spaces. And then: garden.
For okaasan: easy access to local shops and downtown shops via subway, bus or streetcar. No stairs, easy-use bathroom and warm.
For him: privacy, price.

We also talked about his work. CAN he continue as a ski instructor? What summer work would allow him to be home in the evenings?

Many things to think about.

The old student I had lunch with yesterday used to work in hospitals and after hearing my okaasan tales she urged me to get okaasan along to a hospital for CT scans to determine the extent of her memory problems. She says there are drugs now that can control or even limit the memory loss. But...doing all of that is a whole other job for us...basically for him..and just the day to day life is pretty time/energy consuming at the moment.

Onwards, onwards.

Okaasan seemed a bit down last night when she came in for dinner. Not her usual laughing self. We chatted along and got her a bit brighter, but she seemed sad. I've suggested that tomorrow or the next day we go to a hot spring place for a day trip, lunch and hot baths. Now the holiday rush is over they will be quieter.
Time to get naked with okaasan!